But the developer, Gearbox Software, is also responsible for Borderlands, so perhaps Aliens is in good hands after-all? Anyhow, first up, the cinematic teaser that came out not too long ago…

Not bad. But what about the actual game? Again, things appear to be in decent order…

Aliens: Colonial Marines is being billed as the “true” sequel to the James Cameron classic. Apparently, there’s even a few ties to the upcoming Alien prequel, Prometheus, which is all the more encouraging.

Again, I just hope it’s good. Because, given how amazing the license is, and how there’s been countless games that have been inspired by the franchise (everything from Doom to Dead Space), officially anointed titles that are worth a damn have been few and far between. As illustrated by the following look at pretty much every Alien game to date…

Perhaps the best of the bunch was Alien 3 for the SNES, but mostly for it’s visuals. At least the Alien vs. Predator games have been fairly excellent (whereas the movies were just retarded).

I once had a life-sucking parasite attached to me at all times…but then I broke up with her! HA HA HA HA…no but seriously women, you’re terrible.

If I were an alien lifeform though, I’d be pretty offended by these representations of me in popular media. Always probing rectums or sucking our life essences. Yet whenever I call the ACLU looking for a protest on behalf of our alien brethren, I’m the crazy person. I’M SORRY FOR CARING, jerks.

Aliens are clearly supposed to be more advanced, but what are they really gaining from always examining our assholes? There’s a lot to learn about me, I won’t dispute that. But I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t learn most of them from my rectum. Just a whole lot of feces and semen. Um. Just the first part.

Believing that the universe may contain alien life does not contradict a faith in God, the Vatican’s chief astronomer said in an interview published Tuesday.

The Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, was quoted as saying the vastness of the universe means it is possible there could be other forms of life outside Earth, even intelligent ones.

“How can we rule out that life may have developed elsewhere?” Funes said. “Just as we consider earthly creatures as ‘a brother,’ and ‘sister,’ why should we not talk about an ‘extraterrestrial brother’? It would still be part of creation.”

In the interview by the Vatican newspaper L’Osservatore Romano, Funes said that such a notion “doesn’t contradict our faith” because aliens would still be God’s creatures. Ruling out the existence of aliens would be like “putting limits” on God’s creative freedom, he said.

I guess it makes sense. This would open up many creative possibilities for the Catholic church. They have a relatively weak presence in certain less-civilized regions so, finally, a priest could f an ET and pretend it’s an Ethiopian boy. Everyone wins!

Xenu will not be pleased by the Catholics honing in on his turf. Would you cross a super badass extraterrestrial dictator who banished people to Earth? I sure wouldn’t. He’d probably hold his ray gun to your head and demand all kinds of favors. Earthly and galactic delights (i.e. space sodomy)? Now there’s a religious figure I can get behind.