Doing exactly what they were supposed to do and doing it well, the folks over at Saturday Night Live took the opportunity this weekend to righteously and hilariously make fun of Kim Kardashian, her family, and her divorce from Kris Humphries.

After the Kardashians made such a spectacle over Kim getting married and treating the wedding as if Kim was the Princess of America, Nasim Pedrad, Kristen Wiig, and Andy Samberg absolutely killed the Kardashians for Kim filing for divorce after only 72 days. Nasim was dead-on as Kim, Kristen is what Kris Jenner wishes she looked like, and Andy Samberg as Kris Humphries was priceless. Perhaps the best, most dead-on line of the skit was delivered by Nasim when she said as Kim, “Things are looking up for me; I’m single and there’s an NBA lockout!”

So do you suppose there is any chance that the Kardashian clan watched this skit over the weekend and finally had the epiphany that this really is how people view them and that no amount of money can make that okay? Doubtful.

Gotta give it to Samberg, he didn’t pull too many punches. His best quality is his likeability so he can say shitty things about anyone. So long as he throws on a goofy smile, the whole world will laugh along, even when they’re the butt of the joke.

Check out the rest of our coverage of Facebook’s new products, including Timeline and the increased sociability in music, video, and more.

We’ll liveblog the news items as they happen…

-The keynote opens with Andy Samberg as Mark Zuckerberg
-1:20PM: Zuckerberg comes out and has an extremely awkward interaction with Samberg. Zuckerberg is laughing a lot in an effort to appear comfortable an jovial. It’s making me feel twinges of pain in my loins.
-1:25PM: Half a billion people used Facebook in one day last week, a record for the site. I’m assuming that doesn’t count the number of people posting that fucking “Yo Dawg” Xzibit picture yesterday.
-1:27PM: Zuckerberg is discussing the original Facebook profiles and how basic they are. As opposed to the riveting advancements from Facebook yesterday that led to me seeing 500 statuses about how confusing the new Facebook is. Now that’s progress!
-1:29PM: According to Zuck, Facebook is now about telling people “the story of your life.” The new feature designed to accomplish that is called “Timeline” and it features “all your stories, all your apps, and a new way to express who you are.” My virtual farm cultivation skills are really going to come in handy.
-1:32PM: Here’s a screengrab of the new “Timeline” feature:

That dog is Zuck’s “cover photo”. Uh, sure, why not.
-1:35PM: This “Timeline” shit is going to get really tragic if you’re one of those people who’s constantly bragging about relationships on Facebook. It’ll be like a slideshow of a Katherine Heigl movie.
-1:37PM: You can see everywhere you’ve been on a travel timeline. One would assume you’d have to be using Facebook Places to make that work. Aside: All of Zuck’s jokes are bombing. My favorite part of the presentation thus far.
-1:40PM: The timelines are going to emphasize using apps to aggregate data about yourself to churn out mini-infographics about trends. So if you make steak every day, the app will tell your timeline that. And if you eat nothing but salad, another app will call you a homosexual epithet.
-1:42PM: Zuck keeps saying “Express who you really are.” Meanwhile, some hipster artist is saying, “Yeah, express who I really am so long as they don’t interfere with your uniform design, right, Facebook?” Oh snarky imaginary hipster.
-1:43PM: He’s now sharing photos of himself on a roadtrip with his girlfriend. Oversharing!
-1:45PM: We’re now seeing a traveler and musician’s timeline. They kind of look like overly personal Tumblrs, complete with an infinite scroll.
-1:46PM: Here’s how the timeline of someone who runs a lot would look on Facebook mobile:

Yes, I’m as surprised it’s a real title as you are.

“I’m overjoyed about being appointed CSO,” Samberg said. “Everyone loves Shark Week.  It’s the Bill Cosby of week-long television blocks dedicated to sea animals.”

But, um, why Samberg? Excellent question.

“Shark Week is a summertime celebration,”said Discovery Channel President and GM Clark Bunting.  ”It’s about being scared out of your swim trunks but it’s also about being entertained and learning something new.  Andy Samberg, an incredibly talented comedian and innovator, is the perfect person to bring those elements together and represent Discovery for our biggest week of the year.”

I’m not sure I wholeheartedly agree with Bunting here. That’s not because I don’t think Samberg is talented and innovative. He is. And he’s quite funny.

But sharks aren’t funny, at least not in the laser cats style of humor. They’re terrifying.

Believe me, I’ve been within a few feet of an eight-foot shark and there wasn’t anything REMOTELY amusing about it. Except for the fact that I peed my wetsuit. Everyone else got a good laugh out of that.

Then again, “Shark Week” is so freaking ridiculous and over-the-top that maybe Samberg’s a perfect fit. Thought if I were using those qualifications, I would probably think of someone else first …

Particularly amusing was the Mark Zuckerberg cameo during Eisenberg’s intro — first Andy Samberg joined him on stage to swap “Zuck” impersonations, and then the camera cut to the real Zuck hanging with Lorne Michaels.

The best part, though? Samberg joking that this was the first time the real and fictional Zuck ever met. Obviously that’s not true … right?

I always wait for people to bring me a cake to celebrate after having sex, but it never happens. The only cake I have is a chocolate mousse of venereal disease and regret.

I also find it mildly arousing that Blake Lively has such low standards when choosing sexual partners. There’s still hope!

The BCS Song

Fancy Pants Dance

MacGruber and Nana

Ladies Bowling

Doppleganger

Jon Bovi

Women’s History Month

Presidential Debate

Peyton and Will dance it out

I miss the days when NBC couldn’t sue the pants off anyone who uploaded their favorite SNL clip on YouTube.

Here at Guyism, we’re usually bigger on bringing you things that you can’t see anywhere else. But sometimes, you need to just tip your cap to something so brilliantly hilarious that it can’t be topped. Take a look at this Digital Short from this weekend’s SNL entitled “Two Worlds Collide featuring Reba McEntire.”

Several years ago, I worked on the same lot that Reba’s show, which shockingly was titled “Reba” was filmed on. And I remember walking past the building and seeing Reba flanked by literally a twenty person entourage of well-wishers and hangers-on of all shapes, ethnicities, and sizes. And I remember thinking, “How sad was your life that being a part of Reba McEntire’s entourage was an upgrade?” But I guess that I can’t judge too much. Whatever keeps your family taken care of with four walls on the double wide and all the mayonnaise sandwiches they can dream of can’t possibly be a bad thing.

I didn’t see The Fast and the Furious but it’s long been my fantasy to have a film like that where the trailer looks all RRRRRRR MANLY STUFF and then, when people get to the theatre, have it be a sentimental drama or chick flick. Maybe have Vin Diesel putting on multiple silly outfits to “That’s Not My Name” by the Ting Tings. Or a charmingly befuddled Paul Walker trying to impress Jordana Brewster, but he’s so uncomfortable and awkward. The guys in the theatre would be so confused but, at the same time, I bet they’d be like, “This is the most soul-wrenching journey I’ve ever been taken on. Thank you, Director.” It’d really be well-received, up until the part where the movie makes $7 in its second week. But hey, Vin Diesel and funny hats…can’t underestimate that drawing power.

Typical of the “gotcha” media to present premature ejaculation as a punchline. Premature ejaculation needn’t always be negative. In fact, I’ve turned my battles with the condition to a positive. You see, I have an awful sense of direction. But I’ve used the love goo that comes at inopportune times to help make a trail behind me everywhere I go, helping me get back home more effectively. It’s just like Hansel and Gretel. Only, instead of bread crumbs, it’s a veritable holocaust of handsome Chris sperm forced to die prematurely when exposed to air, like a common bubble boy.