All that excitement over bouncing balls without the aid of peanut butter and questionable ethics. Good work, guys.

I’m all for having dogs be adorable and do cool tricks. But what’s the point of this? She could have easily reached twice to accomplish this. She doesn’t even seem to derive any joy from it any more. And what’s that second dog doing, apprentice work? This is a highly inefficient business. No wonder small business is being squeezed out in this country. Dogs doing the jobs of people who used to get paid to do this. Disgraceful.

Dog Delivers Receipt at Veterinary Clinic [Tastefully Offensive]

The respective reactions of Ann Curry and Matt Lauer delight me to no end:

Poor baboon. His shame on display for the world. He’ll never live that one down.

I once downloaded a game designed for cats on the iPad (I believe cleverly titled, “Game for Cats”) and my cat just stared at it, prepared to pounce on it, then rolled over and licked her paw. Needless to say, I don’t think that was the intention of the game. So your mileage may vary.

Either way, this cat is obviously ready for real-life ninjaing. If you hear about some cat dicing up leftover shogun warriors in the next week, now you’ll know.

Cat Plays Fruit Ninja on iPad [Reddit]

In related news, even when they’re doing something like this, dogs wearing pants still make everyone in a one-mile radius look like an asshole by proxy. Glad we could hash that out.

Amazing Pet Trick of the Day [The Daily What]

FYI – This video being the only Hanukkah-related one I’ve seen is proof dispelling the old myth that Jewish people control the media. Or maybe it’s just traditional media? Either way, Hanukkah Cat has taught us all a little something about the world and ourselves.

Morning Fluff [The Daily What]

Photo Credit: Terry Parris, Jr. for Patch

Hyperlocal reporting: It just makes sense.

More choice pictures of the breaking squirrel/taco confrontation below. See the full gallery at Patch.

It seems obvious to me that the camel is jonesing for his own show. And probably justifiably so. He carried that clip the whole time. His owner coming back to wrangle him may have temporarily derailed this camel’s career as Turkey’s Craig Ferguson, but one day his star will shine.

My favorite part of this video existing is the YouTube uploader’s response to a question about why not that many people have seen this clip:

Shame on you, Internet society. Note to self: Google ‘Waving Bears’ daily as part of morning ritual. I don’t drink coffee, so I’ve got room on my schedule.

Awwwwwre You Kidding Me With This of the Day [The Daily What]

Oh how I envy those dogs. So full of life. So carefree. So coked up. It’s all I’ve ever needed.

DOG DISCO! [Videogum]

The beagles were raised in a lab in Spain before being brought to Los Angeles for adoption. If you want to do an amazing thing, you can apply to adopt one of the adorable little guys.

In related news, my dog would be in dire straits if it weren’t for adorable videos like this. Her inability to walk like a civilized animal or avoid barking at the door becomes much more charming when I’m like, “Aww, dogs!!” My pup could be chewing on the corpse of a loved one and, so long as I saw this video beforehand, I’d go, “Who’s a good dog! Femurs are tasty aren’t they widdwe puppy girrrrrrrl!” Absentee animal parenting has never been quite so easy. Thanks, Internet!

If only this video had come out a week ago. I can think of no greater tribute to this nation’s great veterans than a group of ducks inadvertently, and adorably, mocking their sacrifice.

Fundamentally, camels and horses aren’t so different, right? So why does a camel run like the most spastic and partially disabled animal I’ve ever seen? You’ve got to be mad if you’re born a camel. You have to live in hot climates, you smell bad all the time, people don’t take great care of you, and you’re about as graceful as a gawky girl who grew four inches in a year and has to wear corrective shoes. Now I totally get Joe Camel…he was overcompensating.

Here’s A Girl Racing A Camel [Buzzfeed]

I like how the employee had to try to lure the deer back out but had no real clue how to do it, waving a towel like he was a bullfighter. Obviously, the best way would have been to shoot the deer’s mother to lead him on a meaningful spiritual journey with a bunny and other friends, but sometimes the fastest reaction isn’t always the most fulfilling.

Poor turtle. I mean the life of most animals is fundamentally kind of shitty, but this poor turtle can’t even run away or go passive aggressively chew on a couch. He’s forced to just sit there, taking it, like he’s an inferior being. It’s sad. I could totally see why a turtle would bathe in raw sewage in the hopes they’d get superhuman strength and martial arts skills. Even if it gave him turtle pancreatic cancer, at least there’s a chance of a better life.

Turtle Arguments [Buzzfeed]

To add some context, Marvin’s fear began specifically with pit bulls after he witnessed one violently attack a friend. And his fear is so crippling that he has to ride an ATV when going for a walk with his daughters and his dogs to feel safe.

But man, crying out of fear of puppies? I mean check out this slideshow on Warming Glow of puppies that’d absolutely terrify him. I understand that phobias often come from a weird place, but no amount of tattoos and rugged Danny Trejo-esque looks will make up for the fact that a stuffed animal of Scrappy Doo makes you curl up in the fetal position.

Personally, I prefer when dogs do things unexpectedly well rather than extremely poorly. When I first saw that bug-eyed pooch standing in front of that keyboard, I thought, “Here comes a beautiful sonata.” Maybe that’s what makes this artistic…gone are the jazzy rhythms of Keyboard Cat, in are the Mars Volta-esque disharmony from Piano Dog. I think I just blew my own mind about as much as one can on a video of a Japanese dog playing a kids’ toy.

MORNING LINKS, WITH PIANO PUG [FilmDrunk]

Honestly, I’d be more impressed if the dog weren’t afraid of Julia Roberts. All this dog is doing reacting the same way any human being would.

Either way though, if Julia Roberts comes down off of her golden mountain and swims through her river of elf tears to see the Google Alert from this, I bet a tear would stream down her cheek. Assuming her tear ducts still work.

BREAKING: DOG HATES JULIA ROBERTS [Filmdrunk]

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t check out the time on the video hoping that it was long enough for a surprise twist in which the skunk wakes back up and bites her face off.

That said, it might just be the overall animal lover in me that’s clouding my judgment. I don’t know what skunks add to society other than foul stenches and the gleeful rape of neighborhood black cats who accidentally have white paint on their backs, so maybe the actions of these two were for the good of society.

For those too lazy to pay attention or too distracted by the length of the cat, Stewie clocks in at a midget-shaming 48.5 inches.

I don’t know that we needed to have an official measurement for this. I get that’s what the Guinness World Record people do, but personally I’d settle for just qualifying any cat over 40 inches long as “One Big Fucking Cat.” Maybe it’s not as prestigious of a title, but people would get the idea pretty quickly.

Morning Fluff [The Daily What]