It’s not easy being a guy posing for a photo. But it’s even worse when you’re an older man trying to be a part of young women’s worlds. Most of the time you’ll end up coming off as nothing more than a creepy old man ruining a perfectly good photo… and probably their night.

*Note: All of these photos were tagged on a photo-sharing site with some variety of “creepy old man”, so these are definitely all legit.

14 Staring-in-your-face guy

The tag on this photo was something to the effect of “That creepy old guy who kept staring into Ali’s eyes”. If your skin looks like poorly marinated beef jerky, you may want to realize that gawking at younger tail isn’t a good way to appear like a well-adjusted older man. Or sane.

13 Dreamy guy

Staring dreamily at someone is cool if you’re a cute teenage girl. When you’re an old man with a full mustache, you merely look like you’re pondering how good their stuffed head will look above your mantle.

12 Sneak-a-peek guy

Sneaking a peak is okay. Everyone does it. But what you don’t want to do is get caught and immortalized forever on some Web site. On the plus side, no doubt that image went into that old man’s spank bank for at least a month while his hideous wife castrated him about not taking care of the lawn gnomes.

11 Me too guy

No matter how much you’d like to be a part of the world of these young girls, you never will be. So maybe you shouldn’t pose in their picture. Instead, discretely snip locks of their hair and make your own young woman out of it. At least then you’re only embarrassing yourself privately. And you got free hair!

10 Mustache guy

I don’t know what it is about having a full mustache that makes you more inclined to stare at young women but these two men certainly have their game down pat. First you get the mustache, then you get the crawl space, axe, and an alibi, then you get the women.

9 Molester guy

If you insist on posing for a photo with a younger girl, if the photo comes out with you looking like child molesting Uncle Bobby Knight, you may just want to give up on the dating scene at bars and focus more on the happening crowd at Mahjong events.

8 Open shirt guy

Sir, no matter how open your shirt is or how much liquor you ply these ladies with, they’re not going to think you’re Juan Carlos, the Latin Lover. More likely, you’ll be seen as Rufio, That Guy Who Kept Trying to Pop Pills in That Sorority Girl’s Drink.

7 Take a picture guy

Taking a photo with an excitement that says “I like to keep scrapbooks of all the sexy ladies I encounter” will not win you anything more than women running away in horror. On the plus side, with your sensibly fitting khakis, the world will know the joy you get from your photography pastime.

6 Smiley guy

Sir, these ladies don’t want you in their photos or their lives. No, your ability to bug your eyes out in a really scary fashion doesn’t make you more appealing, contrary to what the special on the mating habits of the sloth on Animal Planet may have told you.

5 Hairy shirtless guy

This guy isn’t as old as the others, just older than the girls, but seriously, odds are if you meet a group of girls and you’re shirtless and drunk and not chiseled out of stone, they probably aren’t as interested in you making sexual poses with them as you might think. Remember: Women are evil by nature and will embarrass you for their amusement. Well, slightly more so than wearing an armband with your shirtless hairy body might already be responsible for.

4 Metal detector guy

Wish all you want, you’re not going to receive many positive reactions when you tell young girls on the beach that you want to “check where their bathing suit covers” for gold.

3 Sweaty, comb-over guy

If there were any three things I’d say are least likely to attract a younger woman, “sweaty”, “combed over”, and “gold chain” would probably perform pretty strongly.

2 Hockey guy

This may look like a coach but no. The caption on the photo read “Creepy old guy who came to watch us play hockey once”. Going to random hockey games and hoping to get a “stick check” probably won’t result in many pick-ups.

1 Creepy guy

When you’re someone who looks like this guy, there is no such thing as discretion because everything you do will make you look like a big sweaty pervert. So glance away, it’s a service to society. These girls may think you’re a creep, but you probably boosted all their self esteems a couple notches today.

Asian people are pretty good at impressions. I remember when I took a hip-hop culture class in college, the professor talked about how he went to Japan and these people who couldn’t speak English were able to recite the lyrics to Notorious BIG’s song Juicy verbatim with perfect intonation. That’s a pretty impressive skill. Or a surprising result of the atomic bomb. Either way, unexpected.

I can’t say I approve of this discrimination against women. What if I need my girlfriend to go to the store to buy some inside-out rabbit hanging upside down that you can only get from an Asian market? Is there a basket that she can leave her vagina in at the door? And is that sanitary to be removing one’s vagina and leaving it in a basket with a bunch of others? And what if she grabs the wrong one on the way out? If she picks up one that’s been f’ing black guys, I’m screwed. One day, I hope Asian people can stop being so tricky. And ruining the curve in Calculus class.

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When I was younger, I opened a fortune cookie that said, “You will be heartbroken.” To this day, I’ve never dated another Asian cardiologist.

That’s pretty fed up. Even worse is when the camera put a cymbal on its head and went “Doo doo doo da doo doo, doo doo daaaaaa” then said, “Me no rikey frash.” I’m not entirely sure how that’s supposed to help along quality photography. Poor form, Nikon.

This is totally an aside but an observation someone told me the other day that I haven’t been able to confirm, so maybe you guys can…is it true that Asian people don’t have eyelashes (or have very short ones)? I never noticed but he seemed insistent that most people know this. Have I really been missing out on a stereotype for this long? Is this a serious problem (seems to be, based upon the amount of results looking for help when Googling “Asian eyelash”? Also, where do people ejaculate when having sex with an Asian woman if not there? I just want enlightenment.

[via, image via]

A dogged South Korean grandmother has failed her driving test 771 times, police said Thursday, but a local newspaper reported she will keep trying.

The 68-year-old, identified only by her last name Cha, has taken the test almost every working day since 2005 in the southwestern city of Jeonju. She failed again Monday for the 771st time.

“It was a record-breaking number here,” Choi Yong-Cheol, a police sergeant supervising the test in the city’s Deokjingu district, told AFP.
“I wonder if she will try it again for a 772nd time.”
The Korea Times said Cha will in fact be back for another attempt.
Choi said that Cha cannot pass the preliminary written section of the test, averaging scores of 30-50 whereas the pass mark is 60 out of 100.

Local media said that Cha sells food and household items door to door at apartment complexes, carrying the items in a handcart, but wants to get a car for her business.

Police estimate she has spent almost five million won (3,600 dollars) to take the written test, with each test costing 6,000 won in addition to other expenses.

Whoa an Asian woman can’t drive? Holy crap stop the presses I’ve never heard of such a crazy news story. What next, a black guy becoming a star in the NBA or a white guy with a wispy moustache f’ing an underaged boy? Will wonders never cease?!?!

Also did you know that people once believed that Asian women had a horizontal vagina? This really has nothing to do with the article but I’d really like to just throw that out there. No punchline just…yeah…horizontal vagina. Think about it.

[source]

This is a group of girls from UCLA, supposedly. I don’t know what it is about college girls, but it’s honestly like there’s some sort of hygiene class they take right before graduation that teaches them to not be stinky little whores. There’s no reason to have a pube fro when you’re a supple college-aged girl. There’s also no reason to show up to class in pajama pants and a sweatshirt. At 14, girls should be wearing evening gowns and full make-up. Even if they’re not sexually active, they should damn well look like it.

On the plus side, she is an Asian girl, so it probably wasn’t too fro-like. It probably looked straight and thin, more like she has Bruce Lee’s head in her lap than it did Ben Wallace.

[Original Facebook photo here]