I don’t trust babies; every time I meet one and introduce myself, they rarely seem to remember me the second time I run into them. Here’s further reason why…watch this baby attempt to pull down this chick’s halter top time and time again (might be NSFW at a couple parts).

Via XKCD comes this comic about the dangers of reckless eBaying.

You never know what you’re going to get when ordering online. Like once I tried to order baby oil for my daily oiling up and they didn’t send me that. They sent ]]>

Via XKCD comes this comic about the dangers of reckless eBaying.

You never know what you’re going to get when ordering online. Like once I tried to order baby oil for my daily oiling up and they didn’t send me that. They sent me seven babies and a juicer. I’m big into organic things and all, but this homemade baby oil is just sticky. Also, unlike the Johnson & Johnson version, it does have tears.

It’s very rare that murder can be so adorable but when you have a 2-month old puppy taking out a 2-month old infant, it’s just about as cute as it could possibly be. I guess unless you’re the parents…but what are the odds they’re reading?

It’s very rare that murder can be so adorable but when you have a 2-month old puppy taking out a 2-month old infant, it’s just about as cute as it could possibly be. I guess unless you’re the parents…but what are the odds they’re reading?

“There can be only one, human.”

For now— police believe a black labrador puppy attacked and killed the baby.

The boy died inside the home at 101st and Evanston late this morning. Police say the infant was left unattended in a swing with two dogs in the room, the lab puppy and a pug. The black lab has been euthanized.

EMSA says any dog can turn dangerous.

“Even a very familiar family dog can turn on you, puppies specifically, they’re unpredictable, they’re young, they got a lot of hormones going on, you’ve never know what they’re gonna do,” says Chris Stevens of EMSA.

In fact, nearly all the dog bites EMSA has treated in the last three months have involved dogs the children have known.

“Never let an animal sleep in the same room as your child, have your pets spade or neutered, it does relieve a lot of the aggression.”

That’s some top-notch writing. Indeed, having your puppy turned into a playing card’s suit will help keep it under control. Also, having it “spayed” may help. Both are important really. It’s always nice when a writer writes his or her articles by sounding simple words out and then using the incorrect homophone. It’s a staple of journalism.

That seems kind of unfair to the black lab puppy though that it was euthanized. Not only did it not know any better and not only is it not the puppy’s fault that the baby’s parents are idiots, but f that the puppy WON. Sometimes an unstoppable force meets an immovable object and clearly that’s the case when you put a baby and a puppy in the room. Plus, who’s to say the pug didn’t set the black lab up? He didn’t even get a fair trial! The justice system just doesn’t work. More like All Dogs Go to Death Row. No justice, no peace!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not much of a fan of having babies at this point in my life, but something about launching a newborn by jumping on a pillow seems like a BAAAAAAD idea.

A Georgia teen is facing child cruelty charges after an online ]]>

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not much of a fan of having babies at this point in my life, but something about launching a newborn by jumping on a pillow seems like a BAAAAAAD idea.

A Georgia teen is facing child cruelty charges after an online video showed a young man launching a baby several feet across a room using an inflatable pillow.

The video posted on YouTube shows the boy putting a baby on one side of a large yellow pillow and then jumping on the pillow, sending the child flying several feet across the floor, where the baby lands and cries.

“He really had no explanation — just thought it would be funny to put it on YouTube,” Col. Duane Sepp of the Lee County Sheriff’s Office told FOX News. “It’s all about, I guess, that five seconds of glory or whatever, and it’s terrible it has to happen at the cost of an 8-month-old child.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of abortions…first trimester, second, sixth, really any. But this just seems like a classless way to go about it. Killing babies isn’t supposed to be FUN. It’s supposed to be businesslike. Kids these days. No respect for nothin’.

Whenever I go into a sex shop, I can’t help but think, “Gosh, I wish my kids were here.” Well, I’m in luck.

In the p.c. enclave of hipster Brooklyn, N.Y., residents are hardly batting an eye over the opening of a new ]]>

Whenever I go into a sex shop, I can’t help but think, “Gosh, I wish my kids were here.” Well, I’m in luck.

In the p.c. enclave of hipster Brooklyn, N.Y., residents are hardly batting an eye over the opening of a new kind of sex shop.

The high-design Babeland shop, which sells itself as being “kid-friendly,” doesn’t exactly scream sex though.

Unlike the older sex shops, which are dark and dingy, the Babeland store has upbeat music, well-dressed saleswomen and infant changing tables — marketing itself as a fun place for couples to shop. It’s part of a growing trend that has been spreading from Louisville to Los Angeles in an attempt to take the sleaze out of this part of the sex industry.

“If you walk into a mainstream sex store, you’ll probably be greeted with explicit imagery and a sort of artificial sexuality, like a woman with blonde hair with her head thrown back, something that’s meant to titillate in the moment,” said Babelands’s owner Claire Cavanah.

Cavanah and staff aim to make women feel empowered, not embarrassed, they say. A sign in the front of the store implores customers to “relax, take a look around, and enjoy,” and the employees “try to have a sense of humor and be intelligent and warm,” said Cavanah.

“Here we’re really trying to sort of greet everyone where they are sexually.” This means everything from a “Sexy Moms Series” for mothers looking to spice up their sex lives to plenty of products for those looking to experience some bonding — or bondage.

Hopefully there’s some way to incorporate the parent/child bonding in the sex shop as well. Kids are being total f’ing whores younger and younger these days. My First Autoerotic Asphyxiation comes to mind. I had to use a jump rope, a basketball hoop, and a sense of public degradation for mine. So, needless to say, I think improvements can be made.

Plus, babies dressed in silly costumes are SO adorable! Now imagine one with a gimp mask and a baby-proportioned big black strap-on! Soooooo se…cute. Cute.

Twins are kind of creepy in general. It’d bother me to have a carbon copy of myself out there in the world, probably because it would create like a black hole of awesome that would deprive part of the world of any additional awesomeness lest the world collapse on itself. ]]>

Twins are kind of creepy in general. It’d bother me to have a carbon copy of myself out there in the world, probably because it would create like a black hole of awesome that would deprive part of the world of any additional awesomeness lest the world collapse on itself. Where was I? Oh yeah, some little girl had her undeveloped twin in her stomach.

A 9-year-old girl who went to hospital in central Greece suffering from stomach pains was found to be carrying her embryonic twin, doctors said Thursday.

Doctors at Larissa General Hospital examined the girl and surgically removed a growth they later discovered was an embryo more than two inches long.

“They could see on the right side that her belly was swollen, but they couldn’t suspect that this tumor would hide an embryo,” hospital director Iakovos Brouskelis said.

Andreas Markou, head of the hospital’s pediatric department, said the embryo was a formed fetus with a head, hair and eyes, but no brain or umbilical cord.

I kind of always assumed every twin secretly wants to kill their counterpart and go “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE” so I’m not really surprised by this. I assume the surviving twin would become some sort of Highlander, all-powerful and potentially immortal.

Whatever though this isn’t really news. Not only because this happens in one out of every 500k live births, but also because like, who hasn’t had an undeveloped fetus in their stomach? I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t eat an aborted fetus a day. Probably much less unstoppable, I’d presume.