Guyism » Barney

VIDEO: This Barney toy is probably sending kids the wrong message

Chris Spags — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:00:16 +0000

Unintentionally disturbing toys are entirely common (see our collection of 10 toys that’ll permanently screw up your kid). But this Barney toy is not only inappropriate, but also definitely sends the wrong message about where it’s okay to touch.

Touch its genitals and it tells you it loves you? Man, that Barney toy is like the exact opposite of all of my sexual experiences.

Early Bird Special [The Daily What]

This kid loves brushing teeth

Chris Spags — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 13:25:01 +0000

Barney didn’t really hit big until right after I was too old to appreciate it. That’s pretty unfortunate, since apparently I missed out on lessons like this one, on how to brush your teeth.

Now I know what you’re all thinking since many people would have their mind go to the dirtiest possible place, but that’s totally not what it is. I mean, maybe this kid is just really into brushing his teeth. Dental hygiene is important, you know. Now if he starts to brush his teeth while having his arms pinned down and his head dangling face-up over the side of the bed while a guy named Ramon stands over him thrusting the toothbrush onto his teeth until the toothpaste comes out of the side of the kid’s mouth, but then the kid takes his index finger and wipes it off his cheek and then puts that finger back into his mouth so he doesn’t miss out on any of the gooey goodness, then perhaps we might have a problem.

For the record, the Cavity Creeps prefer anal.

Barney has a filthy mouth

Chris Spags — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 13:55:29 +0000

I saw this on Digg this morning and thought it was funny enough to post on its own mettle. You may recall that censored version of The Count from Sesame Street’s theme, this is in the same vein, albeit slightly more perturbing since the kids are in on the act.

As if there weren’t enough reasons to not want oversized purple dinosaurs in your life. Look at him there with those soulless eyes. How can you trust him with your children? Aren’t his people supposed to be extinct? Why isn’t Chris Hansen looking into this???