Guyism » Beyonce

Beyonce named world’s most beautiful woman by ‘People’ magazine

Douglas Charles — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 14:56:21 +0000

People magazine has named Beyonce their most beautiful woman of 2012. Looks like after all these years they are finally starting figure things out. I say that in reference to People naming Julia Roberts the most beautiful woman in 2010 and Jennifer Lopez in 2011. By 2020 I fully expect them to actually figure out that there are more beautiful women in the world than those that just happen to be in the news a lot at the moment they make their selection.

Says Beyonce…

“I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth.

I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth.

The best thing about having a daughter is having a true legacy.”

Blechh. I get that having a baby has to be amazing, but it’s not like it hasn’t been done about 400,000,000,000 times so you’ll excuse me if quotes like that annoy the living shit out of me. Quit acting like you’re the first woman to ever have a kid (if she did, in fact, really have one herself). But hey, that’s just me. I’m sure all her fans found it very insightful.

Most Beautiful [People]

10 of the most tasteless Halloween costumes for 2011

Max Steven Miller — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 13:00:25 +0000

Halloween is just a few short days away, so if you don’t have a costume, it’s about time you got on top of it. Last year we brought you tasteless costume ideas for 2010. Well, a lot of shit has gone down since then, so here’s a new batch of topical costumes that you can consider sporting this year.

10 Casey “Party Girl” Anthony
This is probably going to be one of the more popular costumes around this year for girls. It allows girls to dress slutty without people questioning exactly why they’re dressed slutty… plus if you’re like Casey, your Halloween night will end with you getting off. Make sure to leave your kid at home that night though because you want it to be authentic.

9 Chris “Meltdown” Brown
This is the perfect costume for that guy you know who loves to get into fights whenever he goes out drinking. All he has to do is bleach his hair, tear off his shirt for no real reason, and throw a bunch of tantrums throughout the night. Backhanding his girlfriend is optional.

8 Courtney Stodden
Ladies, you love to dress up skanky on Halloween. So why not dress up like the ultimate skank? Put on the tightest fitting dress you can find and spend about three days before injecting collagen into your lips. The drunker you get on Halloween, the better… since incoherence seems to be Courtney’s specialty. Remember to only flirt with men who are at least 35 years older than you.

7 Charlie Sheen
It’s true that the Charlie Sheen wow factor has fizzled out quite a bit, but this is Halloween! Dressing up as Sheen will allow you to snort a bunch of cocaine and get ridiculously drunk… which probably isn’t too different than most Halloweens, but it beats having to do it dressed as Gumby.

6 Marcus “In the Closet” Bachmann
The Sarah Palin costume is played out. If you really want to go with a political theme, have your girlfriend dress up as Michelle Bachmann so you can go as her husband, Marcus. Just make sure you build a portable closet around you since that guy is clearly always in one.

5 Christina “The Pudge” Aguilera
Fat girls, now’s the time to dress up like your favorite pop star and not have people give you a hard time for it! Thanks to Aguilera’s recent diet of Big Macs and Slurpees, people will actually believe you when you dress up as her this year.

4 Anthony Weiner’s Weiner
Chances are, people tell you you’re a dick anyway. Why not go as one of the most popular dicks of 2011?! … next to Mel Gibson, of course. You can pretty much wear some boxer briefs over your head to officially become the infamous “bulge”. Toss on a politician-style suit and you’re good to go.

3 Chaz Bono – A Couple Costume
This is the perfect couples costume for 2011. Ditch the cheesy, overdone Plug and Socket idea and instead hit your Halloween party as everyone’s favorite transgender contestant from Dancing With The Stars … before and after the surgery. For a little added fun, the guy should dress as pre-op “Chastity” and the girl can dress as post-op “Chaz”.

2 Jay-Z/Beyonce Fetus
This costume will certainly scare the hell out of Will and Jada’s kids. The Jay-Z/Beyonce fetus is moving in on their territory. Get yourself a flesh colored spandex suit, toss on a blonde lion’s mane and a tilted Yankees cap, and voila! You’re a fetus mogul in the making. For added effect, build yourself an umbilical cord and walk away saying “Uh huh, uh huh” way too much.

1 Zombies!
Zombies are in every year. This Halloween, however, there were a lot of major deaths that made headlines…giving you an assortment of zombie options:

1a. Osama bin Laden
This is going to be a very popular costume this year. If you want to attempt to one up everyone else, see if you can get six of your friends to dress up as seals with guns… as in SEAL Team Six… get it?!… never mind.

1b. Muammar Gadafhi
Dress up as everyone’s favorite fashionista dictator. If you’re the kind of zombie that likes to wear sunglasses and dress ridiculously, then this is the choice for you.

1c. Steve Jobs
It’s up to you to decide if this one is “too soon” or not. But a pair of jeans, a black turtleneck, an iPod, and some serious zombie make-up are all you really need to get Jobs alive and kicking again.

1d. Lindsay Lohan
Okay, she didn’t actually die this year (shocking, I know)… but have you seen her lately?! She looks like one of those moaning extras straight out of an episode of The Walking Dead. Start your meth binge now, so your body will be in perfect condition by Halloween. Or… if you want, you can always just go as Lohan’s career, since it’s been dead for years.

Celebrity dirt: Leighton Meester sues her mom and more of today’s gossip

Douglas Charles — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 14:00:46 +0000

Leighton Meester sues her mom
“Leighton Meester is suing her mother, claiming her mom diverted money Leighton sent to her little brother and used it for plastic surgery, Botox and hair extensions.”

Leighton Meester’s mom: She beat me with a bottle
“According to the countersuit… Leighton attacked her mom with the bottle and was so crazed she had to be pulled off her mom by her little brother.”

Family & friends gather for funeral of Amy Winehouse; singer to be cremated
“Although the service is private, a throng of media can be seen camped outside the cemetery.”

Carrie Underwood, Adam Lambert among highest-paid American Idols
“Earning an estimated $20 million, Underwood, 28, has five Grammy Awards to her name, and in 2010, made her feature film debut in Soul Surfer.”

Dave Chappelle apologizes for ‘bad attitude’ after bizarre comedy set
“Dave Chappelle is apologizing for a bizarre, 53-minute ‘comedy’ set in which he didn’t tell any jokes, stared at the crowd, and constantly checked his text messages on stage.”

Jay-Z, Kanye West announce Watch The Throne release date, tour dates
“It has finally been confirmed that on August 8 Jay-Z and Kanye West will release their highly anticipated joint LP, Watch the Throne, digitally on iTunes.”

Kim K sued Old Navy to protect Sears deal
“…the suit was filed because Sears felt the Old Navy commercial compromised it’s ad campaign for the Kardashian Kollection…”

Lindsay Lohan “could hardly stand” after night of partying, says eyewitness
“She was trying to stabilize herself on the chairs. Then she made it over to the curtains and hung on them.”

Dawn Holland — I need surgery for my Lindsay injury
“Dawn Holland claims she was injured so badly when Lindsay Lohan twisted and pulled her wrist for 8-10 seconds during their Betty Ford confrontation … she needs surgery…”

Jay Cutler was too controlling with Kristin Cavallari, says friend
“Jay Cutler was beyond controlling and didn’t really like Kristin to go out.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Beyonce’s “A Spring Afternoon in Paris” 4 cover shoot.

Beyonce is very photogenic, cleavagey

Douglas Charles — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 17:00:04 +0000

I wonder what fur that's made out of...

I don’t know what this new photo shoot that Beyonce did is for, perhaps for her album or her new line of perfume or whatever the hell else she’s selling these days, but I do know that she looks good in the photos and that’s really all that matters, isn’t it, folks? So are you fan of women with tiny breasteses showing cleavage? For some reason I find it kind of hot. Not sure why. There’s really nothing there to see, but maybe deep down I am just applauding a girl’s effort to maximize what God gave her. I dunno… that’s too deep a topic for me to really think about right now.

This Week in Celebrity Gossip: Hacked

Douglas Charles — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 14:30:41 +0000

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— Remember all the hubbub this week over some leaked, half-naked pics of Christina Aguilera that hit the Web? Well, she says someone hacked them. Because no celebs EVER leak pics like that when their careers seem to have stalled (ahem).

— Oh yeah, she also might have breast implants.

— Ke$ha nude pics might also have been stolen, but no one wants to see that.

— Julia Roberts attacked the paparazzi. She’s like a mix of Sean Penn and Naomi Campbell all rolled up in one!

— Lindsay Lohan is negotiating with Dancing With the Stars. If this happens I will officially turn in my man card and finally watch an episode of that show.

— Wesley Snipes is now in a medium security prison in Pennsylvania, in case you wanted to send him a fan letter or something.

— Kim Kardashian has a new boyfriend and you WILL NOT believe this, but it’s another athlete.

— Hugh Hefner is selling off parts of Playboy. Moment of silence please.

— The Jessica Simpson Collection has become one of the most successful celebrity fashion lines of all time selling over $750 million worth of product. Seriously.

— Jennifer Aniston told Chelsea Handler to shut up after Chelsea called Angelina Jolie a home wrecker and a cunt. You know how this should be settled? See the video below.

— Dane Cook’s half brother and sister-in-law stole $12 million from him. In other bad news, Dane Cook has made at least $12 million.

— Speaking of people with too much money, Beyonce bought Jay-Z a $2 million car for his 41st birthday.

— In celebrity news about celebrities every forgot were celebrities, former Playboy model/Baywatch star Donna D’Errico say she felt violated during a TSA body scan.

— Kids these days… Miley Cyrus doing bong hits, Taylor Momsen telling kids to masturbate more… it’s quite a world we live in now.

— To review, Katy Perry is now Katy Brand.

— And finally, MTV will ring in the New Year by dropping Snooki. Sadly, not on her head or in a pit of hungry alligators.

This week’s sexy video comes to us from Victory Poker which just moved to the Cake Network (wait, what?) and features Sara Jean Underwood, Rosie Jones, Emma Glover, and Victoria Moore having a nice, simple little cake fight. Oh. My.

VIDEO: Filipino dude does ridiculously good Beyonce singing impression

Chris Spags — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 20:38:36 +0000

I admit I don’t keep up often with the comings and goings of feminine Filipino gentlemen and their impersonations, but this dude does a very capable impression of Beyonce (comparison here). Check it out.

I’m a big fan of that guy walking around behind him, vacillating between angry and perplexed faces. I have no power over such things, but that guy really deserves to be a meme. Or at least be hired to follow this kid around 24/7. As much as he amused me in this, I imagine that’d be amplified by him watching this dude go to the bathroom or the nearest Philippines glory hole.

Hear a Filipino Man’s Uncanny Beyoncé Impression [Vulture]

VIDEO: Troops in Afghanistan do a music video for “Telephone”

Chris Spags — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 18:00:02 +0000

We at Guyism always support our troops; we’re indebted to the brave men and women who give up their time and, unfortunately, lives so that we can attempt to entertain you daily. So, to show our gratitude, here’s a video made by a group of soldiers stationed in Afghanistan doing a music video for the Lady Gaga/Beyonce “Telephone” song.

So, uh, that not asking not telling principle still applies, right?

Around 1:35 is the obvious “Anchorman” moment in which you can’t help but go, “Boy, that really escalated quickly. That really got out of hand fast.” And, coincidentally, I can’t help that, with that combination of song choice and dance and costume choice, I feel like Ron Burgandy in the hot milk drinking scene. Hopefully without any getting splashed onto my back.

Baby boy gets upset over not being one of the “Single Ladies”

Chris Spags — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 14:11:19 +0000

Back when the show existed, I bet the easiest job in the world was getting video for the show “Kids Say the Darndest Things.” Kids so regularly make complete asses of themselves, the job does itself. But still, it is pretty adorable. Check out this little baby boy and his embarrassing love of the Beyonce song “Single Ladies.”

So there you have it. Beyonce is solely responsible for the downfall of masculinity in society. And here we all thought it was skinny jeans and Chace Crawford. Nope, all Beyonce.

I just hope this baby gets himself back on track soon. If I were his parents, I’d have pulled over the car and immediately made him smoke a cigar and kill a deer with his bare hands. No boy of mine is going to be getting female empowerment from a former Destiny’s Child member. If you need to feel like a strong woman, stick to Aretha Franklin. At least if you squint your eyes, she sort of looks like an ex NFL lineman.

Kanye West wants to ruin Taylor Swift's life

Chris Spags — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 13:24:14 +0000

Last night was MTV’s Video Music Awards and I had no clue because I have a penis and was watching football (and True Blood, don’t judge). But the story of the night was Kanye West storming the stage during Taylor Swift’s acceptance of the Best Female Performance award and declaring that Beyonce was a more deserving artist, presumably because she’s black.

It seems to me like this was a bit fake…he just appears when the camera is panned away to increase shock value and then everyone is like “Oh no he di’n't!” and then people think, “Oh that Kanye, he’s so unpredictable and edgy” and Taylor Swift is like “Hey, now y’all remember me for something other than being lucky enough to take a face full of Jonas Brother splooge” while the MTV people go, “Yessssss, talk about us” while clad in a black cape concealed in darkness.

But yeah, if it’s real, that look of terror on Taylor Swift’s face would definitely be the main giveaway. That’s the “We don’t have no one who looks like you in my town” type of face that To Kill A Mockingbird was based on.

AFTERNOON DELIGHT WITH BEYONCE

A. Isaac — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 16:59:00 +0000

A Beyonce Gallery {GorillaMask}

NY Giants girl hottie gets job talking sports (Busted Coverage)

The Top Five Vegeterian Friendly Stadiums (SbB)

Man tumbles over railing at Senators game, survives (Deadspin)

Jamie Peery Bahama Bikini Shoot (The Bachelor Guy)

A tribute to the boob tattoo (Afrojacks)

Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Model Power Rankings (Gunaxin)

Dear Illuminati: Honest advice to average idiots (9 to Fried)

Need advice about the stock market? Ask 50 Cent (Epic Carnival)

THE 25 HOTTEST CELEBRITY BOOTIES

A. Isaac — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 17:24:00 +0000

The 25 Hottest Celebrity Booties

Beyonce

Brooke Burke

Carmen Electra

Eva Longoria

Fergie

Inez Sainz

Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Ellison

Jessica Alba

Jessica Biel

Kate Hudson

Kendra Wilkinson

Kim Kardashian

Kristen Bell

Maria Sharapova

Melyssa Ford

Mena Suvari

Nereida Gallardo

Nicki Minaj

Nina Moric

Shakira

Sofia Vergara

Stacey Dash

Stacy Keibler

Vida Guerra

AFTERNOON DELIGHT WITH BEYONCE

A. Isaac — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 14:45:00 +0000

If you aren’t familiar with the exploits of Jon Lajoie you are missing out.

He was the man who came up with the incredible “Show me your genitals video”. And now, part 2 has come out.

I would post it here but its so over the top, I’m afraid I would lose all decency this blog ever had

Here is the link

Mark Cuban’s brother banned from digg {NESW Sports}
Roller Derby action {Steady-Burn}
Jennifer Sterger part 2 {The Bob Mantz Blitz}
Phoenix to use solar panels to power arena {A Stern Warning}

THE 10 HOTTEST CELEBRITY FANS

A. Isaac — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:26:00 +0000

10. Beyonce Knowles-Houston Rockets

Not really a diehard so that’s why she’s dropped down this far. Still, even attending a couple of Rockets games a year with that body cements you on this list

9. Christie Brinkley-Boston Red Sox

A little older, but any chick that decides to bust out some cleavage in a baseball jersey has a special place in my heart.

8. Julia Stiles-New York Mets

Not really up to par as far as hotness with the rest of this group but big ups for wearing a half-shirt of your team to show off your body.

7. Eva Longoria-San Antonio Spurs

Tough to tell if she is a fan of the Spurs or hubby Tony Parker. I gave her the benefit of the doubt after looking at some pics.

6. Jessica Alba-Golden State Warriors

You know you’re a diehard if you’re rooting for a team that only makes the playoffs once a decade. Or maybe she was just a bandwagon jumper from last year?

5. Erin Andrews-Florida Gators

An alum and former Dazzler for the Gators, Andrews still makes it known where her loyalties reside. Doesn’t hurt that she might have the greatest backside in broadcast history.

4. Lucy Pinder-Southampton Saints

I dont care if Lucy glared at a Tv once during a Southampton game. She says she’s a fan and that’s enough for me.

3. Elisha Cuthbert-LA Kings

A season ticket holder for a long time, her love for the Kings stretches far beyond that douche Sean Avery.

2. Anna Kournikova-Miami Heat

Well, she’s had some time off for awhile now. Might as well do something with it. Although, I have a feeling, with the Heat struggling, she’ll shift her allegiances elsewhere.

1. Ashley Judd-Kentucky Wildcats

Is she the hottest women on the list? Absolutely not. But she’s as loyal as they come. Hell, they make jersies with her name on the back. Granted, she’s half naked in them but far be it for me to complain.

Blog Roundup

A. Isaac — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 14:09:00 +0000

The roundup is sponsored by Beyonce. If you have a link you want included, email me.

A Brady-Gisele Sex tape? {On 205th}

That’s a difficult birdie to make {East Coast Bias}

Athlete roles in Movies {Robot in Disguise}

Chad Johnson punched Marvin Lewis {Larry Brown Sports}

Basically, the Sports Onion: Great website {eTrueSports}

The Hottest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover 1988-2008

A. Isaac — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 17:42:00 +0000

1988-1992

1993-1997

1998-2002

2003-2007

2008