Everyone loves dogs, but I’ve always felt that cats do a more admirable job being a mirror to a human. And here’s some anecdotal proof in the form of this video of an adorable kitty cat hypnotized by a girl doing some booty dancing.

I can only assume that ]]>

Everyone loves dogs, but I’ve always felt that cats do a more admirable job being a mirror to a human. And here’s some anecdotal proof in the form of this video of an adorable kitty cat hypnotized by a girl doing some booty dancing.

I can only assume that once the video ended, the cat continued his humanness and held his crotch and walked off in shame with swollen cat testicles, only to rub one out and feel bad for himself. Oh cats, so like us!

There’s been an increased fascination on the booty in recent years…a woman like Ice T’s wife Coco wouldn’t have been popular anywhere other than a Sir Mix-a-Lot video a mere 15 years ago. So how can women achieve that big booty look without all that eating of Steak’ums? ]]>

There’s been an increased fascination on the booty in recent years…a woman like Ice T’s wife Coco wouldn’t have been popular anywhere other than a Sir Mix-a-Lot video a mere 15 years ago. So how can women achieve that big booty look without all that eating of Steak’ums? Look no further than the “Booty Pop”.

I absolutely hate the pains women take to deceive us about how they really look. Push-up bras, Booty Pops, lots of make-up, fake tans…I could be having sex with a midget in a remote controlled human body and I’d have no idea until we’re actually getting down to it. Every time you go to a bar, there’s a 50% chance you’re going to hook up with Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Also Booty Pop seems like a great name for this product’s sales purposes…probably not a very delicious name for a soda.

Art is totally subjective, but receiving a buttload (lolpuns) of money to study the female derrière seems a bit pointless. Sexy, but pointless.

Bonus…check out the classy comments on the source of this photo.

A CHEEKY artist has been given a £20,000 National ]]>

Art is totally subjective, but receiving a buttload (lolpuns) of money to study the female derrière seems a bit pointless. Sexy, but pointless.

Bonus…check out the classy comments on the source of this photo.

A CHEEKY artist has been given a £20,000 National Lottery grant – to look at girls’ bums.

Sue Williams was given the cash to “explore cultural attitudes towards female buttocks”.

She will create plaster cast moulds of women’s behinds to try to understand their place in contemporary culture.

Swansea-based Mrs Williams, 53, will also examine different racial attitudes towards bums in Europe and Africa. She said: “The project is taking on the issues around the bottom.”

Emma Geliot from the Arts Council of Wales, which awarded the grant, said: “This produces a tee-hee response but there is a serious point.”

Oh there’s a serious point alright…IN MY PANTS. HA! For you see I’m implying that I may have an erection due to the featuring of numerous asses. Jokes are always much funnier when you overexplain them.

I guess there’s probably some validity to studying asses and the sociological implications of them. But I don’t think I’d trust it to some old British lady. If you want an exuberant and thought provoking analysis of the female ass, I’m pretty sure there are countless guys with hidden cameras who’d be more than willing to help you out. They’d probably even pay for it themselves. Then again, they’d quite possibly be too sticky to read. And I don’t think you’d want to lay hands on the plastercast of the asses either. But you should have known what you were getting into when you hired that ass fetish pervert for free then, now shouldn’t you?

[via]

I know Panama has a canal and…um…pans. But I didn’t know it had athletes like this. Check out this pic of a couple girls supposedly from the Panamian Cricket Team.

Click for super hi-res photo with more ass than..some sort of…donkey…show

You can

I know Panama has a canal and…um…pans. But I didn’t know it had athletes like this. Check out this pic of a couple girls supposedly from the Panamian Cricket Team.

Click for super hi-res photo with more ass than..some sort of…donkey…show

You can view some more asstastic photos here courtesy of the awesome Gotty at The Smoking Section.

Now I love America, really I do. Even though most of our citizens are fat douchebags, it’s a great place. But holy f’ing crap I want to be in this country instead. What are they doing in Panama to breed these monsters? Did some Panamian man impregnate a camel at some point, forcing many future generations of Panamian women to have asses like humps? I can’t wrap my head around this. Based off of my knowledge of South American culture primarily derived from delicious dinners at a Brazilian steakhouse, it must be the fact that every meal is served off of a sword. Further research may be required so if you see me inserting a beaker into a nearby South American woman’s ass, let’s just assume there’s an actual purpose behind it this time.

UPDATE: Our friends at InGameNow uncovered the unphotoshopped version. Still nice, but not AS nice. A tear streams down my cheek. Picture’s after the jump.

From some gym in LA…

I like how Kim Kardashian just goes around getting photographed going to the gym because this way you know her workout plan doesn’t just consist of her getting $5 dollar footlongs both from Subway and from miscellaneous gentlemen of color. I ]]>

From some gym in LA…

I like how Kim Kardashian just goes around getting photographed going to the gym because this way you know her workout plan doesn’t just consist of her getting $5 dollar footlongs both from Subway and from miscellaneous gentlemen of color. I also really respect her for wearing just spandex pants to the gym, because if there’s one thing you want to do when you have an ass the size of an oil tanker, it’s shove it into fabric as tight as a drum. Her ass looks like it’s pregnant. Which I’m pretty sure is not how babies are made. I learned this a long time ago. Like, easily last Tuesday.

I had long thought that big asses were a sign of Steak’ums and a career in hip hop videos but apparently they’re also a sign of good health. The more you know.

FAT bottoms are the bane of many women but scientists believe oversized rears are ]]>

I had long thought that big asses were a sign of Steak’ums and a career in hip hop videos but apparently they’re also a sign of good health. The more you know.

FAT bottoms are the bane of many women but scientists believe oversized rears are a sign a woman’s health has not gone pear-shaped.

New research, published in the journal Cell Metabolism, suggests the fat responsible for producing the pear shape flaunted by celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce may be active in protecting women from diseases by releasing certain hormones.

When buttocks and hip fat from mice was injected into other mice, their bodies easily used the blood sugar-regulating hormone insulin and lost weight.

Researcher Dr Ronald Kahn insisted that not all fat was bad for health.

“The surprising thing was that it wasn’t where the fat was located, it was the kind of fat that was the most important variable,” he said.

“Even more surprising, it wasn’t that abdominal fat was exerting negative effects but that subcutaneous fat was producing a good effect.

“I think it’s an important result because not only does it say that not all fat is bad, but I think it points to a special aspect of fat where we need to do more research.”

Women with big asses weren’t really in style until, what, a decade ago? So white America was basically killing all the women just to see them have pert flat backsides. You know who once again set the curve here? Black dudes. Little did you know, but all those black guys you saw in the mall yelling stuff like, “Yo ma, yo booty be kickin’” were actually out there promoting feminine health. They were like scientists. Scientists with airbrushed shirts of the Notorious BIG, but scientists nonetheless.

[source, a NSFW-ish photo of the ass pictured above (belonging to Keyra Augustina) can be viewed HERE because I care]

From a hotel in Miami…

For all that I’ve trashed Audrina Patridge and Leelee Sobieski over the past week for not showing any skin in a completely dull winter season, it’s only fair that I go out of my way ]]>

From a hotel in Miami…

For all that I’ve trashed Audrina Patridge and Leelee Sobieski over the past week for not showing any skin in a completely dull winter season, it’s only fair that I go out of my way to applaud Kim Kardashian for finding her way into a bikini when no one else is brave enough to. Rain, sleet, or snow, Kim Kardashian will find a way to wedge her big fat ass into something slinky so that people will take pictures of her. I’ve said some less-than-nice things about her before, including saying that having sex with her would be like f’ing a couch, but occasionally you need to salute people in spite of the fact that you could do a suitable yodel into their vagina or if you could fill it up with water and have birds land in it and splash around. Doesn’t make her a bad person. It just means that a child will escape her loins like it was on a slip and slide.

But yeah, thanks Kim. You know what’s most important and I thank you for that.

I typically don’t like PETA and don’t really give a crap about Keeping Up with the Kardashians star Khloe Kardashian, but somehow these two forces have combined for a campaign I can really get behind.

It must have taken some real genius at PETA to determine ]]>

I typically don’t like PETA and don’t really give a crap about Keeping Up with the Kardashians star Khloe Kardashian, but somehow these two forces have combined for a campaign I can really get behind.

It must have taken some real genius at PETA to determine that the best way to get people to ever pretend to care about their cause (listen, I love animals, but I’ll be damned if I stop eating delicious cows because I like scratching kitty cats behind their ears) is to get semifamous women to strip down and say fur sucks. Nobody had ever tried such a daring, outside-the-box idea before PETA.

I’m not kidding when I say that Khloe’s surprisingly flawless body could get me behind any number of causes. Honestly, Chairman Mao could have had Khloe’s ass on some memo saying I needed to start making metal on my farm instead of rice and food and I’d be like, “Fuck yeah dude, glory be to you, Chairman!” But you can’t eat metal. And no ass, no matter how fine, can change that. Tricky man, that Mao.

From a dinner called “Empowerment for Africa” last night in NYC…

I know right, stunner..Kim Kardashian, black dudes, no way! But while it certainly makes sense that she wants to keep a growing pool of well-endowed, athletic black men feeling good about themselves, she probably could ]]>

From a dinner called “Empowerment for Africa” last night in NYC…

I know right, stunner..Kim Kardashian, black dudes, no way! But while it certainly makes sense that she wants to keep a growing pool of well-endowed, athletic black men feeling good about themselves, she probably could have gone about it in better ways. What could empower a group of black men more than going to this benefit in a pair of assless chaps or daisy dukes? She could have given the keynote speech and just started shaking her ass while people sprayed her with baby oil.

Just remember kids, when you’re trying to empower Africa, always use a condom. Same with Haiti. And Magic Johnson. And when you want to empower heroin addicts with a penchant for dirty needles. Silly heroin addicts, haven’t you heard of bleach cleaner?

From the launch of her new line ASDA in London…

Katie Price/Jordan/Tits McPlastic may be a completely worthless individual but she sure knows how to use her big breasts and willingness to be naked or half-naked to achieve all sorts of goals. And what more credible ]]>

From the launch of her new line ASDA in London…

Katie Price/Jordan/Tits McPlastic may be a completely worthless individual but she sure knows how to use her big breasts and willingness to be naked or half-naked to achieve all sorts of goals. And what more credible person is there for a lingerie line than a woman who whores out at least half nude almost every day of the week. It’s like having a Palin daughter selling Invisible Condoms (the preferred brand of that Levi Johnston kid. Also, Freddie Mercury).

Also it’s a half-naked woman so that’s cool. And you can go spelunking inside her cavernous vagina. It’s like a vacation everywhere you go!

Some company called Sloggi, who apparently sells underwear, held their annual competition for “Most Beautiful Bottom in the World”. I probably don’t need to say any more to get you to watch the video.

The female winner is Melanie Nunes Fronckowiak, a 20 year-old form Brazil. And with a ]]>

Some company called Sloggi, who apparently sells underwear, held their annual competition for “Most Beautiful Bottom in the World”. I probably don’t need to say any more to get you to watch the video.

The female winner is Melanie Nunes Fronckowiak, a 20 year-old form Brazil. And with a name as awful as that, you need to have an amazing ass to balance it out. These competitions are always sort of skewed…we really need to force every woman on Earth into them in order to ensure we have an accurate woman. If I were a chick, I’d be reluctant to flaunt my ass for something named “Sloggi”.

Unfortunately the competition also featured men, so avert your eyes in the photos with the blue undies. Try to aim your masturbation solely to the right side of the screen, like you were beating off onto Two-Face.

[source]

Gisele Bundchen did a photoshoot for V Magazine a couple months back and, for some reason, the behind-the-scene photos are popping up today. And since they feature Gisele in various states of undress, it seems logical to post them.

It’s kind of unfair that the only ]]>

Gisele Bundchen did a photoshoot for V Magazine a couple months back and, for some reason, the behind-the-scene photos are popping up today. And since they feature Gisele in various states of undress, it seems logical to post them.

It’s kind of unfair that the only man in the world other than Tom Brady touching Gisele’s ass is this completely gay guy. You might as well give the finest caviars and wines to a bulimic girl. Yeah sure, she might appreciate it theoretically, but either way, both she and this gay guy are throwing up at the end of the night.

And you know, I’m sure there are a lot of intelligent models out there, but Gisele isn’t one of them. Silly Gisele, those aren’t full pants. Pants are supposed to cover your rear end. Oh, models.