Guyism » Brazil

Pay $3000 for this ‘Twilight’ sex pillow

K. Thor Jensen — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 17:45:24 +0000

Looking for the perfect gift for the Twilight fan in your life? How about the pillow that Bella and Edward boned on? Yes indeed, for the low Buy It Now price of $2999.99 (plus shipping) you can purchase the prop pillow used during the filming of Breaking Dawn. Complete with tears in the surface (and how exactly do you tear a pillow during sex? Was Edward biting it?) and “authentic makeup stains,” this one of a kind keepsake will no doubt wind up in a position of pride in the creepiest house on Earth. Check it out on eBay.

Brazil gives poor people plastic surgery for free

Chris Spags — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 21:00:17 +0000

Is beauty a natural right? That’s what the people of Brazil believe. And they’re backing it up with several hundred clinics across the country offering plastic surgery to the poor and downtrodden.

The NY Daily News looks at the rise in plastic surgery treatments being given to the poor in Brazil.

According to the report, free Botox, laser hair removal, chemical peels, and anti-cellulite treatments are the norm in Brazil with over 220 clinics offering them to people facing economic strife.

Brazil is home to over 11.5 million plastic surgeries each year, the second largest number across the globe (behind the US, naturally).

Many of the country’s top plastic surgeons believe that the psychological benefit from offering plastic surgery should be available to all for the good of the nation.

All I know is that this is basically the equivalent of Brazil using a video game cheat to maintain their dominance in the “We have the most attractive women in our country” category. Brazilian booties are basically one big Konami code.

Celebrate Carnival with a Caipirinha recipe

Colin Joliat — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 14:01:47 +0000

While Mardi Gras gets most of the attention in the US, it would be a shame to overlook the glory of Carnival. The people of Brazil know how to drink and party as well as anyone in the world. Don’t believe me? The country has a national cocktail, the Caipirinha.

If you want to put a little spin on the tradition, I have three different recipes for you. I attended an amazing charity bartending contest at Texas de Brazil this week, and the challenge was to create an interesting variation of the Caipirinha while still staying true to the spirit of the cocktail. Three of Chicago’s finest bartenders each mixed their drink on behalf of an organization, and to the winner went the spoils (ticket revenue). While my drink of choice, The Latinha, and charity of choice, Open Heart Magic, didn’t win, it was still a great way to spend a night. Here are the recipes if you are feeling adventurous.

The Latinha
Benjamin Newby (Underground)

2 1/2 oz Cachaca
1 lime
1 tsp of cane sugar
2 tsp of Tajin
3 x fresh pineapple chunks (or one pineapple spear)
Muddled bit of egg white
1/2 cup of ice
Shake. Dump into 12 oz rocks glass; top with mandarin and lime organic soda
Garnish with a rind on pineapple triangle.

The Bedford Caipirinha
Pete Gugni (The Bedford)

2 oz Cachaça
1/2 lime, cubed
1 bar spoon of Turbinado sugar
1/2 oz Muscato
2 dashes Bitter Truth orange bitters
Mix ingredients in shaker; serve.

Literate Caipirinha - winner
Josh Pearson (Sepia)

In a shaker glass muddle 1/2 lime, then add:
1.5 oz Leblon Cachaca
3/4 oz Passionfruit Syrup
1/4 oz Coconut Cream
Dash Angostura bitters
Shake and serve dirty in rocks glass. Sprinkle grated nutmeg over the top.

Recipes courtesy of 312DiningDiva

VIDEO: Children horrified as horse craps live on Brazilian kids’ show

Chris Spags — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 17:20:48 +0000

Do you enjoy terrified Brazilian children as much as I do? Then this clip of a horse taking a dump live on a Brazilian kids’ show while the kids look on in abject horror may be of interest.

The thing I’m most confused by is that I have no clue what they were setting up here. To me, it looks like they were setting up a segment in which a horse shits on the floor and the children are all forced to watch it. In which case, the segment was a rousing success. I can’t think of any other reason they’d have had a horse just hanging out in the middle of a studio. Either way, these kids learned an important lesson about fecal surprises that’ll pay dividends in all of their future careers in bizarre Brazilian scat pornography.

Here Is a Horse Pooping on Children’s TV [Warming Glow]

VIDEO: China-Brazil basketbrawl

A. Isaac — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 21:03:42 +0000

What started out as an exhibition for China and Brazil escalated into something akin to the Palace Brawl. Tensions were already high when one of the Chinese coaches got into it with the officials over a foul call. After angrily slamming his fist on the scorers table and dropping loud expletives, the coach was held back from the officials by his own players.

Then a skirmish underneath the basketball caused a widespread melee with benches emptying. And of course, no basketball fight is complete without one dude running like a complete pansy.

Video via The Big Lead:

VIDEO: Thirteen-year-old plays an electric bass like no one else

Chris Spags — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 15:58:01 +0000

Talented kids piss me off because it’s like, hey, I’ve been on Earth twice as long as you, I should conceivably be better than you at everything. Unfortunately, this little Brazilian kid didn’t get that message as he rocks out hard on an electric bass in extremely impressive ways.

Fine, so this kid is great. But at least I’ve touched a boob. Literally, just a singular boob. Yessir, me and Olivia Newton John had a torrid love affair. In your face, kid.

World Cup shocker: Netherlands defeat Brazil 2-1

A. Isaac — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 16:10:26 +0000

After taking an early 1-0 lead, the Brazil defense completely fell apart in the second half and lost to the Netherlands 2-1. Brazil came into this World Cup as heavy favorites having been ranked #1 by FIFA for quite some time. But the Dutch didn’t seem to care scoring two second half goals and sending the favorites home.

It was Brazil’s first loss in the World Cup ever after leading at halftime.

Brazil made things much more difficult for themselves when Felipe Melo received a red card for stepping on Dutch winger Arjen Robben with 17 minutes left. Down to 10 men, Brazil rarely had any good chances and seemed to play rather immature taking several stupid fouls late and continually arguing with the referee.

Netherlands will now face the winner of the Uruguay, Ghana game in the semi-finals.

VIDEO: Ivory Coast player fakes head injury

A. Isaac — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 14:30:42 +0000

The theatrics were in full Oscar mode during the Ivory Coast-Brazil game yesterday . Late in the match, seemingly every foul resulted in someone rolling around on the ground for several minutes only to miraculously return a few moments later.

None were worse however than this “foul” by Brazilian star Kaka on Ivory Coast’s Keita. It resulted in a red card and perhaps the worst dive of this year’s World Cup.

It’s as if these players aren’t aware of replay. If you’re willing to sacrifice your dignity for a measly yellow or red card, so be it. But don’t get upset when we laugh at you hysterically the next few years.

VIDEO: Brazilian baby samba dances better than everyone

Chris Spags — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 19:44:54 +0000

This video is a real Chris Hansen special but I’m amazed at how this baby literally has more rhythm in his diaper than I have in my..well, my diaper. This is a Brazilian baby samba dancing.

I don’t even really understand how it’s possible that this lil guy has rhythm like that at such a young age (though it may not do a whole lot to dissuade stereotypes). He’s so seductive. All the parents of little girls at Brazilian Gymboree (Geemborao?) better watch their asses because there’s some swarthy little heat coming their way.

The ultimate guide to the sexy fans of the World Cup nations

A. Isaac — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 16:48:13 +0000

The World Cup is more than just a celebration of international soccer. It’s a celebration of scantily clad hot women draped in the flags of their respective countries. So to prepare you for endless round the clock soccer action in South Africa, here’s a look at some of the sexiest fans of every single World Cup nation.

From Algeria and Argentina to Uruguay and the United States.

Algeria

Argentina

Australia

Brazil

Cameroon

Chile

Denmark

England

France

Germany

Ghana

Greece

Honduras

Italy

Ivory Coast

Japan

Don’t miss page 2!!

VIDEO: Brazilian Butt Fighting seems like fun for all ages

Chris Spags — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 13:25:01 +0000

People always say we can learn a lot from other cultures. I’ve always thought that was true, but it never really hit home until I saw this video called “Surra de Bunda” or “Butt Fighting.” It’s a hot new Brazilian dance that involves a woman with a grand rear smashing it into your face repeatedly. Elegant in its own way.

So I’m not 100% sure I’d enjoy this. I like a fine rear like a Frenchman enjoys a fine wine (I like ones that smell like wood or fragrant berries), but I don’t know that I want a woman with an ass like a beanbag chair smashing it in my face over and over again. That just sounds potentially nose-breakingly painful. Or like you might come out looking as though you dipped your face into a fresh bowl of brownie batter. Either way, I find this video compelling, but merely a C+ to fap to.

Butt Fighting: The Violent Dance Craze Continues [Gawker]

Men should not be getting breast implants

Chris Spags — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:36:22 +0000

Please let this video be a public service announcement; just because you CAN GET plastic surgery does not mean it’s a good idea. For an example, look no further than this Brazilian gentleman who has given himself breast, shoulder, and trapezius implants then decided to upload a video of himself dancing around to YouTube.

This is a pretty big reminder to everyone out there that yes, we men are also susceptible to having body image issues. It’s also an even bigger reminder that if you shove an orange or five under your skin, you can reasonably simulate the look of muscles without all that difficult “working out” or “lifting heavy objects.”

I can certainly relate to wanting to look good. But there is not a woman on Earth whom I could see myself getting implants for. Unless it was for a hydraulic penis. Because then, not only do I have a magical thrusting set of genitals, no longer would I need to keep a jack in the back of my car. It just makes economic sense.

Models are clumsy

Chris Spags — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:08:24 +0000

Some Brazilian fashion show was going well as chicks with big asses and boobs paraded around in clothes entirely too small for said body parts. But tragedy struck as some model proved ineffective at the art of walking.

You have never seen a group of minimum wage stagehands come up to assist a woman faster than when this chick fell. They all sprint over hoping that she’ll be like, “Thanks for picking me up from the ground! I’m prepared to blow you in exchange.” I’m pretty sure some of those guys weren’t even employees, they just came up hoping to cop a feel as she got up. You might think that feeling on a model’s oversized implants to get her off the ground might not be the best way to pull her up but it’s easy to say that when you’re not the one alarmingly bereft of jerking off material. I’ve been jerking off to the same issue of Reader’s Digest where women talk about their breasts swelling from menopause for the last 15 years. Variety is the spice of life.