I may need to see a surgeon to have my jaw placed back into its proper position...

I guess Mad Men star Christina Hendricks has some free time on her hands and was looking to make a few bucks because she recently held a party and showed off the fact that she’s totally a big fan of Johnnie Walker. I can’t decide if this was a genius move by Johnnie Walker because they used a mainstream actress who looks like she should be appearing in films with titles like Comin’ Round the Mountains so every male on the Internet is bound to want to have a look, or if this is a bad move because holy christ is anyone who looks at these photos even noticing that she has hands, let alone what drink she’s holding in them?

Christina Hendricks won before they even gave out any awards...

The 2011 Emmy Awards are in the books. Some actors and actresses were winners, some were losers, no one really cares, but them. However, as usual this was a showcase for sexy ladies and therefore I must file this report. Among those who put on their Sunday best and ‘cheered’ on the winners were (in order, below the winners): Adrianne Palicki, Cobie Smulders, Jayma Mays, Jennifer Carpenter, Lea Michele, Maria Menounos, Nina Dobrev (looking so hot), Padma Lakshmi, Sarah Hyland, Carrie Ann Inaba, Giuliana Rancic, Julia Stiles, Kelly Osbourne, Shaun Robinson, Aimee Teegarden, Cat Deeley, Julianna Margulies, Maria Bello, Kaley Cuoco, Gwyneth Paltrow, Claire Danes, Olivia Munn, Anna Torv, Minka Kelly, and Christina Hendricks.

The winners…
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or a Movie: Guy Pearce – Mildred Pierce
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or a Movie: Maggie Smith – Downton Abbey
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series: Peter Dinklage – Game of Thrones
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series: Margo Martindale – Justified
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series: Julie Bowen – Modern Family
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series: Ty Burrell – Modern Family
Outstanding Title Change: Mark Henry – World Heavyweight Championship (whoops, wrong show)
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or a Movie: Barry Pepper – The Kennedys
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or a Movie: Kate Winslet – Mildred Pierce
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series: Kyle Chandler – Friday Night Lights
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series: Julianna Margulies – The Good Wife
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series: Jim Parsons – The Big Bang Theory
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series: Melissa McCarthy – Mike & Molly
Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series: Jason Katims – Friday Night Lights
Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series: Steve Levitan & Jeffrey Richman – Modern Family
Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Outstanding Reality-Competition Program: The Amazing Race
Outstanding Miniseries or Movie: Downton Abbey
Outstanding Drama Series: Mad Men
Outstanding Comedy Series: Modern Family
Outstanding Photo Op of the Evening: Charlie Sheen and Ashton Kutcher*
Outstanding Hotness in a TV Commercial During the Telecast: Charlize Theron*

(*Not an official Emmy Award.)

Busty Christina Hendricks: It’s hard to find a bathing suit
“It’s really hard to find a bathing suit if you have breasts.”

Charlie Sheen did steroids for Major League
“You can print this, I don’t give a f—. My fastball went from 79 [mph] to like 85.”

Justin Timberlake takes stake in new music-focused MySpace
“I’m excited to help revitalize MySpace by using its social media platform to bring artists and fans together in one community.”

Jonathan Rhys Meyers hospitalized after suicide attempt
“He reputedly refused treatment, so the paramedics called the police, and Meyers was taken to hospital.”

Beyonce, 29: “I always said I would have a baby at 30″
“I also said I was going to retire at 30.”

Lindsay Lohan was released from her house arrest
“Clearly she’s been punished enough for committing several hundred crimes, so today she’ll be released, 84 days early.”

Lindsay Lohan stumbles on first night of freedom
“Lindsay Lohan, who had said she was scared to leave home because of the paparazzi, went out to Lexington Social House last night…”

George Clooney’s ex Elisabetta Canalis “down in the dumps” following split
“I’ve spoken to her, and she is very sad, but these things happen.”

Michael Jackson “gave me drugs” says Aaron Carter
“I did things with him that nobody else did… But I was also troubled about what he did to me.”

To Catch a Predator host Chris Hansen caught cheating on his wife
“Chris Hansen has found himself on the receiving end of his own hidden camera tactics…”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Eva Mendes sings in an upcoming commercial for Thierry Mugler’s Angel fragrance.

They're real and they are most definitely spectacular...

Remember last week when Christina Hendricks came out and told everyone that her giant bosom was natural and not man made? Yeah, well, just to prove it she did this photo shoot filled will all kinds of natural goodness. Hmmm…. I don’t know… sure they look real, but how am I to be 100% sure. What could I possibly do to prove that they’re real? What to do… what to do…

Christina Hendricks’ breasts are real, thank you very much
“It’s so bizarre that people are constantly asking if my breasts are real or fake.”

Justin Timberlake and Olivia Wilde party together
“After hosting SNL, Justin Timberlake was spotted hanging out with his rumored new lady friend Olivia Wilde.”

Celebs clamoring to hang out with Royal Couple during LA visit
“Victoria Beckham is apparently booking her caesarian section a few days before the royal visit to ensure she doesn’t miss out on any of the action.”

Jane Seymour: This isn’t Schwarzenegger’s only love child
“From what I gather, I think there will be lots of information coming people’s way.”

Dark Knight Rises adds Matthew Modine, Tom Conti and Joey King
“Matthew Modine will play a character named Nixon.”

Zach Galifianakis slams January Jones
“‘January, you are an actress in a show and everybody’s going to forget about you in a few years, so f*cking be nice,’ and I got up and left. And she thinks that’s funny.”

Macho Man Randy Savage — The 911 calls
“Officials performed an autopsy to find an official cause of death — results could take 4 to 6 weeks.”

Lindsay Lohan: Glee actors’ work schedule sounds illegal
“[The cast's] works schedules are insane, it’s seven days a week…”

Evangeline Lilly welcomes a baby boy
“The father is her boyfriend, Norman Kali, who was reportedly employed as a production assistant on the crew of [Lost].”

Michael Lohan pleads not guilty to domestic violence
“Everybody has a particular version of what occured.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Britney Spears and Rihanna’s duet (featuring pole dancing) at the Billboard Music Awards.

Oh, so thaaat's why they lost...

As you know by now awards season began last night for Hollywood with the latest edition of the Golden Globes taking place. Some people won, many more people lost, but the one thing that never changes is that there were lots of sexy celebrity women all dressed up looking their best. Here’s just a few of them (in order below)… Carrie Underwood, January Jones, Jennifer Lawrence, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Julianne Hough, Kaley Cuoco, Lea Michele, Natalie Portman, Olivia Wilde, Christina Aguilera, Angelina Jolie, Julia Stiles, Piper Perabo, Jennifer Lopez, Scarlett Johansson, Amy Adams, Sofia Vergara, Christina Hendricks, Halle Berry, and Mila Kunis. Oh my. [Side notes from last night (neither pictured below): Michelle Pfeiffer - still alive, Milla Jovovich - gi-GAN-tic head. That is all.]

Even more pics from the Golden Globes here.

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— Christina Hendricks wants to play Wonder Woman. Well, the name is definitely suited to her.

— Victoria Beckham removed her fake boobs, which I guess means we’ll never, EVER have to see her again.

— Speaking of old school hot babes doing dumb things, Jaime Pressly was arrested for DUI. Here’s her lovely mug shot.

— Mickey Rourke will be removing his front teeth to play gay rugby player, Gareth Thomas. There’s a sentence I never thought I would type.

— Toni Braxton is going to do Playboy. Guess that sort of thing becomes appealing when you file a $50 million Chapter 7 bankruptcy.

— Selena Gomez is getting death threats. From Justin Bieber fans. On Twitter. Sigh…

— Kim Kardashian debuted her new song. No, really. And there was video.

— Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift broke up. Didn’t see that one coming.

— In news I wish I hadn’t heard, Oksana Grigorieva says Mel Gibson used to beat her during sex because that’s the only way he could get it up.

— And now it’s time for This Week in Lindsay Lohan: Palm Desert police are adamant that LiLo violated her probation the night she allegedly attacked a Betty Ford employee and say she was definitely drunk – or even high – at the time. All of which means absolutely nothing.

— In other Betty Ford Clinic news, David Arquette is now it’s newest resident.

— Quick FYI, Kendra Wilkinson is being kind of a bitch to her man Hank Baskett. If you care.

— Remember how ‘different’ LeAnn Rimes looked this week in her bikini? Well, there’s a medical reason for that.

— Peter Brady is being sued for assault and battery. That also happened this week.

— And finally, the 2011 Sports Illustrated swimsuit video will be available in 3D. See, God does answer your prayers.

This week’s sexy video comes to us from the fine folks over at FHM who were nice enough to track down Zoe Salmon (who?) and put her in some very sexy outfits stick her in a boxing ring and take a video of it.

Check out more of Zoe Salmon and the lingerie guide at FHM.com.

Nice cleavage, too much clothing...

Christina Hendricks appears in this month’s Harper’s Bazaar doing her usual thing: being sexy, dropping a little cleavage on us. See, this is what Jennifer Love Hewitt should be aspiring to be now that she’s officially a hot, full-figured gal getting up there in age. It really is the blueprint for success for sexy babes with a little junk in the trunk like her.

Quick test! See if you can find the chair...

Christina Hendricks is special. It’s extremely rare for me to do a post on a woman when it features just three photos. But this is the second time I have done just that for Christina. I think you can see why. I don’t even know what these photos were taken for or when and as you can obviously see, none of that matters one bit.

— Jessica Alba thinks she’s not that great looking. Seriously.

— In other absurd female celebrity news, Jennifer Aniston is the most eligible single woman in the world, according to a new Vanity Fair poll. As dubious as that is, wait til you see the rest of the list.

— Remember how some lovely young lady named Brittney Jones claimed to have been sleeping with Ashton Kutcher? Maybe you don’t because neither Ashton nor his wife Demi Moore ever really commented on it. Maybe that’s because Demi once let Michael Phelps (yes, that one) play with the part of her body where her daughter Rumer first appeared. Figure it out.

— Devon James’ Tiger Woods sex tape Web site is now online. I guess.

— Courtney Love quit Twitter because of a nude photo posted to her account that was supposed to be a private message. I’m shocked that something as technologically advanced as Twitter confused Courtney. She seems so bright and level-headed.

— In other well-balanced female celebrity news, it seems that on the first day Lindsay Lohan was allowed to have visitors in rehab at the Betty Ford Center the only person who showed up was her personal assistant. The person she pays to hang out with her. No one else. Wow.

— Okay, one more for the crazy train… Tila Tequila tried to stop the release of a sex tape in which she is a main character by going to court. The judge laughed at her – figuratively at least.

— Lil Wayne got tossed into solitary confinement for musical contraband. Such a hell-raiser, that Lil Wayne.

— Christina Hendricks gets hit on by gay men. She’s just that damn attractive.

— Snooki was offered $100k to be the face of porn, further proving that the porn industry has run out of attractive people.

— Lisa Rinna got a lip reduction. On her face, pervert. In other news, who gives a f–k?

— Kobe Bryant says he could beat LeBron James in a game of one-on-one… in his sleep (video evidence of said boast). Prove it, I say.

— Further proving that TV executives have run out of anything resembling an idea, the Kardashians are getting yet another reality show.

— Speaking of the Kardashians, someone (some AWESOME person) threw a drink on Kim the other day at a bar and some kind of lame celebrity fight ensued. And yes, her top got wet, because I know you were wondering.

— And finally, Paris Hilton: Step-mom?

Today’s sexy video comes to us courtesy of (still 17 years-old) Miley Cyrus. It’s the just released video for her new single Who Owns My Heart and let’s just say if you have a daughter who is a big fan of Hannah Montana, you not want to watch, because if her last video gave you pause, then this one will make you start a bonfire of all your kid’s Hannah Montana gear. However, if you don’t have a daughter, please feel free to pedo it up…

Christina Hendricks and some of those other people from Mad Men appear in this month’s Rolling Stone, and while the cover shot of Christina is good the rest of the photos leave something to be desired. Namely, the one thing Christina is most famous for, her fabulous cleavage. Now I am not saying that every time Christina appears in public there needs to be some cleavage showing, but… hang on… well, I guess that is what I am saying. She does look cute though. I guess I can live with that. For now.

As you know by now, The 2010 Emmy Awards took place last night. Some shows won, some lost, some people won, some lost, but more importantly it was a great excuse for a whole bunch of sexy celebrity ladies to put on their best attire and pose for photographs. Among those appearing at last night’s festivities were (in order below): Anna Paquin, Brooke Burke, Carrie Ann Inaba, Claire Danes, Emily Blunt, Emily Deschanel, Eva Longoria, Heidi Klum, January Jones, Jayma Mays, Jennifer Carpenter, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Julie Benz, Kim Kardashian, Lauren Graham, Lea Michele, Maria Menounos, Olivia Munn, Sofia Vergara, and Stephanie Pratt. Oh yeah, and Christina Hendricks (I hear you guys like her).

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Jennifer Aniston is set to go topless in her next movie role. Makes sense. She might as well get what she can out of those bad boys because the clock, she be a tickin’.

>>> Jason Statham and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley have moved in together moving me ever closer to hating this man.

>>> Heidi Montag, she of wanting to have her breasts reduced, oh, and that alleged sex tape, is now meeting with Vivid’s Steve Hirsch to get her cut of the sex tape Spencer Pratt threatened to release. The tape she denied existing (yet Karissa Shannon says does exist). That one.

>>> At least Heidi Montag is satisfied with her new face. Wait, what?

>>> Paris Hilton was almost killed. Sort of. A man packing two knives tried to break into her house, but alas he failed. Maybe we can send him to Heidi Montag’s house when he is freed from jail.

>>> Christina Hendricks was unveiled as the new model for London Fog. And as usual people have noticed that perhaps the photos used in the ads might have had a little work done.

>>> 50 Cent and his grandmother… well, they’re having issues.

>>> Kat Von D is dating Jesse James. Kat Von D – Sandra Bullock, yeah I can see the similarities in taste there.

>>> Montana Fishburne might do Playboy. If you care, which I don’t.

>>> Lindsay Lohan was released from rehab. She stayed in there about as long as she stayed in jail (i.e. not as long as she was ordered: 14 days and 22 days vs. 90 days for each). At least the stay in rehab will reportedly cost her $130,400.

>>> LiLo also wants an apology from the court for the way they treated her. Wow.

>>> And finally, now that’s she free and clean (ha), Lindsay has some good people in charge of getting her career back on track.

>>> Speaking of that… Britney Spears might be getting married again. I hope she does. It’ll bring a whole new batch of crazy to the table to amuse us.

>>> Brad Pitt thinks BP executives should die. “I was never for the death penalty before,” says Brad. “I am willing to look at it again.” I’m sure they’re shaking in their custom-made alligator skin boots.

>>> Taylor Lautner threw a fit because he didn’t get his fancy RV on time. He claimed he suffered “emotional distress” and “annoyance”. I think we now all understand what “annoyance” is, Taylor.

>>> In movie news, the Avatar sex scene is being re-inserted into the movie. Na’vi sex. You just can’t beat it.

>>> And finally, Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer got married, if you care, which I don’t.

This week’s video comes to us via Cosmo who did a little photo shoot involving one Jessica Alba, who seems to perhaps be on the verge of bring her sexy back. Fingers crossed.

Christina Hendricks did a little posing in lingerie for the UK version of GQ magazine. As one would expect the photos turned out quite well. In fact, you could say that they are FREAKING GREAT! I’m literally without words to describe how ridiculously sexy Christina looks in these photos. How would you describe it? Let me know in the comments.

Joss Whedon fans are well-known for their fervent fanaticism when it comes to the “Whedon Universe,” but this video takes the cake. I’m no ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer” or “Firefly” fan, but I’m all for as much Eliza Dushku and Christina Hendricks that producers can fit on my television screen. The check is in the mail.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art held their annual Costume Institute Gala last night and I guess the event is some kind of big deal since just about every sexy celebrity in the world got all dressed up and attended the event. Those who made the trip to the Met included (in order below) Christina Hendricks, Rachel Bilson, Alessandra Ambrosio, Emma Watson, Bar Refaeli, Sienna Miller (with Jude Law?), Katy Perry, Kate Hudson, Kristen Bell, Blake Lively, Taylor Swift, Doutzen Kroes, Karolina Kurkova, Emmy Rossum, Kristen Stewart, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Anne Hathaway, Claire Danes, Eva Longoria, Jennifer Lopez, Malin Akerman, Eva Mendes, Jessica Stam, and Jessica Szohr. Amazingly, this wasn’t even the complete list of babes in attendance. I think we have a new record for most sexy celebrity women at one event. Now how do I get tickets to next year’s shindig?

These three photos of Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks reaffirm my statement of late that Esquire has really done some serious movement up in the magazine world by featuring some of the hottest women around. They ask if Christina is the sexiest woman alive in their interview with the buxom redhead. I’d be hard pressed to argue if these photos are the evidence in her favor. And not only do these photos bookend nicely with the previous set of sexy pics they took of Christina they also have a new feature called The 75 Greatest Women of All-Time. Well done, Esquire. I take my pants hat off to you.

There were, of course, a bunch of Oscar parties in Hollywood last night, which also meant that there were a lot of sexy celebrity babes all dressed up and looking their best. One of the best parties was the 18th Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation Academy Award Party. There were way hotter babes here than at the actual show, by the way. I’m going to leave out photos of the babes I already covered in our Oscar coverage from Sunday night since you’ve already seen them (right?). Babes in attendance at Elton’s party included (in order below): Demi Lovato, Christina Hendricks, Michelle Rodriguez, Olivia Munn, Hayden Panettiere, Lea Michele, Eva Amurri, Stacey Dash (with Jamie Foxx), Heidi Klum, Gina Gershon, Malin Akerman, Milla Jovovich, Katie Price, Victoria Beckham, and Kelly Brook.

Because it’s been at least four days since the last time the people of Hollywood celebrated their own existence the Screen Actors Guild threw a little awards party on Saturday night. And being that it was an awards show, many beautiful women had to attend. Among those in attendance were (in order below) Penelope Cruz, Anna Kendrick, Dianna Agron, Christina Applegate, Drew Barrymore, Anna Paquin, Sofia Vergara, Julie Benz, Sandra Bullock, Mariah Carey, Jayma Mays, Lea Michele, Michelle Monaghan, Jennifer Carpenter, Miranda Cosgrove, Marion Cotillard, Diane Kruger, Juliana Marguilies, Julia Louis Dreyfus, Tina Fey, Kate Hudson, Stana Katic, Samantha Harris, Jenna Fischer, Mariska Hargitay, and Christina Hendricks.