CNN’s Lisa Sylvester is usually on top of her game as a correspondent for The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer, but today, uh, not so much. While reporting on the bees issue at the Rockies-Diamondbacks game, Sylvester quipped: “It wasn’t a Columbus Yellow Jackets hockey game–had ]]>

CNN’s Lisa Sylvester is usually on top of her game as a correspondent for The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer, but today, uh, not so much. While reporting on the bees issue at the Rockies-Diamondbacks game, Sylvester quipped: “It wasn’t a Columbus Yellow Jackets hockey game–had it been, they could have possibly stayed on a mascot….” Of course, Sylvester meant to say Blue Jackets. You know, the team that’s been in the NHL for 11 seasons and have yet to win a playoff game. Yea, them.

By the way Lisa, here’s a brief history of the Blue Jackets logo. They’re actually named after Naval seaman and not fake insects. *The more you know*

Oh, no way, another Occupy protest? Shocking. Today, the group is attempting to shut down all bridge and tunnel traffic in New York City Because, you know, the 1% are the only people using public transportation and not that hard-working bodega owner. But I digress.

Here’s a bunch of ]]>

Oh, no way, another Occupy protest? Shocking. Today, the group is attempting to shut down all bridge and tunnel traffic in New York City Because, you know, the 1% are the only people using public transportation and not that hard-working bodega owner. But I digress.

Here’s a bunch of protesters doing dumb things behind a CNN reporter. Alternatively titled, “When White People Dance.”

According to her CNN bio, Frida Ghitis is a world affairs columnist for The Miami Herald and World Politics Review. She’s also an idiot for writing a CNN articled titled ‘Are men stupid?’ Let’s take a look and decide what the real issue at hand might be.

Ghitis’s article focuses primarily on the dalliances of political figures ranging from John Edwards to Anthony Weiner to President Obama’s hooker-loving Secret Service agents and their inability to keep their penises safely covered despite their high-profile professions.

Ghitis goes on to list men ranging from President Clinton to Tiger Woods and their predilection to potentially throw careers and untold millions away for women.

Her argument boils down to this thesis:

But I believe the common denominator, the proximate cause of the irrational behavior, is arrogance; the belief by some powerful men that they can get away with it. That the world is still their unchallenged domain, as it was years ago, when few people knew about a president bringing women to the White House to have sex, as John F. Kennedy did, or pressuring his secretary to yield to sexual advances, as was common. It is willful ignorance that the world has changed.

If we’re being honest, it’s not a bad or even invalid argument to make. The men she references in her piece were idiots for putting a side piece (or several dozen) ahead of their careers and families.

Aggrieved men are currently littering the article’s comments saying the piece “should be called ‘Are women evil?’” The ‘thoughtful’ men’s sites out there act like they’re victims. The more brash ones chalk it up to guys in power still being guys.

Ghitis’ lone response to the controversy of the article is a retweet saying unsympathetically, “Let’s all grow up and realize that not everyone will share your opinion.”

Men are the butt of a lot of jokes these days. The “husband is an idiot” trope on TV shows and commercials regularly tears men down for the sake of moving products or entertainment. But that’s the price you pay for earning more than $500,000 over the course of a lifetime compared to a woman.

The biggest problem isn’t one of men being stupid or even the basic genetic desire of men to be the stallion who mounts the world. It’s that articles can be featured on an otherwise reputable news outlet like CNN only if it’s about successful men.

Would Ghitis write the same article about black culture? Could a male CNN opinions writer pen an article one about some female CEOs failing in business and why that might be happening?

Ghitis can voice her opinion. It can be poorly founded or based on a small sample size. If she wants to say it and someone wants to run it, more power to her. You should be able to mock things or point out the idiocy of a segment of society without people attacking you.

But the question to ask isn’t “Are men stupid?” The better question is “Why are people allowed to shit on only men this openly?”

CNN and Fox had a hell of a time handling the Peyton Manning press conference bonanza yesterday afternoon. And really, it’s not their fault. Trying to decipher what position he plays and who he used to play for requires quite a bit of research. If anything though, an unemployed John ]]>

CNN and Fox had a hell of a time handling the Peyton Manning press conference bonanza yesterday afternoon. And really, it’s not their fault. Trying to decipher what position he plays and who he used to play for requires quite a bit of research. If anything though, an unemployed John Fox can now apply for the “Indianapolis Coats” head coaching position. So yea, there’s that.

Gamers have been known to do some stupid things, but come on now. Also, even the big boys, like CNN, never check their sources, apparently.

Hey, remember Katawa Shoujo? You know, that dating sim in which you try to bang a bunch of crippled ]]>

Gamers have been known to do some stupid things, but come on now. Also, even the big boys, like CNN, never check their sources, apparently.

Hey, remember Katawa Shoujo? You know, that dating sim in which you try to bang a bunch of crippled girls?

Well The Global Daily recently ran a story about 16 year old Ryan Dunham, who asked a buddy of his to hack his arms for him, due to being “inspired” by the game. He needed help since, you know, that would be hard to do by one’s self. But after slicing a good deal of just one appendage, said pal freaked out and couldn’t finish the job.

The finder details are even better: because he knew it would hurt, Dunham got passed out drunk before letting his friend hack away with a huge axe. Oh, and he told everyone on the internet of his plans as well, who thus called the authorities, which presumably stumbled across quite the wacky demonstration of friendship ever.

Dunham was taken to the hospital where they ended up having to amputate the arm, due to there being so much damage. Here’s Dunham by the way, sans one arm…

Quite the story, huh? Too bad it’s total b.s. Which anyone could have figured out themselves by just clicking around the source. But which CNN clearly didn’t think of, when they reposted the story. But I guess someone finally clued them in, hence why it’s no longer up, though Kotaku managed to find out in time.

What’s the moral of the story here? Basically, and as proven with the chunky redhead from not too long ago, if someone’s wearing a wolf shirt, it’s probably not real. Sorry.

Christian Bale made headlines recently for being one of the first American stars to make the move over to China’s growing film industry with movie The Flowers of War. But when he tried to go visit detained human rights activist Chen Ghuangcheng with a CNN camera crew, Chinese security guards ]]>

Christian Bale made headlines recently for being one of the first American stars to make the move over to China’s growing film industry with movie The Flowers of War. But when he tried to go visit detained human rights activist Chen Ghuangcheng with a CNN camera crew, Chinese security guards were not so thrilled to see him.

Poor Christian Bale. All he wants to do is hang out with some guy under house arrest and he can’t do that? Don’t they know he’s from Hollywood? Show some respect.

Either way, if I’m one of these Chinese guards and I hear an incoherent unnecessarily guttural voice having trouble breathing through a latex mask, I’m definitely shitting myself.

Christian Bale And China Are Fucking Done, Professionally [Dlisted]

I don’t know what the consensus is about Erin Burnett, host of CNN’s OutFront. She seems okay to me whenever I’ve seen her. But her reaction to this news story about smoking pot, and legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin’s joking confession, makes her seem like the goofy white mom in an ]]>

I don’t know what the consensus is about Erin Burnett, host of CNN’s OutFront. She seems okay to me whenever I’ve seen her. But her reaction to this news story about smoking pot, and legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin’s joking confession, makes her seem like the goofy white mom in an anti-drug ad.

Is it really something to brag about that putting on a pair of goofy “Elton-John-as-a-stoner” glasses are the closest you’ve come to smoking pot? Yeah, smoking is a personal choice (uh, assuming it’s legally prescribed in your state) and whatever. But you show me a woman who claims to have never smoked pot in her life and I’ll show you a bore and a liar.

‘Howard Stern’ producer Benjy Brock made headlines earlier this year for his hilarious ruination of former NY state rep Anthony Weiner’s press conferences. And now, he’s interrupting a live CNN report about Steve Jobs for..some reason.

The best part is that I accidentally stumbled upon this freeze ]]>

‘Howard Stern’ producer Benjy Brock made headlines earlier this year for his hilarious ruination of former NY state rep Anthony Weiner’s press conferences. And now, he’s interrupting a live CNN report about Steve Jobs for..some reason.

The best part is that I accidentally stumbled upon this freeze frame of the reporter’s face while trying to get a screencap:

Smug reporter is smug.

Either way, you’ve got to give Benjy even more credit for wandering back into frame after his histrionics during his getting pulled off-camera. That’s about as professional of a video ruining as you’ll ever see.

“Penis surgery” is a fairly nebulous and open-ended term that can refer to a lot of things. But fortunately, CNN (via The Hairpin) is here to help. Or hurt. Or help you hurt yourself. One of those. According to CNN, you should ask:

1. ]]>

“Penis surgery” is a fairly nebulous and open-ended term that can refer to a lot of things. But fortunately, CNN (via The Hairpin) is here to help. Or hurt. Or help you hurt yourself. One of those.

According to CNN, you should ask:

1. Do I really need this procedure?

I’m not sure you’re treading new ground here, CNN. “Do I really need this procedure?” should be a question asked about any surgery, let alone one that has a potential to make your penis look like Snuffleufagus seeing a ghost. If you’re a guy going around getting dick surgeries you don’t need just for kicks, I both fear and respect you.

2. What are my treatment options?

This one definitely makes sense to me. You want to make sure you’re aware of your treatment options. For example, if it’s been burning when you pee and the treatment is, “Bill, stop putting lit matches into your urethra,” you should probably take that simple course of action rather than make a surgeon slice your dong open like a butterflied filet.

3. Doctor, how many of these procedures have you done?

So you’re saying I shouldn’t go up to people with no Dick Surgery Experience (TM) to get my dick surgery? Got it. My butcher’s going to be pretty bummed. He went through a lot of trouble to figure out a way to accept my HMO.

4. Will the treatment really cure my problem?

I’d certainly hope so given that such a goal tends to be the whole point of hiring any person to do a job for you. If my roof is leaking, I’d hope the contractors I hire don’t just come in and install a waterslide.

5. Should I clean up before the surgery?

“Doctor, should I try to clean my genitals in advance of the surgery?”
“WHAT!?? ARE YOU INSANE? No, if anything, you should have a filthy penis! The dirtier the better! Stick it into sewers, homeless animals, Haitians, whatever you can find!”

For more on penis surgery and you, check out CNN’s extremely helpful article.

HLN anchor Chuck Roberts does not want you to know that he needs glasses to read. I must say that I haven’t seen anybody take off a pair of glasses this fast since Snooki stripped on The Jersey Shore.

Easy there, fella. Nobody is going to think any less ]]>

HLN anchor Chuck Roberts does not want you to know that he needs glasses to read. I must say that I haven’t seen anybody take off a pair of glasses this fast since Snooki stripped on The Jersey Shore.

Easy there, fella. Nobody is going to think any less of you for needing reading glasses. In this day and age glasses are stylish. It’s not like you were looking at a skin magazine while on the air. Man, you took of those glasses entirely too fast for my liking. Do you practice that at home? I bet it only takes you five seconds to brush your teeth in the morning. With reflexes that fast you should really be using them for something other than reading a teleprompter. You should be in underground professional slap fights or helping David Carusso take off his sunglasses. Lord knows if he took them off as fast as you did, CSI: Miami episodes would have been 20 minutes shorter per week.

New Miss USA Rima Fakih is a beautiful woman who happens to be of Muslim descent. Rima Fakih also enjoys the occasional stripper pole dance. But neither of those things make her a bad person. Don’t tell that to CNN though, whose story on the homepage about her ]]>

New Miss USA Rima Fakih is a beautiful woman who happens to be of Muslim descent. Rima Fakih also enjoys the occasional stripper pole dance. But neither of those things make her a bad person. Don’t tell that to CNN though, whose story on the homepage about her was, well, Fox News-y at best.

Click for full-size

It’s really ridiculous that “Is this random Arab-American chick from Michigan a terrorist” is even something we’d ask. And not only that, but you’re giving Miss USA a lot of credit for brainwashing or spying potential. Most of us will barely remember her name by this time next week, I can’t imagine she’d hold a lot of sway over the general populace or be cultivating an army of New American Jihadists. More likely is that men will fap to her likeness when they’re on a filtered Internet connection and, even then, they’d only do it once. I can hardly think of anything more pro-American than pathetically beating off to a hot Arab-American chick in a bikini when your work filter blocks out YouPorn. That’s literally why Betsy Ross sewed the flag.

Most people who’ve used the Internet know what furries are, particularly if you’ve ever Googled “Teddy Ruxpin sex.” Um, accidentally. Of course. Anyway Anderson Cooper really lays it out when CNN is covering a furry convention for some reason.

People often act like furries are the biggest sexual deviants ]]>

Most people who’ve used the Internet know what furries are, particularly if you’ve ever Googled “Teddy Ruxpin sex.” Um, accidentally. Of course. Anyway Anderson Cooper really lays it out when CNN is covering a furry convention for some reason.

People often act like furries are the biggest sexual deviants on Earth, but I don’t agree. When you have a healthy sex life, things sometimes get a little weird. Like just because I ask you to dress like a zombie and threaten to eat my brains before I bash you in the head with a fake shotgun and f you doesn’t make me weird. It makes society unaccepting. Bunch of conformists, with your missionary and your love and affection and disdain towards f’ing reanimated corpses. That’s what ejaculation is all about my friends.

I’ve discussed before how CNN’s Web site, perhaps as much as any other legitimate news source, is basically a pretty big joke with some of their news coverage. The polls department is no exception. Check out this breakdown (from my favorite social media site Reddit) of a ]]>

I’ve discussed before how CNN’s Web site, perhaps as much as any other legitimate news source, is basically a pretty big joke with some of their news coverage. The polls department is no exception. Check out this breakdown (from my favorite social media site Reddit) of a recent CNN poll.

In fairness, poll questions are pretty hard. Like when I would give the 5th grade girls my “Do you like me? Check yes or no” notes. The results came back alarmingly low. Also apparently if you take one of the girls offsite to poll her and you’re also a male in your 20s, there’s something called an “Amber Alert” and it’s not quite a good thing. Oh the things they don’t teach you as a 24 year-old masquerading as a 5th grader in an elementary school. The public education system is failing.

CNN.com was quick to pull this headline for some reason, though I’m not entirely sure why since my sense of humor is far too mature for sexual puns.

I’d say that this raises the question, at least for me, of “Did Barack Obama get his Inaugural ]]>

CNN.com was quick to pull this headline for some reason, though I’m not entirely sure why since my sense of humor is far too mature for sexual puns.

I’d say that this raises the question, at least for me, of “Did Barack Obama get his Inaugural Balls jingled by Michelle last night?” I mean, they were both probably exhausted after running around for days and then literally running around all day yesterday, but I’d imagine that being with the most powerful man in the world in the White House bedroom for the first time ever would be something of an aphrodisiac. I’d like to imagine Michelle sucked it up and put on a gymnastics show, but in reality, she probably just gave him an exhausted handjob until he finished on her wrist, then they both just rolled over and her crusty feet were on his calf. The Obamas: So like us.

[via]

Some people are way into Robin Meade, apparently. Including this kid, who stalked her so hard that she had to get a restraining order on him. That’s Robin on the right, with alleged “sexy legs”.

A Maine man showed up outside CNN’s Atlanta ]]>

Some people are way into Robin Meade, apparently. Including this kid, who stalked her so hard that she had to get a restraining order on him. That’s Robin on the right, with alleged “sexy legs”.

A Maine man showed up outside CNN’s Atlanta headquarters earlier this month, claiming anchorwoman Robin Meade used on-air body language to tell him to travel to Atlanta, according to a police report.

Atlanta police have not arrested Gregory Fitzgerald, 32, of Lewiston, Me., but advised Meade to seek a restraining order against him, the police report said.

Apparently, CNN or Meade followed through. Fitzgerald was served with a restraining order before he returned to Maine, said his stepfather, Paul Stufflebeam of Lewiston.

“He’s a good kid,” Stufflebeam said. “He’s never hurt anybody. He doesn’t have an aggressive bone in his body.”

Fitzgerald told Stufflebeam that he was flying to Atlanta to spend time with a woman he met on the Internet and had been chatting with her for a couple years, Stufflebeam said.

I can think of one aggressive bone. It rhymes with “penis”.

I like the way this kid thinks though. Everybody’s stalking sexy Hollywood starlets, maybe you can go for a more achievable stalking of a hostess of a second rate show on a second rate cable news network (Headline News…come on, that’s hardly CNN). That’s why my courtship of Robert Gray is working out so well.

I’ve always believed that there’s a certain humor to man-on-man (or man-in-man) action and, fortunately, I’m not alone. Check out these two guys having a little fun for CNN’s cameras as CNN reports on the “tragic” Lehman Brothers bankruptcy situation.

The money shot, so to speak, is about 13 ]]>

I’ve always believed that there’s a certain humor to man-on-man (or man-in-man) action and, fortunately, I’m not alone. Check out these two guys having a little fun for CNN’s cameras as CNN reports on the “tragic” Lehman Brothers bankruptcy situation.

The money shot, so to speak, is about 13 seconds in.

It’s important to have a good support system in place during a crisis like the one at Lehman Brothers so it’s truly a blessing that these two men have each other. In a completely unrelated note, do you also find it hard to masturbate when laughing hysterically? I’m just saying. Like, it might be difficult. Theoretically.

[Via Breitbart]

The following five people/organizations are receiving Guyism middle finger.

Shaun Pruitt

Make a free throw buddy. Illinois’ Shaun Pruitt had a chance to seal up the game not once but twice at the free throw line. He clanked all 3 of those attempts and

The following five people/organizations are receiving Guyism middle finger.

Shaun Pruitt

Make a free throw buddy. Illinois’ Shaun Pruitt had a chance to seal up the game not once but twice at the free throw line. He clanked all 3 of those attempts and Indiana went on to beat Illinois on the road. Nevermind the fact that Illinois blew a double digit lead in the second half at home but if they could have just one more free throw down the stretch the game was over. Instead, Pruitt did his best Shaq imitation to choke the game away.

Roger Clemens

Quit the shenanigans man. Its over for you! The web of lies you’ve spun is unraveling day by day. But you know what bothers me the most about this. If you claimed McNamee was a personal friend of yours and somebody you spent a lot of time with, than why didnt you know he was dirty as hell? Why didnt you know he was basically a drug dealer who was passing out roids and HGH like it was candy? Says a lot about your character Rog. What’s that saying, “You are only as good as the company you keep”. Hmm? Fits well here huh?

Northwest Airlines

Its one thing to have flights delayed an hour or two, its quite another to be royally screwed by Northwest time and time again. My girlfriend was supposed to land at 830 but it turned into a cross-country nightmare that had her plane landing at a little past 12am. If that was the end of it, I probably wouldn’t be so upset but her luggage didnt arrive until about 50 minutes later. All in all, it was about a 4 hr 20 min delay and I didnt get home till 140am.

CNN

I am sure thats a nice article and all but truthfully, Im disgusted….

I am disgusted that there are athletes that freakin beat their wives and drunk drive and kill people and dont get one tenth of the coverage Vick’s goddamn dogs got….

Was there an article on CNN about the mom that Leonard Little killed? Gimme a break
For some reason, I know the name of one of the dogs that was abused but I dont know a single name of the 8 US soldiers who have died in the last six days.

Disgusting! You’re a national news network not some local podunk station that has nothing else to cover.

Myself

For being awake at 2am and writing this stupid thing.