Guyism » Cookie Monster

Terrell Suggs is a real life Cookie Monster

A. Isaac — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 16:44:38 +0000

Ravens Pro bowl linebacker Terrell Suggs looked a step slow last year. A heel injury and a knee sprain courtesy of a cheap shot from Brady Quinn were the main culprits. The other culprit? Suggs ginormous appetite and his inability to stop himself from eating boxes of cookies.

A year ago, Baltimore Ravens outside linebacker Terrell Suggs tipped the scales at 283 pounds.

“It wasn’t just Popeye’s, it was also Kentucky Fried Chicken,” Suggs said. “It was also the cookies. You know, I did like the cookies. It was kind of a reward. When I started getting the weight down and I reached a certain goal it was like, ‘OK, you can have a cookie.’ She did a good job helping me, especially down the stretch.”

In fairness to Suggs, the blame should fall squarely on the shoulders of those damn girl scouts. Maybe if they didn’t make those freakin Thin Mints and Samoas so damn tasty, us fat people wouldn’t feel the need to have it pumped into our veins.

As for Terrell’s addiction, we hear he’s joined Cookie Monster in rehab. Hopefully his stay is a bit more productive

Terrell Suggs cuts down on Popeyes, cookies [National Football Post]

Kermit and Cookie Monster do shit

Chris Spags — Tue, 26 May 2009 17:00:21 +0000

Much like you, I’m having a hard time segueing back into the work week and am having difficulties finding anything I want to write about. So this video of Kermit the Frog and Cookie Monster looking at a mystery box entertained me enough to give it my ever-important rub.

That was a pretty adorable little segment, wasn’t it? You know what’d make it even better? If Kermit had a severed human head in the box. Cookie Monster would be like, “What the f, Kermit? I thought this was a game.” And Kermit would be like, “This is a game, Cookie” (editor’s note: Or “Monster”…I’m not exactly sure what the friendly nickname for Cookie Monster would be). That’d be a twist no one saw coming. Especially if it was Jim Henson’s head and this was payback for all of his years of chaining the Muppets up and making them perform for you dirty children. All I’m saying is if you’re going to enslave a talking frog and a seemingly-transgendered pig and various sorts of shapeless monsters, all bets are off.

[via]

Cookie Monster covers Jay Z

Chris Spags — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 17:24:27 +0000

Sometimes you have to applaud the Internet for its creativity, even when it’s for a parody of a song that came out like half a decade ago. Check out Cookie Monster’s cover of Jay-Z’s “99 Problems” and chuckle.

Cookie Monster could be setting fires to Vietnamese children and raping them (in no particular order) and I’d link to it. In fact, he probably should do that…really aggressively reinvent himself. The “I love cookies” shtick doesn’t work for fat people so it theoretically shouldn’t work for a 5 foot tall blue shammy with googly eyes either.

The Cookie Monster was on Stephen Colbert

Chris Spags — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:21:47 +0000

So I just caught up with Thursday’s episode of The Colbert Report and holy crap am I sad I didn’t get to this sooner. Colbert discussed the recent study that showed that fruit had usurped cookies as the #1 snack for kids. And then accused the Cookie Monster of pushing a pro-fruit agenda. So imagine his surprise when the Cookie Monster made a guest appearance to rebut!

Nothing I say here would possibly be funnier so yeah…fruit is for fags.