Not everything should be sold at “the price the market will bear.” The result is typically empty seats and a large number of true fans who didn’t get to go because they were priced out. Ticketnovice fees are ridiculous enough already, but paying a broker is just not something I’m willing to do. Now this awful trend has spread to the beer industry.

This obviously isn’t the first case of beer being sold online at a premium. People have been selling hard-to-get bottles on sites like ebay for years now. This Craigslist ad somehow just grabbed my attention because I missed my shot at Hopslam the first time around. Thankfully another batch is coming so I’m not too concerned.

Distributors in Illinois are charging about $66 per case this year (that will differ by state), so I have no problem paying about $20 per 6-pack. After a little searching it looks like it’s about $15 in Atlanta, so this guy charging 206% on Craigslist is just appalling. $31 for a six pack? You have to be kidding me. If any of you are near ATL, respond to this guy’s ad, and then rip his tongue out when you meet him. He doesn’t deserve the beer let alone to profit from it.

If you want tough to track down beers, check out Reddit’s Beer Trade instead. There you’ll find people who have extras of one that just want to try beers that they can’t otherwise get. Typically they’re brews sold only regionally, but you’ll find all types. Oh, and if you had your heart set on Hopslam in ATL, there is more on the way so don’t you fret.

h/t to @AtlantaBeer

Gaylor was then surprised to find his girlfriend come home before the new girl could arrive.

Police reported that once the new woman arrived, Gaylor called the cops and falsely reported that the woman he met online was an intruder.

Gaylor was taken into custody and charged with a misdemeanor charge of falsifying a report to authorities.

Say what you will about Kevin Gaylor after these reports, but what he lacks in skills as a boyfriend, online hook-up, and host, he more than makes up for in crafty ways to very briefly dodge an awkward situation. I bet the minute it took for everyone to realize how clearly full of BS he was was pretty gratifying.

Man Reports Date As Burglar When Girlfriend Shows [CBS Local]

Craigslist is famous for finding people deals, allowing ticket spammers to run free, and distributing hookers across the hotel rooms of America. It has its upsides, but generally speaking, it’s pretty freaking miserable.

Thank God, then, that “Craiggers” is here: it’s basically Craigslist’s data repackaged into a form that seems digestible in a year other than 1999.

You know how whenever you look around Craigslist for something like tickets and you end up going to 700 different spam pages (“CLICK HERE FOR STEELY DAN TICKETS” “It’s totally not a TicketsNOW knockoff site!” “No, no, come on over and click on this link!”)? And you know how like after the 701st time you just give up, stab yourself in the thigh with your pen and go back to StubHub and overpay?

Yeah, Craiggers is going to make your life easier, mainly because it’s a non-handicapped user interface. Imagine a world where you scroll through the listings provided, select one and it opens in the – gasp — SAME PAGE! What a zany world that would, be huh?

Or it would just be normal. Which is why Craiggers kicks so much butt it kicks ass. Since it does that. Obviously. It also lets you search by bigger geographical areas (wow, looking for tickets to a football game across the state — what a novel concept!), which is tremendous, especially when you’re trying to find the best price and compare geographically.

Some things I noticed while giving it a spin: you might not want to specify categories too much. I searched for “Steely Dan” in “Raleigh/Durham” and “Tickets” and got nothing, but tried looking for Steely (they’re playing at the DPAC in August) under “All Categories” and got a slew of responses.

Unfortunately, however, Craiggers can’t solve the problem of not being able to simply search for “dead hooker bodies.” Oh well. One day science will get there.

Meet Craiggers, It Blows Craigslist Out of the Water – [Read Write Web]

You may be like me and not find the idea of marrying a transsexual person to be too appealing of an option. But just think about how people would say things like, “Wow, that’s so great that they found each other” and “That’s so progressive of him!” and “I wonder what it’s like to cross swords with the person you’re actually having sex with.”

[Thanks for the tip, CJ!]

Click for full-size if the text is too small

Personally, I’d just be disappointed if I were a pedophile in the Baton Rouge area, saw this listing, and was immediately misled after clicking through. Those types of deals don’t come along often in places that aren’t Thailand.

“My 14 year old is a disrespectful disobedient unappreciative BRAT sale” [Craigslist] [Reddit]

I’m almost more creeped out that that this isn’t an attempt to get a bunch of a dudes together to jack off in a room. In fact, I bet most guys who’d see this on Craigslist would show up and be like, “So…we jackin’ it?” No means yes in Craigslisttown, without fail.

Thanks for the tip, Erin!

CoD Black Ops Lan Party (East Haven) [Craigslist]

This would only be an acceptable deal if the people you impress with the car were also allowed to blow you inside of it. But I guess that’s what negotiation is for.

BMW Owner Will Park In Your Spot Free Of Charge [Gothamist]

I have to admit that I haven’t been to a whole lot of “train parties,” but it seems like it’d be in very poor form to steal a lady’s cat. Her lack of self-respect as a human does not equate to the same as a pet owner. Then again, with her cat’s penchant for wandering, it seems like he probably got sick of guys in dirty sweatpants coming over and railing Mommy for hours while he just wanted to bat around his catnip mouse. If only Garfield had covered this issue.

“Bring your cat to the gangbang” day turned out bad for this girl [Fark]

Click for full-size

You’ll know you’ve found the van by the eerie calm followed by the sounds of children screaming. Oh, and the near-mint condition Pokemon cards. Say what you will about this man’s habits and shady practices, but he knows how to treat a gem mint ten Mewtwo.

Missing: Molester-Mobile [Reddit]

Oh, Craig Newmark, what greatness you have unleashed upon the world with your infamous List. That glorious site you got going in the mid-90s—with a design that hasn’t been messed with since—is the go-to community forum for us e’ryday folk looking for gigs, free sh-t, and maybe even a cheap, uninfected sofa or mattress on an especially good day. Better than that: Craigslist has provided us with hours of entertainment as we read people’s always-mysterious posts. From our countless hours of observations, here are some characters we think partake in the Craigslist soap opera. We want to hear any contributions or great stories in the comments section because we’re sure you have them.

8 Any Computer-Literate Person Seeking Housing
Let’s begin with the most pertinent millennial question that pertains to every young-adult: Does anyone start looking for a place not using Craigslist? Realtors are for old people who pay uniformed laborers to clean their toilet and mow their lawn, so hey, why not pay some jerk to look for a place for you to call home? Those signs with the little tear-off numbers or Finder catalogues: So 1994. Click on Craigslist for an infinite number of potential places to live, accompanied with janky pictures and layman descriptions. Just be prepped to enter with caution and a list of possible excuses if scoping out a shared spot—especially if you responded to, “I’m looking for another freak to live with—NO PREPPY PEOPLE,” as one post read.

7 A–holes Who Can’t Take Care of Animals
Along with car parts, desks, and futons, there are many-a-people selling their pets on Craigslist. While this is good for someone who’s say, always wanted a stupid sugar glider but didn’t want to shell out $400 at the pet store, the depressing fact is that a lot of these dopes most likely bought that cute pet like they would buy a coffee table. When these new life-owners get home and realize, like-oh-my-god an animal requires food, the vet, and time, they sell their lil’ guy to another douche on Craigslist. Consider being that douche next time you want a pet. (We were court-ordered to do charity work, so this counts as an hour, by the way.) We also found posts for doggie tutus and doggie diapers, if you’re interested in adorning your new critter.

6 Semi-Desperate Job Seekers
Whether you’re unemployed, in a position you loathe, or a newcomer to your current city, rummaging through the Jobs or Gigs sections on Craigslist is a common activity, but it doesn’t come without that small, tingling sense of desperation every job seeker feels. Hey, we’ve all been there. The difference between Craigslist and other more reputable job-searching sites (see below for this reasoning): rifling through all the posts, wondering what’s legit and what’s not, cringing at spelling errors, typos, and abnormal statements meant for clarification such as “NOT A STRIPPER POSITION,” or, “Who WON’T be good for this job: PEOPLE WHO DON’T LIKE PEOPLE.” Not that desperate, thanks.

5 Potential Employers Who Don’t Want to Pay for More Legit Sites
Every section in Craigslist isn’t a free-for-all—the Jobs section will cost employers a whopping $25 to post wanted ads in most cities. To post in Gigs is free. Cheap fees compared to the hundreds of dollars, and usually some form of subscription service of the other job-searching sites. This inexpensive posting price causes a semi-sweet paradox in which the possibilities of jobs seem endless—but these posts may or may not include people looking for your semen or for you to pour drinks shirtless at their BYOB private swinger party (we didn’t make these up).

4 Lonely “Looking For (INSERT VAGUE STATEMENT)” Lovers
You see a sexy stranger on the subway. In the moment, you can’t bring yourself to say anything to them—you’d have to be pretty hammered to muster up that sort of courage. Instead, you think about this person all day (and how you wish you were drunk) and pour your heart out in a post in a Missed Connections on Craigslist. No matter how sweet you are, it always comes off as pathetic. And posters commonly recognize this, beginning many posts with, “I wouldn’t normally do something like this,” or “I feel like a loser resorting to this.” The rest of the post follows this format: “You were in a phone booth in Central Park (LOCATION). You were so sexy (COMPLIMENT YOU’D HAVE TO BE DRUNK TO SAY OUT LOUD). We met eyes (OVERANALYZATION OF WHAT PROBABLY HAPPENED). Tell me what I was holding (A REQUEST FOR A SPECIFICITY, AS THIS PERSON DOESN’T WANT TO RECEIVE SPAM FROM ESCORTS). I’d love to get to know you better (REQUEST FOR SEX AND/OR PARTNERSHIP).” Missed connections are always vague, with an unofficially calculated two percent success rate.

3 Kinky Nymphos
What’s the best way to tell your girlfriend what turns you on most is spitting all over her body and then having her “return the favor”? What about having her throw you in a cage and humiliate you by yelling demeaning obscenities while you mow down scraps from a dog bowl? Well, you’re in luck, fella… with Craigslist, you don’t have to say a damn thing! Merely post a request and voila! Plenty of willing phlegm-hawking or S&M participants are right at your fingertips. We’re guessing it won’t be your girlfriend, but then again she’d probably want to break up with you if she knew you were such a kinky freak. You might as well be anonymous and spare your dignity (sort of). These types are double- and triple- posters, causing us to question the success rate.

2 …Who are Probably More Craigslist Killers
Even though that crazy med-school guy from Boston influenced good ol’ Mr. Newmark to delete the “Exotic Services” section from his site, there are, no doubt, more American Psychos looking for “just a massage from a college co-ed” somewhere on Craigslist. Proceed with even more caution (and maybe an armed, obese bodyguard) than while house hunting if you’re looking for some easy cash in Adult Gigs. You never know how insane a person can be—until they take out their repressed rage on an innocent stranger.

1 Oh, and Prostitutes
Just like tanning salons and hair gel companies know they’ll get great business in Jersey, Craigslist is like a magnet for erotic providers. Posing for a threesome of a painting or blowing snot and then literally stepping on some middle-aged dude who has too much money to throw around would be an interesting way to pay the bills, we suppose. At least you’re not sitting in a cubicle. But be sure to take our man Craig’s forewarning that “safer sex… reduces the risk of contracting STDs,” advice to heart. As many posters are looking for a participant who is both “open minded” and “disease free,” not wrapping it could totally cut down on profits.

I must say that I am impressed by his stalker qualities. He only gives you a vague description of who he may be. Although for a poet, I figure you may be able to spell “violence” correctly, but then again I have no room to talk when it comes to the spelling dept. And he’s good at trespassing, stealing, and taking pictures of you at the pharmacy, which is a relief because it’s not like you’d want a possible criminal with a restraining order following you around all day long. And lookout transvestites, this guy is a black belt and will not hesitate to scissor kick you in the larynx if he finds out your little secret.

via Reddit

Click for full size

You stuck my flash drive in your vagina – m4w – 25 (philadelphia)
Date: 2010-04-20, 3:04PM EDT

You stuck my flash drive in your vagina. If you are reading this, you know who you are. I don’t think this is a fad sweeping the city, so this one’s for you.

We met at a Millcreek Tavern. You said you were from Lancaster. You were beautiful, you liked me. It was perfect. But then…

We went back to my apartment. We watched The Breakfast Club. You had never seen it before. We then ended up in my bed, as planned. And had sex, as planned.

You looked beautiful half covered in my sheets when I left to use the bathroom. When I came back, this is what I saw:

You standing naked at my computer. You with your hand on the keyboard, not typing. You grabbing the flash drive.

The flash drive pops out.

You look at it.

You squat a little bit.

You insert it into your vagina, like a tampon.

I am speechless.

You proceed to get dressed, say you have to go home, and leave. The number you gave me doesn’t work.

I am confused. I’d like to see you again. I’d like to see my flash drive again.

Your name is Rebecca. You have long blond hair.

Please get in touch. I am a very understanding person.

I really hope these kids work this out. I also hope that this woman wasn’t just a misguided spy who thought she was stealing classified intel but instead just ended up with an illegal copy of Ben Folds Five’s latest CD and some old college papers about the Battle of Waterloo. Boy would her face and crotch be red.

You stuck my flash drive in your vagina – m4w – 25 (philadelphia) [Craigslist]

People showed up and took the stuff that was set out. However, they also broke into the house and ripped off other stuff — stuff that she didn’t want to get rid of. Thieves took all kinds of stuff, including her dishwasher and her stove.

Police say it’s unlikely she will ever get anything back because this is such a tough thing to investigate.

“If an individual shows up and they’ve responded to this ad that says come get free stuff, and another person who is already there who is also loading up stuff and says, ‘Hey, the house is open and I think everything inside can go, too,’ then how do you prove intent from the individual who shows up being told that?” asked Springfield Police Maj. Kevin Routh.

“They had to go through two locked doors to get in there,” said Hunter. “There definitely have to be people who are targeting craigslist as a chance to go steal stuff.”

Well, now we know. So for those keeping tabs at home, you should not go to Craigslist looking for an orgy or for charitable giveaways. However, if you want to find a mediocre guitarist to complete your album, “Love Songs in the Key of Steve,” then please, by all means, go right ahead.

This is really why you should avoid giving anything away to anyone though. People love being selfless and whatever, but, in reality, if you give people an inch, they will always take a mile. That’s exactly why you should tie a string to your dollar when giving it to the homeless. Sure, they can’t buy themselves a sandwich (whiskey) but with one tug, they learn a whole lot about how fleeting success can be.

Woman from Springfield MO offers warning about how not to use craigslist [KY3]

Police say a bogus ad for group sex led to the arrest of a man who allegedly entered the wrong house and groped an 18-year-old woman.

Richard Zeh, 29, of Newington was responding to the Craigslist ad yesterday when he let himself into the wrong house, where the woman repeatedly asked him to leave, police said.

Zeh then went to the address in the ad, but was told to leave by residents who say they didn’t place it, police said. Zeh then went back to the woman’s house and allegedly groped her, police said.

Zeh was charged with misdemeanor sexual assault, burglary, and a couple other crimes, one of which I have to assume was two counts of “Being a Silly Goose.”

No offense to this guy, whom I’m sure is a real class act, but you can’t just go through life knocking on doors with your junk in your hand just because someone said it was cool on Craigslist. And then, if you’re told you went to the wrong place, coming back to break in and forcibly grope someone certainly isn’t going to help things, even if it does briefly make you feel less silly. You can’t trust Craigslist like that, man. If you can’t even buy a reputable couch on a Web site, you probably shouldn’t be expecting a house filled with women ready to pleasure you. Though, ironically, there’s a decent chance that already happened on the aforementioned couch.

Cops: Man went to wrong house for ‘group sex’ [CTPost]
Image Credit

Click for full-size

When you have an opportunity to hook up with a man with more hair on his body than he has on the front of his hairline, you have to take it.

Plus, you know this guy knows women. Women love it when you try to pick them up by saying things that sound like you’re forcing yourself on them at gunpoint. “Don’t scream or I’ll kill you” or its brother “If you tell anyone I will drive over your dog” typically gets the ladies revved up like a Ferrari.

Don’t Try To Fight It [Craigslist]

Click for the full-sized image or to see the original Craigslist posting click here

I’m all for moms looking to find their kids some tail; that’s a far better option than the “Here’s a video of some cartoon that looks like that comic Ziggy learning about sex” that I got when I was a child. But even if this kid is in fact heterosexual and interested in sex with a woman and ends up getting a confidence boost from some random Craigslist whore letting him throw her one, I’m pretty sure that boost would be negated if he found out his mom had to find her on the Internet begging for someone to love him or, even worse, if he found out his mom has to prostitute herself to get a girl just to do him. Could you imagine how gross it would be if you had a threesome with your mom? Because that’s what that’d basically be. The only way a threesome with your mom is socially acceptable is if A) There’s a glory hole and B) She baked cookies. So, sorry Casual Encounters Mom, you’re in flagrant violation of any and all creepy mom statutes.

I’d have to believe you’d get a bit chafed from that. As Captain N The Game Master taught us, when you start to mix video games and real life, problems are bound to happen. Though I guess it didn’t teach this specific lesson quite well enough. The show just must have gotten canceled before they got to the Very Special Episode featuring Captain N attempting to beat off with the Power Glove, chafing himself up, and accidentally blowing his load into Mega Man’s eye. It was probably a two-parter.

[Buzzfeed]

Click the image to see full-size or see the original posting here

Personal Dentist needed (Miami Gardens)
Date: 2009-12-09, 9:47AM EST

Im a 25 year old college girl looking for a successful, licensed, (MALE) Dentist to be my personal guy. By personal, i mean you give me the dental work i need & i will definately repay you…if you know what i mean? so if your my guy & your interested, we can send eachother pics & work out an agreement.

My favorite part of the ad is how it was posted in “Creative Gigs,” a section typically for finding musicians or artists. I’ll tell you one place in which I don’t want someone to be creative…when they’re attempting to fix up my mouth. The last thing you need when you already have a busted grill is for someone to show a little artistic flair and leave your teeth looking like falling dominoes. The only art coming out of this deal is the dentist who agrees to it hopefully leaving her face looking like a Jackson Pollak painting.

Also, what self-respecting dentist would take this deal? I’d imagine you’d need to get the sexual favors first. I’m not sure I’d be so stoked to be getting a hummer from some snaggletoothed mess. You’d get more satisfaction out of dropping a phone book on your dong.

Click for full size

I like how the thug gentleman doesn’t name a price. The odds of you leaving with your house robbed and your child still not fixed seem unavoidably high.

So, is being a real thug a skilled service? I mean I guess there’s a certain art form to hustling, but I don’t think what the thug is offering is actually skilled. Making crazy eyes and going, “You don’t know what it’s like YOU LITTLE BITCH” then smacking a wall seems like something anyone with a regional theatre background could do. I don’t think you actually need experience shanking someone to scare a wannabe thug kid in the white area of Williamstown, New Jersey. You could probably just show him a flash card of a black guy in a doorag and he’d be horrified. They know black people there like you know yetis.

[Craigslist via Reddit]

Click the pic to enlarge or go to the Original Craigslist post

That is a pretty great deal and quite a way to teach your son a lesson. But I’m not sure it would address the root problem of why your son was watching the gay porn. Unless you include his DVDs in the sale price. And if so, you might really want to learn more about a little something called salesmanship. And parenting. But salesmanship first. You can always get new kids, but selling stuff is a tool for life.

[Reddit]