Not a particularly compelling story beyond the wardrobe choices involved, but you can read more about the arrest at RecordPub.com.

T-Shirt Makes Creepy Child Pornography Mugshot Creepier [Buzzfeed]

You can see even more of these photos at Buzzfeed.

Reddit also points us to this collection of Photoshops from our friends at The Chive with what seems to be the same girl.

This girl is either the world’s finest troll or might have the most distorted view of reality society has ever seen. I’m really rooting for the latter. I enjoy terrifying people on the Internet as much as anyone, but there’s a point where even if it were intended to be funny, it still comes full circle back to being creepy. It’s like when you play ‘Gay Chicken’ with someone and they refuse to back down and you end up in a vaguely homosexual situation; just because it started ironically doesn’t mean the end result isn’t exactly what it looks like.

This Girl Really Likes Robert Pattinson [Buzzfeed]

According to police, Lindsey “allowed the boy to spank Lindsey’s nude buttocks and let him use an electric sex toy on her.”

When raiding the couple’s home, police also found photos of Lindsey performing lewd acts on two house pets [EDITOR"S NOTE: Because there's no way better to control disease than having sex with an animal, like those old urban legends about AIDS have taught us.].

Officials have yet to release information on how Lindsey and Westerman procured the boy on the two separate occasions.

Lindsey is being held in Jail on a $20,000 bond awaiting charges related to the molestation. She also faces a felony bestiality charge for her acts with the animals.

Let’s put the animals thing aside for a second…creepy, yes. Not THAT uncommon, though. But in my eyes, this thing with the kid is even weirder than people who get arrested for having sex with a child. If the reports are true, Lindsey and her boyfriend brought a kid into her home just to spank her and diddle her with a sex toy, making it less like a mental illness and more like a seemingly normal woman just being a complete degenerate.

Plus why would you risk jail time to have a little kid spank your ass? He’s got little kid hands and he’s probably not too strong. I can’t imagine that’d be too satisfying. Like eating one slider hamburger for dinner. Hardly worth tarnishing a reputation for, I’d say.

CDC official, boyfriend charged with molesting child [WBS TV]

I think we’ve all known a gal or two whom you could this do with, am I right, fellas who like to say things like that to overcome their undersized genitals?

Seriously, I don’t know why someone would do this. I’d wager “art” but, come on. Stop. Just stop.

Man Builds Vagina That’s Big Enough To Sleep In [Jezebel]

I feel like a learned a lot about not just public creeps, but about the human condition. And girls’ panties. Really a win for all.

That’s horrifying though, especially if you’re a girl. This is exactly why whenever I see a confused older man with a camera, I just pull my penis out and swing it around for him to get a good luck. “Let’s skip the foreplay, sailor. I know what you came here to see,” I often say as they have a heart attack and die. “He died as he lived; terrified of my flapping genitalia.”

To Catch a Peeping Tom in Union Square [Gawker]

Maybe this lady is just smarter than all of us. She’s getting her daily nutritional requirements of eggs, oil, and, uh, whatever other disgusting things are there swimming around in mayo. Plus it’s probably the same consistency as the blood coursing through her veins, making for great fuel efficiency.

I salute you, Creepy Bus Mayo Lady. You’re onto something. That something may angina, but it’s something.

This Picture Gives Me Chills [Buzzfeed]

You know what? Good for this dude. It’s much better he’s out in a throng of a couple hundred people stopping him from getting too crazy rather than being a gross creeper in his house or, worse, luring teen girls in with promises of wine coolers and “not being raped”. Like that ever happens.

Either way, that guy’s day was made. And a Dora the Explorer lunch box got to live to see another day. Everybody wins!!

Here’s the Creepiest Man Drooling Over Young Girls Ever [BroBible]

The improperly recorded victims, Vanya Samokovareva and Ralitsa Dzhambazova

The 22 and 23-year-old victims, Vanya and Ralitsa, were shocked to find multiple cameras all over their apartment on Monday. The duo, visiting students from Bulgaria, has been living in their Tampa apartment for three months.

The duo, who made money modeling upon moving to the states, were subleased the apartment through an agency called Sky Travel which finds housing for Bulgarian students looking to come to the US for the summer to improve their English.

Though they joked that all of the smoke detectors around the house might have been wired to capture video, the two girls didn’t realize how right they were until a male former roommate pulled a smoke detector down and found a serial number that indicated it was actually a spy camera.

It’s unclear at this time whether it was the student travel company, the landlord, or another party. For now, the Bulgarian girls plan to live out their remaining month in the apartment with all of the possible cameras removed.

This is obviously a horrible invasion of privacy and it’s pretty creepish to go, “Yeah, but they’re hot.” I mean, yes, it obviously makes the story sexier than if it were two water buffalo being filmed, but you can’t support this type of behavior. Getting to see a woman naked is privilege, often hard-earned through drinks, charm, and occasionally making women hate themselves. A camera upsets the natural order of things. Who’s to say that someone seeing these girls naked who didn’t deserve it doesn’t set off a butterfly effect that ends in us being enslaved by a race of intellectually supercharged apes? Would it be worth it then? Maybe. But still. Apes.

Two women Bulgarian students find hidden cameras in apartment near Westchase [St. Petersburg Times]

Ironically, it was others innocently walking into poles that got him into this trouble in the first place. Traumatic, memory-erasing poles.

Either way, when you’re walking into a pole live on the news and that’s not even top five in your embarrassments (did you SEE that mustache) you’re definitely onto something. Something entirely disgraceful that is going to make it very difficult for you to get a windowless van, but still something.

SEXUAL ASSAULT! SO PUNK ROCK!

All I know is that the look in that Estonian chick’s eyes is not one I’d want to come across after pulling down her top. I wouldn’t be shocked if, as the camera turned back to the stage, that little punk rock fancy boy found himself with a quick slit of the throat. Estonian girls don’t play that game, son.

[Thanks for the tip, Garrett!]

Sure, it looks insane when he’s going at the sole of his shoe like a cat who just got sutures after getting spayed. But how else is going to look fresh and clean for the rest of society when he gets back above ground? What, should he use a napkin? Or some sort of shoe cleaner? Get out of here with your crazy theories.

The irony of it all is that I feel like crap after catching some sort of flulike bug last week but I bet the guy licking his shoes in the middle of a subway car is the epitome of health. And his tongue smells like a pleasant milieu of previously chewed gum and dog shit. Days like this make me shake my fist at the sky.

'This is so weird. I swear I heard that mannequin say, 'Yeah, you take that dump,' then groan.'

Police say the University of Birmingham student was seen sneaking into women’s toilets “dressed like a mannequin with a mask and a wig” in early April.

When accosted by security guards, Hardman told them that he had been masturbating and had “been a bit weird.”

According to the police report, Hardman found the sound of the women going to the bathroom to be intriguing. He hoped that getting caught will lead him to stop.

Hardman was released on bail so long as he stays away from public toilets.

It’s certainly not a normal situation when you need to hang out in bathrooms and listen to women defecate in order to get off. At the same time though, this kid had a dream and a plan to achieve it and he really went after it. In many ways, he’s a modern British hero. And boy do they need one. The most recent British totem of masculinity is Robert Pattinson. I’d take silently masturbating to some chick’s Panda Express-induced BMs over some dude with pouty lips looking off in the distance soulfully all the time any day.

Man dressed as mannequin found in mall toilet [NineMSN via Geekologie]

One St. Petersburg area homeless man spoke to a local CBS affiliate claiming that he was paid $50 for services rendered. Those services? “[They p]ut me up in a tree and [a hot girl] whipped me with a whip…they kicked the crap out of me.”

The site claims to offer “semi-competitive and competitive wrestling, MMA, and kickboxing sessions [captured on video], as well as beatdowns (which we really love!)”.

A judge ordered the SheFights Web site manager, Jeffrey Williams, not to take down SheFights or alter the videos in any way so that the evidence could be preserved for trial.

Williams told CBS affiliate WTSP that he will be vindicated in any trial.

On the one hand, I can’t exactly condone pulling a real life version of “American Psycho” on the homeless, only with hot chicks in the place of Patrick Bateman with an Internet audience of some sketchy dudes masturbating creepily all the way. But on the other hand, if they paid the homeless guys, had them sign a waiver, and they agreed, is there anything legally wrong with that? Just because some people like really sick things and there are people in a crappy enough situation to take part doesn’t mean that it needs to no longer exist.

If anything, I’m much less perturbed by this real life pseudo-S&M than I am by stuff like a crush fetish, which consists of people into watching attractive women crush things ranging from fruit to small animals. Last I checked, a hamster never agreed to those videos because he refused to go to rehab for his crippling addictions. Lemmiwinks>Bad decision-making hobos.

Homeless were paid $50 to be beaten by women for fetish video, says lawsuit [CBS News]

I would not want to see this dude in a dark alley. Or a lit alley. Really any alley. He’s simultaneously threatening me, yet luring me in with his soft attempts at a smile. Like he’d aggressively make out with my while stabbing me in the stomach. Either way, this guy needs to be Bangladesh’s new head of tourism. Sure, he’d make even less people come, but I could definitely live with his stare hitting me from banner ads. It’d keep me on my toes/occasionally soiling myself. I need that.

Creepy Cricket Fan Stares Into Your Soul [Urlesque]

Key stats on this well-adjusted individual, via Vulture:

-Bukovic is 56 years old
-He has tattoos of Roberts all over his entire body (more pictures here)
-He sells newspapers in Chile for a living
-He claims that he decided to get the tattoos after seeing Julia Roberts’ work in “Erin Brokovich” and fell in love with her
-The cost of his tattoos totals over $2,000
-He is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the only man to both see and vigorously masturbate to Roberts’ performance in “Eat Pray Love”.

I may have made one of those facts up.

Man has 82 tatts of Julia Roberts [The Sun]
Meet the Man With 82 Tattoos of Julia Roberts’s Face [Vulture]

According to the police report, Pulsifer allegedly “ran her hand between the victim’s legs and caressed the woman’s genitals while she was bending down to pick up some change that had fallen on the floor.”

The victim “expressed her displeasure” — though it’s unclear what exactly that entailed — but ignored the situation.

Pulsifer continued to make sexual remarks to the victim, but the final straw was when she put her hand down the victim’s bra and fondled her breast in front of witnesses.

The victim then quit her job and filed charges with local police.

Pulsifer was booked on one count of sexual battery and one count of simple battery. She was already being held in jail for unrelated drug charges.

Sexual harassment isn’t okay. But still, if this were between two attractive ladies, it becomes a hot sapphic version of that Michael Douglas/Demi Moore movie, “Disclosure”. And now it’s boner-killing time. Here’s the pic of Ms. Pulsifer.

They say sexual harassment is an ugly crime. Now you understand why.

What’s most horrifying to me about this is that A) Odds are that someone is vigorously masturbating to this right now, B) The fox’s gradual removal of clothing, C) That bicycle seat probably smells most unpleasant, and D) I’m 99% sure that fox is actually a man. Now I’m not saying “B”, “C” or “D” should stop you from completing “A”, but I’d prefer not to think about it. Please keep my fetishized fox costumes more wholesome, thanks.

Girl Fox Rides Bicycle [Viral Viral Videos]

It’s not easy being a guy posing for a photo. But it’s even worse when you’re an older man trying to be a part of young women’s worlds. Most of the time you’ll end up coming off as nothing more than a creepy old man ruining a perfectly good photo… and probably their night.

*Note: All of these photos were tagged on a photo-sharing site with some variety of “creepy old man”, so these are definitely all legit.

14 Staring-in-your-face guy

The tag on this photo was something to the effect of “That creepy old guy who kept staring into Ali’s eyes”. If your skin looks like poorly marinated beef jerky, you may want to realize that gawking at younger tail isn’t a good way to appear like a well-adjusted older man. Or sane.

13 Dreamy guy

Staring dreamily at someone is cool if you’re a cute teenage girl. When you’re an old man with a full mustache, you merely look like you’re pondering how good their stuffed head will look above your mantle.

12 Sneak-a-peek guy

Sneaking a peak is okay. Everyone does it. But what you don’t want to do is get caught and immortalized forever on some Web site. On the plus side, no doubt that image went into that old man’s spank bank for at least a month while his hideous wife castrated him about not taking care of the lawn gnomes.

11 Me too guy

No matter how much you’d like to be a part of the world of these young girls, you never will be. So maybe you shouldn’t pose in their picture. Instead, discretely snip locks of their hair and make your own young woman out of it. At least then you’re only embarrassing yourself privately. And you got free hair!

10 Mustache guy

I don’t know what it is about having a full mustache that makes you more inclined to stare at young women but these two men certainly have their game down pat. First you get the mustache, then you get the crawl space, axe, and an alibi, then you get the women.

9 Molester guy

If you insist on posing for a photo with a younger girl, if the photo comes out with you looking like child molesting Uncle Bobby Knight, you may just want to give up on the dating scene at bars and focus more on the happening crowd at Mahjong events.

8 Open shirt guy

Sir, no matter how open your shirt is or how much liquor you ply these ladies with, they’re not going to think you’re Juan Carlos, the Latin Lover. More likely, you’ll be seen as Rufio, That Guy Who Kept Trying to Pop Pills in That Sorority Girl’s Drink.

7 Take a picture guy

Taking a photo with an excitement that says “I like to keep scrapbooks of all the sexy ladies I encounter” will not win you anything more than women running away in horror. On the plus side, with your sensibly fitting khakis, the world will know the joy you get from your photography pastime.

6 Smiley guy

Sir, these ladies don’t want you in their photos or their lives. No, your ability to bug your eyes out in a really scary fashion doesn’t make you more appealing, contrary to what the special on the mating habits of the sloth on Animal Planet may have told you.

5 Hairy shirtless guy

This guy isn’t as old as the others, just older than the girls, but seriously, odds are if you meet a group of girls and you’re shirtless and drunk and not chiseled out of stone, they probably aren’t as interested in you making sexual poses with them as you might think. Remember: Women are evil by nature and will embarrass you for their amusement. Well, slightly more so than wearing an armband with your shirtless hairy body might already be responsible for.

4 Metal detector guy

Wish all you want, you’re not going to receive many positive reactions when you tell young girls on the beach that you want to “check where their bathing suit covers” for gold.

3 Sweaty, comb-over guy

If there were any three things I’d say are least likely to attract a younger woman, “sweaty”, “combed over”, and “gold chain” would probably perform pretty strongly.

2 Hockey guy

This may look like a coach but no. The caption on the photo read “Creepy old guy who came to watch us play hockey once”. Going to random hockey games and hoping to get a “stick check” probably won’t result in many pick-ups.

1 Creepy guy

When you’re someone who looks like this guy, there is no such thing as discretion because everything you do will make you look like a big sweaty pervert. So glance away, it’s a service to society. These girls may think you’re a creep, but you probably boosted all their self esteems a couple notches today.

Hopefully you stuck around for the “bathing the EyePet” portion of the video. Never has giving an animal a bath been so simultaneously angry and seductive.

And they say it’s weird for people to fall in love with a virtual character. It just seems so right.

NSFW: PlayStation Move, A Furry Animal And Unspeakable Horrors [Kotaku]

I’m so glad no one ever thinks to turn their cell phone camera horizontal for their viral video clips. My creepy penis-inducing fetish happens to be poorly shot videos with wide black rectangles next to the vertical content.

I get that this guy is a creep and that this is probably an act of power, etc, but was that really the woman really the best he could have done? A million people take the train each day and he settled on a mousy, ginger who looks vaguely like Warwick Davis’s star turn in “Leprechaun.” I’d rather rub my penis up against a shutting subway door.