A truck containing 1800 cases of Corona were stolen this the weekend, likely making for one hell of Cinco de Mayo fiesta.

Carlisle police say the trailer was stolen from a distributor sometime between Friday and Monday. Corona is a popular Mexican beer, and Saturday marked Cinco de Mayo, which ]]>

A truck containing 1800 cases of Corona were stolen this the weekend, likely making for one hell of Cinco de Mayo fiesta.

Carlisle police say the trailer was stolen from a distributor sometime between Friday and Monday. Corona is a popular Mexican beer, and Saturday marked Cinco de Mayo, which celebrates Mexican heritage and pride and is an occasion for festivals and parties throughout the U.S.

Anyone with information on the trailer’s whereabouts is asked to call the Carlisle police. The missing trailer is registered to Metcalf Trucking and has Maine tags.

I have a feeling that if someone has a lead on the truck, they’re going to find their beach instead of calling the police. That’s like actually calling the doctor instead of a hooker if you’ve had an erection for more than four hours.

Trailer loaded with Corona is stolen in Pa. [AP]

A new man has entered the race for criminal of the year. After smashing a liquor store window and stealing a 30-pack of Miller Lite, Robert Owen Ray, Jr. left an easy trail for Officer Hansel and Detective Gretel to follow and arrest him.

Apparently this ]]>

A new man has entered the race for criminal of the year. After smashing a liquor store window and stealing a 30-pack of Miller Lite, Robert Owen Ray, Jr. left an easy trail for Officer Hansel and Detective Gretel to follow and arrest him.

Apparently this mastermind he was so hot from wearing a sweet turtleneck sweater that he couldn’t wait to get home before cracking up his first brewski. Impressively, he managed to get through enough beers during his 500 foot return trip to leave a trail of discarded cans. Unfortunately, in a feat of police work previously only seen on CSI, the cops managed to follow that trail to its end behind a nearby cottage. Like all good criminals, he at that point ran and hid in a relatives closet. I’m shocked it didn’t work because people rarely check a 6-year old’s favorite hide and seek spot when searching for criminals.

Let this be a lesson to any of you considering wearing turtleneck sweaters. You will decide drinking Miller Lite is a good idea and find yourself in the closet. Hopefully you are lucky enough to just end up in jail. Who knows, R. Kelly could have been in there and then you’ll have really have problems.

Trail of beers leads police to thief [DelmarvaNow]

A group of Montreal guys seemingly acted a bit douchey to a cab driver. As the situation escalated out of control, it ended with the cabby literally running over one guy. You have to see this video.

My favorite part of the video is how the guy narrating the clip ]]>

A group of Montreal guys seemingly acted a bit douchey to a cab driver. As the situation escalated out of control, it ended with the cabby literally running over one guy. You have to see this video.

My favorite part of the video is how the guy narrating the clip says the cab driver “has ruined his career.” I’m pretty sure that his glamorous career as a cab driver in Montreal is going to be the least of his concerns at this point. In fact, I’d put several things higher on the cabby’s priority list, including:

-Where he should stop for a snack
-Where there’s a “No Questions Asked” car repair shop
-How much will it cost for a realignment
-Keynesian economics
-What the latest styles in shorts are for Summer 2012
-That dude he just ran over and possibly squished like a container of toothpaste

His career…firmly inside Family Feud buzzer territory.

An Oklahoma man named David Williams was a passenger in a car that got pulled over. After a brief struggle with state troopers, it was determined there was a “meth lab in his pants.”.

So we’re all in agreement that a “meth lab in your pants” will ]]>

An Oklahoma man named David Williams was a passenger in a car that got pulled over. After a brief struggle with state troopers, it was determined there was a “meth lab in his pants.”.

So we’re all in agreement that a “meth lab in your pants” will henceforth be the white trash equivalent of a “party in your pants” with the added bonus of making us all think of the upcoming season of Breaking Bad? Done and done.

When putting together a sketch of a suspect, you may want to try a little harder than using MS Paint, a skin from a Grand Theft Auto PC mod, and clip-art. Example: This article (via @BustedCoverage) featuring a Police Department ‘Computer Sketch’ from New Orleans’ Uptown Messenger. ]]>

When putting together a sketch of a suspect, you may want to try a little harder than using MS Paint, a skin from a Grand Theft Auto PC mod, and clip-art. Example: This article (via @BustedCoverage) featuring a Police Department ‘Computer Sketch’ from New Orleans’ Uptown Messenger.

Well there you go. If you see the ghost of the Notorious B.I.G. floating around like Zordon from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, call the local authorities immediately.

Suspect sought in mid-afternoon robbery attempt on Octavia Street [Uptown Messenger]

This news story about a Queens elementary school teacher reads like a Mad Libs of bad decisions. According to the NY Post, fifth-grade teacher Melissa Dean is on the chopping block at her school, PS 143, after having her students send cards to her incarcerated boyfriend, John ]]>

This news story about a Queens elementary school teacher reads like a Mad Libs of bad decisions.

According to the NY Post, fifth-grade teacher Melissa Dean is on the chopping block at her school, PS 143, after having her students send cards to her incarcerated boyfriend, John Coccarelli.

Coccarelli was convicted of possessing a handgun and violating an order of protection in May 2010 after texting his ex-wife saying that, if he were to kill her, at least he’d be “going away for a good reason.”

Coccarelli was also initially charged with several counts of possession of child pornography on a laptop found in his Long Island home, though the charges were dropped as part of his plea deal.

Police say that Dean forwarded 25 cards from her students — each of which had the child’s home address on it — to Coccarelli in prison with a card from saying the care package was “from your Wifey.”

According to the children’s parents, the kids weren’t made aware of to whom the cards were going. Which is probably the biggest failing on Dean’s part. If they knew they were sending the cards to a guy who was once charged with possession of child pornography, at least they could have signed the cards, “Please don’t imagine me naked” or something similar in intent. How thoughtless of her.

With Valentine’s Day coming up next week, lots of people will be shouting their love to significant (and insignificant) others across the globe. But does your love compare to this Michigan man who rubbed one out outside a women’s prison for his girlfriend? DOUBTFUL. Police say the unidentified 47-year-old man ]]>

With Valentine’s Day coming up next week, lots of people will be shouting their love to significant (and insignificant) others across the globe. But does your love compare to this Michigan man who rubbed one out outside a women’s prison for his girlfriend? DOUBTFUL.

A dramatic reenactment of the situation

Security officials became suspicious when they saw the SUV idling outside the jail at 4:20 a.m. Upon zooming in the surveillance cameras, they found out that the man was masturbating.

The police report says their guess was confirmed by “suspicious items” found in the man’s SUV.

Police believe that the man was masturbating for the “benefit” of his 29-year-old jailed girlfriend and other female inmates who were able to see into the SUV.

The suspect’s arraignment is pending.

Sure, this was a bit publicly indecent, but don’t these police officers know love when they see it? A woman HAS to love you to want to watch you masturbate from a window at four in the morning. Most women run away from visuals of an erect penis like there’s a chance it could be a suitcase nuke but not only does this woman go to watch her man’s token of love, she tells all her friends so they can share in her joy.

How this isn’t already greenlit as a Rachel McAdams movie I’ll never know.

Police: Man Performs Lewd Act Outside of Jail for Female Inmates [Fox 17]

Medicinal marijuana is a hot button issue in this country. You can debate the pros and cons of legalizing it all day (mostly pros). But if there’s one thing that’s probably not a good idea, it’s smoking pot on a cross-country flight, like this guy. Police say that 43-year-old Adam ]]>

Medicinal marijuana is a hot button issue in this country. You can debate the pros and cons of legalizing it all day (mostly pros). But if there’s one thing that’s probably not a good idea, it’s smoking pot on a cross-country flight, like this guy.

If that were pot, this dude would look way more relaxed.

As the plane was about to land in Newark, Blumenkranz excused himself to the bathroom. After emerging, crew members say that a strong smell of pot flew threw the cabin.

Blumenkranz was arrested for possession of drugs and drug paraphernalia by airport police upon arrival.

Airport police said that Blumerkranz, a Los Angeles resident, had a license for medicinal marijuana but that, for obvious reasons, it didn’t apply here.

Let’s put aside that this guy is an idiot for a second (you can no longer legally smoke cigarettes on a plane but for some reason, Blumenkranz thought pot would be totally cool? Smart). But how dumb is it to arrest this guy after he landed? It’s not like he deserves the punishment at this point for a drug charge since he did something that was legal in his home state. And he already got high.

One count of being a douchebag for thinking this was a good idea would suffice. Then again, he probably realized that he was minutes from being near a Cinnabon. No one should be subjected to that culinary experience while sober.

Police: Passenger Smoked Pot On Flight [My FOX NY]

David Peters was arrested for 40 felony counts of child porn possession, automatically labeling a Super Creep. But he’s evolving like an RPG character by wearing this shirt during his mugshot photo.

Not a particularly compelling story beyond the wardrobe choices involved, but you can

David Peters was arrested for 40 felony counts of child porn possession, automatically labeling a Super Creep. But he’s evolving like an RPG character by wearing this shirt during his mugshot photo.

Not a particularly compelling story beyond the wardrobe choices involved, but you can read more about the arrest at RecordPub.com.

T-Shirt Makes Creepy Child Pornography Mugshot Creepier [Buzzfeed]

Note: When in the presence of a painting valued at $30 million, avoid rubbing your butt and/or peeing on it. If only that were advice were included in the latest Miss Manners column. According to Denver police, 36-year-old Carmen Tisch drunkenly leaned against an iconic Clyfford Still painting, punched it, ]]>

Note: When in the presence of a painting valued at $30 million, avoid rubbing your butt and/or peeing on it. If only that were advice were included in the latest Miss Manners column.

How a urine-and-butt-rubbingless 1957-J-No. 2. would look

Tisch faces charges of criminal mischief for her actions against the “1957-J-No. 2.” painting at the Clyfford Still Museum. Her actions may also leave her liable as the damages to the painting cold cost in the ballpark of $10,000.

Police say Tisch punched and attacked the painting with her pants down. Officials were unclear on what spurred on the attack.

Fortunately for Tisch, her attempt to urinate on the painting failed, leaving that off the list of charges.

Honestly, I don’t know why magazines spend millions of dollars on exclusive celebrity interviews when they could interview a woman like Carmen Tisch for free. I’d much rather know why she decided to drunkenly rub her ass on a random painting than what Casey Anthony is up to. Was she so trashed that she thought the painting called her a jive turkey? Inquiring minds want to know!

Denver woman arrested for punching, damaging $30 million Clyfford Still painting [Denver Post]

I’ve been sitting on a post about marshmallow and whip cream flavored vodka for awhile, but I’m sure by now you’ve seen ads featuring Amber Rose trying to convince you to buy booze. Well, it’s not all sugar and spice and everything bald when it comes to marshmallow vodka. It ]]>

I’ve been sitting on a post about marshmallow and whip cream flavored vodka for awhile, but I’m sure by now you’ve seen ads featuring Amber Rose trying to convince you to buy booze. Well, it’s not all sugar and spice and everything bald when it comes to marshmallow vodka. It will get you into trouble.

The stress of an hourlong police chase on foot may have been exhaustive for a 19-year-old Riverside man, who was discovered Christmas morning sleeping on a stranger’s couch with his shoes off several hours after police say he burglarized a nearby home.

The suspect said his evening began with a few swigs of marshmallow vodka but ended with him fast asleep on the couch, his time in the interim a mystery, though authorities said they can account for his missing hours.
…
At about 8 a.m., a female homeowner in the 3700 block of Haas Avenue called police, saying a male was inside her home.

When police arrived, they found Brundage asleep on the couch. He later told officers that he didn’t know why he was in the home and the last thing that he remembered was drinking marshmallow-flavored vodka earlier in the night, police said.

I can’t lie to you, I’ve passed on the wrong person’s couch before, but thankfully I’m good looking enough that they simply woke me up and drove me home. No police needed. This guy on the other hand, was not so lucky. A couple swigs of marshmallow vodka and he’s off to jail. If you’ve ever needed a reason to dislike Amber Rose, here it is. This is all her fault.

Full story via Scott Kleinberg

Update:

For those of you incapable of rational thought, Amber Rose’s representation would like me to assure you that it’s not actually her fault and that she insists you drink responsibly. I’m pretty sure you were all intelligent enough to know that though.

Unlike many craft beer lovers, I still believe there is a time and place for Bud Light, and no, Most Interesting Man in the World, the time is not “never”. Just because I prefer beer with more flavor doesn’t mean that I’m required to hate macro. There are ]]>

Unlike many craft beer lovers, I still believe there is a time and place for Bud Light, and no, Most Interesting Man in the World, the time is not “never”. Just because I prefer beer with more flavor doesn’t mean that I’m required to hate macro. There are millions of people who are perfectly content with what the beer geeks (myself not among them…yet) call yellow fizzy water. Think I’m wrong? Check out this set of degenerates who love Bud Light so much that they beat their own mother because of it.

Police were called to a home in the 2100 block of South First Street after reports of a domestic dispute. When officers arrived, they found the 42-year-old mother with multiple injuries. The mother said she had been beaten by her two children after she threw out several cans of Bud Light beer. The two siblings fled the scene before police arrived.

According to reports, Brittany was not happy about the disposal of the beer, so she attacked her mother. Tho woman’s son, Lindell, later joined in on the attack.

There isn’t a beer in the world that I would beat your mother for, let alone my own. This is the sort of story I only expect to see on Criminal Minds. Mark Twain said, “Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.”

I always thought society was on a direct flight to hell because of people like Courtney Stodden, but it turns out it’s far worse than that. If any of you are considering assaulting someone over a “several cans of Bud Light beer,” shoot me a message and I’ll buy you a Groupon for a $3 sixer. I don’t even want to know what you’d do for a case of Bud Light Platinum.

via KMOV

An elderly man went door to door offering breast exams and now he’s facing jail time. Shocking, right? Such a great and unprecedented scheme! A Fort Lauderdale area man has been found guilty of offering door-to-door breast exams without any medical license to back it up. His ]]>

An elderly man went door to door offering breast exams and now he’s facing jail time. Shocking, right? Such a great and unprecedented scheme!

A Fort Lauderdale area man has been found guilty of offering door-to-door breast exams without any medical license to back it up. His guilty plea will net him one year in jail time, two years of community control, and his remaining years lived out as a registered sexual offender.

Police say that 81-year-old Phillip Winikoff went around a local apartment complex offering to check out women’s goods for free in 2006.

Two women admitted to investigators that they took Winikoff up on his offer, though they immediately realized once the exam began that they had been hoodwinked.

Had Winikoff not entered a guilty plea, he’d have faced up to 55 years in prison for charges of sexual battery and practicing medicine without a license.

I’m just grateful that this hardened criminal is off the streets for the time being. What a master criminal. I mean playing doctor to grope women? That’s a plan so genius that only the masterminds known as 10-year-olds have accomplished it.

Can you imagine how much of a creep you have to be for women to instantly realize you’re not a doctor after falling for this scheme? I mean they were gullible enough to undress and allow a squeeze…you couldn’t at least have the class to avoid being an outright pervert so they could at least maintain a shred of their dignity? Did he just start rubbing one out on the spot? Maybe slobbering and uttering nice? Either way, that bedside manner was highly lacking, I assume.

Plea Deal Gets Fake Breast Exam Doc One Year In Jail [CBS Miami]

Ass implants are dangerous even when given by a licensed professional. But when you’re getting them done by an amateur who looks like this, you’re just asking for problems. This is the story of “Oneal” Ron Morris, mediocre transgender surgeon. Morris, legally identified as a man ]]>

Ass implants are dangerous even when given by a licensed professional. But when you’re getting them done by an amateur who looks like this, you’re just asking for problems. This is the story of “Oneal” Ron Morris, mediocre transgender surgeon.

Morris, legally identified as a man and pictured left, was arrested in South Florida after police say she injected a patient’s butt with a formula that’s a mixture of cement, super glue, mineral oil, and Fix-A-Flat tire sealant.

Police say Morris gave her special brand of unlicensed cosmetic surgery to a woman unaware of how her $700 would result in bigger buttocks. What the unnamed woman received was the booty mix above, resulting in severe pains in the area, her stomach, and everywhere throughout her body.

Despite that, the woman refused to give Morris away to the police. It took months of searching for investigators to find the mystery amateur cosmetic surgeon.

It’s unclear if Morris used the procedure on herself to achieve her, ahem, delightfully ample backside.

Perhaps I’m not in tune enough with the thought process of a person undergoing an ass implant, but it seems to me if a person who looks like Morris is offering you an ass like hers for $700, there’s a reasonable expectation that things may not turn out as desired. In fact, I’d say it’s a wise idea to avoid inserting any object into your rear that costs under $1,000. Just a good rule of thumb for life. Learn all that and more in my new book, Inserting Objects in Your Rear: No Place to Cut Costs. It’s like five pages but it really hits all the key notes.

Transgender woman arrested after injecting Fix-A-Flat into patient’s rear end [NY Daily News]

When you need a burger, sometimes you just need a burger. At least, that’s what I’m extrapolating from the case of Shanaya Edgell, a woman who went apesh-t at a Wisconsin McDonald’s since she couldn’t get a cheeseburger at 3AM. According to Janesville, Wisc. police, 22-year-old Shanaya Edgell went to ]]>

When you need a burger, sometimes you just need a burger. At least, that’s what I’m extrapolating from the case of Shanaya Edgell, a woman who went apesh-t at a Wisconsin McDonald’s since she couldn’t get a cheeseburger at 3AM.

The elusive and hard to find McDonald's cheeseburger

Edgell yelled and then allegedly got livid with her boyfriend, biting his arm and then ripping off his shirt. It’s unclear what he did to provoke the attack.

After calming down, Edgell then told her boyfriend she changed her mind and would get the breakfast. But then she allegedly began beating the boyfriend again, hitting him the face and biting his arm once more.

As the boyfriend tried to drive away, Edgell allegedly climbed on top of the roof of the car to stop him from going.

When a cop asked her why she was on the roof of a car, Edgell replied, “Because I was acting crazy.”

Edgell was arrested for disorderly conduct and is being held on $150 bail. It’s unknown if she has been able to secure a cheeseburger.

This type of behavior is exactly why the cops began their nationwide shut down of #Occupy protests in McDonaldland. Something about the insatiable lust for grease and things that vaguely resemble beef patties just brings out the darkness in people.

Cops: Early Morning McDonald’s Menu Changeover Prompted Wisconsin Woman’s Meltdown [The Smoking Gun]

Yesterday we got wind of some guy threatening to blow his local Best Buy up, plus threats to murder one of its employees after hours in the parking lot, all because they didn’t have his pre-ordered copy of of Modern Warfare 3 for him. And now there’s the following...

Yesterday we got wind of some guy threatening to blow his local Best Buy up, plus threats to murder one of its employees after hours in the parking lot, all because they didn’t have his pre-ordered copy of of Modern Warfare 3 for him. And now there’s the following...

First off, the new Call of Duty has nothing to do with this particular story (thank God). Instead, it’s a simple tale of some dude, 23 year old Timothy Joseph Mandes of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania to be exact, who went to Best Buy for a job interview. Long story short, he didn’t get the job. Bummer.

So as a response, he walked straight towards the games section, cracked open a box containing a Xbox 360, shoved the console down his pants (I would have to assume that he was wearing sweat pants, which to be honest, may have factored considerably into him not landing a gig there), and walked out the door.

After noticing the empty box, Best Buy called the cops, who checked the tape (many people seem to forget that there’s cameras everywhere, but especially those that wear sweat pants to job interviews) and easily identified the man (which must have been super easy since, you know, he had passed along a job application that had his name, address, and all that other junk listed).

The authorities then went to his home, to arrest Mandes. But instead of allowing himself to be turned in, he made a break for it, which pretty much never ever works. Though I guess he was resisting enough for them to taser the guy. lol. Via Kotaku btw, who deserves a huge thumbs up for their wacky depiction of the scene (sadly, my Photoshop skills are comparatively lacking).

Unfortunately, the hijinks being inspired in America, not only pales in comparison to what when down in France this past weekend, but also validates all of Europe’s opinions of how stupid us Americans can be sometimes.

First, via 1UP: some 18 ]]>

Unfortunately, the hijinks being inspired in America, not only pales in comparison to what when down in France this past weekend, but also validates all of Europe’s opinions of how stupid us Americans can be sometimes.

First, via 1UP: some 18 year old punk, instead of paying for the game, decided to follow some 27 year old dude who had purchased his copy like a normal person at the local GameStop’s midnight launch. Which admittedly isn’t quite normal, but that’s neither here nor there.

Anyway, so the suspect follows his victim to his home, where he had just parked his parked his car, and then blocks him in with his. He then… get this… pulls out a gun, demanding the victim’s copy of Modern Warfare 3. What could easily be considered a stupid move as well is how he reacted: he cursed the dude out and got into a wrestling match, over control over the weapon.

As ridiculous as the scene might have been, I would have just handed the game over. Perhaps that makes me a huge pussy, I don’t know. Anyhow, it worked because the suspect was unsuccessful with his objective, so where does he go? Yup, back to GameStop, to find another mark. Which was where he was arrested, since the first would be victim called the cops.

Meanwhile, according to Kotaku, and at a Best Buy in Colorado, some other dude got pissed at its midnight launch when the store ran out of copies, including the one that he had been expecting since it was pre-ordered. Personally, I’d be pissed too, but in such a situation, I’d ask to speak to the manager for some form of compensation, despite knowing that it really wouldn’t do much in the end.

So that may have been why this other fellow, identified as Loromin Sar, age 31, decided to ask the clerk instead what time he got off, so I could meet him or her in the parking lot to then shoot the person. Nor would I threaten to blow up the entire store. Not surprisingly, the cops were called to deal with the nut job. This is what one authority had to say…

”Investigating officers issued a criminal summons to a man who threatened to carry out his own version of Modern Warfare at the electronics store. Fortunately, this situation did not end in violence.”

Fair or not, the one guy-two girl threesome is popularly considered to be the ultimate fantasy. So when it’s in your grasp, don’t be like Jorge Silva, accused of breaking up a threesome by throwing a TV at his wife. Silva, a 22-year-old Naples resident, and his ]]>

Fair or not, the one guy-two girl threesome is popularly considered to be the ultimate fantasy. So when it’s in your grasp, don’t be like Jorge Silva, accused of breaking up a threesome by throwing a TV at his wife.

Silva, a 22-year-old Naples resident, and his wife planned the threesome with another woman for a leisurely Sunday afternoon activity. The festivities were preceding as usual until his wife claims Silva “freaked out.”

When his wife kissed the other woman, Silva flipped and began punching his wife while the other woman ran into another room and locked the door. Silva then broke through the door, only to resume punching his wife. He then grabbed a nearby TV set, swinging it at his wife before ultimately dropping on her.

Silva then grabbed another TV and also threw that one at his wife.

When police arrived and found Silva’s wife beaten and blooded, Silva initially said the threesome was a setup for an attack by his wife. But he eventually relented, telling officers he lost his mind because he got jealous.

Silva is being held in custody and is charged with felony battery.

I can only imagine how it’ll go when he’s retelling this story to his buddies at the bar. “Jorge, tell us what happened with that big threesome you were planning!” “Threesome? Oh, yeah, it was..pretty awesome.” “Well, what happened?” “Well we got this chick..really hot. I mean smoking hot. Smoking.” “Yeahhhh…” “And we all started making out…” “Yeahhhhhh….” “And then I attacked my wife with a TV while the hot chick tried to stop it but I just kept finding more TVs to attack my wife with.” “Dude. DUDE! BEST THREESOME EVER!” “I KNOW RIGHT? *throws celebratory TV.”

Florida Man Freaks Out During Threesome, Throws Multiple TVs at His Wife [Miami New Times]

When you’re bringing home some stranger and your girlfriend isn’t supposed to come over, what do you do? Tell the truth? Not if you’re 24-year-old Kevin Gaylor, who allegedly called the cops on a new woman when his girlfriend unexpectedly arrived. Colorado Springs police say Gaylor invited ]]>

When you’re bringing home some stranger and your girlfriend isn’t supposed to come over, what do you do? Tell the truth? Not if you’re 24-year-old Kevin Gaylor, who allegedly called the cops on a new woman when his girlfriend unexpectedly arrived.

Colorado Springs police say Gaylor invited the unknown woman, whom he’s believed to have met on Craigslist, over at 3AM in a quest to “get better acquainted.”

Gaylor was then surprised to find his girlfriend come home before the new girl could arrive.

Police reported that once the new woman arrived, Gaylor called the cops and falsely reported that the woman he met online was an intruder.

Gaylor was taken into custody and charged with a misdemeanor charge of falsifying a report to authorities.

Say what you will about Kevin Gaylor after these reports, but what he lacks in skills as a boyfriend, online hook-up, and host, he more than makes up for in crafty ways to very briefly dodge an awkward situation. I bet the minute it took for everyone to realize how clearly full of BS he was was pretty gratifying.

Man Reports Date As Burglar When Girlfriend Shows [CBS Local]

There are lots of innocent people being held in jail and, unfortunately, that’s unavoidable. But some of those cases probably are avoidable, like the case of Atlanta resident Teresa Culpepper, who was held in jail for 53 days just for being named Teresa. Culpepper called police in ]]>

There are lots of innocent people being held in jail and, unfortunately, that’s unavoidable. But some of those cases probably are avoidable, like the case of Atlanta resident Teresa Culpepper, who was held in jail for 53 days just for being named Teresa.

Culpepper called police in August to report that her truck was stolen outside of her home.

That was when police found record of an unresolved aggravated assault case, allegedly committed by a woman also named Teresa, and decided to take her into custody.

Small problem: According to Culpepper’s lawyer, ““Her birth date didn’t match. Her address didn’t match. Her description didn’t match. Other than the name Teresa, nothing matched.”

Culpepper was only released after the victim of the real Teresa came to say that Culpepper didn’t commit any of the crimes, at the urging of Culpepper’s public defender.

Culpepper’s lawyer is expecting the local police to settle out of court or they’ll move ahead with suing for compensation for the wrongful arrest.

That’s not exactly a comforting situation for the notion of American civil liberties (especially if you’re a minority because, let’s be real, this probably wouldn’t have happened to some Georgia peach-type). On the plus side, I don’t think I’ve ever met a Teresa I’ve particularly liked. If we’re going to start taking names out of society, that seems like a decent place to start.

Mother Teresa was overrated, anyway.

Atlanta woman arrested by mistake, jailed 53 days [Atlanta Journal-Constitution via Gawker]