The US presidential election is still over a year away, but already there are some fired up people raging hard over who will next occupy the Oval Office. It’s a flame war out there. You have your Wingnuts, Moonbats, Obama Zombies, Paulites, Tea Partiers, Perry-aires, Lefties, Righties, and whatever you call the Palin lovers.

Chances are you’re not happy with any of them. With that in mind, here are seven fictional characters (in no particular order) that could make a run for the White House, making America a better place.

7 Saul Goodman
Saul has major connections and isn’t afraid to use them. He’s already got the TV ad thing down pat, and he’s as smooth a talker as any politician alive. Can you imagine the negative ad campaign and the dirt he would dig up on the other candidates? It would be epic. Wanna pay less for gas? Saul will have us paying less than $2 per gallon in no time. He’ll work something out. Will it be legal? Who knows, but that’s why we have “The Patriot Act.”

6 Nucky Thompson
Enoch L. Thompson certainly sounds like a name befitting a president, albeit one from about a century ago. Still, Nucky has worked his way up the ranks from sheriff to treasurer and he’s not stopping there. He’s an old school politician — out pressing the flesh and working his constituency — that excels at talking out of both sides of his mouth. Nucky would make a fine president, indeed.

5 Mayor Quimby
Mayor Joseph Fitzgerald O’Malley Fitzpatrick O’Donnell The Edge “Joe” Quimby will have your vote, whether or not you punch his name on your ballot. “Diamond Joe” has ties with mob, is adept at embezzlement and has dominated elections in Springfield since the mid-80′s. Tell me — who wouldn’t want to live in Springfield? Quimby can make that dream come true for all of America. He’ll make it one big Springfield!

4 Leon Black
Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Leon Black has many unique gifts. His gift of gab is second to none, and it seems improbable that Leon would lose any type of debate. He’s also exceptional at getting stuff for free, so you can expect that he can get us out of debt in no time at all. You know Leon has the ladies’ vote, and if he puts on some glasses, well, game over.

3 Sue Sylvester
As ruthless as any candidate in our list, Sue Sylvester will go to any means necessary to get her way and get the win. She would shame and/or humiliate other countries’ dignitaries into submitting to her plans. And maybe all those Washington bureaucrats will loosen up if they all don track suits instead of stuffy business suits. She will not only lead; she will dominate the world.

2 Jack Donaghy
Donaghy would be a fine choice for president, but his hard lean right will likely prevent him from getting the votes he needs. Though he came from humble beginnings, he reeks of special interest groups and old money. He’s a fine leader but would be thrashed in debates for being part of “The Ol’ Boys Club.” Still, America loves a well-dressed Alpha male and that’s what Jack Donaghy is. He could get the call.

1 Leslie Knope
From the small, poetic town of Pawnee, Leslie Knope has risen to stardom at the local government level. She’s exactly what America needs — someone that gets things done sans partisanship. And Knope gets a lot of stuff done. Who better to get rid of the pit of ineptitude in Washington than the lady that got rid of a real pit in Pawnee? The only difficulty might be in getting her to drop her bid for Pawnee City Council to make a run for the White House.

A Curb spinoff with Leon as the main character would definitely be a must-watch. Especially if he were wearing glasses.

@Daily [Twitter]

Damn, appearances from (a returning) Rosie O’Donnell, Bill Buckner, and Ricky Gervais? They’re really pulling out all the stops here. Perhaps the promises of the wildest season yet are legitimate. Especially with Michael J. Fox. If there’s anyone who knows how to shake things up, it’s that guy.

Watch Behind-the-Scenes Footage From Curb Your Enthusiasm Season Eight [Vulture]

Ricky Gervais and Larry David on the same somewhat improvised show may end up being one of the funniest things ever to hit the airwaves. Even Gervais complaining about the subway in this clip was funny, so I imagine whatever story arc they decide to go with will be hysterical.

And only Larry David could make that joke to Michael J. Fox — I don’t even know the context, yet I can already tell that episode will be uncomfortable and hilarious. I don’t usually harp on a show being this good, but Larry’s character in New York could be an interesting turn for the show, with more people for Larry to get into fights with he’s bound to run into trouble at every street corner. I’m guessing there will be a fight over pressing the button at a cross-walk this season — calling it now.

There are a lot of shows with characters that we don’t enjoy for one reason or another. Maybe they are a bit too misogynistic, or they are too arrogant, or in some cases we don’t know why but something about them just rubs us the wrong way. These are not those characters. These characters have all of the qualities of people we’d want to punch in the face in real life, but for some reason love to watch on television. These are the douchebags on TV that we just can’t seem to get enough of.

7 Barney Stinson – How I Met Your Mother
He is as vain as they come. He dresses specifically to impress, he’s conniving, can be borderline evil at times, has a gambling problem and generally treats women like pawns in a giant game of chess. He uses and abuses people and would throw his own grandmother under the bus at the slightest chance that he’d go home with the hottest girl at the bar. And yet, a lot of men kinda want to be him or already have a little of him in their heart. He’s like the anti-Tyler Durden; the polar opposite in most ways — and somehow he’s still free in all the ways we aren’t. And maybe that’s the reason we still like him so much. If he said, “Suit up, because tonight will be legendary!” We would and it would.

6 Dr. House – House
House is probably the most narcissistic character to ever grace the small screen. He is smug, arrogant, angry and belittles everyone he meets (both personally and professionally). He is smarter and more capable than every other doctor that he meets and he certainly lets them know it by being condescending in every conceivable way. His patients hate him, his fellow doctors can barely stand him and he treats his best friend like some sort of psychological experiment. People come secondary to his own whims, ego and pill addiction. Yet, if this was real life and it came down to it, you‘d want Dr. House diagnosing your symptoms. His bedside manner leaves something to be desired, but his results speak for themselves and we find ourselves mumbling, even laughing to ourselves at what a royal pain in the ass this guy is week in and week out.

5 Larry David – Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry is a product of poor timing and severe neurosis. He’s not really a horrible person, but somehow he’s a horrible person. He only thinks about himself, he gets squirmy when asked to do something he doesn’t want to and if you ask him for a favor he’s gonna screw the pooch every single time. As soon as Larry gets the chance to over think a situation it spirals out of control and into territory so awkward that you didn’t even know that level of uncomfortableness even existed. L.D. has stolen the driver out of a dead man’s coffin, picked up a hooker for the sole purpose of using the carpool lane, invites a sex offender to Passover dinner, and accuses his bookie of eating his agent’s dog. David isn’t purposely a douchebag, but somehow he always finds a way to be. It’s like watching a savant of douchebaggery and for that reason we find a way to empathize and laugh at him — especially when karma gives him the raw end of the deal.

4 Jack Donaghy – 30 Rock
Jack Donaghy is the Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming for General Electric and will find any excuse to tell you that. Everything about Jack screams douchebag; from his low contemptuous voice to his perfectly coiffed hair to his impeccable fashion sense that is both powerful and haughty. Everything in his life (friends, co-workers, relationships) takes a backseat to what is best for the business. Jack brags about high-class parties, outdoor sex, and dating two women at the same time. Undeniably the biggest misogynist that has ever put on a three-piece suit–he will lie, cheat and intentionally misguide in order to get whatever it is he wants or needs to get done. Yet we still watch because deep down we know behind his insolent facade is a man who in his own way cares about the people around him. Even if he shows it in ways like the video below.

3 Ari Gold – Entourage
Ari Gold is the best agent in Los Angeles and he certainly plays that part (for better or worse) to perfection. He’s overtly bold, contemptuous and conniving on a level that would even make people completely devoid of feeling sick to their stomachs. Ari treats everyone who can make him money like a god and everyone who can’t like s**t. He cares about money, status and everything else in his life seems like it is simply there to help facilitate his need for money and status. Mostly Ari screams and yells and makes everyone around him feel like the least important person of the face of the Earth, but if you needed an agent that would lay it all out on the line for you then you would want Ari Gold on your side. Hug it out…

2 Dennis Reynolds – It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis Reynolds is the perfect example of a person with delusions of grandeur. He owns a crappy bar that barely makes any money and has only three friends in the entire world yet he lives in a fantasy world of women, money and power. Most days he just boozes, schemes, treats his sister like a third-rate citizen or in some cases, he just smokes crack. We’ve seen him teabag a homeless man whose life he had personally helped destroy. In another episode he and his best friend hunted that same man for no other reason than they could. And in yet another, he impersonates a police officer in order to get free hot dogs. Why do we watch him? I guess for no other reason than there is probably no way anyone could ever be less empathetic and ego-driven than the alcoholic cradle robber that is Dennis Reynolds. And in a strange way that makes us feel a little better about ourselves.

1 Eric Cartman – South Park
Even in cartoon form, Eric Cartman is the epitome of bad taste and soullessness. This fourth grader thinks like a Nazi, acts as if there are no repercussions for anything he does, and has a mouth that would make a Tijuana hooker blush. Cartman is by far the most politically incorrect person to ever grace our television sets. He screams racial hate speech every chance he gets, thinks only for himself, gets physical with anyone that stands in his way and would beg, borrow, steal and even kill to prove his point. Seriously, you guys, when it comes to douchebags, there is a category made specifically for Eric and then way off in the distance is everyone else. Why do we watch him? Because anything is possible with him and no joke is off-limits. And when or if we get offended, we remember it’s just a cartoon and it seems a bit silly to take something so ridiculous seriously.

And maybe that’s the reason we enjoy our TV douchebags so much.

Paramount reportedly sealed the deal by sending a real live goat dressed in a studio T-shirt to Baron Cohen’s LA home, after offering him a “20-20″ deal. A rare phenomenon in an increasingly straitened Hollywood, this would give him $20m (£13m) upfront and an initial 20% share of the new film’s gross, rising to 30% if the movie is successful.

While Bruno wasn’t that great of a movie, but I can see why you’d spend the money in a case like this. Borat and Bruno have combined to rake in over $400 million worldwide. You have a talented actor, great writers and millions of reasons to make it funny. Barton Cohen was pretty (unappreciated) funny in Talladega Nights and when you start to throw out Coming to America comparisons…

I hate to jinx it, but it sounds like a can’t miss premise. Which must be the reason that Paramount bought the film and sent the actor a goat in a dressed in a studio shirt as a token of their appreciation. No word on whether the goat will have a starring role in the movie, but you can fully expect a Will Ferrell in a beard cameo. I mean that’s a given at this point, right?

Paramount gets Sacha Baron Cohen’s $20m goat [Guardian UK]

As you may recall, a trademark “Seinfeld” bit was to have Kramer wantonly slide into Jerry’s apartment every episode and utter a racial epithet (well, perhaps just the first part). So someone undertook the painstaking labor of love to compile all of Kramer’s entrances into Jerry’s apartment in chronological order and, if you’re a fan of the show, it’s kind of compelling.

If you’re not aware, one of the plotlines of this season of Curb Your Enthusiasm is a Seinfeld reunion. Seinfeld was always fine, somewhat escapist TV. But if there were a real reunion, I’d like to see it a bit more grounded in reality. Since Jerry seemed to have a clear opposition to locking his door, perhaps someone would break into his house and gun him, George, Kramer, and Elaine down within the first five minutes of the show while they were busy prattling on about some woman who went on a date with Jerry and kept insisting she lay on him. Then the rest of the episode is just a standard police procedural with random people you don’t know, like Law and Order but with people clearly reading from cue cards and wearing obviously fake mustaches that make them look like they spend too much time at middle school beauty pageants. I know what you’re thinking, “Chris, this is such a great idea, you’re so brilliant! Why aren’t you making TV?” Answer: Too humble.