Dana Jacobson and Jay Crawford are barely tolerable as sportscasters and even more so as human beings.

Add on Barry Melrose and this strange clip of him talking about using “Chicken Sh%^” as facial cream, and its a wonder this show isn’t a multiple Emmy winner.

Barry Melrose’s Skin Care Secret {The Big Lead}
Barry Melrose Uses Chicken Ship as Skin Care Product {YBB}

Former Tiger Curtis Granderson held a charity event at a Metro Detroit high school yesterday and several pseudo celebrities made an appearance. Amongst them was ESPN personality, Dana Jacobson.

You’ll recall, Dana is the host of the infamously terrible, First Take (you know, that show where Skip Bayless acts like a complete moron). You’ll also recall a few years ago that Dana swilled some Belvedere Vodka, got wasted and dropped some f-bombs about Touchdown Jesus at a roast for Mike and Mike.

The above really has nothing to do with the picture, we just wanted to mention that she swore at Jesus.

Pretty sure swearing at Jesus lets the terrorists win. Shame on you Dana.

Pacman Jones: “So let me get this straight, the strippers are offered with the house? I’m making it rain bitches.”
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Senator John Kerry: “I think the Patriots will win because as you know, I’m a Massachusetts Senator. But I really like the Giants, so I’m changing my mind. Oh wait, as to stay neutral, I’m rooting for a tie.”
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Chiefs RB Larry Johnson: “I dropped 300k on the Giants. What, you dont have that kind of money? Deal crack!”
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Inez Gomez Mont: “Nobody says no to me, not even Tom Brady. Giants in a blowout!”

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Golfer Ian Poulter: “The trouble is I dont rate anyone but the Giants havent played to their true potential yet.”
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Random Arizona Hooker: “After what Osi Umenyora did to me last night, I’m going with the Patriots”
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Hillary Clinton: “Wait, who did Obama choose?”
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Dr. Phil: “Eli has some emotional issues to deal with. His brother Peyton has always been the dominant player in the family. Patriots win!”
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Dana Jacobson: “F&*% the Giants. Tom Brady went to F&*%’in Michigan. Go Pats!”
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Roger Clemens: “Is Tom Brady’s ankle still bothering him? Maybe he needs a pick me up. I know a great trainer.”
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President George Bush: “I love the Super Bowl. I hope my Texas Rangers take the cup. Dont mess with Texas!”
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Britney Spears: “I might be crazy y’all but at least I know the Patriots are going to win.”
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Tony Romo: “Dont Stop Believin the Cowboys will be there next year. I just gotta get rid of that dumb broad”
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Chris Berman: “God Dammit, why are you asking me? You’re so goddamn rude. Jesus Christ, everybody knows the Pats are going to win.”
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Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad: “It doesnt matter who wins as long as America loses. Death to Israel!”
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Plaxico Burress: “What, like you didnt hear me before? 23-17″

No, not Peter or John you Bible Thumpers out there. Jesus is sending the next best thing.

Christian Crusader and Minister

JON KITNA

Kitna has readily accepted the challenge on behalf of the Lord and Jacobson, well, she has some time off to ponder her Vodka swilling ways. A 3 round bout is scheduled.

Guyism previews the fight. Who has the edge?

Kitna: 6’2″, 220lbs, 35 years old, Detroit Lions QB

vs.

Jacobson: 5’8″ 145lbs(on a good day) 36 years old, ESPN host

Athletic Ability

Kitna:

Jacobson: Well, she was able to coherently roast Mike and Mike while drinking Belvedere Vodka by the liter. She was still standing up at the end which is quite an athletic feat.

Advantage: Jacobson

Patience and Poise

Kitna: Throws INTs and fubmles whenever pressured.

Jacobson: Dealing with that annoying hack Skip Bayless cant be easy on an everyday basis. The fact she hasnt killed him yet is a testimony to her will.

Advantage: Jacobson

Smack Talking

Kitna: Put it this way, if Smack Talking was an actual football statistic, we might finally get a QB in Detroit in the Pro Bowl. He predicts 10 win seasons and he talks junk about Cowboys defensive players.

Jacobson: Really never came strong until the Jesus rant. She’s often pushed around by other cast members because of her UM affiliation.

Advantage: Kitna

Escape ability

Kitna: Sacked 114 times in a two year span. Unable to run away from fat defensive linemen.

Jacoboson: Somehow escaped the advances of Woody Paige and fellow co-host Jay Crawford

Advantage: Jacobson

Intangibles

Kitna: Jesus has his back so can you really argue with Divine Intervention?

Jacobson: She really has nothing going for her here. If she had some Erin Andrew like curves, we’d consider it. Get some C or D cups and then come talk to me.

Advantage: Kitna

Overall Advantage: Jacobson 3-2

Prediction

From the outset it would seem that Kitna would have an advantage here because after all, he is a NFL player. Expect Kitna to try and bore Jacobson to death in the first round with his incessant preaching but Jacobson will probably be well into her second fifth of vodka by the time the fight starts. That spells trouble for Kitna as Jacobson will go into a drunken rage and throw wild haymakers. Thinking its a Lions game and not wanting to get hit anymore, Kitna rolls up into a ball and takes a KO without even getting touched.

Jacobson in the first with a KO!