In case you were wondering what Dancing With The Stars, uh, star, Karina Smirnoff has been up to since she and MLB pitcher Brad Penny called off their engagement, it appears that she’s recovering by spending some quality time in a bikini. Actually I believe she’s wearing this bikini in Hawaii to help promote her “DanceFIT-KS Exercise Routine” video. No idea what that is, but if there are bikinis involved I’ll watch it.

The Tim Tebow news cycle continues despite the rather embarrassing Broncos defeat last weekend. Karina Smirnoff of ABC’s, Dancing with the Stars, wants the fleet of foot quarterback for the show.

“All I want for my birthday is for Tim Tebow to dance on ‘Dancing With The Stars,’” said Smirnoff. She then went on to say that as a New York native, she is a Jets fan, first. But, like many Americans, she was rooting for the Denver Broncos yesterday. “Tim Tebow played so hard,” Smirnoff said, “and I know that so many fans all across the country are so proud of him!” With the Broncos and the Jets out of contention, she is now rooting for the New York Giants.

Let me break this whole thing down for you. Smirnoff just broke up with Brad Penny and is looking to bang pretty much any athlete with a functional penis. If that happens to be a virgin Tim Tebow, so be it. If it happens to be a New York Giant, again, so be it.

You might say that’s a bit harsh, calling Smirnoff out like that. But allow me to respond with the following.

NO SELF-RESPECTING JETS FAN SWITCHES THEIR ALLEGIANCE TO THE GIANTS! ONLY STUPID, FRONT-RUNNING JERSEY CHASERS DO THAT!

That is all, carry on.

Haute Event: Karina Smirnoff Celebrates Her Star-Studded Birthday with a Surprise Guest at Sugar Factory, Wants Tebow on DWTS [Haute Living]

“Lacey’s told friends she got a boob job. She’d wanted one for a while so she went ahead and did it,” the source tells Us.

Says the insider: “She loves the results and she’s proud of her new shape.”

Word on the street is that she bumped things up from the B-cup range to the D-cup range.

I only share this story as a public service so men everywhere know exactly what they are looking at when watching Dancing With The Stars. Hahahaha! Like any men actually watch Dancing With The Stars! We don’t, right? *fist bump*

Now it’s time to compare and contrast. The first row of pics are pre-funbags, the second and third rows are post-inflation. Comparing and contrasting is fun!

Lacey Schwimmer Got a Boob Job [Us]

Anna Kournikova Trades Pro Tennis for Biggest Loser Training
“My back really forced me to stop. It got so bad; I couldn’t tie my shoes, literally. I would be in excruciating pain.”

Kristen Stewart Dons Snow White Armor in New Photos
“It’s not a little girl sitting by a well with little tweety birds telling her what to do and where to go.”

Jessica Simpson Postpones Wedding to Eric Johnson
“She was so gung ho about planning their wedding, and now she’s gone dark.”

Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore: Are They Splitting?
“The actors’ reps have not commented yet.”

Nicole Richie Got a Boob Job
“Richie flaunted her fuller physique while vacationing with pals in Mexico September 24…”

Balding Jason Alexander Debuts Full Head of Hair
“I am experimenting with some interesting hair systems.”

Britney’s Dad Scores 7 Figures in Femme Fatale Tour
“He’s handled finances, managed Britney’s security to protect her from the paparazzi and made 200 – 400 calls and other communications a day on Brit’s behalf.”

Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Nirvana Among O Music Award Nominees
“The O Music Awards 2 will unfold on Halloween on OMUsicAwards.com, as well as MTV.com, VH1.com, CMT.com, LogoTV.com and MTVHive.com.”

Andy Rooney Retiring from 60 Minutes
“Rooney, 92, will look back on his career in an interview with Morley Safer during Sunday’s program, then announce his retirement in his essay.”

Cher “Stressed” Over Chaz Bono’s Injuries on Dancing with the Stars
“She called me up and she’s sending her doctors to help. She’s just trying to be as supportive as possible.”

Artie Lange — The Three Million Dollar Comeback
“…Artie and Nick just inked 3-year deals for a nationally syndicated radio show premiering Monday, October 3.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
The trailer for the upcoming documentary Being Elmo: A Puppeteer’s Journey.

Kristin Cavallari & Jay Cutler “Working It Out,” Says Source
“They’re not officially back together but they’re definitely talking and figuring things out…”

Michael Jackson’s Shocking Dead Body Photo Shown By Prosecution
“Wearing a hospital gown and wrist band and a bandage over his nose, Michael’s body is lying on the gurney, with the date June 25, 2009 on the picture.”

January Jones Leaves Baby Daddy’s Name Off Birth Certificate
“After welcoming son Xander Dane on Sept. 13, January Jones still has yet to reveal the identity of the child’s father.”

George Clooney’s Ex Elisabetta Canalis Eliminated From DWTS
“I want to thank everybody because they made me come here. Thanks to the public and to everybody who voted for us.”

Rihanna’s New Video is Too Sexy for One Irish Farmer
“The issue was, that I felt Rihanna was in a more state of undress than a bikini top.”

Jesse James Accused of Cheating on Kat Von D
“You’re beyond an a**hole, you’re a sick predator who doesn’t respect women.”

Charlie Sheen Settles Two and a Half Men Lawsuit with Warner Bros.
“The pending lawsuit and arbitration will be dismissed as to all parties. The parties have agreed to maintain confidentiality over the terms of the settlement.”

Jennifer Garner: “It Would Be Weird to Have a Boy”
“…I’m sure it would be fun for Ben, he likes baseball and all that stuff.”

Paris Hilton Opens Luxury Store in India
“The socialite is set to launch eight stores by the end of the year…”

Selena Gomez to Host 2011 MTV EMA
“Lady Gaga leads the EMA pack with six nominations, followed by Katy Perry and Bruno Mars with four and Adele, Justin Bieber and 30 Seconds to Mars with three.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Eliminated DWTS contestants Elisabetta Canalis and Val Chmerkovskiy on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

Justin Bieber Rents Staples Center For Date With Selena Gomez
“According to reports, Bieber got the venue for free as a thank-you from the bosses at Staples for his string of three previous sell-outs there.”

Nancy Grace Has Nip Slip on Dancing with the Stars
“It was a bit top-heavy at times, my darling. And I got an eyeful! I couldn’t miss that. But it really is great to see you taking over the dance floor and performing.”

Michael Jackson’s Kids Prince & Paris Want To Testify in Manslaughter Trial
“…Prince Michael and Paris have said they want to tell the jury what they saw on the day their father died.”

Lady Gaga Shells Out $35,800 to Attend Obama Fundraiser
“Of course, the 25-year-old pop superstar made a grand entrance…”

Britney Spears Under Fire For Carrying Gun in “Criminal” Video
“I think she should apologize and make a sizeable donation to a Hackney charity that deals with young people, in compensation for the rudeness and damage that she’s done to our community.”

Kat Von D, Jesse James Break Up Again
“I apologize for all the “back and forth” if it’s caused any confusion.”

Charlie Sheen Makes Surprise Appearance with Dad & Brothers
“…he was reunited with his father Martin and brother Emilio Estevez at the premiere of Emilio’s new film, The Way.”

Lauryn Hill Sued — Fashion Consultant Alleges Heist
“…according to the lawsuit, Hill hung on to the clothes for three months, paying only a fraction of what she owed…”

Spencer Pratt is Broke, Can’t Get Work
“…Heidi Montag’s hubby, 28, still owes his agency ‘hundreds of thousands of dollars in commissions’ from the millions he and Montag, 25, earned during their run on the MTV reality series.”

Kim Kardashian Won’t Wear Her Engagement Ring to the Gym
“I see women coming to the gym with earrings on. I can’t do it.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
An interview with Rachel Weisz, who plays Libby in the movie Dream House.

Minka Kelly Explodes After Getting Groped on Charlie’s Angels Set
“The staffer came up behind the 31-year-old actress and slapped her across the rear end while holding a $100 bill in his hand…”

Jen Aniston’s Team “Went Ballistic” After Brad Pitt Insult
“She thought it was rude and inappropriate.”

Robert Pattinson is Recording an Album
“The album Rob will make will be guitar-based and drums, very organic-sounding, nothing pop…”

Kardashian Sisters Slam Elisabetta Canalis’ Dancing With the Stars Performance
“Shows are rigged all the time.”

Brad Pitt: Angelina & I Not Marrying Until Gays Can
“The kids are putting on the heat. They really are. They are putting on the heat.”

Mel Gibson Accused of Pastry Meltdown
Mel Gibson allegedly tried to run over a man outside a Costa Rican bakery…”

Cheryl Cole Launches Shoe Collection
“Cole’s limited-edition footwear collection is due to hit stores in December…”

Levi Johnston Tells Dr. Phil Bristol Palin Lied About How She Lost Virginity
“Obviously she’s not using the date rape thing, but it’s horrifying for someone you date for four years to say that.”

Rosie O’Donnell Has a New Girlfriend
“They are adorable together and are very, very happy.”

Gayle King Sued by Matchmatcher for Not Delivering Oprah
“Orly alleges she spent hundreds of hours hooking Gayle up with 5 men — all fabulous.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Behind the scenes of a sexy photo shoot with singer Shvona Lavette.

Mark Walhberg: Entourage Movie Likely to Happen
“‘It better happen,’ Wahlberg said over the weekend at Las Vegas’s Palms Place Hotel and Spa. ‘We’re working on [a movie] as we speak.’”

Charlie Sheen’s Net Settlement North of $100 Million
“Charlie will get the $25 mil in about two weeks and, as we reported, the sum represents the monies owed him for the work he already performed on the series and the profits that have already accrued.”

Charlie Sheen: “You Can’t Hurt Me… I Can’t Even Hurt Me”
“Wow, what a night — until tonight, I never realized how f***ed up I was.”

Matthew Fox Sued for $25,000 Over Bus Attack
“Fox, who was in Cleveland to film I, Alex Cross, was believed to be intoxicated; he has not been formally charged with any crime.”

Judges to Chaz Bono: “Chazzy Boy … You Can Dance!”
“Chaz Bono lived up to the hype in his highly-anticipated debut on Dancing with the Stars’ 13th season premiere Monday night.”

David Arquette: “I Understand How Chaz Bono Feels”
“I didn’t know Chaz before but going on there, but with Alexis I saw how vicious people can be…”

Lindsay Lohan — Good Samaritan Returns Cell Phone with “Photos”
“He somehow figured out how to contact Lindsay’s people and then returned it … without even asking for a reward. And you guessed it … she didn’t give him one.”

Emma Watson is “Surprisingly Regular,” Nina Dobrev Says at Emmys
“She’s such a smart, smart young woman and surprisingly normal and cool and regular.”

Alec Baldwin Explains Why He Skipped the Emmys
“It was a birthday party that kept Emmy nominee Alec Baldwin away from TV’s biggest night, not the fact that his opening skit got cut.”

January Jones Welcomes a Son
“Son Xander Dane Jones and the new mom are ‘doing great.’”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Supermodels Jessica White and Lisalla Montenegro behind the scenes for NYC’s Fashion’s Night Out.

Okay, you got me, I'll watch...

I’m still not exactly sure why Elisabetta Canalis is on this season of Dancing with the Stars. Does anyone who watches that show know who the hell she is? I guess it’s because she dated someone famous. Perhaps they should change the title of the show to Dancing with People Loosely Associated with the Stars. Though it’s not like the contestants on there are ever really stars anyway, but I imagine at least a handful of people knew who Ralph Macchio was last season. Not that I am complaining about Elisabetta appearing on the show. In fact I applaud it. If you’re going to have non-stars on a show that’s supposed to be about stars, at least have them look like this.

Leila Lopes of Angola Wins Miss Universe
“I consider myself a woman endowed with inner beauty. I have acquired many wonderful principles from my family and I intend to follow these for the rest of my life.”

Jennifer Lopez, Bradley Cooper Go on Romantic Dinner Date
“Both sexy stars are coming off big-time breakups.”

Charlie Sheen Lands New Movie Role
“…Sheen is set to star with Jason Schwartzman in the indie film A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charlie Swan III.”

Justin Bieber: My Teachers Were Mean To Me
“I wasn’t a bad kid, I just talked a lot in class.”

The X Factor Scores Big with Rihanna
“RiRi loved doing the U.K. finale last year, and the feeling from Simon was obviously mutual.”

Angelina Jolie Handcuffs Purse to Wrist in Toronto
“Angelina Jolie carried a unique fashion accessory to Brad Pitt’s Moneyball premiere…”

Kim, Khloe Kardashian Deal With “Friction” Over Pregnancy Race
“If Kim were to get pregnant first, that would cause tension, because it would highlight Khloe’s struggle.”

Reese Witherspoon Accident — Driver Feels “Awful,” Staying Off the Road
“…the woman thinks the Santa Monica corner is especially dangerous because there’s a large tree blocking sight lines for drivers.”

Salma Hayek’s Husband Speaks Out About Child-Support Case
“Salma Hayek’s husband has broken his silence in the big-money child support dispute over his child with supermodel Linda Evangelista.”

Erin Andrews’ Advice to New DWTS Cast
“There’s a day that you’re going to practice and your body hurts and you’re so tired you can’t even think about performing another dance, but when it’s over, you miss it a lot.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Lady Gaga’s first fashion film, featuring her song “You and I”.

See Chaz Bono, Other DWTS Celebs in First Official Costume Pics
“With pro partner Lacey Schwimmer at his side, activist and author Bono looks dapper in a vest, tie and slacks.”

Rob Kardashian — No Time for Dancing With the Stars Rehearsals
“…Cheryl is ‘fed up’ with what she perceives to be Rob’s lack of interest in the show.”

Lindsay Lohan Taking Shoplifting Classes, But Has Yet To Make Dent In Community Service
“Lindsay has completed around 45 hours of her service at the women’s shelter.”

Jennifer Lopez Reveals First Fight Of New American Idol Season
“I got really, really upset.”

Madonna Readying New Album For Spring Release
“She said the first single is due out in February or March, with the full album following in the spring.”

Regis Philbin — I’ll Be Gone In November
“November 18, 2011 … mark the date…”

Eddie Murphy To Host 2012 Oscars
“I am enormously honored to join the great list of past Academy Award hosts from Hope and Carson to Crystal, Martin and Goldberg, among others.”

Soulja Boy APOLOGIZES to U.S. Military — “I Am Deeply Sorry”
“Soulja Boy says he ‘let my words get the best of me’ when he released a new rap video saying, ‘F**k the troops’.”

Ryan Gosling, Eva Mendes Kiss, Hold Hands at Disneyland
“Eva was skipping around like a little girl…She would lean into him and she held his arm the entire time.”

Vin Diesel Says R-Rated Riddick Will Shoot in Canada; Offers New Concept Art
“I am grateful to have Universal in such support of this complex character’s journey… not many studios would back an ‘R’ rating. Very cool.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
A bonus extended clip from the X-Men: First Class Blu-ray (courtesy of SlashFilm).

Kim Kardashian sex tape — The $30 million dollar question
“Based on its long term value, it looks like $30 million would be a starting point for a discussion on all of the rights.”

Steven Seagal — Legal threats over deadly cockfight raid
“The blood of a dead puppy is on Steven Seagal’s hands…”

Dancing with the Stars pairs revealed
“Who’s dancing with Maks, Cheryl, Karina, Mark and the other pros?”

Sean Penn’s new young girlfriend’s real identity revealed
“…the woman in question is actually 26-year-old Shannon Costello, an aspiring actress and producer from Seattle…”

Chaz Bono — The final surgery he really wants
“I’d like to have a penis and I feel very comfortable as a male now.”

Justin Bieber racing in Ferrari just before accident, claims House Of Pain member
“I just raced @justinbieber down Ventura in his Ferrari I won but a fedex truck got in his way.”

LeAnn Rimes slams Giuliana Rancic for calling her “a little thin”
“She lost a lot of weight from all the stress in her life…”

Alyssa Milano welcomes a son
“The actress, 38, and husband David Bugliari welcomed a son named Milo Thomas Bugliari on Wednesday at 9:27 a.m.”

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills to address suicide in special episode
“It is not clear when the special will air.”

T.I. — Released from prison
“T.I. was sentenced to 11 months behind bars after his drug possession arrest on the Sunset Strip back in September 2010…”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Beyonce performing her song “1+1″ in her new music video.

Kreayshawn — Nude pics were stolen … and I was underage
“My twitter got hacked today by some anti-hollywood extremists.”

Courtney Stodden gets lingerie for her 17th birthday
“17 is going to be even better than 16 because I’m going to spend the whole year with my wonderful husband!”

Matthew Fox detained — accused of assaulting woman
“…the Lost star allegedly tried to enter a party bus — even though he wasn’t a guest on the vehicle.”

Leonardo DiCaprio’s unusual gift to Blake Lively’s dad — a coloring book
“Blake’s father loved it.”

Dancing with the Stars contestants announced
It’s a list of who’s who, I mean who’s that? – Ed.

Jay-Z — I refuse to clap for Chris Brown
“Jay-Z refused to even crack a smile.”

Kim Kardashian: Why Kris Humphries bailed on the VMAs
“He’s in Minnesota! Packing for NYC for a few months.”

Why The Situation skipped the VMAs
“…the 29-year-old’s absence was related to the hurricane that swept the East Coast over the weekend.”

Sebastian Bach’s home destroyed by Hurricane Irene
“Bach’s house was knocked off its foundation after a nearby reservoir overflowed, breaking the bridge next his home and sending it into his garage.”

Lindsay Lohan’s brother receiving threatening phone calls
“Cody … told officers a mystery caller was blowing up his cell phone and threatening to ‘harm him.’”

TODAY’S VIDEO
A teaser of Kim Kardashian’s new music video for her song “Jam.”

I don’t think you can kill ol’ Maksim on this one. You could practice dancing all your life, learning all sorts of elaborate routines but this type of thing happens sometimes. It just seems to me like maybe there was some sort of miscommunication. From what I understand, many of the dances on the show come with certain pop culture gimmicks. So Kirstie Alley probably thought she was doing a “Sleeping Beauty”-based routine while Maksim thought they were reenacting “Operation Dumbo Drop”. Semantics.

I’ve seen enough of this man’s talents to agree with Gabe over at Videogum that this old dog deserves a spot on “Dancing with the Stars”. Not as a celebrity, but as one of the professional dancers guiding Kirstie Alley through her journey. He could craft a dance in which he swigs from a beer, pulls strings, and controls her like a parade float. It’s what she’s been training for all her life.

Why Don’t You Put This Elderly Drunk Man On Dancing With The Stars Then? [Videogum]

Man, I wish there was a .gif of this moment

Brandy Norwood is one of the few people to appear on Dancing with the Stars who I would sort of call an actual star. And even if she wasn’t really a star these photos of her outside the DWTS studios certainly make her qualify as one. In fact, I will go one further. I am glad that DWTS singed her up for this season because to be honest, if they hadn’t, I would have completely forgotten that she (and her ample bosom) even existed. Thank you BBC for creating this show! (I’m still never going to watch it though.)

Look, political agendas aside, I don’t particularly enjoy Sara Palin. And it seems as though the crowd at last night’s “Dancing with the Stars” taping share the same sentiment.

And I know that Bristol Palin is supposed to be the “star” of the production (I use that term loosely), but you can’t help but wonder if this isn’t just some sort of weird political ploy to help Sara gain some support for her eventual presidential run. Look at me, I’m a family woman supporting my daughter that just happens to be on one of the highest-rated shows on television. What a coincidence don’t cha know! I didn’t even know there where going to be camera doo-hickeys here.

Sideline reporter Erin Andrews’ contract with ESPN ends on July 1st. And just like any other free agent, it seems like she’s going to test the market.

The USA Today reported this morning that she’s received a number of other job opportunities including ones outside of sports.

Andrews says her preference is to stay in sports once her ESPN contract expires July 1. But she won’t “close the door” on entertainment opportunities.

Presumably, Andrews’ performance and stunning popularity on Dancing with the Stars has made her much more marketable to non-sports entities. Wouldn’t be surprised to see her go to E! and become the next Maria Menounos. Speaking of which, she seems pretty pumped up about Game 7.

Erin Andrews taking free-agent plunge {USA Today}

Lots of make-up…check
Expensive, revealing outfits…check
The occasional spray tan….uh, gross

Yes, that’s a picture of Erin Andrew’s feet after 10 weeks of spray tanning. On one hand, I want to give her credit for showing us a behind-the-scenes look of a contestant on Dancing with the Stars. On the other hand, I was really hoping a behind-the-scenes look included some bikini candids of Brooke Burke.

At least, the foot fetish crowd will be pleased.

Pictured: A bra with underwire made of adamantium.

“The cleavage of the plus-size models, they said, was excessive, and we don’t think that’s the case,” said the source.

“It certainly appears to be discrimination against full-sized women.”

Lane Bryant had been set to launch its campaign for Cacique, its new lingerie line, during “Dancing [with the Stars]” this week.

A bigger problem to the Lane Bryant brass: An ad for Victoria’s Secret showing thinner models in similar stages of undress aired on “Dancing with the Stars” this week with no problem.

Jezebel is saying it might be a case of a copyright issue that got the commercial pulled, but things appear murky either way. The biggest losers in all of this: All of the men forced to watch Kate Gosselin dance this week who didn’t get to mitigate the emotional damage by seeing this lovely lady bursting at the seams. And women who need a bra that would withstand the pressure equivalent of the Hindenburg blast on their chest. They both lose equally.

‘Narrow’-minded ABC refuses to air ad with buxom babe, clothing line claims [NY Post]
Plus-Size Lingerie Ad Removed From Web After Censorship By Networks (Updated) [Jezebel (with video of the ad in question)]