Guyism » Darth Vader

VIDEO: Darth Vader is a total corporate whore in this supercut of his commercials

Chris Spags — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 19:00:22 +0000

Darth Vader has appeared in a lot of commercials completely out of character compared to the evil villain he became beloved for. But I never realized what a whore the Vader character has turned into until seeing this supercut of all his commercials. It’s something to behold.

Of all these things, I think I’m most shocked by the fact that they still have D batteries in the future. All the technological advancements in Star Wars and we’re still using batteries the size of a brick that hold an amount of energy equivalent to a fat person riding a stationary bike? Evil science just isn’t as practical as you’d think.

The Dark Side of The Dark Side [Retina Burn Blog via Buzzfeed]

The Dark Side Of The Force apparently causes one to throw like a girl

A. Isaac — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 19:45:51 +0000

Darth Vader and his gang of storm troopers invaded the O.co Coliseum Friday for Star Wars night. Unfortunately, for Vader, his many years of Jedi training did not give him the ability to throw a baseball.

Watch as the Sith Lord short hops one to home plate.

Due to Anakin’s mother being a Tatooine streetwalker, he grew up fatherless, and thus, didn’t have a patriarchal figure to teach him how to throw properly.

Therefore, the blames lies with one, Qui-Gon Jin and his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Instead of wasting time teaching him the in and outs of “The Force”, they could have taken a few moments each day to show the damn kid how not to throw like a sissy.

You’d think Jedi’s with high Midi-chlorian counts would know better. Shame on you guys.

Charlie Sheen – Darth Vader Mashup is worth watching

Will Brinson — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 15:23:40 +0000

At this point, there are eleventy billion Charlie Sheen mashups on the Internet. You’ve heard his quotes 5,000 times. I get it if you don’t want to hear them again. But this one — “Sheen Wars” — is worth watching. And not just because Star Wars is coming to 3-D, either.

No, it’s awesome in the same way that Pink Floyd and Dorothy are awesome. And because anytime you can see a man in black crush another man’s windpipe with MAGIC and then yell “WINNING,” you really need to take some time out of your day an enjoy that.

VIDEO: Darth Vader set to Bohemian Rhapsody is a win

Shawn Norris — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 15:59:07 +0000

I think a lot of Star Wars fans would tell you that The Phantom Menace was by far the worst film in the series of sci-fi adventures. But someone has written a song about Anakin Skywalker’s life set to the tune of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and along with some nice editing, it’s actually pretty impressive.

And once again we have a video where I have no idea how someone came up with this idea. Of course I’m not a big Star Wars fan, so maybe I’m just not in the loop when it comes to these things. I will say that I’m disappointed that Mace Windu was singled out as the reason that Anakin wasn’t allowed to grow. Come on, in a room full of freaks and little green men that talk backwards you have to pick out the coolest mother f***er in the room to single out the blame? Can you dig? I’m just talking about Mace Windu…

Via Furiousfanboys

VIDEO: Darth Vader hilariously identifies costumes at Dragon Con

Shawn Norris — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 21:27:53 +0000

Well it’s not Darth Vader per se, but it is Chad Vader at Dragon Con, which I am led to believe is a convention for people with a strong affinity towards dragons. Or it’s some sort of fantasy/science fiction convention…

You can imagine that any party with “Drunk Superman” is going to be pretty awesome.

But why stand around in the hall watching the people in costume when you can be in in this room buiyn half-naked Leias drinks?

Come on, Vader! Get your priorities straight. A room full of drunken Leias? This is supposed to be a fantasy convention, right?

VIDEO: What if Star Wars was a silent film?

Shawn Norris — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 13:20:07 +0000

Ever wondered what the film Star Wars would have been like if it had been made in the 1920′s? Well, it would have looked like this, except Chewie would have probably been played by an actual bear.

I have to be honest, I did not expect that to be so entertaining. I guess some movies are timeless. Why couldn’t Jar Jar Binks’ part in The Phantom Menace been done like this? It would have almost made it watchable.

VIDEO: Darth Vader successfully robs a bank

Shawn Norris — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 14:45:48 +0000

I knew the economy was bad, but not this bad. I figured after that whole Death Star fiasco Darth Vader would be swimming in insurance money. I guess I was wrong…

It seems like every week there’s a new guy in a new costume robbing a bank. It’s weird if you think about it; you don’t have enough money to live on but you have enough money to buy a costume and a gun? And he didn’t flee the scene on his Imperial Cruiser–he got away on his Huffy! You know what surprises me? How eyewitnesses saw a guy dressed as Darth Vader and the cops haven’t already arrested him. Bold strategy, Vader. Stay on a bicycle so as to blend in with all the common folk.

“Fools! The cops will be looking for Imperial Walkers. They’ll never suspect it’s the Vader on the bike!”

VIDEO: Steve Jobs is Darth Vader in Taiwan?

Shawn Norris — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 16:42:59 +0000

Another gem from the fine folks at NMA News in Taiwan. Last week it was a video of monkey soldiers and this week it’s portraying Steve Jobs as a Darth Vader in yet another confusing video. Steve Jobs: Ruler of Apple Inc. and Chinese sweatshops throughout the galaxy!

Again, my Chinese is rusty but I think I can roughly translate the video.

“My name is Steve Jobs and I hate my customers. Americans that complain about your iPhone problems, please stand in this long line while I have a lightsaber battle with Bill Gates for supremacy of the Silicon Valley Empire. I’m going to steal your hat, Bill Gates. Now the cops are going to break down the doors of Gizmondo and I’m going to choke your thieving writers. I will not be paying for your door. Hey, it’s raining people again. You are stuck with AT&T for all of the times. You can count the number of bars on your phone with one hand? Not after I cut all your fingers off! Only Consumer Reports can stop me now. Nooooooooooo! Your phone doesn’t work, but I’m still the most powerful man in the universe. Suck it, Warren Buffett!”

VIDEO: Re-enacting Star Wars on the NYC Subway

Shawn Norris — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 19:00:48 +0000

In the not too distant past, on a subway car not too far away, Darth Vader went in search of Princess Leia on the public transit system. Just another sign of a struggling economy.

Epilogue: After finding Princess Leia and escorting her to the new Death Star (a 2006 Ford Focus) Darth Vader was accosted by several men that ended up stealing his wallet, lightsaber, and that little box that makes his voice sound badass. Unable to scream for help, his Stormtroopers fired their blasters in vain as the criminals slowly walked away. “See,” signed Vader. “This is why we should have taken the bus.”

VIDEO: George Lucas doesn’t want you to have a real lightsaber

Shawn Norris — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 14:45:38 +0000

WickedLasers, a Hong Kong-based company, has developed what appears to be a real-life lightsaber with little practical use. George Lucas is not too happy about the product and is telling the company to redesign their product or prepare to get sued.

Who would have thought that 30 years after the original Star Wars somebody would find a way to develop an actual lightsaber? Well, probably everyone. It was arguably the coolest weapon in movie history. People had to figure that at some point someone or some military would find a way to harness the power of the dark side of The Force. And WickedLasers has kinda done that with their Spyder III Pro Arctic laser.

But it seems as though Lucasfilm Ltd. is not too keen on the idea of people willy-nilly running around wielding lightsabers. The company sees many similarities of the Spyder to the original Lucas design and has sent a cease-and-desist letter to WickedLasers because they feel the “weapon” may be too dangerous if it fell into the wrong hands.

The letter says that much like the fictional lightsabers, the Wicked Lasers can prove a dangerous weapon. It writes that they are “a highly dangerous product with the potential to cause blindness, burns and other damage to people and/or property.”

Come on. This thing really poses no immediate threat to that many people — it’s not going to cut the hand off your buddy Luke, if that’s what you’re wondering. It’s pretty much just a blue laser that somewhat resembles a lightsaber. Nobody is going to be able to battle Mace Windu with one of these things because they really only resemble the lightsaber in looks, not in function. So just because a company makes something that looks like a MADE-UP prop from a movie, Darth Vader has to make threatening and litigious phone calls from the Lucasfilm offices?

Darth Vader: Hey, jag-off, I’m going to give you to the count of three to stop selling these lightsabers before I crush your balls over the phone…”

I’m very concerned. This news really sucks for me. For the past few months I’ve been cloning dinosaurs in my basement and now I’m afraid Spielberg is gonna sue me for copyright infringement. I mean my business model is similar to that of Jurrasic Park, but seriously, unless somebody starts breeding dinosaurs and training them to fight with lightsabers we’re never going to see Jurrasic Park IV: The One Where The Dinosaurs Fight To The Death With Lightsabers.

And I dunno if I want to live in that world…

George Lucas Angry About Real Life “Lightsaber”, Threatens to Sue [Daily Tech]

Darth Vader scores a GOOOOOOOALLLLLLL!!!

Shawn Norris — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 13:15:00 +0000

I would be much more likely to get up early and watch the World Cup if I knew that Darth Vader was taking penalty kicks for the Galactic Empire. I wonder what the Imperial March sounds like on a vuvuzela?

Well, I guess this commercial is some sort of cable company advertisement in Mexico. I wouldn’t normally post something like this, but it seems like Geroge Lucas is getting pretty liberal with the use of his characters in advertisements these days. This is just one of several commercials I’ve seen with Star Wars characters in it, which is kind of a disturbing trend if you ask me. Makes me sort of glad that Michael Jackson owned all the rights to the Beatles catalog for so long. I feel like if it weren’t for a few people with good heads on their shoulders, we’d be watching Steve McQueen playing goalie against Darth Vader while “Let It Be” plays in the background in this commercial. And I dunno know about you, but I don’t want to remember any of those three things when I go to pay my cable bill.

Can you guess the celebrity Halloween costume?

Shawn Norris — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 12:00:38 +0000

Celebrities these days really seem to love Halloween. Whether it’s Paris Hilton dressed as a slutty nurse to Paris Hilton dressed as a slutty cop or even Paris Hilton dressed as a slutty Batman; more and more celebs seem to be going all out while attending lavish Hollywood Halloween parties. But sometimes their costumes aren’t always obvious to the untrained eye. See if you can look at the picture and guess the what each celebrity is dressed as.

1. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are dressed as:

Answer: A box of cookies and “whipped”

2. Chris Klein is dressed as:

Answer: Somebody whose career peaked with the first American Pie movie

3. Gwen Stefani is dressed as:

Answer: Lazy

4. Olivia Munn and friend are dressed as:

Answer: Every nerd’s fantasy and Star Jones circa 1999

5. Lady Gaga is dressed as:

Answer: Spit

6. Nicky Hilton is dressed as:

Answer: The reason there are such strict sex offender laws in the US

7. Santa Claus is dressed as:

Answer: Dick Cheney during Christmas Dinner

8. Gary Busey is dressed as:

Answer: The guy that’s been killing all the neighborhood cats.

9. Dennis Rodman is dressed as:

Answer: This isn’t Halloween; he calls this look “Monday at a PTA Meeting”

10. Heidi and Spencer Pratt are dressed as:

Answer: The Little Plastic Mermaid and The Biggest Douchebag on Earth

11. Chris Brown is dressed as:

Answer: Ike Turner

12. Lindsay Lohan is dressed as:

Answer: Something in L.A. that will give you the same workout as Nautilus equipment

13. Flavor Flav is dressed as:

Answer: We would have accepted: An embarrassment to his race or a Swatch

14. Bill Maher is dressed as:

Answer: A dick

15. Lady Gaga is dressed as:

Answer: Swamp Genocide

16. Courtney Love is dressed as:

Answer: A shiftless Hobo Drifter

17. Darth Vader is dressed as:

Answer: A Japanese schoolgirl

18. This man is dressed as:

Answer: Jon Gosselin–one day after the divorce.

19. Vanessa Minnillo and a friend are dressed as:

Answer: The two most overrated quarterbacks in the National Football League

20. Katy Perry is dressed as:

Answer: A woman with such spectacular boobs that the mustache wouldn’t bother most men.

Vader & Christian Bale and the dentist

Douglas Charles — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:19:00 +0000

By now you are probably familiar with the “David after the dentist” video that’s been all over the Internets. If you’re not, then jeez, what have you been doing? Working? Anyway, people have been having a lot of fun with that little video. Witness…

Darth Vader after the dentist

Christian Bale takes David to the dentist

I think maybe that’s one too many memes in a post, but I thought I’d roll the dice…