The men’s theoretical finances reacted accordingly: Savings rates dropped 42 percent when men believed there were less women and the men were also willing to borrow 84 percent more monthly for their lifestyles.

According to researchers, the men were unaware of sex ratios having any affect on their behavior.

“Economics tells us that humans make decisions by carefully thinking through our choices; that we’re not like animals,” lead researcher Vladas Griskevicius said. “It turns out we have a lot in common with other animals. We see that there are more men than women in our environment and it automatically changes our desires, our behaviors, and our entire psychology.”

Don’t worry men, you’re not alone: The study also found that women behave differently when there are more men around. No, they don’t spend more…they expect more when they’re being courted.

So men use money to pretend they have some intrinsic social merits and women are money grubbing wenches in certain social situations? No way. Up is up! Black is black! Dogs and cats, living in mild intolerance!

A Scarcity of Women Leads Men to Spend More, Save Less [University of Minnesota via Business Insider]

It’s said that a girl dresses for one of two audiences.

Staring in her closet each morning, a girl decides who she wants to impress that day – other girls, or guys. The girl that dresses for other girls puts considerable time and effort into looking like she just swung through her closet, Tornado Rex-style, and popped out wearing the artfully layered look she has on. The combination usually includes articles of clothing that guys (a.) can’t identify or (b.) wish we wouldn’t leave the house in (harem pants fall into both categories, for instance).

When she’s dressing for guys? Things get decidedly easier. Snug jeans and a (relatively) low-cut top. Done. Or, conversely, (relatively) short skirt + snug top. Done.

The first group of girls hope to impress other females with their style prowess, each outdoing the next in crazy color combos, jewelry and (clashing?) patterns. The second girl wants guys to think she’s pretty.

For guys, on the other hand, the choice is usually between dressing for themselves or for us ladies. Dressing for yourself means you give the pants on the floor a quick sniff and throw them on with whatever shirt is hanging most(ly) wrinkle-free in your closet. But when you’re dressing for girls? Our reaction gets factored into the wardrobe equation. “All the girls at work make a big deal when I dress up…so I’m going to wear a blazer today.” “My girlfriend said I look cute in this sweater, so I’m going to wear it on our date.” Given the rewards, the choice seems pretty logical, don’t you think?

Of course, taken too far – obsessing over herringbone weaves, pondering the pros and cons of beige versus taupe in an unlined blazer – that’s not such a turn-on. Thankfully, this phenomenon is mostly confined to the hallways of GQ, and to an elite cadre of menswear bloggers, but just a warning to stay vigilant.

Because as a girl who likes talking about menswear, I want you to look handsome. I do. But as a girl who likes being the girl in a relationship, I also want to take longer than you to get ready. And even then, ten times out of ten I’d rather the first words out of your mouth to be, “You look so pretty,” not “You look so stylish.”

But maybe that’s just me.

What do you think? Would you rather your girlfriend dress “stylish: or “pretty?” Whose reaction do you consider when getting dressed in the morning?

Honestly I don’t even know any of those girls and I could say without any hesitation that I’d have sex with all of them over being their friend. Even the ones I don’t find that cute. You know why? They have vaginas. And not just any run-of-the-mill factory installed vaginas, but fresh Utah ones, clean as the morning snow in Park City. So a lifetime of friendship talking about Sex and the City and the good word of Joseph Smith or one blowout mediocre sex session consisting primary of the missionary position and awkward groans? You pick the latter every single time.

Utah State University Students Asked If Men And Women Can Just Be Friends [Viral Viral Videos]

Hi Lauren,

I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.
FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can’t see someone’s body language or tone of voice in an email. I’m not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I’m honest and direct by nature, and I’m going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that’s how I came across your email.

I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.
Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:

-You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I’ve never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn’t look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.
-We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I’ve never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.
-You said, “It was nice to meet you.” at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn’t interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said–that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.
-We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don’t think I’m being delusional in saying this statement.

In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It’s bad to do that.
Normally, I would not be asking for information if a woman and I don’t go out again after a first date. However, in our case, I’m curious because I think our date went well and that there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship. Of course, it’s difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).

I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date.

Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we don’t, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don’t want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn’t want to go again. Normally, I wouldn’t ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential.

If you don’t want to go again, then apparently you didn’t think our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Dating or a relationship is not a Hollywood movie. It’s good to keep that in mind. In general, I thought the date went well and was expecting that we would go out on a second date.

If you’re not interested in going out again, then I would have preferred if you hadn’t given those mixed signals. I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I’m in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with a woman if she didn’t like classical music. You said that you’re planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You’re very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn’t take any significant additional time on your part. According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but I’ll stop here. I don’t understand why you apparently don’t want to go out with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive. If you didn’t find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place. After all, our first date was not a blind date. You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a “real” job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I’ve made my parents several millions of dollars. That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it’s a real job. Donald Trump’s children work for his company. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. George Soros’s sons help manage their family investments. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren’t like that. I’ve never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you. I’ve gone out with a lot of women in my life. (FYI, I’m not a serial dater. Sometimes, I’ve only gone out with a woman for one date.) People don’t grow on trees. I hope you appreciate the potential we have.

Am I sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think it’s better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world.

I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I’m open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too. If you don’t want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you don’t want to go out again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 30 minutes late for our date. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if a man showed up thirty minutes late for a first date with you.

If you’re concerned that you will hurt my feelings by providing specific information about why you don’t want to go with me again, well, my feeling are already hurt. I’m sad and disappointed about this situation. If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial.
If you don’t want to go out again, that I request that you call me and make a sincere apology for leading me on (i.e., giving me mixed signals). In my opinion, you shouldn’t act that way toward a man and then not go out with him again. It’s bad to play with your hair so much and make so much eye contact if you’re not interested in going out with me again. I have tried to write this email well, but it’s not perfect. Again, I’m not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. I’m disappointed, sad, etc. I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx> (if it’s inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I’ll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you don’t want to go out again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt. Sending me an email response (instead of talking on the phone) would better than no response at all, but I think it would be better to talk on the phone. Email communication has too much potential for misinterpretation, etc.

Best, Mike

Long bit of text there, but the highlights:

-Mike thinks that a girl “making eye contact” and “touching her hair” trumps the fact that she didn’t reply to multiple texts or voicemails. He would be wrong in that assessment.
-For a guy who dislikes emails, he sure made this one novel-length bit of digital communication.
-He finds many of Lauren’s decisions — all of which seem to indicate she found him disinteresting immediately after they started actually talking — to be “irrational,” primarily because they don’t involve her wanting to see him again.
-Mike for some reason thinks, “As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You’re very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves,” is a viable reason for a woman to date him. It is not.
-After basically saying Lauren sucks at life and that he’s such a great catch and she’s a fool for not recognizing it, Mike says that he would still love to date her.

Gentlemen (and ladies, for that matter), here’s a lesson in life: “No reply” = “No.” If you text someone once and they don’t reply, it’s possible, but still unlikely, they missed it. Repeated tries? It’s a no.

Either way, let’s hope Mike gets himself an empty seat next to him at every Philharmonic event in the future as a sign of what could have been. Or he could seat himself next to a child’s doll that he calls Lauren and excitedly whisper to it during the event. That’d show her!

An investment banker’s cover letter for a second date [Reddit]

Love is a wonderful thing, this is very creative (even though someone did the exact same thing a couple months ago), yada yada. But on an airplane? What exactly makes that so magical? Is it the usage of an intercom system created in the 1960s? Or perhaps the now-sealed-shut ash trays in the arm rests? Perhaps the yellow lighting or overpriced and stale sandwiches? More power to these crazy kids and their torrid love affair, but I’m pretty sure there have been more romantic proposals at truck stop glory holes than on this Delta flight.

Mile-High Marriage Proposal of the Day [The Daily What]

Click the image for a full-sized version

Either way, any lovely ladies out there who have been pining for a man who’ll treat her right and “half a good tim,” you can find our OkCupid lothario here.

I’ve been called a lot of things in my day but being compared a toaster is definitely not something I’d be proud of. But I’m much more offended by the outrageous laughter coming for all the jokes this sensible-suited woman is throwing out there. “Men should come with instruction booklets, amirite ladies?” is not something that should precede the hyena-like cackles of a room full of 1980s broads. Maybe on an ad for Whitney. It’d seem downright genius on there.

Understanding This Is Going to Save Your Sanity [The Hairpin]

If the article headline didn't make you nauseous, this image may!

Friend says that she decided to try the online pool after her daughter met her husband, a friend’s son met his wife, and one of her cousins met her husband online.

She said she was looking for a “playmate” when she joined SeniorPeopleMeet.com, not husband No. 3. But a couple of months and $14.95 later, she met Mr. Right.

The Times article goes on to say that people 55 and older are going to dating sites in the US more than any other age group, a number that’s climbed 39 percent in the last three years. The second largest dating pool on the rise? People aged 45-54.

Point being, don’t be shocked when your OkCupid profile is getting staked out by ladies interested in Matlock and osteoporosis checkups. They may not be able to have kids, do anything physical, or drink due to their heart medication, but they’re craving a vigorous poking, like a dying lion in the Serengeti.

Second Love at First Click [NY Times via Gawker]

The Coral Snake, aka the feces provider.

Pennell told officers that she grabbed a poisonous coral snake from its tank, threatening to let it go unless Rudisill left.

Then, Rudisill responded by grabbing the snake’s tail and extracting feces from its rear before shoving his now-dung-covered hand into her mouth.

Rudisill denies any charges of assaulting Pennell or shoving the snake crap in her mouth.

I wouldn’t consider myself a relationship expert or anything, but I’ll go out on a limb and suggest that one of the basic pieces of any successful domestic partnership is not getting in a situation in which one person needs a snake to protect themselves. There are millions of things I’d use if I felt threatened in my home; an autonomous reptile would not even be in the top five.

Either way though, I hope none of my future ladyfriends ever complain again about their mouths being subjected foreign inedible substances. So long as it’s not the poisonous shit of a reptile, I expect carte blanche.

Elyria man accused of shoving snake poop in girlfriend’s mouth [Newsnet 5]

Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

Moving in together is a huge step for any couple. While the guy might worry his Xbox will be replaced with a stack of Oprah magazines, we’re stressing about losing all of our privacy. It’s not that we don’t want to spend every single waking moment together — it’s more like we don’t want you to realize that we have flaws, quirks, and normal body functions.

Here are the top six things we’re scared to do in front of you.

6 Eat messy foods
A good date centers around good food, great conversation, and fantastic foreplay under the table. We don’t want to ruin the mood by slurping up spaghetti, gnawing on a piece of sushi, or stabbing ourselves in the eye with a tricky kabob stick. Save us some trouble by picking a place with bite-sized sauce-free food like carrots or ice shavings.

5 Have gas
It’s clinically proven that gas is the fastest killer of a romantic night. Couples instantly go from being wrapped around each other naked to sleeping on opposite ends of the bed wearing nightgowns over flannel pajamas. Please do us a huge favor by letting us blame any unexplainable noises and lingering smells on the dog — even if you don’t have a dog.

4 Facebook stalk
Some women use Facebook to stay in touch with friends, as well as to see who gained the most weight since high school. Other women use it to legally stalk ex-boyfriends, one-time hook-ups, and crushes. We fully acknowledge that we’re absolutely batshit insane, yet we have trouble stopping ourselves from completing our daily ritual. Help us not embarrass ourselves by lying to us and saying you don’t have the internet because you don’t believe in using it — and for your own sake, never let us know you have Facebook.

3 Work out
The gym is a great place for us to lose weight, stay in shape, and compare ourselves to fatter women. However, unless we’re only taking power yoga classes, it’s not a great place to run into someone we like. We’re worried that you’ll be completely focused on our sweaty headbands, red faces, and our manly gym attire. A great way to make us feel better if you run into us at the gym is to focus on the work-out. Instead of noticing our gym attire, try saying something nice like “wow you’ve lost more weight than the office could have ever imagined.”

2 Watch our TV shows
Sometimes we watch really stupid TV that we’re embarrassed to watch in front of anyone else — let alone someone that we really like. We’re talking reality television that makes the Kardashian family look like they deserve a show and movies that make chick flicks look like war documentaries. If you ever walk in on us changing the station quickly to ESPN, then please don’t ask what we were watching before and why we’re sobbing over SportsCenter.

1 Poop
Believe it or not (and many choose not to) some women have the ability to poop. And we use the exact same kind of bathroom you do! However many of us will run out of your house and go to the nearest gas station before we’ll use your toilet. Installing a porta-potty outside your house covered in sound proof material and filling it with at least six air fresheners is a great way to make us feel comfortable living together. We’ll be able to poop out of ear shot and you’ll be able to keep on pretending that women only have one hole.

Ouch. Something tells me she didn’t think about it and go, “Yeah, you know what? That dorky Asian kid who gave a speech that, at times, vaguely sounded like it was insulting me definitely is my type of dude. I’m going to make him buy me a chocolate shake then blow him violently in a parking lot.” More likely, she never brought it up again, laughed about it with her friends, and if asked about it by this kid, would say, “Oh, you were serious? That was so funny!”

Kid’s got balls though. Dorky, nervous, sweaty balls. But balls all the same.

Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

Almost all single women will accept an invitation to go on a date provided the guy isn’t a registered sex offender or Michael Lohan. However getting that elusive “yes” to a second date can often be more of a challenge. Never have to hear “work is just so busy right now” again by reading these 7 tips.

7 Call us within a few days
We come home from a first date, go about our normal routine, update our Facebook status to “he’s the one,” and wait for you to call. Every time our phone buzzes, beeps, and rings we pray it’s from you. And every time it’s not from you and it’s just our mom to calling to ask if we’re still single, we die a little bit more inside. And then we start to get over you. So when you call a month later thinking we’ll be chomping at the bit to say yes, we’ve already moved onto waiting for another guy to call us back.

6 Compliment us at dinner
It never hurts to say something nice to us at dinner. It could be about our personality, our looks, or our choice of entree. We’ll walk home floating on air after you tell us our choice of roasted chicken was the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen a woman order. However, don’t go over board and spend the entire meal mouthing “you’re fucking sexy” across the table. Nothing makes us lose our appetite and your number faster than overkill.

5 Share the conversation
We know you’re the most interesting person in the entire world and we’re lucky to even be engaging in a conversation with you. But have a little modesty and pause in your life history for a second to ask us about ourselves. No one ever gets a second date by spending the entire conversation reciting their lines from their understudy position in the school play.

4 Don’t Facebook us before the first date
If it’s a blind date and we’ve never met before, do not friend us before the date. Not only is it slightly creepy, but it gives us too big of an opportunity to analyze your profile and pick out all of your flaws ahead of time. You don’t want us spending the whole first date preoccupied that one of your interests was “banging hookers on the weekends. lol.”

3 Stay in the present
The furthest in the future you should go in our hypothetical relationship is asking if there’s going to be a second date. While we both may be picturing wonderful futures together full of romantic dates, weekend getaways, and wild threesomes, neither of us should say it aloud. There’s still a chance that we’re debating if we like you and nothing will mess it up faster than you asking us to go in on a summer timeshare in North Dakota.

2 Be polite to the servers
You can be a complete gentleman to us and charm us with your door-opening and chair-holding skills. But all of that will be forgotten when you whistle for the waiter and demand that he recook your steak because you asked for medium rare and not well fucking done. You’ll impress us by treating the waiter like a human being and not accusing him of spitting in your food after you asked for bread basket #7.

1 Be discrete about your intentions
While it’s not out of line to assume that the date is going to end with sex, it is distasteful to spell that out mid-date. Saying “let’s go back to your place and do it” while we’re ordering our first drink makes us worry you slipped in a roofie. If it happens, it happens, but trying to feel us up in the middle of the bar and loudly proclaiming that you want to rip off our clothes as we eat our appetizers will not make it happen.

I don’t know how this reflects on me, but I feel like I’d be more prepared to like her after seeing this than I did before. I mean she’s not a bad looking girl, but the way she cackles maniacally and screams while slathering liquids on herself really does it for me. Emotional insecurities and a willingness to douse yourself in strange liquids? That’s a winning combination on the ol’ Chris-o-meter.

That said, fix your hair, lady. It looks like an unfinished bird nest. WHAT BOY COULD LOVE YOU!??!

Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

Have you ever been out on a date with a woman and gotten the feeling she’s not listening to anything you’re saying? Trust me, she’s trying very hard to focus on the words coming out of your mouth. However she’s much more preoccupied by all the thoughts running through her head. She’s ten steps ahead of you and will most likely spend the entire date trying to predict the answers to the following questions.

7 Who will pay the bill?
Women start stressing about this as soon as you both sit down at the table. Will you be offended if she doesn’t offer to pay (ungrateful bitch!) or will you be offended if she does do the slow-motion “let me get my wallet” move? Put her fears to rest by telling her to order anything she wants (on or off the dollar menu) because this meal is on you.

6 What happens next?
Everything is going super great on the date and you’re happy that J-Date finally pulled through for you. However, she’s debating if you expect to come home with her or if you think she’s a giant slut for even thinking that. Make your intentions clear from the outset by subtly sliding a handful of condoms across the table and mouthing “later.”

5 Do I actually like him?
You’re funny, charming, and good-looking in the candle light. As you tell another hilarious story about the time you set you set a pledge on fire in college, she’s trying to decide if she wants to date you. Solve this problem by making her fall in love with you immediately. Instant love can generally be created by making sure she has endless drink refills.

4 Am I making sense?
As she rambles on about co-worker drama and its relationship to problems with her mother, she’s simultaneously asking herself what the fuck she is talking about. She wants to make a good impression — and in an attempt to do so continually finds herself telling stories with no end. Save her the embarrassment by constantly interrupting with your own semi-related stories.

3 What is he looking for?
Whether you went on this date looking for a girlfriend or looking for a one-night stand, you know exactly what you want. Now she’s attempting to interpret what you want by over analyzing everything you say. Stop making her read between the lines by spelling it out for her — “my friends dared my $100 to ask you on a date, after this I will never see you again.”

2 What will my friends think?
Women get off on judging each other, especially their very own friends. Even if she is falling madly in love with you, she’s still thinking about what her friends will say. Assure her that her friends will love you by being extra-good-looking, extra-funny, extra-nice, and extra-rich. It’s truly that easy!

1 Do I still look okay?
She left her house with perfectly straight hair and smudge-free make-up. However you’re now halfway done with your ribs dinner and she’s stressing about what’s in her teeth and how to get that lump of sauce out of her hair without you noticing. Make her feel more comfortable by smearing sauce all over yourself to the point that you’re asked to leave the restaurant for lewd and indecent behavior.

Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

Maybe your girlfriend just dumped you or maybe you haven’t had sex since the 90′s or maybe you’re just really horny. Whatever the case may be, WebMd claims that there is no cure quite as effective as the one-night stand. However all it takes is a few missteps to turn a successful one-night stand into an absolute disaster.

7 Don’t acknowledge you don’t know her name
You just finished having the most amazing sex of your life and you realize you don’t even know her name. Danielle? Jessie? Thomas? Don’t ruin the moment by admitting you forgot her name. Combine hot, sexy, stuff, thing, and baby in any order to create a personalized and unforgettable nickname.

6 Don’t exchange information in the morning
So you’re leaving in the morning and you feel bad saying “see you probably never.” Instead of asking for her number and giving her the false impression you’ll call, locate the nearest exit and whisper goodbye before she’s even awake. If you feel guilty just leaving, tell her you’re married, and this can’t ever happen again.

5 Don’t go to brunch
Just because conversation flowed in bed (“harder,” “faster,” “I said donkey was my safe word”) doesn’t mean it will go as well over breakfast. Sitting at a restaurant trying to make small talk will only emphasize that you’re actually strangers. However if you’re feeling chivalrous, be a gentleman, and leave her a few dollars to grab herself an Egg McMuffin.

4 Go back to her place
It’s incredibly important that you make every effort to end the night in her bed. It’s much harder to come up with an excuse to leave early in the morning when you’re already in your own apartment. A foolproof way to guarantee that you end up back at her place is to tell her she’s welcome to come home with you as long as she doesn’t meeting your parents and sleeping in your bunk bed.

3 Keep it casual
No matter how many ways you did it, a one-night stand is not an appropriate time to begin discussing personal matters. Don’t extend beyond small talk about the weather and the time of day. If you exchange career information or last names, things have gone too far, and odds are high you’re going to end up with a serious girlfriend.

2 Don’t do anything weird in bed
On one hand you’ll never see her again. On the other hand she might just be a sex blogger who will share all the weird details, as well as your full name. Try your hardest to keep it normal by refraining from pulling out your collapsible whip and inflatable sex doll.

1 Use protection
Nothing turns a one-night stand into a shotgun wedding faster than an unplanned pregnancy. The last thing you want to do is spend all your hard-earned money on paternity tests and child support. Pulling out only works in red states where condoms aren’t sold without a prescription.

Between shit like this and that other guy proposing via a specially made movie trailer, I almost feel like a woman would be justified in refusing your request for her hand if you just walked up to her with a ring like, “Sup baby? Love ya. Let’s do this thing.” So while stuff like this is cool, we need to make sure to pull guys like Jeff Gurwin aside and make him tone it down a little. You’re raising this bar a little too high, dude.

If anything, we need YouTube videos of some guy stammering through a proposal while dressed in sweatpants just to even it out. Equal time.

Mural Marriage Proposal of the Day [The Daily What]

What woman could love this hideous monster???

When provided with several types of men, the ones they found least attractive were ones who were smiling in the photo. Even when compared to ones who looked sad or afraid.

The type of man found most attractive by the women polled? Men who looked strong and proud or, bizarrely, men with their hands raised in the air.

Men were the exact opposite in the study, finding women who smiled most attractive while women who looked strong and proud were the least attractive.

So, if you want to get a chick, my suggestion would be to puff out your chest, put on one of those t-shirts with fake muscles on it, and walk around like you’re the “Sure” guy in those old deodorant commercials. Women will flock to you like, uh, a bunch of illogical harpies who like guys who resemble the rape tree from “Evil Dead”. Still counts.

Why So Serious? Because Chicks Dig It! [Good via Gizmodo]

Half of the Match.com men surveyed regularly spend over $50 on a date. Women, on the other hand, are three times more likely to spend less than $25 on any given date.

The study also implies that you should make sure to watch your tip: a whopping 82% of single people said they’re more interested in their date when they tip generously.

The lone shocker of the study? The finding that 46% of women wouldn’t care if their date used a coupon on a date. Somewhere, Groupon’s CEO is cackling maniacally.

So, in summary, we really learned that 54% of women want to be taken to nice places, even when meeting random guy online, and 46% of women are liars. Oh, you studies. You say so much with so little.

The Real Cost of Dating in America: Don’t Bank on Assumptions [Match.com]

I feel bad for this girl. There can’t be too many chicks out there named “Dominic” and it’s kind of hard to maintain your dignity when you’re drunkenly yammering about your love of yo-yos and occasional bouts of indigestion while working at Jamba-b-a Juice. There have been more coherent romantic beginnings in a shower scene on “Oz” than there are in this voicemail.

Anyone know whom this girl is? Let us know!

Drunk Girl Leaves Funny Drunk Voicemail [Viral Viral Videos]

This seems sexy until you realize she's just trying to steal his wallet.

Each case involved showing the subject a picture of the person they were on a hypothetical date with, then asking if they would decide to pay the entire bill, split it, or nominate their date to pay.

Women who rated themselves as most attractive were the least likely to pay for meals with a directly proportional correlation between attractiveness and willingness to pay any part of the fictional tab.

One researcher told the Daily Mail, “[Attractive women] quite literally bring more to the table, so they expect the other person to pick up the tab or expect to pay for the bill.”

The good news, ladies — Attractive men are also less likely to pay the bill than the ones not as good-looking, too. Not as bad as women, but still. It’s something.

Personally, I’m shocked. I mean not at the findings because, well, no shit. But that someone not only commissioned this study and probably gave a team a grant for this. Women believe looks hold more merit than any sort of actual substance? My stars! I never would have believed such a thing could be possible were it not for this hard empirical evidence provided by the researchers at St. Andrews. Bless you all for this knowledge you’ve given society that we could never have determined ourselves!

What I really want to see is a longitudinal study tracking women who think they’re attractive and their willingness to pay the bill as they age and their vision of their looks doesn’t mesh with society’s. The simple joy of a 40-year-old woman who was gorgeous 20 years ago saying she wouldn’t pay for the date with a photo of a man, only for the printed photo to grow legs and walk out of the room uttering, “Really? This is just absurd. Enjoy dying alone,” would be the height of science-based entertainment.

Let’s not go Dutch: Attractive women expect their date to pay for dinner because they’re worth it [Daily Mail via CNBC]