Woody Harrelson and his girlfriend Laura Louie were officially married on Sunday on the island of Maui, his rep confirms to Usmagazine.com.

The couple, who have been together for 20 years, tied the knot in front of a small group of family and friends, including actor Owen Wilson, Willie Nelson and Sean Penn. Alanis Morissette sang at the ceremony.

Louie is “the ultimate goddess,” Harrelson once raved to Los Angeles Magazine. “Sometimes I get way too yang. She’s very yin. We balance each other very well.”

Now I’m sure Laura Louie isn’t the ugliest woman on Earth. In fact, she’s not even the ugliest bride I’ve had on this site. But I have to believe that the guy who was once the “hunk” on Cheers and has been in countless movies over decades could do a little better. I’m sure Woody’s happy and all that, but I wish he’d make a sacrifice and f someone hotter for my benefit.

On the plus side, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to f someone who looks like a stereotypical caricature of a sherpa, so that’s pretty cool. And you can do it without scaling a mountain! Good work, Woody!

[source]

I <3 Leelee Sobieski. She's tall, she's Russian or some crap, and she has amazing boobs. But then she always dresses like this and it's the same problem I had with Audrina Patridge. Would it kill you to put on some slutty leather number that simultaneously rides up and underexposes your chest?

Please stop dressing like you’re the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Regards,
Chris

This is like the worst look I’ve ever seen for anything ever. She looks like the nerdy duck boy from Darkwing Duck. Seriously, there are many things I’d prefer to stick my penis in over her. Including paper shredders, rotting watermelons, and that nerdy duck boy from Darkwing Duck.

Can we stop with the “emo cute” looks girls? I’ve never seen an emo chick and been like “Yeah, like to get me a piece of that.” In fact, the next time I see a girl in a pair of skinny jeans with Chuck Taylors and big black glasses, a C kick is coming her way. I don’t kick vaginas for myself…I do it for the good of the world.

So yeah, I can safely say that Salma Hayek is officially off my personal list of chicks whom I’d like to f. She just looks crapty lately and it takes a lot for me to say that about a chick with a nice ass and ample breasts. I guess I’d f her for historical reasons, kind of like how I’d f the cotton gin or apartheid.

And what the f is with that crapty headband and bushy eyebrows? God I want to punch her in the throat. She looks like she should be banging on my door at 9AM saying “Housekeepyyy”.

Overweight women are more likely to report having sex with men than women considered to be of “normal weight,” U.S. researchers said.

The study is based on data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, which looked at sexual behavior of more than 7,000 U.S. women.

“These results were unexpected and we don’t really know why this is the case,” Kaneshiro said in a statement.

Ninety-two percent of overweight women reported having a history of sexual intercourse with a man, as opposed to 87 percent of women with a normal body mass index.

In fairness, BMI is kind of a dumb way of measuring if someone’s fat or not. If a girl has great big sexy boobs, she’ll probably be over her recommended BMI too. And, as we all know, every attractive woman with big breasts is a complete whore. I can’t accept that porn’s lied to me over the years, it would destroy my whole world view.

But yeah, let’s assume that this really is about real fat women. Like fat women whom you could see and go, “Wait, that thing is a person? I just assumed you were a pile of mashed potatoes that gained autonomy and a willingness to move.” If that’s the case, and I pray to all the gods that it isn’t, then I am ashamed for all of you. Yes, we’ve all wanted to f the Michelin Man at some point in our lives. Doesn’t make it right.

[source via]

Man, that sign really helped me out. Otherwise I would have just been throwing peanuts at his mouth, staring at him and going, “WHYYYYY!!?!??!” And I probably would have punched him and hurt my fist, disappointed in how my attempts to solicit his attention with food failed yet again. It’d be just like my trip to feed the starving Ethiopians all over again.

[Source]