So Demi Moore is back on Twitter, but she no longer wants to be @MrsKutcher. Luckily the Internet has other ideas. Moore tweeted a request to her followers to come up with a new Twitter handle, and the masses responded with a bunch of really dumb crap. ]]>

So Demi Moore is back on Twitter, but she no longer wants to be @MrsKutcher. Luckily the Internet has other ideas. Moore tweeted a request to her followers to come up with a new Twitter handle, and the masses responded with a bunch of really dumb crap. Thankfully, there are enough total douches on the Internet that aren’t dazzled by her leathery stardom, and they’re giving her the business.
Beautiful Bush

We approve, but it’s a little long.
Thunderpussy

You’ve got to own it.
MrsingNo

Odds that Demi Moore will get this fairly obscure Pokemon joke? Pretty slim.
Rob Delaney

Rob Delaney can always be counted on for a laugh.
Ghostf*cker

She did! She boned a ghost (in Whoopi Goldberg’s body). How many ladies can say that?
Sexual Trevor

I’m not quite sure what “Sexual Trevor” is a reference to, but it’s a damn good name.
G.I. Junkie

This isn’t “funny” as much as it is “totally crazy,” because apparently Moore used whippets at a party in front of (adult) daughter Rumer Willis.
I Am Nigel

Dude, I think that’s taken. By you.

A new report is coming out that married couples with daughters are far more likely to divorce (which is good for those among us who like damaged women because, hey, it really was their fault). Some interesting tidbits within.

Not only did researchers find that ]]>

A new report is coming out that married couples with daughters are far more likely to divorce (which is good for those among us who like damaged women because, hey, it really was their fault). Some interesting tidbits within.

Not only did researchers find that couples with sons are more likely to stick together, unmarried pregnant couples were more likely to have shotgun weddings if the baby was going to be a boy and divorced mothers of boys are more likely to remarry and stay remarried.

“Fathers are significantly [3 percent] less likely to be living with their children if they have daughters versus sons,” they wrote in a 2007 paper on the subject. “We estimate that in any given year, roughly 52,000 first-born daughters younger than 12 years (and all their siblings) would have had a resident father if they had been boys.”

Past statistics show that adult daughters living at home reduce the household workload (which falls largely on the mother’s shoulders), while adult boys increase it, she said, so it’s possible that women can anticipate support from their daughters more so than from their sons, making them “less willing to tolerate negative behavior in a spouse.”

Couples With Daughters More Likely to Divorce [ABC News]

This is an ad running for a Florida law firm called DivorceEZ. I have no clue how good or bad it is as a divorce law firm but its lawyer spokesperson Steve Miller is speaking with a degree of candor you don’t often here from lawyers.

I also particularly ]]>

This is an ad running for a Florida law firm called DivorceEZ. I have no clue how good or bad it is as a divorce law firm but its lawyer spokesperson Steve Miller is speaking with a degree of candor you don’t often here from lawyers.

I also particularly enjoy how paralyzed by fear Mr. Miller seems to be as he’s on camera. He keeps trying to gesture authoritatively but it’s like his arms were glued to his sides so, instead, it comes off like a dorky lawyer trying to be the Fonz.

If you can’t trust a divorce firm that uses “EZ” instead of “easy” as though they were some sort of one-minute macaroni and cheese company, then who can you trust?

Brutally Honest Divorce Attorney Ad [Neatorama]

The life of a billionaire baseball owner is one that most of us couldn’t possibly wrap our heads around. My reaction to this story about Los Angeles Dodgers’ owner Frank McCourt the request from his future ex-wife Jamie was one of complete outrage and jealousy as Jamie is looking for ]]>

The life of a billionaire baseball owner is one that most of us couldn’t possibly wrap our heads around. My reaction to this story about Los Angeles Dodgers’ owner Frank McCourt the request from his future ex-wife Jamie was one of complete outrage and jealousy as Jamie is looking for $1 million in monthly alimony from Frank.

Dodgers owner Frank McCourt and his estranged wife Jamie are in a Los Angeles courtroom where a judge is considering Jamie’s request for $1 million in monthly support from her husband.

A court commissioner may decide Monday if the Dodgers owner should pay temporary spousal support to Jamie McCourt, the team’s ex-CEO. She filed for divorce in October, citing irreconcilable differences.

Jamie McCourt also has argued that she co-owns the Los Angeles Dodgers, while her husband maintains a marital agreement between the two gives him sole possession of the team. A trial date on that issue will likely be determined during the hearing.

Now maybe abstractly you could understand her wanting that much if they had kids. But nope, the kids are grown men. So basically she’s looking for $1 million a month for herself to, I dunno, get manicures from a Middle Eastern prince or have enemas made of liquefied gold. I love a golden enema as much as anyone, but I’d probably be able to give that up if I found myself divorced from my gravy train.

Even if she doesn’t get the million each month, that’s still a pretty good deal for her. What woman wouldn’t take one in the face a couple times a month for a million dollar monthly payout? I’ve done far worse to women for far less. A pack of Junior Mints and a high five really pales in comparison.

Frank McCourt’s wife seeks nearly $1M per month [Tampa Bay Online]

Bad news for all the homewreckers out there..you might now be financially liable for your married man-banging ways. At least in North Carolina, where a woman sued her husband’s mistress under centuries-old case law and won a $9 million settlement.

Shackelford’s story has a $9 million twist. Under centuries-old ]]>

Bad news for all the homewreckers out there..you might now be financially liable for your married man-banging ways. At least in North Carolina, where a woman sued her husband’s mistress under centuries-old case law and won a $9 million settlement.

Shackelford’s story has a $9 million twist. Under centuries-old North Carolina case law, Shackelford sued her husband’s alleged mistress, Anne Lundquist, for “alienation of affection,” charging that the woman broke up her 33-year marriage.

Last week, Shackelford won. A jury awarded her $5 million in compensatory damages and $4 million in punitive damages to be paid by Lundquist.

“She set her sights on him. … She knew he was married,” Shackelford said of Lundquist. “You don’t go after married men and break up families.”

[The husband Allan] Shackelford, 62, wrote that he had had “numerous affairs going back to the first two years” of his marriage and that the couple had “significant problems in their marriage for years, including three rounds of marital counseling that failed.”

Good thing Tiger Woods’s wife Elin isn’t based out of North Carolina, otherwise we’d have a real problem on her hands. Though I’m not sure she’d get such a lucrative settlement from the many women in Tiger’s life. But if she sued that text-happy porn ho Joslyn James, she’d at least be able to garnish some of her earnings. I don’t know what Elin would be able to do with an eight-ball of coke and a vial of Lexington Steele’s baby batter, but that’s for the courts to decide.

At the very least though, I’m glad she didn’t sue the husband for this too. It’s a known fact that extramarital affairs are entirely the fault of the women seducing the married man, not the man himself. The men are just poor victims in the situation. A married man is just the magnet and the manipulative potential mistress is a big piece of sheet metal. Don’t blame us, women of the world, blame penile electromagnetism.

Wife Wins $9 Million From Husband’s Alleged Mistress [ABC News]

In most civilized countries, divorce typically doesn’t end well financially for the male. But here’s one situation where a divorce ended in the best possible outcome…a British man, down on his luck after getting officially divorced, played the lottery to cheer himself up. And — surprise! — he won.

When you’re a child, you always want to believe that no matter what you end up doing, you’re going to be the best. That belief in whom you are and what you can do is incredibly crucial to achieving your goals. So instead of condemning this man in Jerusalem who ]]>

When you’re a child, you always want to believe that no matter what you end up doing, you’re going to be the best. That belief in whom you are and what you can do is incredibly crucial to achieving your goals. So instead of condemning this man in Jerusalem who just got his 11th divorce, we should applaud him for daring to be the best. Inspirational.

A 50-year-old Jewish man living in Jerusalem has been granted his 11th divorce, a new Israeli record for Jews according to a Rabbinical court.

The BBC reports that the unidentified man divorced his current wife after she said he had not been working and had been living off of her income. The man said that he’s been getting divorced about every two years.

“It turns out that the popular divorcee courts his wives in a persuasive and sensitive way. … But after a short time on both sides they get annoyed with each other and after the courting, fights begin,” according to the Rabbinical Court Administration.

If nothing else, you’ve got to love the guy’s confidence. He claims that in spite of his wonderful history of complete failure at marriage, he’s got no problem picking up the ladies.

“I send out a hook in all directions, and the fish come on their own,” he said.

Well of course. What lady couldn’t resist a man who has previously shown that on 10 separate occasions, he’s been completely incapable of satisfying a woman in some capacity. As the saying goes, the 12th time with the creepy Israeli guy is the charm.

I’m very much in favor of trying to find your happiness and all, but I would think that after this many marriages, you could probably abandon the concept for a bit. When it gets to the point that your ex-wives have to form a bread line for your alimony payments, congaing in once a month to take 95% of your earnings, I’d say you can probably stick to dating. Or, just to be protected against common law marriage, masturbation. Your wang can’t hire a divorce lawyer…have you ever seen a penis attempt to dial a telephone? It just looks silly.

[My Fox DC]

Since it seems that Tiger Woods is well on his way to making this list with his complete failures at the basic tenets of cheating (voicemails: never a good idea), we at Guyism would like to offer him some reassurance. You’re not alone, Tiger. In fact, it’s been much ]]>

Since it seems that Tiger Woods is well on his way to making this list with his complete failures at the basic tenets of cheating (voicemails: never a good idea), we at Guyism would like to offer him some reassurance. You’re not alone, Tiger. In fact, it’s been much worse. Here are the 8 most dysfunctional athlete relationships ever.

Dennis Rodman & Carmen Electra

Even though their drunkenly fueled wedding was invalidated after 10 days, this couple had one of the crazier 6 month flings ever. They were once arrested in Miami for a domestic spat after Rodman allegedly saw one of Electra’s ex’s on tv and commented harshly. This led to WWIII in their hotel room and causing security to show up. Later when Rodman was sleeping, Electra tried to stick an uncooked penne pasta shell up Rodman’s, uh, behind. Yeah, that actually happened. As recently as 2006, Rodman says that Electra called and said she still loved him.

I’d love you too if you fed me pasta, Carmen. As long as it’s in the correct orifice. Or if it’s angel hair.

David Justice & Halle Berry

How bad did it get between these two? Berry told Parade Magazine a few years back that she almost killed herself over Justice. Years after their divorce, Justice tried to seek alimony from Berry even though at the time he was making over 6 million a year.

Not only was he an average player but it seems he was a pretty average husband too.

Andre Rison & Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes

Their on again, off again relationship was highlighted by Lopes burning down Rison’s house in 1994. It didn’t help that Rison had multiple transgressions and Lopes repeatedly had stints in rehab. But that didn’t stop the two dating for almost 10 years.

Rison’s fetish for colorful pirates was never confirmed.

John Daly & Sherrie Daly

Did he hit her or did she hit him? In front of a crowded restaurant in June 2007, they verbally assaulted each other but later on that night is when things really heated up. Daly claimed that Sherrie pulled a steak knife out and tried to stab him. He showed up at a tournament a few days later with cuts and scrapes on his face (Apparently, it wasn’t from poor driving like Mr. Woods wink wink).

Sherrie later pleaded guilty to federal drug charges and served 5 months in jail. Being that this was his 4th wife, we’re going to go out on a limb and say Daly’s fitness to make these kinds of decisions was about as strong as his fitness to do, well, pretty much anything physical not involving the words “pie” and “contest.”

Anna Benson & Kris Benson

Even though this couple is still together, they’re not without their fair share of controversy. Not only has Anna filed for divorced and retracted but she once issued this infamous quote about her husband to Howard Stern:

“I told him [Kris] — because that’s the biggest thing in athletics, they cheat all the time — I told him, cheat on me all you want. If you get caught, I’m going to screw everybody on your entire team — coaches, trainers, players. I would do everybody on his whole team.”

“Mike Piazza just did a back flip,” Stern said. “Even the coaches? What about, like, the bat boys?”

“I’m lining them up,” Anna said, “I’ll (also) circle into other teams. Whatever team he’s playing, I will screw all them, too.”

Don’t know if she ever went through with it, but my application for bat boy is still in the works just in case.

Chuck Finley & Tawny Kitaen

Drug user…check
Suicidal…check
Spousal Abuser…check

And no, I’m not talking about Chuck Finley. His ex-wife Tawny might take the gold medal at the Crazy Beeyotch Olympics. Their relationship was filled with arrests, rehabs, and restraining orders. The couple’s nanny once issued a statement that she was often asked by her two daughters, “”Is Mommy whacked out again today?”

You stay classy Tawny. Though your contributions to 1980s hair bands will never be forgotten nor diminished.

Mike Tyson & Robin Givens

Things were pretty rocky with these two well before they showed up for their 20/20 interview in 1988. Givens had accused Tyson of violence and overall mental instability. But it came to a head on the show when she said that he was manic depressive. Tyson didn’t respond but looked visibly angry. Givens went on to say that being with Tyson was “torture, pure hell, worse than anything I could possibly imagine”. A month later they divorced but not before they got their pot shots in. Givens told everyone she had a miscarriage but Tyson denied she was even pregnant to begin with.

Considering Tyson bit a man’s ear off and told a boxer that he would “eat his children,” I’m going to go ahead and side with Givens here.

Jason Kidd & Joumana Kidd

It might be one thing for a person in a relationship to be an abuser. But both? That makes for a pretty messed up lifestyle. Joumana accused Jason of being a serial abuser and adulterer while Kidd cited extreme cruelty. Either way, Joumana once ended up with a broken rib and damaged hearing when he allegedly smashed her head into the console of their family car. As far as Jason’s list of transgressions is concerned, well, it’s quite impressive according to Joumana.

-Several different television reporters
-Strippers in Arizona, Sacramento, Miami, Dallas and Indiana
-A Nets season ticket holder
-A Nets employee
-And a cheerleader in New Orleans

A partridge in a pear tree refused to comment, but seemed to be walking away with a limp.

An Indian woman is divorcing her husband for one of the dumbest reasons ever. Of all the misogynist things that go on in India (some women aren’t allowed to wear jeans. JEANS!), this is one woman’s breaking point? The reason behind the divorce is your Quote of ]]>

An Indian woman is divorcing her husband for one of the dumbest reasons ever. Of all the misogynist things that go on in India (some women aren’t allowed to wear jeans. JEANS!), this is one woman’s breaking point? The reason behind the divorce is your Quote of the Day.

Mubai’s Daily News and Analysis newspaper said the husband’s ban [of allowing her to watch soap operas] had led to daily arguments between the couple from Pune, in the south-east of India’s financial capital. Eventually, the wife decided the situation was unbearable and she filed for divorce.

Television soap operas, with their high melodrama, dramatic close-ups and music, have a huge following in India, particularly among housewives or women who work as domestic help.

Granting her application, a family court judge said the husband had been picking arguments with his wife for more than four years “on the grounds that she was seeing Hindi serials on TV channels”.

It added: “The respondent (husband) was not allowing the petitioner (wife) to see programmes on TV as per her choice”.

No quote in this story, but it’s still pretty great. Some guy wanted to divorce his wife, but she wouldn’t let him, threatening to kill herself if he did. So he had to take a more unconventional route to getting away, involving robbing a bank so he’d get thrown in ]]>

No quote in this story, but it’s still pretty great. Some guy wanted to divorce his wife, but she wouldn’t let him, threatening to kill herself if he did. So he had to take a more unconventional route to getting away, involving robbing a bank so he’d get thrown in jail. Ah, just how a loving marriage was meant to be built.

A Pennsylvania man said he robbed a bank in 2007 to go to jail and get away from his overbearing wife.

At a sentencing hearing Monday, 39-year-old Anthony Miller said he robbed a bank in Ephrata because he wanted to leave his then-wife but she had threatened to commit suicide if he did.

Defense attorney Robert Beyer said Miller approached tellers with a BB gun, asked for money and told them to call the police.

Miller pleaded guilty in June. Lancaster County Judge Louis Farina sentenced him to three to six years in prison on Monday.

Was it worth the three to six years? Probably not, since they ended up getting divorced within the past year. But he probably would have gotten much more time in jail if she did kill herself. Maybe it’s just my innate lack of self confidence shining through, but I feel like the cops would say, “She killed herself over YOU? Yeah right buddy, get in jail. You’re going to the Ass Rape Sector for that lie.” Hopefully that’s just a name and that’s where all the husbands who hated their wives go and high five each other.

That’s how I used to feel when buying condoms as a teenager. The cashier would look at me and think, “Okay, waste your money.” And she was right, I was wasting my money. It’s much cheaper to wear a fake mustache, not pull out, then yell “Señor Eduardo knows nada about fatherhood,” and dive out of the window. The chicks must be cool with it too because, wow, what a story.

[via]

A 20-something hot blond chick married an 84 year-old billionaire and, stunner, she didn’t enjoy it. Check out some of her quotes and the even more ridiculous conclusion. I think, after reading this last paragraph, you’ll probably want him to die.

She was born in ’84, and he was 84 ]]>

A 20-something hot blond chick married an 84 year-old billionaire and, stunner, she didn’t enjoy it. Check out some of her quotes and the even more ridiculous conclusion. I think, after reading this last paragraph, you’ll probably want him to die.

She was born in ’84, and he was 84 — in more ways than one.

“It was amazing to wake up and hop on your jet and be in your house in Florida in two hours,” said Kristin Georgi, who became 84 Lumber magnate Joe Hardy’s third wife after a quickie Las Vegas wedding.
Less than five months later, the 84-year-old Hardy called the couple’s home life “intolerable” and divorced his then-22-year-old bride.

Georgi said the relationship began as a friendship — a very generous one, which included a Porsche as an Easter present to her. The next gift was a wedding ring.

“It wasn’t, like, very romantic or anything like that,” she said. “It was just, like, here, do you like this ring? And I was like, ‘Yeah,’ and he was like, ‘It’s yours,’ and it was inscribed and all that.”

Not long after the divorce, Hardy was already being romantically linked to another 22-year-old — Dunbar’s Danielle Golden. At that time, Golden’s MySpace page quote was “The best things in life are free…the second best are EXPENSIVE” and her current mood was listed as “determined.”

[via]

Want to learn something nifty about another culture? Check this out…the first divorce in Saudi Arabia orchestrated by text message.

A Saudi man has divorced his wife by text message, a newspaper said on Thursday.

The man was in Iraq when he sent the SMS informing her she was no ]]>

Want to learn something nifty about another culture? Check this out…the first divorce in Saudi Arabia orchestrated by text message.

A Saudi man has divorced his wife by text message, a newspaper said on Thursday.

The man was in Iraq when he sent the SMS informing her she was no longer his spouse. He followed up with a telephone call to two of his relatives, the daily Arab News reported.

A court in the Red Sea city of Jeddah finalised the split — the first known divorce in Saudi Arabia by text message — after summoning the two relatives to check they had received word of the husband’s intention, the paper said.

Saudi Arabia practises a strict form of Islamic Sharia law, and clerics preside over Sharia courts as judges. Under the law a man can divorce his wife by saying “I divorce you” three times.

[source]

Via Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal comes this comic about the difficulties in getting custody of your kids.

That’s like when my teacher was going to schedule a parent-teacher conference because I wasn’t doing well in science in 2nd grade. But I told her ]]>

Via Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal comes this comic about the difficulties in getting custody of your kids.

That’s like when my teacher was going to schedule a parent-teacher conference because I wasn’t doing well in science in 2nd grade. But I told her my dad might have problems coming because he’s always swigging whiskey and he has a problem where his pants fall down and he trips into me a lot. Anyway, long story short, foster families are not so bad.

Wow. Sometimes the Jewish jokes just write themselves, don’t they? A 14 year-old girl got married to a 17 year-old boy, then got divorced. The reason why? See the bolded paragraph.

A 14-year-old Israeli girl has got a divorce from her 17-year-old husband, making her what media are describing as ]]>

Wow. Sometimes the Jewish jokes just write themselves, don’t they? A 14 year-old girl got married to a 17 year-old boy, then got divorced. The reason why? See the bolded paragraph.

A 14-year-old Israeli girl has got a divorce from her 17-year-old husband, making her what media are describing as the country’s youngest divorcee.

The divorce came after a rabbinical court ruled that their wedding met the major requirements of Jewish law.

The two sweethearts had exchanged vows in front of friends, exchanged a ring, and the union had been consummated.

When her parents found out what had occurred, they insisted on a religious divorce, which she initially refused.

The girl is said to have initially refused her parents’ demand for the divorce, saying she wanted to live with the boy.

She said she wanted to marry him officially when she was old enough.

The Israeli press says she only changed her mind when the boy’s parents offered her money.

[via]

I don’t think there’s anyone out there who likes divorce. Oh, except the Cy women who milk their ex-husbands out of a significant chunk of money that they don’t deserve. This just reinforces that point.

This commercial makes divorce seem all fun and liberating, like winning a contest or ]]>

I don’t think there’s anyone out there who likes divorce. Oh, except the Cy women who milk their ex-husbands out of a significant chunk of money that they don’t deserve. This just reinforces that point.

This commercial makes divorce seem all fun and liberating, like winning a contest or something which, again, it is if you’re the woman. In fact, it’s probably the best possible deal you’ll ever get in life. I can think of no other scenario in which you’d make out with thousands upon thousands of dollars for laying on your ass and taking a load every now and then. That’s why I want to marry a rich lady. I imagine she’ll probably be kind of a bitch because rich ladies tend to be really mean to compensate for their accursed vaginas which oppress them at work, but still, it’d be nice to lay around on a sofa while Hernando my man-servant feeds me grapes. Then my wealthy wife would come home and I’d be like, “Oh sweetie, tough day at work?” Then I’d pretend I had a headache so I wouldn’t have to lay there awkwardly pretending to enjoy sex with her. Sigh, that’s the dream right there.

This is kind of an odd (and sad) legal situation in which a doctor who gave his wife a kidney is now going through a brutal divorce with her. And he wants his kidney back or, at least, some money for it.

Richard Batista can live ]]>

This is kind of an odd (and sad) legal situation in which a doctor who gave his wife a kidney is now going through a brutal divorce with her. And he wants his kidney back or, at least, some money for it.

Richard Batista can live with his broken heart. He just can’t bear his cheating wife living with his healthy kidney.

The Long Island doctor wants the one-time love of his life to pay $1.5 million for the organ he bestowed on her eight years ago in a gift meant to save her life and their foundering marriage.

“There’s no deeper pain you can ever express than to be betrayed by the person you devoted your life to,” Batista told reporters in Garden City Wednesday.

“I saved her life. But the pain is unbearable.”

Batista charged his wife, Dawnell, repaid his gesture by first sleeping with her physical therapist – and then denying him access to their three kids in an increasingly bitter divorce.

Batista insisted his cash-for-kidney claim was a direct result of his wife’s behavior. He said he hasn’t seen his three daughters – ages 14, 11 and 8 – in months.

“This is my last resort,” Batista said. “I didn’t want to be in the public eye.”

It’s rare for me to take the woman’s side in divorce proceedings so it should come as no shock that I hope the kidney spontaneously combusts inside of this C. In fact, that’s probably a good idea if you ever give a kidney to someone who may end up out of your life. Put a timebomb inside of there for five years later. If they’re good, you go, “Hey, watch out…bomb in your kidney.” If not, you stand 1000 feet away and eat some popcorn.

This is why I probably should have been an evil genius instead of wasting my time in this crazy work-a-day world. But I was too lazy to get the costume. Every day I’d put it off and put off and now I have to think about how sweet it would have been to kill Batman. Sigh.

[source]

When I think of guys who might make a $100 million divorce payout, Morgan Freeman isn’t the first guy who comes to mind. But apparently, he should be.

Sounds like Morgan Freeman’s divorce from his wife, Myrna Colley-Lee, will be both nasty and expensive for the ]]>

When I think of guys who might make a $100 million divorce payout, Morgan Freeman isn’t the first guy who comes to mind. But apparently, he should be.

Sounds like Morgan Freeman’s divorce from his wife, Myrna Colley-Lee, will be both nasty and expensive for the Oscar winner.

Though there’s no comment from either party in this breakup, Freeman’s wife of 24 years stands to rake in more than $100 million in a potential settlement.

Original estimates put the actor’s net worth in the $75 million to $90 million range, but now it is being reported he may be worth as much as three to four times that amount.

Among assets contributing to the actor’s bounty are a very valuable gold coin collection, a rare stamp collection, a $7 million home in the Virgin Islands, real estate in Freeman’s native Mississippi worth nearly $30 million (including a $5 million personal home), a $10 million New York apartment and a $15 million Los Angeles estate.

”Morgan has always remembered what it was like to be a poor, struggling actor, and as a result he has always been very careful with his money. Morgan isn’t cheap, but he has always been pretty frugal,” a longtime associate told me Tuesday.

I’ve always thought Morgan Freeman was a fairly overrated actor. How many stately older black men are there on Earth that he can seemingly play the same one in every f’ing movie he’s ever done? And now, to make matters worse, he’s apparently been paid in the form of millions of gold bars and garbage bags of cocaine. What the f, how is that fair? Every time I act like an old-timey black guy, I get nothing other than a session with a racial sensitivity counselor and disgusted looks from my coworker Jacquitonda.

[source]

Video games lead to divorce! Families torn apart by virtual infidelity! Oh woe is me!

A couple have divorced after the husband was caught having a “virtual affair” with a female character in an online game.

David Pollard and Amy Taylor met ]]>

Video games lead to divorce! Families torn apart by virtual infidelity! Oh woe is me!

A couple have divorced after the husband was caught having a “virtual affair” with a female character in an online game.

David Pollard and Amy Taylor met in an online chat room in 2003 and married after discovering a shared love of the internet game Second Life.

In the game, players create characters known as avatars, which then interact with others in a virtual world. To his wife’s horror, Mr Pollard’s interaction included virtual infidelity with a female character playing the role of a prostitute. Ms Taylor said yesterday that her husband had been guilty of the “ultimate betrayal”, even though he had never met the real person behind his online affair.

The lovely virtual couple and the even lovelier real life couple are pictured above. It’s reasonably absurd that something like this would happen, but I guess there’s something to be said about the damage that a spiritual affair can do…it’s almost as hurtful as a physical one, if not moreso. So yes, this is a rare occasion…I’m taking a woman’s side. I know, I know, I’m sorry.

In related news, I jerked off to Ms. Pac Man. The way she gobbled those bananas…she knew what she was doing. Slut.

[source]

Guy Ritchie and Madonna’s divorce is getting ugly. Now, according to reports, Guy is claiming that he had to book sex time in advance with Madonna so she can go to the gym and Kabbalah meetings.

A source close to the couple said: ‘With her time being so precious to ]]>

Guy Ritchie and Madonna’s divorce is getting ugly. Now, according to reports, Guy is claiming that he had to book sex time in advance with Madonna so she can go to the gym and Kabbalah meetings.

A source close to the couple said: ‘With her time being so precious to her, and with there being more important things to her like spending three of four hours in the gym every day, it become just another thing in the diary. In the last couple of years, it was all schemed into the diary.

[via]