All that excitement over bouncing balls without the aid of peanut butter and questionable ethics. Good work, guys.

I’m all for having dogs be adorable and do cool tricks. But what’s the point of this? She could have easily reached twice to accomplish this. She doesn’t even seem to derive any joy from it any more. And what’s that second dog doing, apprentice work? This is a highly inefficient business. No wonder small business is being squeezed out in this country. Dogs doing the jobs of people who used to get paid to do this. Disgraceful.

Dog Delivers Receipt at Veterinary Clinic [Tastefully Offensive]

In related news, even when they’re doing something like this, dogs wearing pants still make everyone in a one-mile radius look like an asshole by proxy. Glad we could hash that out.

Amazing Pet Trick of the Day [The Daily What]

Oh how I envy those dogs. So full of life. So carefree. So coked up. It’s all I’ve ever needed.

DOG DISCO! [Videogum]

Have you seen Corona’s dog? Better get it back to her immediately or I will be very displeased. If we can make just one college girl believe life’s problems can be solved by dieting and partial nudity, society may be one day be a much better place.

Learn more about poor Arlene’s sexy sad story at NBC San Diego.

[Thanks for the tip, Tim!]

The beagles were raised in a lab in Spain before being brought to Los Angeles for adoption. If you want to do an amazing thing, you can apply to adopt one of the adorable little guys.

In related news, my dog would be in dire straits if it weren’t for adorable videos like this. Her inability to walk like a civilized animal or avoid barking at the door becomes much more charming when I’m like, “Aww, dogs!!” My pup could be chewing on the corpse of a loved one and, so long as I saw this video beforehand, I’d go, “Who’s a good dog! Femurs are tasty aren’t they widdwe puppy girrrrrrrl!” Absentee animal parenting has never been quite so easy. Thanks, Internet!

To add some context, Marvin’s fear began specifically with pit bulls after he witnessed one violently attack a friend. And his fear is so crippling that he has to ride an ATV when going for a walk with his daughters and his dogs to feel safe.

But man, crying out of fear of puppies? I mean check out this slideshow on Warming Glow of puppies that’d absolutely terrify him. I understand that phobias often come from a weird place, but no amount of tattoos and rugged Danny Trejo-esque looks will make up for the fact that a stuffed animal of Scrappy Doo makes you curl up in the fetal position.

We bet this is exactly what the parents of the research team were dreaming of when they signed that FAFSA form…

To be fair, find a single dog owner who enjoys wrapping a plastic bag around their hand and touching Fido’s still warm leavings. That said, we were kind of hoping that advances in robotics would lead to something a bit more awesome than Rosie from the Jetsons following Astro around with a bucket.

So why are they doing this? It’s part of the job of U Penn’s GRASP Lab, a robotics research center that focuses on creating practical applications for robots. What the PR2 is doing here is demonstrating that it can use a color camera to spot objects, use reasoning to sort those objects into different categories, and then use fine motor control to act on those objects. In short, all that stuff we like robots to do, without the pulse rifles or going back in time to the ’80s to kill the leader of the human resistance.

In other words, underneath the grossness and utter humiliation of that poor, poor robot, it’s demonstrating some very advanced and well-designed systems that will improve your life. If in no other way than to keep you from scooping poop.

PR2 Scoops Some Poop [Automaton Blog]

Personally, I prefer when dogs do things unexpectedly well rather than extremely poorly. When I first saw that bug-eyed pooch standing in front of that keyboard, I thought, “Here comes a beautiful sonata.” Maybe that’s what makes this artistic…gone are the jazzy rhythms of Keyboard Cat, in are the Mars Volta-esque disharmony from Piano Dog. I think I just blew my own mind about as much as one can on a video of a Japanese dog playing a kids’ toy.

MORNING LINKS, WITH PIANO PUG [FilmDrunk]

Honestly, I’d be more impressed if the dog weren’t afraid of Julia Roberts. All this dog is doing reacting the same way any human being would.

Either way though, if Julia Roberts comes down off of her golden mountain and swims through her river of elf tears to see the Google Alert from this, I bet a tear would stream down her cheek. Assuming her tear ducts still work.

BREAKING: DOG HATES JULIA ROBERTS [Filmdrunk]

I can’t even train my dog to avoid leaping over the back of my couch to tackle someone (as she so gracefully did yesterday), so this trick seems pretty far out of the question. So I’m saving up all the knowledge I pick up from these animal YouTube videos for when I have a kid. You may think balancing dog treats on a human child’s nose is inhumane, but I say I’d rather have my child be a successful dog than an unsuccessful human. *awaits Parent of the Year award.

Look At This Obedient Dog of the Day [The Daily What]

Good for you, dog. You’re not trying to impress anyone, just living your life.

He’s kind of fat though. His cool dogsmanship is all well and good, but adult onset diabetes is no laughing matter. Healthy bloodflow is what’s really cool, kids.

Morning Fluff [The Daily What]

As silly as it is, videos like this just bring me a much-needed calm. I’m ignoring the fact that this dog may very well be terrified for his life, imagining he’s fighting off a barrage from water monsters or whatever silly things dogs dream of. He probably thinks he’s accomplishing something far more significant than he actually is. Dogs…nature’s college-aged liberal kid.

Summer Lovin’ Dog [Buzzfeed]

I don’t care how much I love that dog (named, legitimately, Emmitt Thunderpaws), I’d be mildly terrified if he jumped up like that. Dude is the size of a quality starting point guard for an NBA team. What if he smells something on my uniform and it reminds him of a time someone wouldn’t give him a Snausage? That’s just a risk I’m not willing to take. I freak out when my dog’s uncontrolled jaw gets too close to my crotch, forget about when you’re dealing with Clifford the Big Red Dog and his overly enthusiastic shark jaw. A dog like that is better served racing Secretariat than giving excitable hugs.

Huge Dog Missed His Military Dad [Buzzfeed]

I really respect that dog’s hard work and dedication to his craft. Dogs love jumping around recklessly but now it’s like they’re honing their craft in a meaningful way. Why it’s almost like one of them saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes this weekend. Oh god. They’re coming for us, aren’t they?

Well, I for one am not looking forward to licking peanut butter off a dog’s genitals when they take over but I suppose we white men were due for a loss at some point. I’m just glad it’ll come at the hands of the dogs and not at the hands of the damn Eskimos.

Dog Parkour! DOG PARKOUR! [Videogum]

Good God look at Biscuit go. Even when she loses her footing, she lands gracefully on the ground. She’s like a little ninja mixed with every person who’s ever competed in the X Games.

That’s no excuse for her shoddy treatment of that broom though. What did the broom do to you, Biscuit? You get to climb mountains and shit. That broom just gets its face rubbed in dirt all day. Isn’t that enough?

Meet Biscuit, The Rock Climbing Dog [Buzzfeed]

What amuses me the most is how he’s looking around all shiftily like the world is conspiring to take his orange. No, dog, the world doesn’t want an orange that’s been on the floor for an hour while you leisurely spread your dog germs through it. I’ve been mildly horrified when my dog has licked my mouth before…sharing food with a dog is equivalent to passionately making out with the dog like Selma Blair and Sarah Michelle Gellar in “Cruel Intentions”. Pass.

Puppy Eats Orange [Viral Viral Videos]

Poor Naki’o ended up needing the revolutionary procedure after his former owners abandoned him as a puppy when their house was foreclosed in Nebraska. One day, while wandering, he got his paws stuck in a frozen puddle where they all became frostbitten and in need of amputation.

Fortunately, Naki’o was adopted by a veterinary technician named Christie Tomlinson who raised money to get him two bionic legs from a company called Orthopets who was kind enough to throw in the second set for free.

It’s a little dusty in here, I know. But I’m planning on showing this video to my misbehaving Marleyesque puppy on a loop so maybe she appreciates things a little more. Dogs get passive aggression, right?

Hot Slut Of The Day! [Dlisted]

That’s the problem with dogs…they have no respect for the art of seduction. I bet that dog didn’t even buy the homeless guy a drink. Learn more about this and the other shitty things your canine pals do in my new documentary “Dogs: Nature’s Guidos”.

Here’s a dog humping a passed-out hobo. Happy Monday. [FilmDrunk]

Granted, barking at the female and seductively thrusting your hips isn’t necessarily the key to a woman’s groin. But that dog’s moves are damned seductive, especially by dog standards. Hell, even by human standards. I’d let that dog pound my theoretical vagina way before those black guys humping the ottoman.

Video Recap of Me And Sara Jean Last Night [Barstool Boston]