Note: Objects like window awnings are not designed to hold a person’s body weight. So when you sit on them like the drunk girl in this video, bad things can happen. You’ll see one of the bad things if you watch the clip.

In other news, here’s the top comment ]]>

Note: Objects like window awnings are not designed to hold a person’s body weight. So when you sit on them like the drunk girl in this video, bad things can happen. You’ll see one of the bad things if you watch the clip.

In other news, here’s the top comment on YouTube:

Because nothing says “What a hilarious drunken fall” like “Hey, let’s rape her lifeless body.” Thanks, Internet!

In today’s Guyism Speed Round, Katie Nolan discusses a study that proves men are smarter when they’re drunk, China censoring out Kate Winslet’s rack in the new Titanic, and more.

Subscribe on YouTube (you only need a Google account) to see the day’s hidden video.

In this video, a cute Penn State girl smashes a beer bottle over her own head. Cute, wasteful with alcohol, and able to sustain blows to the head? This is the positive PR Penn State needed after the Sandusky situation.

She didn’t even flinch. Just took it like a pro, ]]>

In this video, a cute Penn State girl smashes a beer bottle over her own head. Cute, wasteful with alcohol, and able to sustain blows to the head? This is the positive PR Penn State needed after the Sandusky situation.

She didn’t even flinch. Just took it like a pro, maintaining her dignity throughout.

This is the strangest, Chris Brown-est erection I’ve ever had.

After a month of March Smashedness, our 64 teams have been whittled down to just one. The tournament has revealed a considerable amount about our readers and their preferences, and I have to say that I’m impressed with all of you. So who took the crown as best drink in ]]>

After a month of March Smashedness, our 64 teams have been whittled down to just one. The tournament has revealed a considerable amount about our readers and their preferences, and I have to say that I’m impressed with all of you. So who took the crown as best drink in 2012?

Congrats to the Shot of Whiskey! After a long and treacherous road, it has taken its place as the top drink of 2012. Readers cited its simplicity, ease of access, and every guy nature has reasons behind its success.

I’ll admit that I underrated the shot from the get go. I thought that there were very few of us out there who were more than content with just whiskey when it came to ordering shots. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in my love for a couple quick ounces of liquid heaven. Not to say I didn’t respect all of you before, but you’ve really proven yourselves with this tourney. I appreciate all your input along the way; you made for a much better voting community than any of the random people I surveyed at the bar!

This is the first song that comes to mind when thinking specifically of a shot of whiskey. Enjoy…

The NCAA tournament is down to the Final Four, but March Smashedness is already in the championship game. After a grueling tournament, two drinks have proved themselves worthy of one shining moment. You’ve only got enough money for one of them though, so we’re ]]>

The NCAA tournament is down to the Final Four, but March Smashedness is already in the championship game. After a grueling tournament, two drinks have proved themselves worthy of one shining moment. You’ve only got enough money for one of them though, so we’re going to need a winner. Will it be the Whiskey Shot or the Seasonal Craft Beer.

Whiskey Shot

Pros:
Efficient – No mixers here, just booze.
Quick – There’s nothing better if you’re playing catch up or need one for the road.
Manly – Nothing proves your masculinity quite like ripping a shot of this burning brown spirit.

Cons:
Appropriateness – Not exactly reasonable to take shots at dinner.
Fleeting – You can’t casually sip a shot, so you’re left empty handed.
Game Changing – You’ll inevitably become and angry drunk.

The path: Vodka & Soda, Whiskey on the Rocks, Whiskey and Coke, Red Wine, Shot of Whiskey Seasonal Craft Beer?

Seasonal Craft Beer

Pros:
Versatile – Can be had with lunch, dinner, or drinking games.
Intoxicating – Often have 5%-8% ABV or more.
Longevity – You can stretch a few beers out over several hours.

Cons:
Filling – These aren’t light drinks and your body has limited capacity.
Pretentious – Depending on surroundings, you may appear to be a beer snob.
Costly – They typically aren’t the cheapest beers on the market.

The path: Malt Liquor, Amber Lager, Pale Ale, Irish Car Bomb, Long Island Iced Tea, Whiskey Shot?

Both the Whiskey Shot and the Seasonal Craft beer have their place in the drinking world, but only one can be considered the best. Vote now below. Polls close on Sunday at 11:59 Eastern.

We started with 64 different drinks across 8 different regions. But now all but 4 have been Jeremiah weeded out. It’s the March Smashedness Final Four!

The Elite Eight was our first look at inter-region competition, and for my money, the favorites won out. ]]>

We started with 64 different drinks across 8 different regions. But now all but 4 have been Jeremiah weeded out. It’s the March Smashedness Final Four!

The Elite Eight was our first look at inter-region competition, and for my money, the favorites won out. The big winners were “manly shots,” “basic cocktails,” “classic cocktails,” and “craft beer.” It’s tough to argue against any of those categories, especially when their opponents were “macro beers,” “light other,” “chick shots,” and “trashed other” respectively. All voting will take place on the Guyism Facebook Page, but let’s first take a look at the final four contenders.

Whiskey:

This simple shot didn’t have an easy path to get here, but it averaged 68% of the vote in the first three rounds was and then won it’s showdown with the macro beer champion, Corona, with 65%. Guys have been drinking it since at least 1405, and it proved this month that it’s tough to beat something as simple and as manly as a shot of whiskey. Will this everyman’s drink continue its quest to be crowned the best drink of 2012?

The path: Liquid Cocaine, Three Wise Men, Tequila, Corona, Rum & Coke?

Rum & Coke:

This was a surprise coming out of the Simple Cocktail region, but it showed that sometimes ease of consumption trumps macho appearance. It just barely escaped the first two rounds but then knocked out Whiskey & Coke with 73% of the vote and beat the Light Other champion, Red Wine, with a respectable 77%. This basic yet delicious drink has been popular since around the Spanish-American War, but don’t let its youth compared to whiskey fool you. It knows its way around a liver.

The path: Vodka & Soda, Whiskey on the Rocks, Whiskey and Coke, Red Wine, Shot of Whiskey?

Click here to vote for Whiskey versus Rum & Coke!

Long Island Iced Tea:

This was another suprise regional winner, but this new school cocktail, created in mid ’70s, proves that sometimes all we want is a tall glass of booze. It had a relatively smooth ride to the Eight, winning the first three rounds with an average of 66%. It then puked all over the Kamikaze, winning with a ridiculous 81% of the vote. This is a perfect representation of the melting pot that is the drinker’s preference. We struggle to pick a favorite, so we just put all four mainstay liquors into one glass. It’s the KFC Famous Bowl of the alcohol industy.

The path: Old Fashioned, Margarita, Manhattan, Kamikaze, Seasonal Craft Beer?

Seasonal Craft Beer:

This collection of beers was the favorite to come out of its region, and it didn’t disappoint. It hopped past the first three contenders with an average of 71% of the vote, but then ran into the power of the Irish Car Bomb. All of St. Patrick’s might couldn’t stop the allure of a good Christmas Ale though, and Seasonals eked out a victory with a mere 51%. With the many varietys all packed into one umbrella style, can Seasonal Beer represent for the entire beer world? Cast your votes to decide.

The path: Malt Liquor, Amber Lager, Pale Ale, Irish Car Bomb, Long Island Iced Tea?

Click here to vote for Long Island Iced Tea versus Seasonal Craft Beer!

March Smashedness is down to just eight teams remaining. Today we finally see the different regions facing off against each other instead of beating up on their own kind. You’ve chosen the representative for each type, now you determine which styles are good enough for the ]]>

March Smashedness is down to just eight teams remaining. Today we finally see the different regions facing off against each other instead of beating up on their own kind. You’ve chosen the representative for each type, now you determine which styles are good enough for the Final Four next week! Polls close at midnight on Saturday.

Corona vs. Shot of Whiskey: In the first inter-genre showdown, we have the “Macro Beer” champion going against the “Manly Shot” champion. Corona was a surprise winner, but the #6 seed took down several titans of the beer world to make the Elite Eight. And while the Whiskey shot may have gotten disrespected by the selection committee with a #7 seed, there is no doubt its victory over highly favored Tequila proves it belongs. What will move on to the Final Four? Will it be a nice relaxing beach beer or the simple small dose of anger juice?

Previously:
Corona over: Heineken (58%), Budweiser (57%), Miller Lite (71%)
Whiskey over: Tequila (58%), Three Wise Men (74%), Liquid Cocaine (72%)

Rum & Coke vs. Red Wine: This is the battle of the Basic Cocktail and the Light Other regions. Rum & Coke surprised many along the way, but it was able to ride the college vote and prove that the world doesn’t actually run on whiskey. Red Wine, on the other hand, came in with the #1 seed and proved repeatedly that there was a good reason why. It was the poster child for consistency. Will the cocktail that’s appropriate for anything from a frat house to a beach move on, or will the collective extended pinky of the voters push the classy Red Wine through to the Final Four?

Previously:
Rum & Coke over: Whiskey & Coke (73%), Whiskey on the Rocks (53%), Vodka & Soda (51%)
Red Wine over: Daiquiri (59%), Mimosa (59%), Hard Cider (59%)

Long Island Iced Tea vs. Kamikaze Shot: Here we have the champions of the Classic Cocktail and Girly Shot regions. The Long Island took out three of the most famous cocktails, proving that sometimes quantity is better than quality. With all four major liquor in one glass, it’s hard to argue. Kamikaze faced off with a wide variety of shot styles, but moved on to show it’s always spring break somewhere. Will the high-ball budget blend win yet again, or will the suicide bombers favorite shot move on to the semis?

Previously:
L.I. Iced Tea over: Manhattan (74%), Margarita (58%), Old Fashioned (66%)
Kamikaze over: Lemon Drop (52%), SoCo & Lime (60%), B-52 (78%)

Craft Seasonal Beer vs. Irish Car Bomb: The final match-up in the Elite Eight is between the Craft Beer region and the Trashed Other region. Seasonal is the best selling style in the craft beer world, and as a result was a heavy favorite. It proved itself worthy by demolishing all contenders. Irish Car Bomb was no slouch either with the #2 seed and blew away the competition. Now we pit the success and variety of the Craft Seasonal against the raw intoxicating force that is the Irish Car Bomb. Both will get you drunk, but only one can move to the Final Four.

Previously:
Craft Seasonal over: Pale Ale (65%), Amber Lager (63%), Malt Liquor (86%)
Irish Car Bomb over: Mojito (63%), Irish Coffee (67%), Absinthe (68%)

64 drinks entered and only sixteen drinks remain. As we enter the Sweet and Savory Sixteen, we’re gearing up for the first inter-drink-type matchups. Review the full bracket here. Voting closes at 11:59 Eastern on March 14th so let’s GO.

24,000 votes were cast and 32 very fortunate alcoholic beverages have moved on. There were some major upsets, some runaway victories, and now some interesting Round of 32 match-ups remain. This is MARCH SMASHEDNESS…ROUND TWO!

You can see the full bracket of remaining contenders here ]]>

24,000 votes were cast and 32 very fortunate alcoholic beverages have moved on. There were some major upsets, some runaway victories, and now some interesting Round of 32 match-ups remain. This is MARCH SMASHEDNESS…ROUND TWO!

You can see the full bracket of remaining contenders here and cast all your votes below. Voting closes Sunday, March 11th at 11:59PM Eastern. Get after it, booze fans.

MACRO BEERS REGION

Budweiser vs. Corona‘s border war is a fitting 2nd round battle. Budweiser demolished his brother, Busch, with a mind blowing 84% of the vote. He rolls into the round of 32 very confident. Corona, meanwhile pulled of an upset over high ranking Miller Lite, but did so in dominating fashion. The pride of Mexico won that match-up with 70% of the vote, meaning he won’t be intimidated by the King of Beers. Can the Clydesdales run wild on their neighbor to the South or will the fences finally come down?

Heineken vs. Coors Light: “There’s only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures and the Dutch.” Fortunately for Heineken, Nigel Powers wasn’t voting, because it pulled off the biggest upset of the tournament. Heiney took out America’s best selling beer by winning a meager 51.74% of the vote. It now moves on to test the mighty Rockies. Coors Light hopped the silver bullet train and blew right by Natural Light. Will America trounce the freaky deaky Dutch or will another of the US’s best sellers prove unworthy?

Previously:
#2 Budweiser defeats #7 Busch
#6 Corona upsets #3 Miller Lite
#4 Coors Light defeats #5 Natural Light
#8 Heineken shocks #1 Bud Light

MANLY SHOTS REGION

Tequila vs. Flaming Dr. Pepper: Tequila, the #1 seed in the manly shot region, proved its worth by taking down the Alabama Slammer with ease. Flaming Dr. Pepper was no slouch either, making quick work of the respectable Washington Apple. Now it’s on to a battle of burning shots. One tends to burn the throat on the way down whereas the other is literally set on fire. Will Tequila put out the Dr’s fire or have people gotten sick one too many times from the agave nightmare?

Three Wise Men vs. Shot of Whiskey:The battle between Jäger and Three Wise Men came down to the wire. The winner was decided literally in the last minute of voting, but the John, Jim, and Jack were victorious with 50.06% of the vote. Whiskey, on the other hand, is well rested after snuffing out Liquid Cocaine’s dreams with ease. The question now is whether or not one Whiskey can possibly stand up to three in the 2nd round. Will the punishment shot be victorious again or will the quick and easy whiskey rip the day.

Previously:
#1 Tequila handles #8 Alabama Slammer
#5 Flaming Dr. Pepper beats #4 Washington Apple
#6 Three Wise Men defeats #2 Jägermeister by one vote
#7 Whiskey upsets #3 Liquid Cocaine

BASIC COCKTAILS REGION

Whiskey on the Rocks vs. Rum & Coke: Neither of these drinks struggled in the first round. Rum & Coke took Vodka, soda, and all of his flavored friends out to the woodshed. Whiskey on the Rocks had a slightly tougher time against the formidable Gin & Tonic but still managed to win by more than a 2-1 margin. This second round match-up is intriguing. The no-nonsense Whiskey on the Rocks doesn’t waste time with mixers or funny pirate mascots, but Rum & Coke is the first and favorite drink of many a man. It’s the battle of the brown spirits.

Whiskey & Coke vs Seven & Seven:Whiskey & Coke had the closest 1st round match-up in the Basic Cocktail region, but managed to secure victory over Vodka & Redbull’s caffeine fuel fans. The official drink of Russia, Vodka on the Rocks, also fell to a whiskey, this time to the Seven & Seven. This sets up a showdown between two very similar drinks. Does dark and heavy with a bit of caffeine reign supreme, or can the light and refreshing declare to make 7-Up yours?

Previously:
#3 Whiskey & Coke beats #7 Vodka & Redbull
#4 Rum & Coke eases past #5 Vodka and Soda
#1 Whiskey on the Rocks vs #8 Gin & Tonic
#2 Seven & Seven owns #6 Vodka on the Rocks

LIGHT OTHERS REGION

Red Wine vs. Mimosa: Red Wine had more difficulty vanquishing Hard Cider than I expected. It was a noble effort by the up and coming drink, but in the end the sophistication of Red Wine came out on top. Mimosas also struggled somewhat with Bud Select, but the champagne breakfast sent the low-cal craze back to the gym. Round 2 offers a match-up of classy drinks for two different meals. Will brunch take the coffee cake or will dinner seal the deal?

Pina Colada vs. Daiquiri: Both of these tropical drinks struggled with their dainty counterparts in Rd 1. Pina Colada just barely edged out Michelob Ultra, proving that the beach bunnies like drinking just a bit more than the athletes. Daiquiri’s showdown with the elegant White Wine was even closer, but in the end the drink’s versatility won out. Now it’s a battle of the boat drinks. Will we be singing “If you like Pina Coladas,” Or will we be celebrating fiesta night with Daiquiris?

Previously:
#1 Red Wine struggles against #8 Hard Cider
#5 Mimosa edges out #4 Bud Slect
#6 Pina Colada upsets #3 Michelob Ultra
#7 Daiquiri surprises #2 White Wine

CLASSIC COCKTAILS REGION

Manhattan vs. Martini: Even though it was the #1 seed, the Manhattan struggled to get past the Tom Collins. While seldom ordered, Collins fans will defend their drink to the death. The Martini didn’t have an easy match-up with the Bloody Mary either, but managed to pull away on Friday afternoon. Two of the most classic cocktails now go head to head in a round two match-up for the ages. It’s James Bond verses the entire island of Manhattan. Who ya got?

Long Island Iced Tea vs. Margarita: The alcoholics have spoken, and Long Island Iced Tea is moving on. Old Fashioned didn’t stand a chance against a drink with every major liquor in it, but it still managed a respectable 35% of the vote. Meanwhile, the Margarita narrowly escaped an epic showdown with Scotch Neat. In the end, freewheeling fun was more appealing than quiet sophistication. This sets up a battle of the blackouts for Rd 2, assuming you don’t use pre-mixed versions. Long Island Iced Tea is the best bang for your buck, but the allure of a tequila fueled night is undeniable.

Previously:
#1 Manhattan scrapes past  #8 Tom Collins
#4 Martini beats #5 Bloody Mary
#6 Long Island Iced Tea upsets #3 Old Fashioned
#2 Margarita ekes past #7 Scotch Neat 

GIRLY SHOTS REGION

Lemon Drop vs. Red Headed Slut: In round one, Lemon Drop defeated the Buttery Nipple in the battle of the awkwardly named shots. Across the way, Red Headed Slut managed to take out the Dirty Girl Scout in the sexy Halloween costume contest. Both won with about 68% of the vote, but now they will square off against each other in round two. Each shot is nearly all alcohol, so will the Lemon Drop’s vodka roll or can Jäger and schnapps work together to gain the edge?

Kamikaze and SoCo & Lime: both won their battles against cleverly layered shots, but did so in very different fashion. Kamikaze managed the biggest blowout in its region in the process of sending the abysmally weak B-52 shot home. SoCo & Lime on the other hand struggled to secure its victory against the Mind Eraser. Is that a sign of things to come? Can the spring break legend continue to roll or will the college kids come out to support their go-to bar shot?

Previously:
#1 Lemon Drop breezes past #8 Buttery Nipple
#4 Red Headed Slut defeats #5 Dirty Girl Scout
#3 Kamikaze decisively beat #6 B-52
#7 SoCo & Lime stuns #2 Mind Eraser

CRAFT BEERS REGION

Seasonal vs. Amber Lager: The classy readers of Guyism have spoken, and Malt Liquor was sent packing by the biggest margin in the tournament so far. 85% of you voted for Seasonal Beer. Amber Lagers didn’t have much trouble with American Wheat Beers, but it certainly can’t feel good going up against the clear cut favorite in the beer category. Can the Amber Lagers ride with Great Lakes’ Elliot Ness and track down a win or will it be Christmas in March yet again for the Seasonals?

Pale Ale vs. IPA: Not surprisingly, Pale Ale and Amber Ale provided the closest match-up in the craft beer category. Pale was able to just hop by with 53.5% of the vote. The gateway beer that is Sierra Nevada gave it just enough of an edge against the johnny-come-lately Fat Tire. IPA had a little easier time with the Belgian Strong, but it’s popularity among beer geeks was just too much for the monks to over come. Now we will see once and for all just who has the best hops. It’s American Pale Ale versus India Pale Ale.

Previously:
#1 Seasonal Beer pounds #8 Malt Liquor
#4 Amber Lager handles #5 American Wheat
#3 Pale Ale edges out #6 Amber Ale
#2 IPA eases past #7 Belgian Strong Ale

TRASHED OTHERS REGION

Irish Car Bomb vs. Irish Coffee: With St. Patrick’s Day just around the corner, a match up between the Irish Car Bomb and Irish Coffee was almost inevitable. The breakfast treat managed to smack down the spice-filled Hot Toddy by a three to one margin while the terrorist then blew up the green fairy, Absinthe, by a little better than two to one. This sets up an outstanding civil war. Will the degenerate’s breakfast come out on top or will the drop shot drop kick the competition?

Mojito vs. Jello Shot: It took Mojito until late in the day Thursday to finally put away Black and Tan, but eventually people remembered those sexy hips from Bacardi’s commercial. Jello Shot jiggled to victory against the old man Brandy with over 70% of the vote, proving that Bill Cosby still has plenty of sex appeal. Round 2 pits the pain in the ass to make shot against the time consuming minty muddler. The question will be, what kind of party are you looking to have? It’s fratfest verses fiesta!

Previously:
#1 Mojito just beats #8 Black & Tan
#4 Jello Shot defeats #5 Brandy Neat
#3 Irish Coffee cruises past #6 Hot Toddy
#2 Irish Car Bomb blows up #6 Absinthe

Like many sites, we thought it’d be cool to do a spin on March Madness. And we had an awesome idea. Unfortunately, ranking The Wire characters was taken. So we decided we’d pick 64 drinks and put them up against one another to ]]>

Like many sites, we thought it’d be cool to do a spin on March Madness. And we had an awesome idea. Unfortunately, ranking The Wire characters was taken. So we decided we’d pick 64 drinks and put them up against one another to find which is the best alcoholic drink of 2012. And you’re going to vote to decide it. This, gentlemen, is MARCH SMASHEDNESS.

You can see the full bracket here. If you want to cast all the votes and descriptions on one page, you can click here. But the slideshow is damned pretty, FYI. Voting for the first round closes at 11:59 PM Eastern on March 8th. Get after it.

MACRO BEERS #1 Seed Bud Light vs #16 Seed Heineken

Heineken – This Dutch pale lager is the 9th best seller in America with 2.4% market share. It’s the only European beer in the top 10 in US sales, and offers an appearance of class to the average beer drinker.

MACRO BEERS #4 Seed Coors Light vs #5 Seed Natural Light

Coors Light – The Rocky Mountain refreshment is the #4 seller in America with 7.8% market share. It’s well known for being severed very cold and you could most likely drink an entire case in a night.

Natural Light – Natty is the 5th most popular beer in the US, holding a respectable 4.2% market share. It’s well known as the beer of choice from broke college kids everywhere, based primarily on price.

MACRO BEERS #2 Miller Lite vs #7 Corona

Miller Lite – Claiming more flavor and only 96 calories and 3.2 carbs, Miller Lite is the 3rd best seller in America with 8.6% market share. It touts itself as the more manly choice in light beer.

Corona – This Mexican favorite will always help you find your beach. Corona’s signature taste differentiates it from most in the top 10 and locks in as the #6 seller in the US with 4% market share. Just be careful not to get lime in your eye.

MACRO BEERS #3 Budweiser vs #6 Busch

Budweiser – It doesn’t get more American (in sentiment) than a Budweiser. It’s the #2 selling beer in the US with 12% market share and is the only non-light beer in the top 5. Even without top billing, it still remains King of Beers.

Busch – This is Budweiser for broke guys and manages to hold a respectable 2.8% market share, 7th best. It’s one of the few well-selling non-light American lagers, and its price point is the major reason why.

MANLY SHOTS #1 Tequila vs #8 Alabama Slammer

Tequila Shot – This is the most bipolar shot in the drinker’s repertoire. Typically taken with salt and lime, tequila can start or finish a night that with be either amazing or awful. Almost everyone has a tequila story.

Alabama Slammer – The go-to shot for people who want a fun name and a shot they haven’t taken 50 times already this year. It’s 1/3 Southern Comfort, 1/3 Sloe Gin, 1/3 Orange Juice.

MANLY SHOTS #4 Washington Apple vs #5 Flaming Dr. Pepper

Washington Apple – Sounds like a fun shot but is actually quite strong and frequently catches girls off guard. It’s typically comprised of Crown Royal, Sour Apple Pucker, and a splash of cranberry.

Flaming Dr. Pepper – A staple of frat houses and dive bars alike, this flaming shot is a sight to behold. 3 parts Amaretto is topped with one part Bacardi 151, lit on fire, dropped in half a beer, and chugged.

MANLY SHOTS #2 Jägermeister vs #7 Three Wise Men

Jägermeister – While best know for pairing with Red Bull, a shot of Jäger by itself is a frequent order at bars. Because it tastes fine without anything else mixed, it is a fan favorite of the cost conscious.

Three Wise Men – A staple of birthday shots, this combination of Jim, Johnnie, and Jack (Beam, Walker, and Daniels) really packs a punch. It’s typically used as a punishment shot, but great for playing catch-up too.

MANLY SHOTS #3 Liquid Cocaine vs #6 Whiskey Shot

Liquid Cocaine – The perfect shot if you are trying to get destroyed at night. While there are some variations, the most consistent is Bacardi 151, Jägermeister, and Rumple Minze. It’s not for the weak willed or weak stomached.

Whiskey Shot – This is simple and straight to the point. It’s the ideal choice for guys who don’t know what to order and don’t want to waste shot glass space with any pansy liqueurs.

BASIC COCKTAILS #1 Whiskey on the Rocks vs #8 Gin and Tonic

Whiskey Rocks –Whether it’s bourbon, Irish, rye, or any other kind of whisk(e)y, this simple drink is a perfect choice at the bar due to its simplicity and its bang for the buck.

Gin and Tonic – A frequent choice for college kids who don’t know what to order. Depending on who’s mixing, the drink can either taste like heaven or a Christmas tree.

BASIC COCKTAILS #4 Rum and Coke vs #5 Vodka and Soda

Rum and Coke – This is a staple of high school parties across the country. It’s smooth and easy to drink even for someone who isn’t a big fan of hard alcohol.

Vodka and Soda – This is the drink of choice for most mid-20s women due to its low calorie content. The rise of flavored vodka has only furthered its stranglehold.

BASIC COCKTAILS #2 Whiskey and Coke vs #7 Vodka and Red Bull

Whiskey and Coke – This is the go-to cocktail for guys who want to drink whiskey but aren’t prepared to take it straight. It’s manly while still being incredibly easy to drink.

Vodka and Redbull – College campuses and late night clubs go through more Vodka Red Bulls than women do toilet paper. It’s perfect for extending a night into bad decision time.

BASIC COCKTAILS #3 Seven and Seven vs #6 Vodka on the Rocks

Vodka Rocks –For people who can’t be bothered with mixers, a glass of cold vodka is always a good choice. Throw in a lemon or lime and get down to business.

LIGHT OTHERS #1 Red Wine vs #8 Hard Cider

Red Wine – This is a favorite among women and men trying to impress their date. It’s high in alcohol compared to beer and the standard option when attending a classy party.

Hard Cider – While not a newcomer to the alcohol game, hard cider has surged in popularity the past year. It’s perfect for a non-beer drinker looking to have a marathon session.

LIGHT OTHERS #4 Bud Select vs #5 Mimosa

Bud Select – When the low carb/cal craze began, Budweiser brought Bud Select to market. It’s 4.3% ABV but only 99 calories, a whopping 11 fewer than its Bud Light counterpart.

Mimosa – The champagne and OJ combo is ideal for someone who wants to drink at breakfast without looking like a degenerate alcoholic. It’s a favorite among women, especially middle aged ones.

LIGHT OTHERS #2 Michelob Ultra vs #7 Piña Colada

Michelob Ultra – Branded as the beer for athletes, Michelob Ultra was the first big player in the low cal/carb game. It’s still manages to have 4.1% ABV even with only 95 calories and 2.6g carbs.

Piña Colada – When you think umbrella drinks, the piña colada is one of the first that comes to mind. This combo of rum, coconut cream, and pineapple juice is perfect for the beach.

LIGHT OTHERS #3 White Wine vs #6 Daiquiri

White Wine – Whether dining on seafood or just looking for something crisp, cold, and refreshing, white wine will always get the job done and even bring a touch of class to your glass.

Daiquiri – The original version features rum, lime juice, and sugar, but most people are more familiar with the strawberry daiquiri. It is a solid choice for beaches, boats, and bars alike.

CLASSIC COCKTAILS #1 Manhattan vs #8 Tom Collins

Manhattan – One of the most classic cocktails, the Manhattan is comprised of rye whiskey, sweet vermouth, and bitters. Typically served in a cocktail glass, but recently relegated to rocks glasses thanks to Sex and the City.

Tom Collins – This fancy drink is a mixture of gin, lemon juice, sugar, and soda, and was so popular that it even has its own style of glass. What bigger honor is there?

CLASSIC COCKTAILS #4 Martini vs #5 Bloody Mary

Martini – This mix of gin and vermouth with olives or a lemon twist was born in America and popularized by a fictional British spy. It’s easily one of the most famous drinks in the world.

Bloody Mary – This cocktail made from vodka, tomato juice, and the spice cabinet is a staple of brunches everywhere. It’s thought to cure hangovers or at least get your drunk again so you don’t care.

CLASSIC COCKTAILS #2 Old Fashioned vs #7 Long Island Iced Tea

Old Fashioned – As one of the oldest cocktails, the Old Fashioned has stood the test of time. Start by dissolving sugar with bitters, add whiskey and a lemon peel, then stir. It’s the pinnacle of cool.

Long Island Iced Tea – There’s no drink better suited than this for getting you drunk. There are endless varieties, but the main components are vodka, gin, tequila, and rum. What more could you need?

CLASSIC COCKTAILS #3 Margarita vs #6 Scotch Neat

Margarita – Tequila, orange-flavored liqueur, and lime juice combine to make one of the most popular drinks in the world. It’s perfect for Mexican night, a beach, or just getting trashed.

Scotch Neat – Nothing say sophistication like a few fingers of a good Scotch. It’s a tell-tale sign that you’re dealing with a modern gentleman who appreciates the finer things.

GIRLY SHOTS #1 Lemon Drop vs #8 Buttery Nipple

Lemon Drop – There are few shots more popular with ladies than the Lemon Drop. Some mix vodka, sugar and lemon juice while others just take a shot of vodka and chase by biting into a sugar coated lemon wedge. Both are effective.

Buttery Nipple – Ordered more for name than flavor, this mix of butterscotch schnapps and Bailey’s is a fan favorite of bachelorette parties and with people ordering shots for the first time.

GIRLY SHOTS #4 Red-Headed Slut vs #5 Dirty Girl Scout

Red Headed Slut – This shot of Jägermeister, peach schnapps, and cranberry juice is ordered primarily due to its awesome name. It’s certainly potent enough to get the job done though.

Dirty Girl Scout – When people are looking for an easy shot for a group to take, this combo of Bailey’s, Creme de Menthe, Kahlua, and Vodka is a solid choice, especially if you love Thin Mints.

GIRLY SHOTS #2 Kamikaze vs #7 B-52

Kamikaze – There’s no shot that harkens back to spring break more than the Kamikaze. Vodka, lime, and triple-sec, whether frozen or straight, is a perfect party shot.

B-52 – Not to be confused with the force behind “Rock Lobster,” a B-52 shot is a layered shot of Kahlúa, Baileys, and triple sec. It won’t get you drunk, but the bartender looks cool making it.

GIRLY SHOTS #3 Mind Eraser vs #6 SoCo and Lime

Mind Eraser – This layered shot of vodka, Kahlúa, and either tonic or soda doesn’t quite live up to its name, but it’s still manages to be a very popular party shot.

SoCo and Lime – This is one the most prevalent shots on college campuses, and there’s a reason for that. It’s simple, typically on special, and incredibly easy to take while still getting you drunk.

CRAFT BEERS #1 Seasonal vs #8 Malt Liquor

Seasonal – When unfairly lumped together, these make up the majority of craft beer sales. Whether it’s an Oktoberfest or a Christmas ale, they are some of the best beers on the market.

Malt Liquor – This is a staple of broke people, including college kids. Its high alcohol and terrible taste lead to extreme drunkenness, especially when Edward 40-Hands is involved.

CRAFT BEERS #4 Amber Lager vs #5 Wheat Beer

Amber Lager – These are typically malty with little bitterness with 4%-6% ABV. Popular options are Yuengling Traditional Lager, Brooklyn Lager, and Killian’s Irish Red.

Wheat Beer – These tend to be medium bodied and highly carbonated beers in the 4%-7% ABV range. Some favorites are Bell’s Oberon, Goose Island’s 312, and Three Floyd’s Gumballhead.

CRAFT BEERS #2 Pale Ale vs #7 Amber Ale

Pale Ale – These clean and hoppy beers are the 3rd most popular in the US behind seasonals and IPAs. Popular options are Sierra Nevada Pale Ale are Stone Brewing Pale Ale.

Amber Ale – These 4th most popular beers are well balanced and sometime fruity. Prime examples are Fat Tire, Stone Levitation, and Bell’s Amber Ale.

CRAFT BEERS #3 IPA vs #6 Belgian Strong Pale Ale

IPA – This is the most popular single style in recent years in the US. They have huge flavor, are highly hopped, and are fairly bitter. Some of the most popular are Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA, Bell’s Two Hearted Ale.

Belgian Strong Pale Ale – These complex and flavorful beers have 7%-12% ABV’s making them very popular with hardcore beer drinkers. Good examples are Duvel, Delirium Tremens, and Goose Island’s Matilda.

TRASHED OTHERS #1 Mojito vs #8 Black and Tan

Mojito – With white rum, sugar, lime juice, soda, and muddled mint, the Mojito is one of the most popular cocktails. It was the favorite drink of Ernest Hemingway, and there’s no better endorsement than that.

Black & Tan – This combination of Bass and Guinness is a staple of many beer bars. It became so popular that some breweries even started producing their own. Consumer power!

TRASHED OTHERS #4 Jello Shot vs #8 Brandy Neat

Jello Shot – Whether you’re in high school or celebrating St. Pat’s as an adult, jello shots always kick things up a notch. They’re fun and if made well, can still be quite strong. They’re perfect for parties.

Brandy Neat – This potent spirit made from distilling wine is normally an after dinner drink. While the Ladies Man didn’t invent it, he certainly popularized it for 20-somethings.

TRASHED OTHERS #2 Irish Coffee vs #7 Hot Toddy

Irish Coffee – Many think it’s just Irish whiskey and coffee, but an Irish Coffee also contains brown sugar and is topped with thick cream. With its caffeine and alcohol combo, you could say it’s the predecessor to the Vodka and Redbull.

Hot Toddy – While the recipes vary, the main components of this winter classic are whiskey, honey, lemon juice, tea, and hot water. It’s perfect for cold weather, and has even been used to cure colds.

TRASHED OTHERS #3 Irish Car Bomb vs #6 Absinthe

Irish Car Bomb – While clearly offensive to the Irish, this beer cocktail is a great way to get hammered. Drop a shot of Jameson and Bailey’s into a glass of Guinness and chug away.

Absinthe – The Green Fairy is easily the holy grail of hammered. The good stuff uses wormwood and offers hallucinogenic affects, but to be legal in the U.S. that awesome aspect had to be removed.

In this clip, a drunk (college?) girl is trying to show off her slick drunk girl dancing moves. Unfortunately, she finds herself unable to maintain the quiet dignity of the Coyote Ugly girls, going from a drunk girl dancing on bar to a drunk girl with a possible concussion ]]>

In this clip, a drunk (college?) girl is trying to show off her slick drunk girl dancing moves. Unfortunately, she finds herself unable to maintain the quiet dignity of the Coyote Ugly girls, going from a drunk girl dancing on bar to a drunk girl with a possible concussion and severely wounded pride. Let this be a lesson: Drinking and Justin Biebering just doesn’t pay.

Note: Though they support your ceiling and allow you to hang portraits of dogs gambling illegally, walls are not your friends. Particularly when you’re drunk, high, or unable to afford lights. Take it away, drunk girl.

It’s never a good thing to get so injured that people respond to ]]>

Note: Though they support your ceiling and allow you to hang portraits of dogs gambling illegally, walls are not your friends. Particularly when you’re drunk, high, or unable to afford lights. Take it away, drunk girl.

It’s never a good thing to get so injured that people respond to you bleeding out of your head with uproarious laughter. Either way, you have to admire the strength with which that girl walks. Not easy to knock yourself into lacerations by walking into a wall. She must be half Kool-Aid Man.

Today was not thematically planned as a day where we’d have multiple Wheel of Fortune posts, but so be it. On the latest episode of Dan Le Batard’s interview show Dan Le Batard Is Highly Questionable, Wheel host Pat Sajak reveals that he used to host the show ]]>

Today was not thematically planned as a day where we’d have multiple Wheel of Fortune posts, but so be it. On the latest episode of Dan Le Batard’s interview show Dan Le Batard Is Highly Questionable, Wheel host Pat Sajak reveals that he used to host the show hammered on margaritas.

Transcribed from the interview:

“When I first started and was much younger and could tolerate those things … We had a different show then. You didn’t win money, you won fake money with which you could buy cheesy prices. A turntable would go around and housewives from Teaneck would say, ‘uhhh for a $100 I’ll have the lamp. No, I’ll have the… ‘ It was the most boring two minutes of television. But because we had all those prizes, we had endless time between shows. Our dinner breaks would be two-and-a-half hours long while they drove in new cars and boats and gazebos and stuff. At NBC at Burbank we had a place called Los Arco’s across the street, which is Spanish, as you know, for the Arcos…and they served great margaritas. Me and Vanna [White] would go across and have two or three or six, and then come and do the last shows, and have trouble recognizing the alphabet. They’re really good tapes to get a hold of.

“The average number was cuatro.”

You can see the full interview with Sajak embedded below.

Honestly, kudos to Pat Sajak. As someone who’s occasionally indulged in a margarita or nine, I’m amazed he was still standing, let alone able to watch a spinning wheel full of theoretical prizes. Watching dizzying objects while meandering housewives prattle on about a pressure cooker sounds like it’d be high on the list of worst ways to spend a buzzed evening.

Pat Sajak Used to Get Wasted During Wheel of Fortune Tapings [Grantland]
Pat Sajak’s hosted ‘Wheel of Fortune’ drunk [CNN Marquee]

If you’re a person reading this while hanging upside down from your feet, I encourage you to stop immediately (and possibly reevaluate your reading habits). Otherwise you might end up nearly killing yourself like this girl whose attempt to hang upside down could have broken her neck.

She must ]]>

If you’re a person reading this while hanging upside down from your feet, I encourage you to stop immediately (and possibly reevaluate your reading habits). Otherwise you might end up nearly killing yourself like this girl whose attempt to hang upside down could have broken her neck.

She must have been trying to emulate the ‘Knightfall’ era Batman. *snort

Note: When attempting a mechanical bull ride, you might want to make sure you’re able to actually get on the bull. If you can’t, you may want to ditch the idea. Lesson learned, drunk girl.

If your New Year’s resolution was to avoid seeing a sloppy girl’s big white ]]>

Note: When attempting a mechanical bull ride, you might want to make sure you’re able to actually get on the bull. If you can’t, you may want to ditch the idea. Lesson learned, drunk girl.

If your New Year’s resolution was to avoid seeing a sloppy girl’s big white ass and/or playing a part in a woman’s drunken shame, I apologize. It was a glorious three days while it lasted.

No alcohol for your sorority’s formal? Oh no! The world is ending! At least, that’s what we’re to believe in this video of a University of Wisconsin-Madison sorority girl crying vigorously over her RA taking her dorm’s alcohol.

Maybe this wouldn’t be one of “the saddest days in history” ]]>

No alcohol for your sorority’s formal? Oh no! The world is ending! At least, that’s what we’re to believe in this video of a University of Wisconsin-Madison sorority girl crying vigorously over her RA taking her dorm’s alcohol.

Maybe this wouldn’t be one of “the saddest days in history” to most of us, but look at this girl. If ever there were a case of someone needing copious amounts of booze to get it in, even at one of the most renowned party schools in the nation, this is it. There are Fleshlights more sexually appealing than this girl.

Annie Stensrud may have just been having a bad day. Maybe she had a cold and took too high of a dose of Nyquil. Who knows? But man, she sure sounds drunk in this clip from Mankato’s KEYC newscast this past weekend.

Now obviously we can’t say she’s drunk ]]>

Annie Stensrud may have just been having a bad day. Maybe she had a cold and took too high of a dose of Nyquil. Who knows? But man, she sure sounds drunk in this clip from Mankato’s KEYC newscast this past weekend.

Now obviously we can’t say she’s drunk on-air because I wasn’t there and you weren’t there. But having heard drunk people in my life once or twice, Annie Stensrud sure seems like it.

Then again, if I had to live in Mankato, I’d probably be shitfaced half the time, too. No offense, Minnesota, you’re okay by me, but I’d probably have a more relaxing and fulfilling vacation in Freddie Mercury’s colon than in your state.

On-Air Blooper of the Day [The Daily What]

Thanksgiving may have been a couple weeks ago now, but let’s take this time to be thankful for the fact that most of us didn’t have digital cameras and a YouTube account during school. In this clip, a husky (and seemingly alarmingly short) drunk college kid falls through a table. ]]>

Thanksgiving may have been a couple weeks ago now, but let’s take this time to be thankful for the fact that most of us didn’t have digital cameras and a YouTube account during school. In this clip, a husky (and seemingly alarmingly short) drunk college kid falls through a table. Why? *shrug* Table probably killed his parents.

It would not be poor form to chant “ECW! ECW” at this kid after he did that. In this case, it would stand for Extremely Chunky Wino, but still. The soul remains.

When you see a man dressed like he’s colorblind yelling about Erick Sermon, you have to listen. At least that’s my new ruling in life. In this long-but-always entertaining clip, a drunk guy rambles and rants and, well, you just have to sit back and enjoy.

You may not ]]>

When you see a man dressed like he’s colorblind yelling about Erick Sermon, you have to listen. At least that’s my new ruling in life. In this long-but-always entertaining clip, a drunk guy rambles and rants and, well, you just have to sit back and enjoy.

You may not believe in mass genocide — and maybe there’s something our Guyism Style Team can tell me about that I’m not aware of — but I’m pretty sure there have been very few contributions from people wearing tie dye, purple pants, and a green hoodie. I don’t think Albert Einstein went from being a guy dressed like Barney at a Grateful Dead concert to creating the theory of relativity. I’ll have to check Wikipedia to confirm, though.

A drunk guy decides it’d be a good idea to try breaking a bottle over his equally drunk friend’s head. The drunk friend agrees. That’s where this perfectly planned scheme falls apart.

Let that be a lesson to all of you out there: Leave breaking beer bottles over people’s ]]>

A drunk guy decides it’d be a good idea to try breaking a bottle over his equally drunk friend’s head. The drunk friend agrees. That’s where this perfectly planned scheme falls apart.

Let that be a lesson to all of you out there: Leave breaking beer bottles over people’s heads to the professionals. Respected people like bikers and extras in 1980s Patrick Swayze movies. Their years of research, dedication and, presumably, degrees in advanced Bottle Smashing Physics make them far more adept at this than your average bar schmuck.

***The More You Know