Your parents were right. Money can’t buy you happiness.

That was the message from the Federal Reserve chairman on Saturday to graduates of the University of South Carolina.

“We all know that getting a better-paying job is one of the main reasons to go to college. … But if you are ever tempted to go into a field or take a job only because the pay is high and for no other reason, be careful!” Ben Bernanke said in his commencement address.

“Having a larger income is exciting at first, but as you get used to your new standard of living and as you associate with other people in your new income bracket, the thrill quickly wears off,” he said.

Fed chief tells graduates: don’t worry [Associated Press]

In these hard times, they’re hearing strong rumblings of discontent from Generation X. They’re the 32- to 44-year-olds who are wedged between Baby Boomers and their children, often feeling like forgotten middle siblings and increasingly restless at work as a result.

“All of a sudden, we’ve gone from being the young upstarts to being the curmudgeons,” says Bruce Tulgan, a generational consultant who’s written books about various age groups, including his fellow Gen Xers.

This isn’t the first time Gen Xers have faced tough times. They came of age during a recession and survived the dot-com bust. In recent years, though, more members of the generation – stereotyped early on as jaded individualists – began settling down. It was time, they thought, to enjoy the rewards of paying some dues.

“We were starting to buy into the system, at least to some extent,” Tulgan says, “and then we got the rug pulled out from under us.”

[Read the full article for more gems]

In Thailand, they have Innocent Kids’ Juices in vending machines. Very accessible.

Now that I think about it, this might actually be a bit underpriced. I don’t know how many of you studied economics, but when you have a better product and there’s a demand for it, you can jack up the price a bit otherwise capitalism doesn’t work. And people who are interested in such things getting the juices of kids for years for the cost of some ether and a Nintendo DS, I’d have to imagine there’d be a premium paid for the juices of kids who don’t put out as easily. Yeah you heard me kids, you’re all whores!

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DANIEL SUELO LIVES IN A CAVE. UNLIKE THE average American—wallowing in credit-card debt, clinging to a mortgage, terrified of the next downsizing at the office—he isn’t worried about the economic crisis. That’s because he figured out that the best way to stay solvent is to never be solvent in the first place. Nine years ago, in the autumn of 2000, Suelo decided to stop using money. He just quit it, like a bad drug habit.

His dwelling, hidden high in a canyon lined with waterfalls, is an hour by foot from the desert town of Moab, Utah, where people who know him are of two minds: He’s either a latter-day prophet or an irredeemable hobo. Suelo’s blog, which he maintains free at the Moab Public Library, suggests that he’s both. “When I lived with money, I was always lacking,” he writes. “Money represents lack. Money represents things in the past (debt) and things in the future (credit), but money never represents what is present.”

[read it]

I didn’t know that the East Coast believes in slaves and I’m not sure why no one ever told me until this video. You mean I could have been owning people all this time and yet here I am, buying cotton balls in Duane Reade like an asshole.

Reason how I know I’m sexist: I saw this video and after about 10 seconds, I thought about sticking my face between her breasts and going “hrrrrrrrrrrr.” She’s not even hot, but I just felt like that was a logical reaction to her ideas. I’m terrified what I might do if I ever find myself in a NOW brainstorming session.

A New York teenager accidentally billed $23 quadrillion seized the moment to update her Facebook status.

It read: “Very much in debt.”

Lydia Alcock of North Salem, N.Y., wasn’t alone in her virtual debt.

In a statement, Visa blamed the eye-popping charges on a programming error that affected more than 12,000 customers nationwide. The company says the problem was quickly corrected and all fees voided.

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An 11-year-old Ohio boy is helping ease his family’s financial burdens, one toy at a time.

Zach McGuire is selling his toys to raise money for his family, which like others across the country, has bills piling up and a home in jeopardy.

The youth said the idea came up during a conversation with his father.

“You can’t live in toys, or eat toys,” he told CNN television affiliate WNWO. “Even though they are fun, you don’t need them.”

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Before the recession, Carol Miller-Woods, donor coordinator at North Hudson IVF in Englewood Cliffs, N.J., got about eight calls a week from potential egg donors. Now she gets that many daily.

She also has gotten calls from at least 100 men inquiring about donating their “eggs.”

“Times are that tough, I guess,” she says.

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Take 55-year-old Jennifer of the Bronx, N.Y., who was laid off from her financial bookkeeping job: She talks about her entry into sex work with the shell-shocked detachment of someone who’s recently lost a loved one. “It’s hard. It’s an awful thing to have to do.”

[via, seriously read the article]

Sergio Santos’ home is a closet.

Five and a half feet wide, by 14 feet long, or 77 square feet, to be exact.

“I was really struggling to pay for the place I used to live. I decided to look for something cheap,” he explains.

The rent is $150 a month and to furnish his pad, Sergio spent a whopping $64.

“I have just become very well-fitted here,” he said.

The “room” is equipped with a small microwave oven and a mini-refrigerator.

He shares a community bathroom with other renters on the same property.

Check out the photos. It’s kind of f’ing enraging that I have an apartment with at least 10x the square feet valued at thousands more, and I can pretty much guarantee it doesn’t look as nice. Especially with all the dead bodies lying around.

Whatever, f this guy. I’ve been living in the closet for years but no one ever writes a profile on me. All they do is poke their penis through the hole in the bathroom stall and stand there with their hands on their hips. I’m not sure if it’s because that’s the accepted way you’re supposed to stand or if they’re conveying impatience. Just kidding guys…these are jokes. I only suck dicks for money or drugs, not out of personal preference.

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A stash of cash landed in the trash when a woman in Israel dumped her mother’s mattress not knowing it was stuffed with the equivalent of about one million dollars.

Israeli media reported that the 40-year-old woman showed up at a garbage dump in a panic on Tuesday, looking for the valuable bedding.

She had bought a new mattress for her mother and, wanting the gift to be a surprise, threw away the old one. She then found out the decades-old mattress contained her mother’s life savings.

Workers are helping her search the garbage, but have found no sign of the cash so far.

And people said that with banks failing across the globe, it’d be safer to put your money in a mattress. Looks like, once again, financial experts are proven to be dolts. Or that it was more foolish propaganda by the puppetmasters at Big Mattress. Either way, someone deserves a knee to the groin.

I don’t think you can really blame the daughter. She probably saw the mattress being all lumpy from tens of thousands of singles being shoved in there and was like, “Well, this can’t be a comfortable night’s sleep!” It’s probably not her fault for failing to realize that her mother is a borderline retard who collects money in a hidden place like teens do with pornography.

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I’m fine with you keeping your job but I’m not okay with putting in more effort in your bathroom. I already have to flush the toilet and wash my hands (theoretically)…this other work ain’t happening. It’s a slipper slope. What next, I have to serve my own water? Or, even worse, serve it out of the toilet? You give Big Business an inch, they take a mile.

I would however be willing to flick the light on and off repeatedly as I leave. You damn kids never learn to shut up otherwise.

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Too subtle?

Jason writes, “My wife just sent me an email saying that she payed ‘too early’ (before the new statement was generated) and got charged a ‘Late Fee’ of $29!”

This reminds me of one of those willpower things where you can’t pay someone back money too early or they’ll spend it like a crackhead. Or when people are like, “Oh no, I couldn’t possibly eat another cookie! Get them away from me!” It’s like, how about you just not eat one? That’s basically the same as saying, “Get your girlfriend out of here man or I might hit her in the head with a brick and rape her. I just can’t help myself!” So yeah, don’t leave your girlfriend alone in a bank. All I’m saying.

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This seems like a great time to push my “Let’s load fat girls into trucks and make them do the work of donkeys to stimulate the economy” plan, so I will. I think we should load fat girls into trucks, take them out to a field, and make them plow the Earth in order to justify their existence. Because this video is the most useful thing I’ve seen a fat girl do in like decades. Other than that time I had to cut one open and sleep inside her stomach to feel warm. But we don’t talk about that any more. It was a long, cold wait at the concession line at the Buffalo Bills’ game. You had to be there to truly understand the despair.

A proposal to levy a $5 tax on sex acts in Nevada has died in a state Senate committee.

The 3-4 vote Thursday in the Nevada Senate Taxation Committee was one shy of the four needed to keep the proposal afloat.

Committee Chairman Bob Coffin, the Las Vegas Democrat who sponsored the bill, says the state is desperate for revenue and has not collected taxes from prostitution since it was legalized in some rural counties more than 30 years ago.

Sen. Mike McGinness, a Republican from Fallon who voted against the tax, says he wouldn’t support a new tax on services.

Coffin has estimated the tax would’ve raised at least $2 million a year. Nevada is facing a more than $2.8 billion revenue shortfall.

I don’t think that they should tax these people buying sex with women. There’s already been a pretty heavy tax paid. Like when the hookers gave up their souls. That should get some sort of credit.

At least they aren’t contemplating all sex acts. Could you imagine if you had to pay $5 every time you dropped a load somewhere? And what an awful job it’d be to collect that tax. Just bleachy smelling bills with jizz all over Lincoln’s beard. Who drew the short straw on that one?

[source]

Check out the original listing here or click through to see the larger image

From the listing:

Afraid of Clowns? Ever see a movie with a creepy clown and get scared to death? Believe it or not, there are people out there who like to be scared. This idea came to me when a friend mentioned they love scary movies and the thrill it gives them. This auction is for a 3 day thrill ride through your greatest fear! ~CLOWNS~!!!! I will dress up as a clown and scare you for 3 days STRAIGHT, everywhere you go, I will follow, dressed as a clown. When you least expect it – BOOM!!! There I’ll be to creeper you out! This is something you will only want to experience once. LIVE your SCARIEST MOVIE SCENES! Included in this auction, is my travel expenses to wherever you live to give you 3 days of creepy, clowny excitement! BID NOW AND EXPERIENCE this once in a lifetime Thrill…. Are you Brave Enough? *This is meant for entertainment purposes only, no harm will come to you from this, just scariest thrill of a lifetime! Live a haunted house come to life for 3 entire days.

Someone paid $355 for this. You know how many things you can buy for $355 these days? Good to see that the “Pay a Clown to Scare You Shitless” industry is still going strong.

Let’s say someone paid a clown to stalk me because apparently my friends are not only wealthy and bored, but also hate me. I would probably just spot the clown and pretend I had a clown fetish. Nothing would freak a clown out more than A) Someone actually liking him and B) Sucking on his red clown nose seductively. Unless he liked it and went along with it. Then, well, I guess I’d have to not chicken out. No clown gets the moral higher ground on me. NO CLOWN.

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Ernie Casillas lived the good life as he doled out millions of dollars in loans in California. The former banker drove fancy cars and took extravagant vacations.

But with the banking industry in crisis, his job is gone — as is his lavish lifestyle. Desperate for work, he recently swallowed his pride and posted a message on Craigslist: “Unemployed I need a job.”

Casillas, 46, is like tens of thousands of out-of-work Americans turning to Craigslist, the online classified ad Web site where people can post information for free.

“It took a lot for me to put that ad on Craigslist, because I had to change what I was before,” he said, breaking down in tears. “I wasn’t this rich little yuppie anymore, driving expensive cars, having expensive suits. I’m in this just like everybody else looking for work. It humbles you. This is real.”

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NYC Businessman Nino Selimaj is announcing today he is trying to make up for the $50 billion dollars in losses of Bernard Madoff’s over 2,000 customers by offering them free dinner. Patrons can bring their monthly client account statements from Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC and get a free entree at the popular 208 Restaurant located on East 58th street.

Although I cant give these unfortunate people back their money in cash, I can pay them back in pasta for their losses The restaurant has lost income from the Madoff scandal. Some of their dual customers that were affected by the Ponzi scheme have not returned. Hopefully offering them free food might bring them back. said Mr. Selimaj. Customers must call 212-750-7766 in advance to make a reservation and their identity will be concealed.

Many of Bernie Madoff’s victims lost upwards of $250,000. Some even lost millions. Retirement funds, money for their kids’ college tuitions. Lives were ruined, families probably torn apart. So you know what’s going to make that better? A plate of (probably mediocre) f’ing veal parmigiana. COME ON ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! I get publicity stunts and all but Jesus, what’s the point? That crap would have to be laced with all kinds of drugs to make me even forget for a second that some prick still owns a multimillion dollar apartment blocks away thanks to my money. My life would probably be a repetitive combination of crying uncontrollably and muttering “That f’ing Jew” over and over again. So yeah, I’m not sure how much that’ll help.

But I’m also not sure how good the veal parm is, so, hey, worth a shot right?

An eastern Missouri family expects they’ll be able to stay in their home built inside a cave after accepting an offer of a private mortgage contract. Curt Sleeper said Tuesday that a New Jersey-based business offered a 15-year loan with a low interest rate that should allow the family to keep their home in Festus, about 30 miles south of St. Louis.
“We’re excited about it.” To celebrate: “We’re throwing a party at a friend’s cave,” he said.

Curt and Deborah Sleeper fell in love with the unique geography of an old mining cave in 2004 and figured out how to build a house inside of it. But they were having trouble making a large payment that was coming due on the property, prompting them to put their home up for auction on eBay.

They no longer plan to auction the home through the Web site, but Sleeper says the house will remain there until paperwork is completed on the loan.

Jon Demarest, owner of Logical Source Inc., confirmed that his the Fairfield, N.J.-based archiving and medical record company offered the Sleepers a mortgage.

“I was intrigued by it,” Demarest said. “Someone who has put that much into it shouldn’t lose it.”

The Sleepers built their cave home with the help of friends. A gray timber frame exterior was constructed in the 37-foot-tall opening of the cave. Thirty-seven sliding glass doors also are used as windows throughout the three-story, three-bedroom home, allowing natural light throughout the finished sections of the home.

You know who lives in caves? Batman and terrorists. So since this family isn’t rolling around and saving my ass from getting raped by the Joker, I’m inclined to think they’re the latter.

Though holy crap how f’ing obnoxious is that their f’ing cavehouse is nicer than any apartment I will ever rent or own in New York City? Though granted, I don’t really have to worry about some Cavern Monster waking me up in the middle of the night and f’ing my nostrils. Not since I broke up with my ex, at least.

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At a time when some people are having trouble finding one job, Daniel Seddiqui is lining up 50 — one in every state. Each job symbolizes the state’s most famous industry, and each lasts one week — just long enough for the 26-year-old to appreciate the labor and explore the region.

He’s been a park ranger in Wyoming, a corn farmer in Nebraska and a wedding coordinator in Las Vegas.

Last week, in Week 23 of his yearlong saga, he was a cheesemaker in southeast Wisconsin. He mixed ingredients, hoisted slabs of cheddar — and tasted plenty of his work.

“I would say this was as hard as logging,” he said Friday, referring to his stint as a logger in Oregon three months ago. “Everything here is done by hand so there’s a lot of heavy lifting.”

Seddiqui, who grew up in Los Altos, Calif., insists his job-hopping isn’t a gimmick. It’s a legitimate effort to travel the U.S., learning about cultures across the country and developing a respect for what other people do, he said.

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