In break-up news, Audrina Patridge and Ryan Cabrera broke up. Whoever the hell Ryan Cabrera is. Also this week Jessica Szohr and Ed Westwick ended their relationship, or more precisely Ed dumped Jessica. Because he apparently has so many other better options. I’m sure there won’t be any tension on the Gossip Girl set as a result of the breakup though.

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy also called it quits. Said Jim on Twitter, “Jenny and I have just ended our 5yr relationship. I’m grateful 4 the many blessings we’ve shared and I wish her the very best! S’okay! ?;^>” Does anyone else wish Twitter had never been invented?

In WTF news, Hugh Jackman is set to play a guy with balls on his chin. No joke. He will be playing a man with genitalia attached to his face in a very risque comedy opposite Oscar-winning actress Kate Winslet. Jackman plays a man whose testicles are located under his chin and Winslet plays a woman who goes out on a date with his character. Again, I repeat, this is real.

In even bigger WTF news, a Survivor producer is suspected of killing his wife, then dumping her in the sewer. Pimp My Ride and former Survivor producer Bruce Beresford-Redman was arrested Thursday as a suspect in his wife’s death days after reporting her missing in Cancun.

In your weekly Lindsay Lohan update, Lindsay’s dad, Michael Lohan, is now engaged to one Kate Major. What is odd about this is that Kate was once a key member of Lindsay’s entourage. Gee, I wonder what Lindsay thinks of that. If only she had commented. Oh wait, she did… “I’m gonna vomit!” she told UsMagazine.com after hearing the wedding news Tuesday. “I so didn’t need that info … Yuck!” Look at the bright side, Lilo, maybe once they’re married she can help you get back into some clubs again.

In an exclusive interview, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s former bodyguard reveals that since Brad and his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston reconnected at the 2009 Academy Awards, they have hooked up four times. Angelina is so going to beat Jen’s ass if this is true.

And in your weekly someone cheated on someone (a lot) news, the Jesse James – Sandra Bullock story just keeps getting weirder. It seems that Jesse used his wife’s credit card to pay for a high priced call girl while she was away filming Blind Side. But wait, there’s more! Jesse also allegedly made over 12 sex tapes with his mistresses. But wait, there’s more! Most of the tapes feature a mass amount of Nazi paraphernalia. But wait, there’s even more! After barely a week, Jesse James bailed on sex rehab. Then a day or so later, he returned. This is the story that just keeps on giving, isn’t it?

Nicollete Sheridan is suing Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry for $20 million citing assault and battery, gender violence and wrongful termination. Oh, and she didn’t like being killed off the show. That too. Mostly that.

In other legal news, Sean Penn is being sued for making death threats against a photographer. In a suit filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court, Jordan Dawes claims Penn assaulted him by “kicking and punching” him as he filmed a documentary about paparazzi in October 2009. That Sean Penn, he so silly…

According to the doctor charged with the death of Michael Jackson, it was Michael who, in fact, killed himself. Dr. Conrad Murray’s defense is that he was taking a leak while MJ gave himself the lethal shot. Ah, the old “I was taking a leak” defense. That one always works.

And finally, in news that is sure to make your weekend, Heidi Klum says that she is so relaxed about nudity she happily goes naked in front of her parents. Says Heidi, “I think it’s because I grew up in a very easy-going family where my parents were always naked.” I wonder if her mom is hot? You know you were thinking the same thing…