Animals having sex is an important part of the delicate ecology of the universe; for example, did you know that every time a walrus gets a blowjob, beach water gets salted? But it’s a bit less beautiful in practical execution, particularly when you’re on an elephant tour.

Animals having sex is an important part of the delicate ecology of the universe; for example, did you know that every time a walrus gets a blowjob, beach water gets salted? But it’s a bit less beautiful in practical execution, particularly when you’re on an elephant tour.

Man, that elephant is hung like a horse.

That’s kind of awkward. Not because it’s weird that elephants would bone, but because I’m pretty sure seeing an elephant’s crapcovered vagina wasn’t part of the sightseeing tour. But if it was, wow, what a deal. You’d have to pay extra for that if it were a human woman.

[thanks dave for the tip!]

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I am easily confused but fortunately, helpful people exist to keep me from doing silly things. Like feeding inanimate objects.

Man, that sign really helped me out. Otherwise I would have just been throwing peanuts at his mouth, staring at him and going, “WHYYYYY!!?!??!” And I ]]>

I am easily confused but fortunately, helpful people exist to keep me from doing silly things. Like feeding inanimate objects.

Man, that sign really helped me out. Otherwise I would have just been throwing peanuts at his mouth, staring at him and going, “WHYYYYY!!?!??!” And I probably would have punched him and hurt my fist, disappointed in how my attempts to solicit his attention with food failed yet again. It’d be just like my trip to feed the starving Ethiopians all over again.

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