Elmo, come on Elmo, quit it with the wandering eyes buddy. You’re supposed to be a role model for kids not a wandering furry monster with a raging boner. Asshole. Next time I see you, you’re getting the tickle treatment.

By the way, that’s 26-year-old Czech pro Barbora Strycova ]]>

Elmo, come on Elmo, quit it with the wandering eyes buddy. You’re supposed to be a role model for kids not a wandering furry monster with a raging boner. Asshole. Next time I see you, you’re getting the tickle treatment.

By the way, that’s 26-year-old Czech pro Barbora Strycova who I find mildly attractive. Check out the pics.

There’s no faux intellectual pretense to put here. This is just a good ol’ fashioned immature video of two Sesame Street toys gettin’ it on.

So we’ve now seen the mating habits of a ladybug and contrasted it with Cookie Monster’s vigorous, dirty-talking foray into ]]>

There’s no faux intellectual pretense to put here. This is just a good ol’ fashioned immature video of two Sesame Street toys gettin’ it on.

So we’ve now seen the mating habits of a ladybug and contrasted it with Cookie Monster’s vigorous, dirty-talking foray into the world of adult (monster?) cinema. Who’s the big winner? Gotta be honest..Cookie Monster was kind of a dead fish in the end.

You would think a man in an Elmo shirt would be all about good times and tickling. Not so much. In this clip, some guy is pulled over by a cop and ambushed by San Francisco ABC affiliate KRON at the same time. He does not take the news station’s ]]>

You would think a man in an Elmo shirt would be all about good times and tickling. Not so much. In this clip, some guy is pulled over by a cop and ambushed by San Francisco ABC affiliate KRON at the same time. He does not take the news station’s coverage kindly.

A significant number of people on the YouTube upload seem to be taking the side of the reporter, Stanley Roberts. But I don’t see how you can be covering such a complete non news item like some guy getting pulled over and getting a citation and somehow come out as a victim. You can’t work for a news station at San Francisco, act like a dick to a sassy gay man for no particular reason and expect him not to have this reaction. That’s like trying to mouthfuck a sleeping dragon, only to be shocked when your genitals emerge chewed up and fricassee’d.

Oh how does every conversation I have about Elmo turn into one about sexually assaulting a dragon? One of life’s great unanswered questions.

Watch a BMW driver in an Elmo shirt assault reporter with fat jokes [Jalopnik]

There’s a documentary making the rounds at 2011′s Sundance about Kevin Clash, the man behind the voice and puppeteering of Elmo, titled “Being Elmo”. In this video from the session about the film, Elmo meets a pregnant lady and seems to make her day.

You’ve got ]]>

There’s a documentary making the rounds at 2011′s Sundance about Kevin Clash, the man behind the voice and puppeteering of Elmo, titled “Being Elmo”. In this video from the session about the film, Elmo meets a pregnant lady and seems to make her day.

You’ve got to love the improv, how genuinely happy the pregnant lady looked, and the fact that Elmo is black (no offense to Mr. Clash, but that was an M. Night Shyamalan-in-1998 level twist).

That said, I was kind of hoping Elmo would break out some of his edgier material, like when Bob Saget’s debauchery blew up post-”Full House”. Nothing would have made me happier than some X-rated jokes and a “Planned Parenthood” punchline or two coming out of Elmo’s mouth. But hey, this works just fine, too. I guess.

See Elmo bond with a pregnant lady at Sundance [Vulture]

Elmo’s had a rough week between his fallout with Katy Perry (and her subsequent defamation via bouncing Katy Perry boob gifs) and now this…a Florida man in an Elmo suit got into a fist fight with a random stranger. Police say that an unnamed man assaulted the man ]]>

Elmo’s had a rough week between his fallout with Katy Perry (and her subsequent defamation via bouncing Katy Perry boob gifs) and now this…a Florida man in an Elmo suit got into a fist fight with a random stranger.

Elmo strikes fear into the hearts of all those who cross him, innocent looks be damned.

A police statement said about the incident:

“The man who was wearing the Elmo costume was already in the store when the suspect entered the store and was physically aggressive towards customers and staff. The suspect in this case suffered broken fingers and was taken to the hospital where he would receive treatment for his injuries and undergo a mental evaluation. The man dressed as Elmo was the victim in this incident and was not injured.”

According to police, the man who assaulted Elmo left the fight with two broken fingers. He was also detained for a mental health evaluation as it was unclear why he snapped on the man in the Elmo costume.

It’s easy to forget that though Elmo looks so cute and cuddly, he does live on a street with people living in trash cans and large birds having drug hallucinations. You have to learn to defend yourselves in those mean streets.

I would also desperately like to see video of this. I don’t know what pure bliss is, but I imagine it can be achieved through a grown man in an Elmo suit snapping another man’s fingers in a guitar store.

Man attacks Elmo; Elmo wins [CNN]

David Beckham explains the meaning of the word persistent on Sesame Street and Elmo steals the show. LIKE THAT WOULD BE HARD TO DO…

Elmo went on an Australian talk show and killed in a way Whoopi Golberg only dreams about.

A coworker sent me to this awesome old post on Gizmodo about the new Elmo toy hitting the market, so of course, I thought “Wow, that’d make for an interesting blog post.” Unfortunately, Gawker’s blogs don’t let you embed their videos, so I went on YouTube to ]]>

A coworker sent me to this awesome old post on Gizmodo about the new Elmo toy hitting the market, so of course, I thought “Wow, that’d make for an interesting blog post.” Unfortunately, Gawker’s blogs don’t let you embed their videos, so I went on YouTube to see if there were any other copies. Alas, there were none. But I found these perturbing videos of people lighting Elmo on fire and blowing him up.

Elmo coming after me laughing while ablaze will haunt my dreams for weeks. Who will stop this menace?

Oh, apparently these guys will. Repeatedly. And with special effects. I guess if you’re going to stop Elmo, that’s how to do it with style. But Elmos need love too:

Oh Elmo. This world was not made for you. I guess you can’t spell Elmo without “emo”.