Yesterday, Dakota Fanning’s new ads for Marc Jacobs were banned for “promoting the sexualization of a child.” Today, the UK’s Advertising Standards Authority banned a fashion label from running ads with a model deemed too skinny. The model, pictured left, was featured in an ]]>

Yesterday, Dakota Fanning’s new ads for Marc Jacobs were banned for “promoting the sexualization of a child.” Today, the UK’s Advertising Standards Authority banned a fashion label from running ads with a model deemed too skinny.

The model, pictured left, was featured in an ad for British fashion line Drop Dead.

According to the ASA:

We considered that using a noticeably skinny model with visible hip, rib, collar and thigh bones, who wore heavy makeup and was posed in ways that made her body appear thinner, was likely to impress upon that audience that the images were representative of the people who might wear Drop Dead’s clothing, and as being something to aspire to. Therefore, while we considered the bikini and denim short images might not cause widespread or serious offence, we concluded they were socially irresponsible.

This isn’t the first time the UK’s advertising bureaus have banned an ad for being an unrealistic portrayal of women; L’oreal had two ads pulled earlier this year featuring Julia Roberts and Christy Turlington for being overly photoshopped.

On the one hand, I’m conflicted because it’s obviously a good thing that women aren’t holding themselves to an extremely difficult-to-live-up-to body image. On the other hand, it seems kind of ridiculous that this model — who frankly, isn’t the skinniest person I’ve ever seen — is now banned from these ads, in what might have been a big break, just because some women in the UK can’t understand that maybe they don’t need to look like a woman whose job it is to be professionally sexy.

What next, UK, banning a McDonald’s ad because the hamburgers look too delicious? 1776 couldn’t have come soon enough.

Drop Dead Ads Banned Because Models Were Too Skinny [Blisstree]

Cuz she might snap and run you over in her car. Twice.

Over in England, Erin Slingsby was recently tossed into jail. Why? Because back in 2009 she ran over her boyfriend, Kane Charles, twice. All stemming from him cheating on her in some video game ]]>

Cuz she might snap and run you over in her car. Twice.

Over in England, Erin Slingsby was recently tossed into jail. Why? Because back in 2009 she ran over her boyfriend, Kane Charles, twice. All stemming from him cheating on her in some video game they were perhaps playing together.

They got into a huge fight, so Slingsby stormed outside and got inside her car. Charles followed and in front of the vehicle, I’m guessing in an effort to prevent her from leaving, as well as to talk things out (plus she forgot her phone, which he also tried giving her). Didn’t work, cuz she hit the gas.

Charles managed to get up to his feet and attempt to head back inside, but that’s when Slingsby ran into him again. The poor dude collapsed and woke up in a hospital. Injuries include a fractured skill and bruising to his brain; to this very day he suffers from constant headaches, memory loss, impaired concentration, mood swings, and dizzy spells. Not only will he need years of rehabilitation but is no longer able to work.

Slingsby claimed at the time that it was some other car that hit her boyfriend, but admitted a year later to a friend and her brother that she was guilty. She was then sentenced to 11 years in a young offenders’ institution (she’s actually 20, but hey, thinks work different in the UK< obviously). There's also a restraining order and a three-year ban from driving.

What's the lesson here? Guys, and hopefully you know this already: when playing video games with your lady friend, just let her win, okay? Perhaps that reeks of male chauvinism, but honestly, it's better that way in the end for a number of reasons.

Unfortunately, the game they were playing has yet to be identified (not will it ever I'm afraid), let alone the exact nature of the cheating. Hell, it could have been some single player game that featured some hot chicks that she got all pissed about. I used to have an ex that would get legit jealous over all the cute girls I'd try to bang in dating sims. Could have been the same thing.

Woman mowed down boyfriend and left him with fractured skull after accusing him of cheating at a computer game [Daily Mail]

Fun Fact: Women hate when you patronizingly call them “dear”. It’s just one of those things that reminds them of being forced to make pie and whatever. So, of course, people are up in arms after British Prime Minister David Cameron told a woman to “calm down, dear” during a ]]>

Fun Fact: Women hate when you patronizingly call them “dear”. It’s just one of those things that reminds them of being forced to make pie and whatever. So, of course, people are up in arms after British Prime Minister David Cameron told a woman to “calm down, dear” during a parliament session. Skip to 0:59 for the breakdown.

Political adversaries are demanding Cameron apologize for his insensitive remarks toward the Member of Parliament, Angela Eagle. But, as you saw during the clip, Cameron doesn’t seem to be the apologizing type.

And to think that this would happen after the UK has progressed so far in its political dealings. This week alone they’re..uh…all watching a fake monarch marry a common woman for the right to call herself a fake monarch. You’ve come a long way, baby.

More on the Cameron situation here.

Lorena Bobbit is typically the benchmark for genital-related crimes. But now, meet your challenger. According to Gateshead (UK) police, 43-year-old Maria Topp bit off both of her boyfriend’s testicles during an altercation.

Cops say the duo were having a lover’s quarrel for an unknown reason when Topp ]]>

Lorena Bobbit is typically the benchmark for genital-related crimes. But now, meet your challenger.

According to Gateshead (UK) police, 43-year-old Maria Topp bit off both of her boyfriend’s testicles during an altercation.

Cops say the duo were having a lover’s quarrel for an unknown reason when Topp decided to chomp down.

Topp, a mother of four, denies all the charges of bodily harm.

The man, Martin Douglas, was able to get his testicles reattached during a difficult surgery. The police report says Douglas, a local DJ, sounded like he was in “extreme pain” and 999 operators found it difficult to understand what he was saying.

Topp is currently out on bail and is awaiting trial.

There doesn’t seem like there would be a lot of wiggle room in this one. If some guy is walking around with his nuts bitten off and you’re there cleaning seminal fluid off your teeth like you’re working a glory hole on I-95, there’s not a lot of plausible deniability left. “Your honor, I didn’t ‘bite off his testicles.’ I merely got a little too enthusiastic during foreplay. Is that a crime?” is probably not the best closing statement one could have.

I feel worse for the kids though. If Topp gets convicted, having to answer people’s questions about your mom with the answer “Oh, she bit off some dude’s balls. Yep. Both of them. Clean off.” probably won’t put you in the best light. But no one ever said love, and its ensuing testicle eating, was easy.

Gateshead woman denies biting off testicles [BBC]

For those who aren’t on the up-and-up with ridiculous trends proceeded by unfitting adjectives, extreme ironing (abbreviated EI, seriously) is the hottest sport out there right now. Got a shirt? An ironing board? A vendetta against wrinkles in the Grand Canyon? You’re ready for some EI, my friend.

London news ]]>

For those who aren’t on the up-and-up with ridiculous trends proceeded by unfitting adjectives, extreme ironing (abbreviated EI, seriously) is the hottest sport out there right now. Got a shirt? An ironing board? A vendetta against wrinkles in the Grand Canyon? You’re ready for some EI, my friend.

London news outlets got a hold of this footage of a man (dare I say, an Ironman?) partaking in the sport on the M1 Monday morning.

Just curious as to what we’re classifying as “extreme,” here. This guy is on a closed-off section of the highway. I mean, I’ve had to iron a shirt on the roof of my Civic in the lot behind a job interview after an epic walk of shame… do I qualify? A lot more risk involved there, especially considering I didn’t have the luxury of a cordless iron. It took a lot not to reference that 10 minutes later when they asked if I possessed problem-solving skills.

At least I know if this blogging thing doesn’t work out I’ve got a prolific career in linen-athletics waiting on the back burner. And when that day comes, I’d like to challenge this man to a press-off. Mostly because it’d be nice to start my season off with a win. I see your deserted highway, sir, and raise you one Mount Rushmore.

When attempting to come up with a clever scheme as a pervert, it’s important to really spread your wings creatively and push the envelope. Sadly, one man’s crafty idea to dress up like a female mannequin in the women’s bathroom was just too clever for his own good. Englishman Joel ]]>

When attempting to come up with a clever scheme as a pervert, it’s important to really spread your wings creatively and push the envelope. Sadly, one man’s crafty idea to dress up like a female mannequin in the women’s bathroom was just too clever for his own good.

'This is so weird. I swear I heard that mannequin say, 'Yeah, you take that dump,' then groan.'

Police say the University of Birmingham student was seen sneaking into women’s toilets “dressed like a mannequin with a mask and a wig” in early April.

When accosted by security guards, Hardman told them that he had been masturbating and had “been a bit weird.”

According to the police report, Hardman found the sound of the women going to the bathroom to be intriguing. He hoped that getting caught will lead him to stop.

Hardman was released on bail so long as he stays away from public toilets.

It’s certainly not a normal situation when you need to hang out in bathrooms and listen to women defecate in order to get off. At the same time though, this kid had a dream and a plan to achieve it and he really went after it. In many ways, he’s a modern British hero. And boy do they need one. The most recent British totem of masculinity is Robert Pattinson. I’d take silently masturbating to some chick’s Panda Express-induced BMs over some dude with pouty lips looking off in the distance soulfully all the time any day.

Man dressed as mannequin found in mall toilet [NineMSN via Geekologie]

A woman who alleges that she was the victim of an attempted sexual attack found her assailant on Facebook. Now she’s bringing him to trial. Thwarting rape just got all 2.0 on yo ass. The woman, a mother in her 20s, claims that she found her ]]>

A woman who alleges that she was the victim of an attempted sexual attack found her assailant on Facebook. Now she’s bringing him to trial. Thwarting rape just got all 2.0 on yo ass.

The woman, a mother in her 20s, claims that she found her attacker after he told her his age, name, and that he lived in North London, England during an assault at a park in late May.

Alpha Gray, a 30-year-old man, denies the allegations of attempted rape, sexual assault, and bodily harm.

The woman told the court that she was able to find Gray due to his unusual name and his pictures which completely matched the description of the man she encountered in the park.

The assault was a particularly nasty one; the woman was leaving a bar when Gray allegedly ripped off her top, punched her in the face, and attempted to rape her before she was unable to get away.

Good for this woman and fuck this guy. For all the crap sites like Facebook get, it’s definitely a good thing that a scumbag like this might be taken off the streets, all because he had crappy privacy settings. And, presumably, a penchant for invading people’s farms in Farmville, ripping up all the turnips, then punching people’s cows in the face after aggressively suckling their udders.

Victim ‘tracked down sex attacker on Facebook’ [BBC]

Guyism’s daily look at what’s hot in the world of sports.

9

The 49ers had an impressive victory on Monday Night Football but it came at a pretty big cost. Starting running back Frank Gore is out for the reason with an apparent ]]>

Guyism’s daily look at what’s hot in the world of sports.

9

The 49ers had an impressive victory on Monday Night Football but it came at a pretty big cost. Starting running back Frank Gore is out for the reason with an apparent hip injury. With the 49ers now looking at a possible playoff berth, they turn to veteran Brian Westbrook to carry the load the rest of the way. Going into yesterday’s game, Westbrook hadn’t seen much action this season–9 yards on 5 carries to be exact.

868

A few months ago, we told that you that the depleted Big East conference wanted to add TCU for some more football legitimacy. Things quited down on that front for awhile, until yesterday, when the announcement came down from Big East headquarters. Oh yea, we’d like to add that the closest school to TCU is Louisville….868 miles away. Makes a lot of sense.

1,000,000,000

If England does not get the 2018 World Cup, London stands to lose more than £1bn pounds. One of the policy advisors for mayor Neale Coleman said, “economists who worked on England’s 2018 bid have calculated a total economic benefit to the country of more than £3bn through increased tourism and investment”. Um, yea, no wonder countries were trying to buy votes from those on the committee.

11.5

Rumors swirled last night that Yankee starting pitcher Andy Pettitte was being wooed by the Texas Rangers. It even went as far as the NYDN reporting that Rangers president Nolan Ryan had preliminary discussions with the left-hander. But as of this morning, it appears that the story was nothing but hearsay and that Pettitte will stay a Yankee for the remainder of his career. Though he probably won’t make the $11.5 million he did last year, he no doubt will be rewarded handsomely for his efforts.

25,000

Surprisingly, neither Andre Johnson nor Cortland Finnegan were suspended for their brawl during Sunday’s Texans-Titans game. Both, however, were hit with $25,000 fines. That’s about as minimal a punishment as you’ll see for landing punches, regardless of sport.

Guyism’s daily look at what’s hot in the world of sports.

17

Seven minutes into the Serbia-Italy soccer match, all hell broke loose. Fireworks and flares were thrown on the field and barriers were broken in what police described as a calculated riot. After it ]]>

Guyism’s daily look at what’s hot in the world of sports.

17

Seven minutes into the Serbia-Italy soccer match, all hell broke loose. Fireworks and flares were thrown on the field and barriers were broken in what police described as a calculated riot. After it was all said and done 17 were interested including the Serbian ringleader. As always, soccer always seems to bring out the best in people.

908

The Red Wings’ Kirk Maltby finally decided to call it quits after 16 years in the NHL. And what a ride it’s been for the gritty forward–908 games played and more importantly, a key role player in the Wings 4 Stanley Cup runs. Maltby was demoted to the minors just a few days ago but opted instead to retire and focus on his family.

11

Cliff Lee’s 11 strikeouts proved to be the deciding factor in the Rangers victory over the Rays last night. The win vaulted them into a showdown for a trip to the World Series with the Yankees. Lee will need to be just as efficient as the Yankees who boast a much more powerful lineup. Our prediction? Yankees in 6.

2018

England is using “soccer ambassador” David Beckham to try and get the 2018 World Cup. Organizers aren’t sold that England possesses the right criteria to host the event. Nevermind that South Africa was one of the poorest countries in the world and had little to no soccer infrastructure just a few years before the 2010 World Cup. Politics is a dirty game and it appears FIFA is mired in it.

586

Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf called it quits almost 9 years ago from the NBA. But now after 586 regular season games, he is making a return….to the BJ-league. Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you. The BJ league is Japan’s equivalent to the NBA. And 41-year old Rauf will call Kyoto his home for the time being. But yea, BJ…thanks Japan. You provide quality porn and laughs in the morning.

30

“Confessions of an agent” will hit the news stands later this week but you can read Josh Luch’s account online. In one of the more damning pieces in quite awhile, Luchs details how he gave more than 30 players money in an attempt to get them as a client. Amongst those listed Mel Kiper, Jeremy Shockey, and Jonathan Ogden. If you do nothing else today, read it. Compelling stuff.

Hayley O’Neil, a 23-year-old in the UK, went to a job center seeking help in finding a new job. What she got, however, was told that she would never get hired looking how she looks. Context: This is what she looks like. O’Neil ]]>

Hayley O’Neil, a 23-year-old in the UK, went to a job center seeking help in finding a new job. What she got, however, was told that she would never get hired looking how she looks. Context: This is what she looks like.

O’Neil went to the Telegraph to complain about the Job Centre Plus in Blackburn Lancs:

[T]he advisor concluded: ”Who would hire you looking like that?”

”I said I could take the piercings out but they look a lot worse when they are out.”

“The guy said: ‘on first impressions do you think anyone would hire you?’ He said: ‘look at it this way if you were to stand behind a wall – or put a paper bag over your face do you think you would have a better chance?’

“He then backtracked and tried to say that he was sorry and hoped I wasn’t offended but I was.

“He talked to me as though I was just going through a phase in my life, but this is my lifestyle choice, and this is who I am.”

I get that it’s easy to go “Oh, poor you!” about this girl. But seriously, look at her again. You can’t deface your body so flagrantly — looking roughly like someone who had a severe accident at a construction site — and expect that people are going to take you seriously as a business person. Not to mention the fact she looks like John Belushi. Like, how he looks now. No sympathy.

Tattooed woman ‘told to put bag over head by Jobcentre’ [Telegraph]

Public schools often get allotted funding, or doled out penalties, based upon how students perform on annual exams. One school in the UK was aware of that and tried to help the kids during an exam. Small problem: The teacher gave the kids the wrong answer. ]]>

Public schools often get allotted funding, or doled out penalties, based upon how students perform on annual exams. One school in the UK was aware of that and tried to help the kids during an exam. Small problem: The teacher gave the kids the wrong answer.

Each year, students in the UK take an exam that tests math, English, and science aptitude. The test scores determine rankings of schools within the system as well as funding allotments for the next year.

According to report from The Sun, investigators looked into one school’s results on the exam when they found that 18 of the 19 students in one school gave the same wrong answer on a test.

The investigators found proof that the pupils were helped by a teacher.

That problem wasn’t the only one investigators found; another school was charged with making 93 changes on students exams, prompting the school’s principal to go on sick leave and ultimately resign.

While this obviously isn’t a good thing for schools to do, at the same time, is this really so different from teachers preparing kids to take a test rather than actually teaching them (a popular trend that was covered in the book Freakonomics)? At this point in our educational system, as long as the kid can spell cat and the teacher’s pants stay on, I think we should just let it go

Dumb teachers give kids wrong answers in exam fix [The Sun]

Threatening a President is never a good idea. But I’m not sure how I feel about one British teenager’s drunken email calling President Obama a name getting him a lifetime ban from America courtesy of the FBI.

A British teenager who sent an email to ]]>

Threatening a President is never a good idea. But I’m not sure how I feel about one British teenager’s drunken email calling President Obama a name getting him a lifetime ban from America courtesy of the FBI.

A British teenager who sent an email to the White House calling President Obama an obscenity was banned from America for life, The Sun reported Monday.

The FBI asked local cops to tell college student Luke Angel, 17, his drunken insult was “unacceptable.”

Angel said he fired off a single email criticizing the U.S. government after seeing a TV program about the 9/11 attacks.

He said, “I don’t remember exactly what I wrote as I was drunk. But I think I called Barack Obama a p***k. It was silly — the sort of thing you do when you’re a teenager and have had a few.”

Angel, of Bedford, in central England, said it was “a bit extreme” for the FBI to act. “The police came and took my picture and told me I was banned from America forever. I don’t really care but my parents aren’t very happy.”

UK Teenager Banned From America For Life Over Obscene Obama Email [My Fox DC]

Animals can be dangerous if they’re not trained properly. But when I think of animals that could do a lot of damage, a squirrel doesn’t often pop into mind. Well, unless you’re this UK photographer who thinks a psychotic squirrel is after him.

[W]hen [the ]]>

Animals can be dangerous if they’re not trained properly. But when I think of animals that could do a lot of damage, a squirrel doesn’t often pop into mind. Well, unless you’re this UK photographer who thinks a psychotic squirrel is after him.

[W]hen [the squirrel] saw what looked like competition approaching, he quickly went into attack mode. These pictures were taken by photographer George Reszeter, 59, at his home in Abingdon, Oxfordshire.

He said: ‘The feeder was getting low so I went to get some more peanuts. I took my camera, as I regularly do.

‘As I approached, the squirrel froze and just stared at me. I got a little closer and that’s when he lunged at me.

‘He was really aggressive. His claws were out and he tried to scratch me.’

Not so cuddly now: It’s claws the psycho squirrel [DailyMail (including pics of the psycho squirrel in question)]

Advocates for people with disabilities deserve a lot of recognition for their work. It’s a hard job, but an important one. And those advocates in the UK may want to take an extra bow…they got a 21-year-old man with learning disabilities the chance to fly to Amsterdam for sex with ]]>

Advocates for people with disabilities deserve a lot of recognition for their work. It’s a hard job, but an important one. And those advocates in the UK may want to take an extra bow…they got a 21-year-old man with learning disabilities the chance to fly to Amsterdam for sex with a hooker — all on the taxpayers’ dime.

A ‘man of 21 with learning disabilities has been granted taxpayers’ money to fly to Amsterdam and have sex with a prostitute.

His social worker says sex is a ‘human right’ for the unnamed individual – described as a frustrated virgin.

His trip to a brothel in the Dutch capital’s red light district next month is being funded through a 520-million pound scheme introduced by the last government to empower those with disabilities.

The man’s social worker, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said his client was an ‘angry, frustrated and anxious young man’ who had a need for sex.

“He has been to two sexual health and sexual awareness courses and basically wants to try it.

“The girls in Amsterdam are far more protected than those on UK streets. Let him have some fun – I’d want to.

‘Angry virgin’ scores at taxpayers’ expense [IOL.co.za]

A new survey out of the UK shows that 20 percent of our overseas friends have sent a saucy text to the wrong person by mistake. That’ll teach grandma for getting a cell phone. The survey, commissioned by mobile phone sales Web site SellMyMobile.com, shows that people under 25 were ]]>

A new survey out of the UK shows that 20 percent of our overseas friends have sent a saucy text to the wrong person by mistake. That’ll teach grandma for getting a cell phone.

AT&T's mobile plans finally figured out a way to make up for lack of reception.

Additionally, the survey showed that almost 10 percent of users had been caught sending a dirty text during the act.

In related news, you probably really feel like a dick for not having any incoming dirty texts on your phone right now. Which is why, for a limited time only, if you email our editors’ tip line at editorsATguyismDOTcom, we will send you one complimentary sext. Just send along your mobile number and age (or parental consent form) and we’ll send you some sexy repartee to impress friends and coworkers. Or disgust you with our extremely bizarre sexual proclivities. Either way, it’s free!*

*Your carrier’s text messaging charges, along with owing me one dinner and a handy, may apply.

PS No fat chicks

Ever sent a racy text to the wrong person? [Reuters]

England’s courts ruled two gay men seeking asylum due to being persecuted in their home countries were allowed to stay and avoid deportation. That’s good news. Bad news: The judge’s hilarious (and presumably unironic) explanation on what gay men can now do in England didn’t do a whole lot for ]]>

England’s courts ruled two gay men seeking asylum due to being persecuted in their home countries were allowed to stay and avoid deportation. That’s good news. Bad news: The judge’s hilarious (and presumably unironic) explanation on what gay men can now do in England didn’t do a whole lot for the perception of gays in the country.

The men, from Iran and Cameroon, had been refused asylum by the Appeal Court under Labour on the grounds that they could avoid ill-treatment by hiding their sexuality or behaving discreetly.

But the Supreme Court overturned their deportation yesterday. The cases will now be reconsidered.

Campaigners last night warned it could mean millions might try to claim they are gay to qualify for asylum in Britain. Supreme Court judge Lord Rodger said gay people’s right to live freely must be protected.

He said: “Just as male hetero­sexuals are free to enjoy themselves playing rugby, drinking beer and talking about girls with their mates, so male homosexuals are to be free to enjoy themselves going to Kylie concerts, drinking exotically-coloured cocktails and talking about boys with their straight female mates.”

NOW ASYLUM IF YOU’RE GAY [Express.co.uk]

Last week, we told you about an incident where an irate soccer fan broke into the England locker room after their tie with Algeria. The fan started arguing with many of the players including team representative David Beckham and was arrested.

And now, as ]]>

Last week, we told you about an incident where an irate soccer fan broke into the England locker room after their tie with Algeria. The fan started arguing with many of the players including team representative David Beckham and was arrested.

And now, as it turns out, it was entirely staged by a British tabloid. A journalist for the Sunday Mirror named Simon Wright was arrested in Cape Town for his role in the charade.

Wright allegedly booked hotel accommodations for Joseph using false details. Wright also had a contract with Joseph for exclusive interviews for seven days “after he made news,” according to South Africa’s most senior policeman.
“Police have reason to believe that this incident was orchestrated and involved the cooperation of a number of individuals,” Cele said.
Cele said to expect more arrests in the case.
“Police strongly believe the motive was to put World Cup security in a bad light and possibly to profit from this act,” Cele said of the June 18 incident in which the uncredentialed Joseph entered the dressing room after England drew 0-0 with Algeria at Cape Town’s Green Point Stadium.

Before the World Cup started, I didn’t have high hopes for South African police or the security they could provide. But frankly, this investigation is nothing short of brilliant. Dare I say even Colombo-esque.

And not only was the journalist arrested but they are apparently throwing the book at him too. He is charged with “defeating the ends of justice” and “flouting the provisions of the Immigration Act.” My expertise in South African law is a bit shaky but that sounds like Simon Martin is being charged with terrorist activity.

See you in Guantanamo buddy.

Police: England fan incident ‘orchestrated’ {AP}

Landon Donovan scored in extra time in what can only be regarded as the greatest goal in U.S. soccer history. The 1-0 win over Algeria gives the U.S. national team their first group win since 1930.

Earlier in the game, the USA took what appeared to be a 1-0 ]]>

Landon Donovan scored in extra time in what can only be regarded as the greatest goal in U.S. soccer history. The 1-0 win over Algeria gives the U.S. national team their first group win since 1930.

Earlier in the game, the USA took what appeared to be a 1-0 lead but the goal was disallowed because of an offsides call. Replays clearly showed Clint Dempsey level with the last defender. Had the game stayed 0-0, England would have won the group and Slovenia the runner-up.

The national team’s next opponent is still up in the air, although it appears it will be Serbia or Ghana.

There have been a fair amount of strange stories from this year’s World Cup. None however, have reached this level of bizarre.

Apparently, before the games started, an African witch doctor placed a curse on the English soccer team. Or at least, ]]>

There have been a fair amount of strange stories from this year’s World Cup. None however, have reached this level of bizarre.

Apparently, before the games started, an African witch doctor placed a curse on the English soccer team. Or at least, that’s what Ed Prynn, the Archdruid of Cornwall told everyone. But fear not English fans, he’s there to save the day. By his own account, the enlightening ritual lifted the curse.

“I have lifted the curse put on the England team by a witch doctor in Africa,” he said.

“I felt it was my time to help England so I went to a stone hexagon with a hole in the middle and took the curse with me mentally from the east as I passed through the stone to face the west.

If you feel compelled to dig more into this story, Mr. Edward Prynn has his own website. Unfortunately, my dealer is a little late on my weekly supply of shrooms so I can’t fully comprehend the complexity of his mysticism.

England can now win World Cup after curse placed on team by African witch doctor is lifted by Cornish archdruid {FARK}

It’s not just the English players who are disappointed in their play, the fans are quite angry too. After a stunning draw with Algeria, England finds themselves in a sticky situation. One fan was so irate with their performance that he broke ]]>

It’s not just the English players who are disappointed in their play, the fans are quite angry too. After a stunning draw with Algeria, England finds themselves in a sticky situation. One fan was so irate with their performance that he broke into the locker room after the game.

The man is reported to have verbally confronted players and had an angry exchange with David Beckham before being escorted from the stadium.

I’m not entirely sure how the exchange with Beckham went but we heard a rumor that he said “Bend this Beckham” and pulled down his pants. I’m guessing he got the stink eye from his countrymen.

As for the English National team’s chances, if they beat Slovenia, they’re in. It’s as simple as that. Otherwise, I fully expect riots on the streets on London next week.

FIFA says England security lapse ‘unacceptable’ {AP}