People invest a lot of time in their favorite television shows. They get wrapped up in the characters and the plot and soon they start gibbering about what happened like it actually went down in real life. This is because we are a culture of lunatics. And that’s why when a television show has a less than satisfactory ending, people go batshit crazy. They start ranting and raving about how they’ve been robbed of closure, like they were dumped in the middle of the night and abandoned by their spouse or something. I wish I could say I was above such things, but… well, here we are. I understand you crazy sons of bitches. I do. And that’s why I decided to create this list, in celebration both of our collective lunacy and the terrible, terrible finales of these nine shows. Some were bad because they were so horrifically clichéd that they became an absurd joke. Others were bad simply because they didn’t make any damn sense. While others sucked because they didn’t answer questions that had been promised for what felt like eons. Whatever their differences, the one thing these nine shows have in common is that their finales were the worst in television history. Enjoy.

9 ‘Dinosaurs’
Dinosaurs was an insane idea to begin with, like a studio exec got all coked up one night, watched some “TGIF” and decided that the only thing that could make it better was if there were dinosaurs involved. Which, admittedly, is always a pretty reasonable stance since dinosaurs are awesome, but not when they’re wearing people clothes and arguing about the weather, you know? That’s just weird. So I suppose it shouldn’t have been a surprise that the final episode of Dinosaurs was, well, really, really weird. I mean, here’s the episode synopsis: Earl, the dinosaur family patriarch, ensures the extinction of his entire race. Good times! I’m surprised they didn’t just go all the way and (spoiler alert!) show the family home getting blown to bits by a giant asteroid. I mean, I guess it’s admirable to not pull any punches when it comes to the fate of the dinosaurs, but I think you’ve already set historical accuracy aside once you put a giant overgrown lizard in flannel. I mean, couldn’t they at least have had the Sinclair family escape via some Land of the Lost style wormhole or something? See, I could totally be an ABC exec.

8 ‘Seinfeld’
Everyone hated the Seinfeld finale because they were expecting something more. Why you would expect more from a television show that describes itself as a show about nothing, I have no idea. But the weird trial of the Seinfeld Four isn’t why this finale ended up on this list. It’s on this list because it was basically a glorified clip show, a dumb excuse to go back through the vaults and show footage of actually entertaining episodes rather than come up with something interesting for the finale. Then again, maybe in some meta way that was the appropriate route to take. Maybe the only way a show about nothing could reasonably end was with a completely nonsensical episode that everyone hated. Or maybe people are right when they speculate that the gang actually died in a plane crash and their trial was actually a metaphor for their judgment in purgatory. Or maybe it was just a shitty series finale after all. I don’t know. My head hurts now. Leave me alone.

7 ‘Entourage’
The only thing missing from the about four years too late series finale of Entourage was a scene in which the boys all go down on each other while Mrs. Ari rolls her eyes and a parade of shitty guest stars parade by the camera and spout hilariously wooden dialogue. Oh wait… you mean that’s pretty much what actually happened? Well, okay then.

6 ‘The X-Files’
The truth is out there. Well, unless you’re a fan of this show. Or one of its producers. Or one of its writers. Or… you get the point. The truth is, is that no one involved with this show had one friggin’ clue about how to end it. Which is kind of a problem when your whole show is based around their being some dizzingly complex conspiracy with a mind-shattering answer at its core, you know? Instead of answers, what fans of The X-Files got was a show that dragged on well past its expiration date until finally its own stars weren’t even interested in hanging around to see how it all played out. And then, finally, when the end did mercifully come, those stars were dragged back to take part in some nonsensical crap about Mulder being put on trial for murder in some weird desert compound. I don’t know. I don’t really remember all of the details, which is kind of the point. What I do know is that nothing was really cleared up or solved, which left them enough room to create a movie follow-up almost a decade later that nobody saw. So, yeah, the truth is out there and the truth is that the series finale of The X-Files was, to put in purely scientific terms, a butt.

5 ‘Veronica Mars’
Veronica Mars was a show that was known for ridiculously entertaining season finales which always wrapped up the season’s mystery in a clear and satisfying way so it was reasonable to expect something great for the show’s series finale. Yeah, not so much. Instead of an exciting and entertaining episode which wrapped up the series in a way that would satisfy fans, the show’s bosses decide to go out on an episode built around a local sheriff’s race, which… come on. Yeah, I know it would have been sweet justice for fans to see Keith Mars finally get his job back but the show didn’t even bother letting us know who won! Furthermore, the show left the show’s central relationship, between Veronica and Logan, open-ended, which… okay, fine, I’ll stop now before I grow ovaries. Still, uh, things could have been done better. That’s all I’m saying. Wait, where’d my penis go?

4 ‘St. Elsewhere’
After several seasons of making its fans care about all the characters of St. Elsewhere, here’s how the show’s producers chose to end it: the whole thing was just the delusion of some autistic kid staring into a snow globe. Since then, this episode has become famous as the ultimate copout, made fun of almost universally for its faux-cleverness. Whoever thought of it clearly believed they had stumbled upon some genius idea, a radical twist that would make even M. Night Shyamalan’s O. Henry designed panties get moist with excitement. In reality, though, the whole thing just became the standard for the ultimate TV land copout, a stupid slap in the face that rendered the whole show meaningless. Well, more meaningless anyway. It’s not like a good finale would have somehow caused world peace. Let’s not get carried away here.

3 ‘Roseanne’
The series finale of Roseanne was basically a variant on the St. Elsewhere finale, a cop-out which essentially rendered the events of the entire last season – which, admittedly, was pretty bizarre – utterly meaningless. Instead of an autistic kid staring into a snow globe, though, Roseanne ended with the reveal that the whole thing was just a dumb book being written by Roseanne and, oh yeah, Dan was dead. Good times! The whole thing just felt like a delusional self-indulgent trip down idiot lane by Roseanne, like no one involved with the show had the guts to tell her that her ideas sucked and that nobody wanted to watch something like that. Then again, by the time it ended, nobody was watching. Also, thanks to writing this article, I had to Google Image search Roseanne and that resulted in me having to see Roseanne in lingerie on the cover of Vanity Fair. That was enough to move this up at least three or four spots on this list. Good Lord.

2 ‘Lost’
The series finale of Lost followed The X-Files method of promising answers and then revealing to the world that the writers and producers had no idea what the hell they were doing or where they were going the whole time. When the episode first aired, I remember convincing myself that it gave me at least a sense of closure, but in retrospect the whole thing was kind of a debacle, like the show runners had spent all their time carefully putting together a giant puzzle only to get desperate and then try to mash in one last piece that didn’t quite fit. Instead of answers, fans were just left with a million more questions. What was the island? That’s the one thing that fans wanted to know from the very beginning. And then the show ended and they were all told that it didn’t matter what the island was because what mattered was a bunch of treacly bullshit. People wanted to get answers to a mystery. What they got instead was Jack and the gang crying and laughing in some church together, having finally found redemption after all that time. Hey, good for them, but what about the rest of us?

1 ‘The Sopranos’
Everyone was excited to see how The Sopranos, that great American soap opera, would wrap things up. Would Tony make it out alive? Or would he finally get what was coming to him? The episode itself seemed to be going just fine and

Mark Walhberg: Entourage Movie Likely to Happen
“‘It better happen,’ Wahlberg said over the weekend at Las Vegas’s Palms Place Hotel and Spa. ‘We’re working on [a movie] as we speak.’”

Charlie Sheen’s Net Settlement North of $100 Million
“Charlie will get the $25 mil in about two weeks and, as we reported, the sum represents the monies owed him for the work he already performed on the series and the profits that have already accrued.”

Charlie Sheen: “You Can’t Hurt Me… I Can’t Even Hurt Me”
“Wow, what a night — until tonight, I never realized how f***ed up I was.”

Matthew Fox Sued for $25,000 Over Bus Attack
“Fox, who was in Cleveland to film I, Alex Cross, was believed to be intoxicated; he has not been formally charged with any crime.”

Judges to Chaz Bono: “Chazzy Boy … You Can Dance!”
“Chaz Bono lived up to the hype in his highly-anticipated debut on Dancing with the Stars’ 13th season premiere Monday night.”

David Arquette: “I Understand How Chaz Bono Feels”
“I didn’t know Chaz before but going on there, but with Alexis I saw how vicious people can be…”

Lindsay Lohan — Good Samaritan Returns Cell Phone with “Photos”
“He somehow figured out how to contact Lindsay’s people and then returned it … without even asking for a reward. And you guessed it … she didn’t give him one.”

Emma Watson is “Surprisingly Regular,” Nina Dobrev Says at Emmys
“She’s such a smart, smart young woman and surprisingly normal and cool and regular.”

Alec Baldwin Explains Why He Skipped the Emmys
“It was a birthday party that kept Emmy nominee Alec Baldwin away from TV’s biggest night, not the fact that his opening skit got cut.”

January Jones Welcomes a Son
“Son Xander Dane Jones and the new mom are ‘doing great.’”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Supermodels Jessica White and Lisalla Montenegro behind the scenes for NYC’s Fashion’s Night Out.

Oprah Winfrey sued for allegedly stealing “Own Your Power” slogan
“Simone Kelly-Brown (CEO of something called Own Your Power Communications, Inc.) claims her company has been around since 1996…”

Miley Cyrus defends gay rights tattoo
“This isn’t the first time that Miley’s sharing her beliefs on Twitter has sparked debate.”

Winehouse rep: Amy was NOT going to adopt
“I think [Amy] might have met her in St. Lucia, but she was in no way about to adopt her.”

Kings of Leon — We’re cancelling our entire U.S. tour
“We are so sorry to say Kings of Leon are canceling their entire US tour due to Caleb Followill suffering from vocal issues and exhaustion.”

Snooki gets nose pierced as filming wraps on Jersey Shore
“The cast said goodbye to their pals at the Shore Store, where they’ve worked for the past three years.”

Helen Mirren named “Body of the Year”
“The 66-year-old Mirren just beat Elle MacPherson, and Jennifer Lopez and Pippa Middleton for the title…”

Mark Wahlberg: I’ll finance an Entourage movie myself
“I certainly hope this has a chance to become a feature film.”

Britney Spears nabs Joe Jonas for Femme Fatale Tour
“Jonas tweeted Friday (July 29) that he’s opening for Spears at her August 5 stop in New Jersey.”

Samantha Ronson arrested for DUI
“Ronson, who famously dated Lindsay Lohan off and on from 2008 to 2009, was alone at the time of the arrest.”

Jennifer Aniston throws herself a going away party
“She grew up in New York and says she wants to spend much more time in the Big Apple.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Sexy star of the new movie Crazy, Stupid, Love, Analeigh Tipton, in an interview with BULLETT.

January Jones’ baby daddy so isn’t Jason Sudeikis
“January was involved with someone on set (of X-Men: First Class) — and that someone is the father of her child.”

Rush to get Pippa Middleton’s topless photos taken off the market
“The whole family is furious at what they see as a betrayal.”

Taylor Momsen, Jessica Szohr dropped from Gossip Girl
“There’s been some casting shakeups on the Upper East Side.”

Leonardo DiCaprio buys $1.2 million Salvador Dali painting
“He bid on the Picassos, but it was clear the Dali was what he wanted.”

Al Pacino added to cast of Gotti flick
“Al Pacino will play mob associate Aniello John Dellacrocean.”

50 Cent says he and Jay-Z aren’t friends
“These people are people I associate with. We are in the same business.”

Entourage wants Charlie Sheen
“I’m still waiting for Charlie to call me back. I’d come up with something good.”

The Situation’s dad unloads — ‘F**k the little f**k’
“I ask you one f**king favor and you tell me to go f**king be like a regular f**king Joe Blow and go on welfare?”

Whitney Houston’s daughter arrested for alcohol induced fight
“Bobbi Kristina was arrested for her involvement in a drunken brawl with guns involved.”

Duchess Fergie: Wedding rejection was hurtful
“…it was so hard because the last bride up that aisle was me.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Rihanna’s new music video for the song California King Bed.

I'm in love. Marry me? No? Ok, cool.

Today’s stories features the prettiest girls GQ could find so far during NYFW; A photobook based on a girl who used to be in porn (Sasha Grey); A t-shirt company helps support local artists and their communities; Dapper Lou gives us a first hand look at the GANT by Michael Bastian F/W 2011 show.

In what is probably the hardest assignment ever, Gordon von Steiner is charged with finding the most exquisite women at New York’s Fashion Week. Tough life this dude leads.

Selectism has the drop on Sasha Grey’s (yes, the girl from Entourage. Oh, and she’s done some porn, too) new photography monograph. It’s a series of self-portraits of the “more intimate moments on set.” I’ll let you do with that what you will. Just remember to clean up afterwards.

Valet highlights the efforts of There There, a label that partners with local artists in various cities to create t-shirts. 10% of the profits go towards a non-profit bent on improving the communities within whichever city the artists lives.

Dapper Lou shows us some great looks from Michael Bastian’s GANT F/W 2011 line.

There are a lot of shows with characters that we don’t enjoy for one reason or another. Maybe they are a bit too misogynistic, or they are too arrogant, or in some cases we don’t know why but something about them just rubs us the wrong way. These are not those characters. These characters have all of the qualities of people we’d want to punch in the face in real life, but for some reason love to watch on television. These are the douchebags on TV that we just can’t seem to get enough of.

7 Barney Stinson – How I Met Your Mother
He is as vain as they come. He dresses specifically to impress, he’s conniving, can be borderline evil at times, has a gambling problem and generally treats women like pawns in a giant game of chess. He uses and abuses people and would throw his own grandmother under the bus at the slightest chance that he’d go home with the hottest girl at the bar. And yet, a lot of men kinda want to be him or already have a little of him in their heart. He’s like the anti-Tyler Durden; the polar opposite in most ways — and somehow he’s still free in all the ways we aren’t. And maybe that’s the reason we still like him so much. If he said, “Suit up, because tonight will be legendary!” We would and it would.

6 Dr. House – House
House is probably the most narcissistic character to ever grace the small screen. He is smug, arrogant, angry and belittles everyone he meets (both personally and professionally). He is smarter and more capable than every other doctor that he meets and he certainly lets them know it by being condescending in every conceivable way. His patients hate him, his fellow doctors can barely stand him and he treats his best friend like some sort of psychological experiment. People come secondary to his own whims, ego and pill addiction. Yet, if this was real life and it came down to it, you‘d want Dr. House diagnosing your symptoms. His bedside manner leaves something to be desired, but his results speak for themselves and we find ourselves mumbling, even laughing to ourselves at what a royal pain in the ass this guy is week in and week out.

5 Larry David – Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry is a product of poor timing and severe neurosis. He’s not really a horrible person, but somehow he’s a horrible person. He only thinks about himself, he gets squirmy when asked to do something he doesn’t want to and if you ask him for a favor he’s gonna screw the pooch every single time. As soon as Larry gets the chance to over think a situation it spirals out of control and into territory so awkward that you didn’t even know that level of uncomfortableness even existed. L.D. has stolen the driver out of a dead man’s coffin, picked up a hooker for the sole purpose of using the carpool lane, invites a sex offender to Passover dinner, and accuses his bookie of eating his agent’s dog. David isn’t purposely a douchebag, but somehow he always finds a way to be. It’s like watching a savant of douchebaggery and for that reason we find a way to empathize and laugh at him — especially when karma gives him the raw end of the deal.

4 Jack Donaghy – 30 Rock
Jack Donaghy is the Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming for General Electric and will find any excuse to tell you that. Everything about Jack screams douchebag; from his low contemptuous voice to his perfectly coiffed hair to his impeccable fashion sense that is both powerful and haughty. Everything in his life (friends, co-workers, relationships) takes a backseat to what is best for the business. Jack brags about high-class parties, outdoor sex, and dating two women at the same time. Undeniably the biggest misogynist that has ever put on a three-piece suit–he will lie, cheat and intentionally misguide in order to get whatever it is he wants or needs to get done. Yet we still watch because deep down we know behind his insolent facade is a man who in his own way cares about the people around him. Even if he shows it in ways like the video below.

3 Ari Gold – Entourage
Ari Gold is the best agent in Los Angeles and he certainly plays that part (for better or worse) to perfection. He’s overtly bold, contemptuous and conniving on a level that would even make people completely devoid of feeling sick to their stomachs. Ari treats everyone who can make him money like a god and everyone who can’t like s**t. He cares about money, status and everything else in his life seems like it is simply there to help facilitate his need for money and status. Mostly Ari screams and yells and makes everyone around him feel like the least important person of the face of the Earth, but if you needed an agent that would lay it all out on the line for you then you would want Ari Gold on your side. Hug it out…

2 Dennis Reynolds – It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis Reynolds is the perfect example of a person with delusions of grandeur. He owns a crappy bar that barely makes any money and has only three friends in the entire world yet he lives in a fantasy world of women, money and power. Most days he just boozes, schemes, treats his sister like a third-rate citizen or in some cases, he just smokes crack. We’ve seen him teabag a homeless man whose life he had personally helped destroy. In another episode he and his best friend hunted that same man for no other reason than they could. And in yet another, he impersonates a police officer in order to get free hot dogs. Why do we watch him? I guess for no other reason than there is probably no way anyone could ever be less empathetic and ego-driven than the alcoholic cradle robber that is Dennis Reynolds. And in a strange way that makes us feel a little better about ourselves.

1 Eric Cartman – South Park
Even in cartoon form, Eric Cartman is the epitome of bad taste and soullessness. This fourth grader thinks like a Nazi, acts as if there are no repercussions for anything he does, and has a mouth that would make a Tijuana hooker blush. Cartman is by far the most politically incorrect person to ever grace our television sets. He screams racial hate speech every chance he gets, thinks only for himself, gets physical with anyone that stands in his way and would beg, borrow, steal and even kill to prove his point. Seriously, you guys, when it comes to douchebags, there is a category made specifically for Eric and then way off in the distance is everyone else. Why do we watch him? Because anything is possible with him and no joke is off-limits. And when or if we get offended, we remember it’s just a cartoon and it seems a bit silly to take something so ridiculous seriously.

And maybe that’s the reason we enjoy our TV douchebags so much.

I think we all know that Entourage jumped the shark some 2 years ago. But for some reason, I find myself still watching…

It could be because Sloan (emmanuelle chriqui) is one of the hottest women I’ve ever seen.

Yep, in fact that’s the only reason.

Because that new chick they got on, this Ashley chick, is fugly. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. If anybody finds those chicken sticks hot, well, I feel bad for you.

From Entourage last night…

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I was watching the episode of Entourage the other night in which Aquaman is opening, so Vince somehow gets sucked into going to a high school party with a couple of fans who saw him at the movie’s opening in the Valley. Now, while this would be an amazing story for those kids who got a movie star to vouch for them and attend a graduation party with them, wouldn’t it be just a bit creepy that a 30 year-old celebrity and his similarly-aged friends were at your high school party scoping out the chicks? And how difficult would it be for you to get any attention from the ladies when you’re a high schooler with not much to offer and you’re competing with these guys? I’m thinking this is really a lose-lose situation for everyone involved, at best, and a TMZ exclusive which features the words “statutory rape” and “in tears” multiple times at worst.