Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Let’s get right to the Lindsay Lohan news of the week: Lindsay plans to pose nude with her SCRAM bracelet as part of an ad campaign for her 6126 fashion line. The same SCRAM bracelet ]]>

>>> Let’s get right to the Lindsay Lohan news of the week: Lindsay plans to pose nude with her SCRAM bracelet as part of an ad campaign for her 6126 fashion line. The same SCRAM bracelet that apparently can be set off by spray tanning. Which, in turn, means LiLo’s going to look like George Hamilton in about three days.

>>> Speaking of genius actresses… Megan Fox got a tattoo in Mickey Rourke’s honor. Now who says she isn’t smart?

>>> Nicole Richie — also not smart. Remember the DUI she got in 2006 for driving the wrong way on the freeway while she was high? Her probation was just extended a year because she didn’t complete the terms.

>>> Tori Spelling thinks she’s been in contact with the ghost of Farrah Fawcett. I don’t make this stuff up, I just report it.

>>> And the genius parade doesn’t end there… Britney Spears is messing around with her medication because she wants to get pregnant. Yes… we need more like her in the world.

>>> Amanda Bynes says she is retired from acting. Let’s see if we notice.

>>> BREAKING NEWS: Richard Simmons is gay. I don’t know what to believe in anymore.

>>> Jason Bateman is better than you. At least employees at his local Apple store think he is.

>>> Justin Bieber’s mom might do Playboy. Apparently Playboy has officially run out of women that men want to see naked.

>>> Mel B, aka Scary Spice, says that she has sex with her husband five times a day, which is, of course, a complete and utter lie, am I right???

>>> Rachel Bilson is going to be in a video game. Hopefully she is dressed like this and not in her usual attire.

>>> Robert Pattinson thinks I am a nerd, which is fine because I think he is a no-talent actor who happened to get really lucky.

>>> Laker wives Vanessa Bryant and Khloe Kardashian are apparently not in love with one another. Go figure.

>>> Remember Andy Dick? Well, his life is going just swell these days. And by swell, I mean it’s time to grab him in your death pool.

>>> Adrianne Curry has a problem. And that problem is that she thinks every facet of her life must be displayed on Twitter, including her taking a shower.

>>> And finally, in the best news of the week, Lady Gaga finally paid a price for wearing all that stupid sh-t she wears. Idiot… But at least someone famous finally had the stones to say what we’re all thinking. Thankyouverymuch, Mr. Seinfeld.

Whether it’s too much booze, sun exposure, plastic surgery or just plain bad genes, some of the most striking and attractive celebrities from yesteryear just can’t stand up to the test of time. Keep reading to view images of 18 celebrities that time has not been kind to.

18 ]]>

Whether it’s too much booze, sun exposure, plastic surgery or just plain bad genes, some of the most striking and attractive celebrities from yesteryear just can’t stand up to the test of time. Keep reading to view images of 18 celebrities that time has not been kind to.

18 Arnold Schwarzenegger
Going from the Terminator to the Governator has taken its toll on old Arnold. Maybe after his term in office finishes up, he can get back into the gym every now and again.

17 Goldie Hawn
Those “Goldie” locks of hers may still be there, but the face it’s framing unfortunately just doesn’t look the same.

16 Billy Crystal
Looking back on Billy’s early photos, you can kind of tell there was always a doughy boy in there struggling to get out. Looks like it finally found its way.

15 Val Kilmer
Much like Arnold, Val Kilmer has swapped in his muscles for a less attractive, though easier to manage, exterior shell of pudgy flab.

14 Farrah Fawcett
Poor Farrah. Unfortunately, several plastic surgeries and a bout with cancer left her looking not-so-good by the time the good Lord called her up to that big sunny beach in the sky.

13 Al Pacino
I think it’s Pacino’s poor hairstyle choices that make him look so unfavorable in old age. If you see him, let him know that he’s got the money now – there are plenty of better options than Supercuts.

12 Pamela Anderson
Pam seems well on her way to repeat the history of blonde bombshells before her. Now that she’s over the hill, it is clear that it’s only downhill from here.

11 Keith Richards
The rock and roll lifestyle has caught up to Keith Richards. It seems all that beer and smoke has helped aged him considerably beyond his years.

10 Mickey Rourke
Back in the 80s, Mickey Rourke was just another good-looking actor landing great roles. Sadly, now he’s just another aging actor who’s succumbed to too much plastic surgery (but still landing good roles – congrats).

9 Elizabeth Taylor
Elizabeth Taylor is one of the most beautiful women of the silver screen. Thanks in part to a history of alcoholism and numerous health-related issues, her looks are only a shell of what they once were.

8 Jack Nicholson
In his younger days, Jack Nicholson had a hunger for gritty roles and serious acting. In his later years, sadly, he became hungrier for sandwiches.

7 Nick Nolte
Nick Nolte is the definition of “letting yourself go.” Once a witty, striking young man, a combination of lost brain cells and gained weight haven’t fared well for him.

6 Melanie Griffith
Melanie is yet another actress who has battled drugs and alcoholism for much of her life. This may be at least partly to blame for how she’s aged.

5 Neil Young
I guess you can say that Neil Young was never really much of a looker. However, that receding hairline and those drooping cheeks aren’t doing much to improve his visual appeal.

4 Sophia Loren
Even the greatest beauties of all time succumb to the forces of nature over time. Sophia, your perfectly smooth caramel skin will be missed.

3 Ozzy Osbourne
The hard life of a rock and roller strikes again. I hear Ozzy’s next album is going to be titled, “The Withered of Oz.”

2 Marlon Brando
You wouldn’t know it now, but looking at pictures of young Marlon Brando one can only guess that he was quite the ladies man at one time.

1 Brigitte Bardot
This is one of the great tragedies of all time. Brigitte Bardot is easily regarded as one of the sexiest women of all time…as long as that time ends somewhere in the 1980s.

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool.com

Today’s exercise in listy morbidity was inspired by (what else?) the passing of Michael Jackson, which more or less ended Twitter’s obsession with green avatars, Facebook’s obsession with taking some random quiz to tell you ]]>

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool.com

Today’s exercise in listy morbidity was inspired by (what else?) the passing of Michael Jackson, which more or less ended Twitter’s obsession with green avatars, Facebook’s obsession with taking some random quiz to tell you what kind of noun you’d be in a greater collection of nouns, and cable television’s unfortunate predilection towards whatever the hell they were yammering about, because blogging does not, even on its best day, pay me enough to endure Glenn Beck.

But really, the person I feel bad for here is Farrah Fawcett. The woman died of anal cancer — yes, anal cancer — in prolonged agony. She left behind a better acting career than you’d give her credit for, and, of course, That Poster. And she might have been in the media awareness for about, oh, four hours, between the South Carolina earth-walking philanderer-governor and this generation’s freaky Elvis. It’s wrong. And it’s not something I want to see repeated when it’s my time to go.

11) My own day. You hear me, rest of the world? No dying for a day before, and a day after. Die on your own time, or my ghost is coming back to ruin some property values.

10) Continuing product. Hendrix, Shakur, Cobain… death does not stop them from continuing to put out new product. (I’ll just prep an intern, or sell the intellectual property rights of making lists. Big money in that.)

9) Competing images. Give it up to MJ for this: there is no definitive B-roll of footage to show during the memorial segment, because the dude had a dozen different looks. Don’t make it easy on the media, people. Make ‘em work for it.

8) Mystery. Missing body? Corrupt coroner’s office? Unconfirmed sightings from exotic locations? Bizarre rumors of cryogenics, cloning and fakery? I’m down with all that. Let’s keep building the brand.

7) Freaky post-mortem heroics. When Philadelphia Flyers goaltender Pelle Lindbergh died (and yes, I’m old, it happened a long time ago), the media made a lot out of his organ donation, which allowed some other people to live. That’s fairly cool, but only if you can really time this out. A kidney to a hot chick, good. A liver to some ancient geezer? Not so much.

6) Inexplicable spectacle. A funeral service where an elaborate custom animation of turtles playing poker on an endless loop where no on ever bets? Check. A closed see-through casket which slowly unveils twin raised middle fingers? I’ll take three, and have them move around in a monte game. Some form of parade that’s ripped off from “The Prisoner”, and drunken singing from “The Wire”? Check and mate. A final and fitting end where I manage to confuse and annoy while amusing myself to death? You’re getting me, dear reader. Too late, but so be it.

5) Complimentary narcotics with a commemorative keepsake. Sure, my body may be gone, but my memory — and your Five Tool Tool syringe — is forever.

4) Random acts of violence. Someone, for the love of all that is holy, give someone else a chair shot. It’s what I would have wanted.

3) Unseemliness. Who is the mysterious woman in black with a veil, speaking to no one? My murderer, mistress, love child, or just a random actress hired for the day to spice things up? Some things, I take to the grave.

2) Ongoing beef. Would we remember Pac with Biggie, and would both guys be as big without the other? Hell no. Just need to plan ahead, really.

1) At least 10 spectators. We couldn’t have a list without at least 10, right?

I hate it when hot chicks pass away….so sad