This seems like a great way to lose a foot

Chris Spags — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 18:48:16 +0000

I get that baby polar bears are cute and you want to play with them and whatever, but I really can’t advocate letting the adorable little polar bear Flocke do this to you.

If this doesn’t end in Flocke growing to full-size and mauling her handler because that’s how she’s been taught to “play,” I’m going to be extremely disappointed. People seriously need to learn that just because an animal is adorable doesn’t mean that it forgets that it has the strength of 18 strapping European powerlifters. If I were a polar bear, I’d spend all day just swatting people to the ground and eating their intestines. Same if I were a zombie. Actually, same if I were a fat man. I’m not going to lie, I’m really just looking for an excuse to maul people and eat their intestines.

Great ways to get your face bit the fuck off

Chris Spags — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:36:55 +0000

There are many places I wouldn’t put my face: A bear trap, a pie filled with poison (WHY WOULD YOU MAKE SUCH A DELICIOUSLY CONFUSING TREAT), a bee hive, a bed of needles, Tara Reid’s crotch. Well, you can add “Staring contest with a polar bear” to that list too.

I get it. Flocke the Polar Bear is adorable. I’ve covered her before. Twice! But seriously, I do not want to put my face right next to hers. That’s counterintuitive to anything I’ve ever learned. Primarily that wild animals, no matter how adorable, will absolutely f my crap up if I invade their personal space. It’s totally the opposite of little kids on a playground.

Also it kind of looks like they’re going to make out. If I wanted to mess up my face and smell trout, I’d probably go back on my promise to not put my face in Tara Reid’s crotch.

Guyism » Flocke the Polar Bear

This seems like a great way to lose a foot

Great ways to get your face bit the fuck off