The latest has Fox getting on the case of a video game, but one that is not filled with guns and boobs and the like. No, this game is about building and managing a city, to make sure that it’s citizens are safe and healthy. Sim City is by far one of the most innocuous titles one can imagine, yet it’s accused of promoting some diabolical liberal agenda. Here’s the full report…

… Sorry, but I love how the radio host is spewing pure BS in just the first second. From accusing Sim City of manipulating people with fear and guilt, to the assumption that kids playing Fate Of The World are too stupid to grasp the concepts its puts on the table, this is like some poorly written SNL sketch that’s parodies Fox News, expect it’s legit footage.

My favorite part is how the clichéd attitude of “well, parents buy these games for their kids, and they don’t know what’s in them!!!” is used, not in connection to something like Modern Warfare or Grand Theft Auto, which does indeed contain material that’s inappropriate for children, BUT SIM F’N CITY.

I also love the statement that nuclear power is the safest form of energy in the world. That statement pretty much speaks for itself.

Well in other news, remember Slavery: The Game and whether if it was real or not? Guess what’s it’s hoax! Big shocker, huh? And as assumed, it was just some viral marketing ploy. But instead of it being for some other game, it’s actually for some program on Dutch public television, on the subject of slavery (naturally).

Here we have the person behind the show and the campaign…

The intent was to foster discussion on the subject, which it most certainly did, especially amongst the younger set, but mostly in the Netherlands (where slavery supposedly still exists, which is pretty nuts to hear). Though there was far more chatter in America, which the creator somewhat expected, due to slavery being such a volatile component of United States history. I think the fact that trailer was in English also helped a great deal.

But yeah, mission accomplished! I sorta want to see this show, even if the history of slavery seems relatively benign compared to what happened in America (again, according to the person behind the show).

Oh, Fox News. Will You Ever Not Suck At Talking About Video Games? [Kotaku] & ‘Slavery the Game’ revealed as a viral ad for Dutch TV history series [Joystiq]

It turns out that the “report” wasn’t anything more than a false alarm — the “news” station’s Twitter  account was hacked, and the report was false.

The problem is, it sat up on the site for nine hours.

In that time, the hackers (a group named “Script Kiddies”) fired out six or so tweets from Fox’s account, and the news network was unable — at least for a few hours — to regain control of the account. As such, folks continually retweeted, @ replied and discussed their embarrassing takeover.

“Fox News was selected because we figured their security would be just as much of a joke as their reporting,” a spokesperson for Script Kiddies said, per Think Magazine, a website who’s editors spoke with the hackers on Tuesday.

Fortunately, Fox has done what every grown up news organization does: cry to the Secret Service and Twitter.

“We are investigating and will be conducting the appropriate follow-up,” said Secret Service spokesman George Ogilvie.

The Script Kiddies’ account on Twitter has been suspended, and the social network plans on investigating how they were able to hack into Fox’s account.

Besides the obvious fact that their password is simply “Palin12.”

You just know things are gonna be bad when you hear the Fox News goon ask if Call of Duty should get federal funding. Oy vey…

The guy who runs Irontic does his best to state the real deal with the Fox News douche, rather nervously, though the aforementioned ass-hat’s blunt, because he has no idea what the hell is going on, response of “and why” would have knocked me off my game as well.

Then you have the equally irritating conservative talk show host whom I bet has a legion of loyal, simpleton fans, but I’ll be damn if I’ve ever heard of the guy (I only listen to pro wrestling podcasts anyway). I’m betting that his “counter-argument” that ping-pong players should also get federal funding because some people consider it a form of art is something he pulls out each and every single time he’s on.

If anyone can make it past the 2:30 mark, then please tell me how it ends, cuz I seriously couldn’t stomach the ping-pong headed gentleman going on and on and on about how millions of people are out of work, which is true, but also every stupid conservative pundits go to excuse why the government should stop doing whatever the hell that doesn’t involve blowing large wads of cash to finance a meaningless war on whatever.

Christ, I am in a foul mood. Time to cheer myself up with this classic clip starring current Fox News superstar Bill O’Reilly from his days at Inside Edition trying to play Battletoads (warning: NSFW audio)…

It’s unclear at this time whether Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dog was just Simpson’s way of saying he made an oopsie in his pants.

Personally, I think Enema Man and Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dog sound like the world’s greatest crime fighting duo.

Alan Simpson invokes Snoop Dogg, Eminem in outburst [USA Today]

According to Gawker, the man in question, Oscar Fuller, didn’t even claim the woman deserved the beating she got, but just said that he retaliated after she hit him first.

Personally, I just love the ending of the tweet. Sensational journalism at its finest. In fact, I submit to you that every inappropriate question ever asked should feature the tagline “In Kelly’s Court!”

-”Should children be violently beaten for ratting you out for molesting them? We’ll tell you why they should…in Kelly’s Court!”
-”An anonymous Internet commenter is being accused of being racist for saying America “has too many black people”. Could he be right?…in Kelly’s Court!”
-”Midgets still exist? It’d be so easy to get rid of them all. I mean they’re so tiny. Would anyone oppose? In Kelly’s Court!”

Fox News…voice of a nation.

Fox News Reporter: Did Woman Beaten Into Coma Deserve It? [Gawker]

His target? That evil, murderous, dog-killing Mike Vick.

“I’m a Christian, I’ve made mistakes myself, I believe fervently in second chances,” Carlson said. “But Michael Vick killed dogs, and he did in a heartless and cruel way. And I think, personally, he should’ve been executed for that. He wasn’t, but the idea that the President of the United States would be getting behind someone who murdered dogs? Kind of beyond the pale.”

The only thing that was missing was Rush Limbaugh zonked up on Oxycontin screaming, “the media was desirous of a successful black quarterback” in the background.

Well, in Bill O’Reilly’s defense, cocaine dealers are known for their crisp suits, well-spoken viewpoints, and that they’re usually the only black men around him. So, he’s not entirely incorrect.

Ideally, this video would have ended like the last media appearance I can recall of a black cocaine dealer, with Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck facing opposite directions, pressed up against one another with a plastic cylindrical object in between them while a table of men throw money at them and yell “ASS TO ASS! ASS TO ASS!” Now that’s a no spin zone.

Come on, Glenn. If the name was “Cockgobbler the Impaler,” I could somewhat understand this type of behavior from a news reporter. But it wasn’t. Beck is laughing at the name of Congressman Anthony Weiner and I kind of feel like a guy that’s so profoundly deep that he breaks into tears every ten minutes should be a little more professional about laughing hysterically on-air when someone says Weiner’s name. Of course most respectable television hosts also don’t eat their lunch on the freaking air! Really? “Weiner” jokes while Glenn eats a hotdog? How could someone pitch that in a meeting without Bill O’Reilly beating them to death with his Armani loafer? Maybe it’s because Bill doesn’t expect his colleagues to find 4th grade humor all that amusing. He’s perfectly comfortable talking about “Wiener politics.” That’s why he’s a pro and Beck is becoming a joke. Beck should be mature enough to suppress his laughter when a couple of “Weiner’s” get thrown around during a segment. You’re erecting a terribly juvenile “Weiner” stance for Fox News. So please stop tripping over ever Weiner you see on the teleprompter, Mr. Beck. Anderson Cooper doesn‘t seem to have these problems… but maybe he’s just used to seeing a lot more “Weiner’s” than you.

via LiveLeak

But then the call turned to her uniform when she was told by her bosses and two women in Hooters’ company headquarters that her “shorts and shirt size could use some improvement.”

Smith claims that the women explained to her that she and her 5-foot-8 and 132 pound frame had 30 days to get into better shape and that they’d provide a free gym membership. If she improved over the course of those 30 days, she’d get another 30 days of improvement. If she failed, she’d be terminated.

Smith told Fox Detroit that she feels extremely discriminated against.

“I don’t want other girls to have to go through this. I don’t want anyone to have to go through this,” she said. “If I could’ve gone back and not worked there for two years to take back that feeling, I would do it.”

In a written response, Hooters claimed that they “[do] not impose any weight requirement, and no employee in Michigan has been counseled about their weight.”

All I can say is that I don’t see a whole lot wrong with Miss Cassie Smith. But I am willing to introduce her to Chris’s Miracle Workout Plan. It involves blindfolding an insecure woman, doing deep tissue massage to rejuvenate her cells (you’d be surprised at the many nooks and crannies fat can hide in), and then applying a liberal dose of Chris’s Miracle Fitness Cream to her chest, butt, and/or face (the “Problem Areas”). Then it involves me taking a nap and becoming extremely disinterested in talking to her. There’s not a whole lot of repeat business. Yet.

You can see Fox Detroit’s full story below:

Some more pics of this purported terribly overweight woman:

Hooters Server Cassie Smith Says She’s on Weight Probation [My Fox Detroit]

So…is there a right answer to this one? I mean, I’m not thinking about lifting up women on the train like bowling balls, but if you see the occasional foxy lady, I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to imagining private parts becoming public parts. When you combine that with my hidden lust for redheads, you could see why trips to Wendy’s were always very difficult and occasionally messy for me.

Here’s a Pro Tip: When attempting to flirt with a chick, especially on national TV, don’t reveal to her that you’ve “been reading up on her.” Yes, girls love when you listen to their endless prattling, but at the same time, they don’t like to know that you’ve researched them or have been into them for longer than they’ve been into you. That’s knowledge you don’t want her to have off the bat. Save that little treat for when she walks into your bedroom and sees a mannequin with a blown-up picture of her face pasted onto it with locks of her hair and visual semen stains like the mannequin’s vagina got clear nail polish splashed onto it. The dungeon’s not too far away at that point.

[via]

Do you realize how completely fed up you have to be for Fox News to be like, “Whoaaaaaa there tiger, let’s slow down”? You pretty much have to do the verbal equivalent of heart-punching a baby. Even then, you could probably say the baby supported the stimulus bill and they’d understand.

Anyway, I can’t say I agree with his sentiments though. The beauty of America is in its diversity and willingness to say, do what you please. Unless you’re a man who wants to marry your partner of 25 years and you love each other and are more than equipped to spend the rest of your lives together contributing to society. Then, f you, weirdo! How dare you be so alarmingly unfreakish!

[via]

It’s easy to go, “LOL OF COURSE FOX WOULD DO THIS,” but that’s not really the case. This is the problem with having a network that you have to program for 24 hours a day. There are so many wheels in motion and so many things to coordinate at once that it’s borderline impossible to keep up with everything. Hell, I think it’s pretty amazing that they were even capable of doing this. If I had to program a network for 24 hours a day and keep coming up with original material, the midday listings would look like 12PM: Calling Random People Assholes, 1PM: Stare at Anchor Chick’s Boobs While She Reads the NY Times, 2PM: Cry in Fetal Position, 3PM: Hey Check Out This Homeless Guy I Found. What we lack in news, we make up for in entertainment and repetition.

I don’t really care so much about mocking a tragic situation or how Fox News looks like assholes here. I’m not much of a Howard Stern guy, more of an Opie and Anthony man myself, but I’m sure he does a fine show still. But overall, whether the show Stern show is going strong or not, this “Baba Booey” joke needs to stop now. Like, it’s done. Over. We’re good. It had its run. We don’t see people riding down the street on those bicycles with one huge wheel and a handlebar mustache, we don’t have guys still playing huge boomboxes in the street while breakdancing on cardboard, so we can probably put this “joke” which has been going on FOR THREE DECADES to rest, can’t we?

Then again, that Fox News anchorlady does look pretty freaking retarded. The guy basically said his prank and stopped and she continued with the line of questioning like a freight train. What would it have taken to make her realize the call wasn’t real? Saying the shooter was f’ing the ears of his hostages? Or that he had turned into a firebreathing dragon at some point? Because firebreathing dragons don’t commit crimes like this. That’s just a stereotype. Take your dragon-bashing elsewhere, fascist.

That’s a ballsy freaking analogy. I mean, I think we all know what it’s like to get raped by a guy in an Uncle Sam costume. But when you pass at a fourth of July picnic, there are some expectations that you concede. Even if it is all family members. I was asking for it with my coy smiles and friendly banter.

But yeah, I think it’s probably not okay for Fox News to be making rape jokes. I mean, I make rape jokes and no one is like, “Oh, well, you’re a legitimate news source.” But Fox is. They get quoted and cited and stuff. So I guess my question is, if Fox News is making rape jokes, how long until I break a major story? Answer: Probably never, unless the story involves rape jokes. Good talk.

Researching is overrated though. Like, who cares if a report is real or not? It’s way easier and way more fun to just make crap up and present it as fact. For example: The Muslims are using LOLcat pictures to dumb down mainstream America so that they can launch a series of cat-based dirty bomb attacks. Did you know that? Well it’s true. I saw it on the FBI’s Web site. It was in there. Oh God, wait, I own a cat. Oh…oh no. Wait, didn’t I just make this fact up? I’m so confused! So I guess the point is that if there’s a video of my adorable cat Nilla beheading me in front of a flag with a picture of Garfield and Arab scribblings, you’ll know why.

Also, pro tip: The main way you get herpes from beer pong is by inserting your penis into the water cup you wash the ping pong ball with and then drinking it. And it will impress people much less than you think. But be slightly more delicious. I assume everyone has strawberry flavored lotions produced from their pores like I do. It’s a serious condition. Seriously delicious.

President Obama has signed an executive order to close the U.S. prison at the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base. Pennsylvania Rep. Jack Murtha (D) has already said he would be willing to house prisoners from Guantanamo Bay in his congressional district if the president closes the prison.

YOU DECIDE: Would you want prisoners from Guantanamo housed in your state or town? Share your thoughts?

[source, via]

In related news, I now also find myself paternalistic to minorities, hate rich people for their successes, and like complaining about things endlessly but not really doing anything. Also I want to gay marry someone. That might not be so much of a liberal thing though, just sexy.

The Rev. Jesse Jackson used the N-word during a break in a TV interview where he criticized presidential candidate Barack Obama, Fox News confirmed Wednesday.

The longtime civil rights leader already came under fire this month for crude off-air comments he made against Obama in what he thought was a private conversation during a taping of a “Fox & Friends” news show.

In additional comments from that same conversation, first reported by TVNewser, Jackson is reported to have said Obama was “talking down to black people,” and referred to blacks with the N-word when he said Obama was telling them “how to behave.”

“I am deeply saddened and distressed by the pain and sorrow that I have caused as a result of my hurtful words. I apologize again to Senator Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, their children as well as to the American public,” Jackson said in a written statement. “There really is no justification for my comments and I hope that the Obama family and the American public will forgive me. I also pray that we, as a nation, can move on to address the real issues that affect the American people.”

I think by now you’ve realized that I have no problem with using irreverent language, but Jesse Jackson is such a sanctimonious prick about everything racial, including Imus’s comments about the Rutgers girls, the N-word in general, hip-hop, basketball, sleeping with white women, not tipping well…uh…A Different World…the list goes on!

Doesn’t he kind of look like Admiral Akbar though (side by side comparison here)? An alien WOULD want to stir up controversy like this all the time to divide us, only to conquer us down the road. The solution: Give Jesse Jackson Reese’s Pieces. WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOU TO ASK QUESTIONS.

It’s a long video but it’s worth it. She should win the Emmy for Biggest Cunt and Host Most Likely to Have Gotten at Least Seven Bodily Fluids Put into Her Coffee. Can you name all seven bodily fluids? Try in the comments!