You’ll have to stick with this one because it won’t make a sense. The gist: There’s a British show called Golden Balls that’s about leveraging the human psyché for prizes. And the guy on the right nailed it.

In case it was too much to grasp in ]]>

You’ll have to stick with this one because it won’t make a sense. The gist: There’s a British show called Golden Balls that’s about leveraging the human psyché for prizes. And the guy on the right nailed it.

In case it was too much to grasp in one sitting, the gist of the game is each contestant has two options: Share or Steal. If they both choose to share, the prize is split. If one person chooses Steal and the other chooses Share, the prize goes entirely to the one person choosing Steal. If both choose Steal, no one gets the prize.

Easily the riskiest gambit involving golden balls other than when Goldfinger attempted to teabag James Bond while he was in captivity.

Fanny Chmelar is a famous (or, more accurately, “famous”) German athlete. And her delightfully puntastic name just caught British TV host Bradley Walsh off guard. For minutes.

You can joke about Fanny’s name all you want, but you can never joke about her unwavering love of sniffing strange derrieres. ]]>

Fanny Chmelar is a famous (or, more accurately, “famous”) German athlete. And her delightfully puntastic name just caught British TV host Bradley Walsh off guard. For minutes.

You can joke about Fanny’s name all you want, but you can never joke about her unwavering love of sniffing strange derrieres. “This one has fragrant oak scents and a rich bouquet,” she’d often say as she walked through a men’s locker room.

[Thanks for the tip, Jack!]

This video clip from a recent episode of the syndicated version of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” shows that, yes, even in the world of game shows, there is always room for a good accidental Uranus pun.

Clearly Meredith Viera is laughing so hard because it’s absurd to ]]>

This video clip from a recent episode of the syndicated version of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” shows that, yes, even in the world of game shows, there is always room for a good accidental Uranus pun.

Clearly Meredith Viera is laughing so hard because it’s absurd to her that someone wouldn’t be able to put a finger in her anus. That type of action isn’t optional when you get into her bedroom. If you’re not wearing her starfish like a wrist watch within five minutes of entering her bed, it’s curtains for you. Her need for ass play is like a creative interpretation of the bus bomb in “Speed”.

Enjoy an Excellent, Planet-Related Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Blooper [Vulture]

After the great “Pussy Furry” debacle on “Teen Jeopardy” a new challenger enters the field for the most inappropriate game show guess ever. Except this time, this Dutch dude playing “Lingo” got the answer right.

According to a YouTube commenter, this is how it went down (for ]]>

After the great “Pussy Furry” debacle on “Teen Jeopardy” a new challenger enters the field for the most inappropriate game show guess ever. Except this time, this Dutch dude playing “Lingo” got the answer right.

According to a YouTube commenter, this is how it went down (for those of us who cannot speak every language on Earth):

[T]his guy spells the word ‘cumshot’ on national television. Prenounces it as ‘cums hot’, and says he has seen it in the dictionary. The word gets approved by the show. The presenter asks what is means. And the ‘voice’ you hear then tries to explain. BUT it has to be discrete because children could be watching. So the voice says: “A centain moment in the climax of a scene from a film you see late at night”. So the presenter says to the candidate: you don’t need a dictionary for that.

This is one of those times where watching too much online porn in my life has clearly affected how I see the world. Once he guessed “cumshot” and the host was perplexed, asking what it means, I was waiting for them to sloppily make out and possibly do something that would make her sound as though she were gargling with a flank steak. When life hands you lemons, sometimes you’ve got to still fap to it.

Cunning Lingoist of the Day [The Daily What]

Kids, here’s an important life lesson. No matter what the question you’re being asked in life is, the answer is never “Pussy furry.” “Teen Jeopardy” contestant Raya had to learn that one the hard way.

Jesus, Raya. Who doesn’t know that Kitty Galore was getting her revenge in the ]]>

Kids, here’s an important life lesson. No matter what the question you’re being asked in life is, the answer is never “Pussy furry.” “Teen Jeopardy” contestant Raya had to learn that one the hard way.

Jesus, Raya. Who doesn’t know that Kitty Galore was getting her revenge in the latest “Cats and Dogs” movie? What a bush league answer. If you can’t keep up with the latest happenings in the ongoing theatrical war between canines and felines, you don’t deserve to make it to Final Jeopardy. It’s a work easily on par with Shakespeare’s finest. But with talking animals. Just like Macbeth needed.

PROTIP of the Day [The Daily What]

In the 80s and early 90s, we didn’t have reality television, we had game shows. And if you were kid during that time you knew that Nickelodeon pretty much ruled the roost when it came to game show awesomeness. If you were a kid back then, you knew all ]]>

In the 80s and early 90s, we didn’t have reality television, we had game shows. And if you were kid during that time you knew that Nickelodeon pretty much ruled the roost when it came to game show awesomeness. If you were a kid back then, you knew all about Purple Parrots, Marc Summers and the fact that you couldn’t find Carmen Sandiego on just any map. It was truly a golden age of children’s competition.

You have to admit that given the chance (even right now) you’d have given your entire summer vacation to be a contestant on one of these shows…or at least part of your Spring Break.

1 GUTS

Do you have it? This may have been the greatest kids action sports show that aired on Nickelodeon or any channel for that matter. Remember when the Time-Warner Cable guy, Mike O’Malley, was the host of this show? And you had a secret crush on the British co-host, Mo. Kids would get all bungee corded-up to compete in awesome games like “Slam Dunk,” where kids would jump off that wall and try to dunk over the other competitors. The games on this show were basically everything you ever wanted to do with bungee chords, but where unable to because local laws and insufficient funds. And then there was the greatest endgame of all-time in the Aggrocrag. A 50-foot-tall mountain of smoke, flashing red activators, falling rocks and confetti– it was everything you ever wanted in your backyard, but didn’t have room for because of that stupid swing set. And if you won, you got a piece of the Aggrocrag! It glowed with power of a contestant’s physical dominance …or possibly radiation. Either way we all wanted a piece of the Aggrocrag.

2 Press Your Luck

This was one of those shows that you caught when you were sick and stayed home from school. The questions they asked were pretty easy (even for a kid) and then they brought out a big flashing board that you got to scream at for 10 minutes. It was the only game where you could press a magic button and get a sailboat. There was yelling and little cartoon men who stole your money and you could slam down on the button as hard as you wanted. This show was tailor made for kids with ADD (like me). No whammies, no whammies, no whammies…

3 Double Dare

Thee game show that tops this list. It’s probably quite difficult to find a lot of people that had cable in the 90s and don’t know about Double Dare. It was arguably the greatest show to ever appear on Nickelodeon. It had trivia, it had slime, it had physical challenges, an obstacle course and if you won you got to go to space camp. It was 30 minutes of fun and every single kid that saw it wanted to be on the show. It even had a host that we thought was the coolest adult in the world, Marc Summers. It may not have been at the top of the list, but admit it– you would have happily gone head first down a slide with a giant hot fudge sundae at the bottom at some point as a kid. Especially if doing so hinged on you going to space camp.

4 Let’s Make a Deal

This one may be a bit dated for some readers, but as a kid, you really couldn’t go wrong with the show’s premise. You get to dress up in your Halloween costume, some old guy would just hand you money and you got to be on TV. You could even bring a sign. As a kid, that was a perfect premise. The simplest, no thinking game show ever; take the money or pick a door. You could literally watch a pirate and his clown wife argue on national television. Then when you thought the situation couldn’t get more comical, behind door #2 is a goat. As a child, this game only had winners, because what adults saw in a goat was a loss, but to you, that just meant you got a new pet. You could lose $200 picking the wrong door, but if there is a pony behind that door– you’d have spent that money on a pony anyway. To kids, there were no losers; only deals.

5 The Price is Right

I think most people can safely say that they have always wanted to be on The Price is Right at some point in their life. This probably went double as a kid. You probably didn’t even really care what that dinette set costs– you want to play Cliffhangers! Or maybe you liked “Hole in One…or Two,” so Bob could show you his putting skills. Well I know for a fact that you wanted to play Plinko, because everybody wanted to play Plinko. And tell me that you didn’t want to spin the big wheel when you were little. A day of Plinko, spinning the Big Wheel, and meeting Bob Barker and his skinny mic on national television in the same day would have been like Christmas for some kids. And then if you won the Showcase Showdown…Best. Day. Ever. The Price had something for everyone (I still want to spin that wheel!) and as a kid, we all dreamed of Roddy yelling “Come on down! You’re the next contestant on The Price is Right!”

6 Legends of the Hidden Temple

This game show is on the list because it was pretty awesome. It was like watching kids in a fairly safe, fairly Nazi-less, Indiana Jones movie. Kids on the show got to be amateur archeologists for a half and hour; finding made-up ancient artifacts and getting a history lessons from a giant talking statue. It would have probably been the coolest game show to be on, but the final challenge on the show called “The Temple Run” was almost impossible to win. Nobody ever seemed to be able to make it through the 12 rooms in the allotted time without running into Temple Guards or getting stuck in one of the more difficult rooms. You could have had 10 minutes in the Temple and still not gotten through the Hidden Temple because it was just that insanely hard. But it still would have been a blast to be on the show because most kids would have enjoyed the fun of archeological games with the prize uncovered being a vacation to Hawaii. Admit it, you’d have been a Silver Snake or Blue Barracuda if you could have.

7 Wild and Crazy Kids

Slip ‘n’ Slide races, Spagettios getting dumped on your best friend’s head, water slide bowling, playing cops and robbers on the set of Miami Vice, Omar Gooding– this show had it all. It was by far the most interesting show on Nickelodeon because you never knew what craziness was going to rule the day. It was messy, it was goofy and it looked like an insane amount of fun. Plus their were celebrities like Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Lisa from Saved by the Bell. How awesome would it have been to slime or pie Chuck Norris without fear of him roundhouse kicking you into space? Answer: Write any amount on this blank check and I will gladly pay it sir. Wild and Crazy Kids looked like the most fun you could have in Nickelodeon orchestrated chaos.

8 Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?

It was basically a video game that they played in real life. Gumshoes that enjoyed history and geography finally had their show; traveling the world, while chasing around a international thief like you were in one of the Pink Panther films.You even got to dress up like a less bumbling version of Peter Sellers. Plus, they had the Rockapella, who came out and sang you the clues. It was like being in a video game, except you got to throw the steel over the wrists of international criminals all over the globe. You got power, people thought you were super smart and you got a slick fedora (possibly a new sleuth jacket as well). It was a video game that you played on TV. Couldn’t go wrong with that premise.

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An attractive young Air Force Army Ninja Navy man comes on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? and gets hit on quite a bit. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the Regis Philbin edition. If you like awkward flirtations, you’ll love watching Meredith Viera run some game.

That “Wet Willie” question got ]]>

An attractive young Air Force Army Ninja Navy man comes on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? and gets hit on quite a bit. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the Regis Philbin edition. If you like awkward flirtations, you’ll love watching Meredith Viera run some game.

That “Wet Willie” question got a little risque for a daytime game show. There hasn’t been such an edgy, sexually-fueled interaction on a game show like that since Vanna White was turning a letter and on the other side was Pat Sajak’s helmet poking out as he gave a knowing glance and told her that her mouth was about to go bankrupt. I might be confusing that with the Wheel of Fortune fan-fiction I wrote for my 7th grade English class. It may not have been well-received, but I think the teacher really respected my creativity and ability to write a captivating sex story using only the letters R S T L N and E.

Japanese game shows are completely lacking in any sort of pretense. They’re like Benny Hill episodes, only with a high likelihood of someone getting maimed. Take, for example, the Japanese game show “Get the Girl Naked.” NSFWish video lies ahead.

Maybe this is just the man who likes simple ]]>

Japanese game shows are completely lacking in any sort of pretense. They’re like Benny Hill episodes, only with a high likelihood of someone getting maimed. Take, for example, the Japanese game show “Get the Girl Naked.” NSFWish video lies ahead.

Maybe this is just the man who likes simple things that lies within my soul, but I like a show that offers something in the title and then delivers it in spades. Flying Japanese guys making that wacky “OMGGGGGG” Japanese guy face they always make in these shows also happens to be a bonus. A fantastic, magical bonus, but a bonus nonetheless.

Is it that hard to get a girl naked in Japan though that this is a viable game show? That’s not really a globally relatable concept. If they did this show in Mexico, every episode would just be some guy showing up with a dime bag and a working van and a fake Texas driver’s license and the show would be over. Which, while highly recommended as a home game, wouldn’t exactly be compelling TV.

I’m certain this is one of those things that’s been on the Internet for an eternity, but I just saw it today so that pretty much makes it new again. Here’s outtakes of Alex Trebek, seemingly drunk, acting completely boorish.

I had a great idea for a game show ]]>

I’m certain this is one of those things that’s been on the Internet for an eternity, but I just saw it today so that pretty much makes it new again. Here’s outtakes of Alex Trebek, seemingly drunk, acting completely boorish.

I had a great idea for a game show but no one ever listened to me. It’d involve me as the host with three contestants. They’d have to compete against a young man with Down’s syndrome in a variety of trivia categories. But the real test of the game was not to get too cocky against the retard, otherwise he’d start jerking off his big worthless retard penis while staring you straight in the eyes and muttering. You’d be amazed how quickly people forget that Napoleon invaded France in 1812 when they have some guy with a Pete Rose haircut and a fat tongue staring at them and calling them mommy while awkwardly pawing at 9 inches of shame that serves no purpose other than to prove God’s sense of humor.

[via]

This video is a wee bit NSFW but it’s Japan, so I’m pretty sure you can just say you’re getting cultured instead of looking at some weird fetish game show.

Gosh, that’s so creative. I really relate to the symbolism of the game. In reality, we’re all just men ]]>

This video is a wee bit NSFW but it’s Japan, so I’m pretty sure you can just say you’re getting cultured instead of looking at some weird fetish game show.

Gosh, that’s so creative. I really relate to the symbolism of the game. In reality, we’re all just men being held back by elastic harnesses as we go for the nipples of glory. It’s almost Dickensian.

If American TV insists on cutting back from scripted drama, can’t they give us stuff like this instead of reality programming? I don’t think I’m alone in saying that I’d like to watch men fighting to retrieve a flag off of a nipple rather than some fat people trying not to eat their sorrows away on The Biggest Loser. And all the budget you need is like $20 for some whore to bare her boobs, $5 for a couple sticky flags, and a camera. There have been snuff films with higher budgets.

Anyone that was a part of the former Soviet Union should probably be feared. Here’s further proof, via BestWeekEver and I guess Failblog, of why: They will let you die before their eyes.

There really aren’t many more ways you can show you ]]>

Anyone that was a part of the former Soviet Union should probably be feared. Here’s further proof, via BestWeekEver and I guess Failblog, of why: They will let you die before their eyes.

There really aren’t many more ways you can show you don’t care if someone lives or dies than going back to the camera other than perhaps trying to discreetly kick her under the rug so no one notices. Which requires way too much strength in your quadriceps I feel.

There are also few totally-not-your-fault things more embarrassing than passing out like that. It’s such a protracted situation because first you look wobbly and then you move like you’re being seen in someone’s dream sequence and fall down. And then someone fs you, naturally. I mean, what else are they supposed to do to wake you up? I’m not made of smelling salts.

Seriously, this can’t be real, right? If it is real, it’s the most awesome thing I will see all week…

H/T: Manofest

I don’t know anything about this game Lingo that Chuck Woolery hosts but it sure has changed him from the swingin’ heterosexual stud he used to be on The Dating Game.

A contestant, let’s call him Kevin, had a really bad day on Wheel of Fortune as he tried and failed three times to guess the puzzle. Watch and enjoy…