Gary Busey and Ted Haggard clearly need a buddy cop movie or TV show to fully embrace the chemistry they have. Or Gary Busey and Jesus. Somebody and Gary Busey. Is Buddha doing anything? Fat guys are always pretty funny. Let’s work this out.

Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez nude statue gets new home
“The life-size statue of the two teen stars will make its way to a Dallas-area porn shop in the very near future.”

Gary Busey kicked a kid in the stomach
“…he goes ‘Get outta here with that bullsh*t!’ And he kicked me in the stomach.”

Justin Timberlake back in new music video
“FreeSol has a new video called ‘Hoodies On, Hats Low,’ that JT directed and makes an appearance in…”

Paula Abdul demands staffers call her “Warrior,” “Gift”
“She also makes them check the TiVo for any mention of her and put it on a DVD.”

Camille Grammer — Kelsey’s got a small penis
“Big hands, big feet, big disappointment.”

Shenae Grimes: I “paid my dues” during Teen Vogue internship
“Sometimes, that meant fetching coffee for the magazine’s editors.”

Vanessa Hudgens ‘smitten’ with guitarist Felix Rodriguez after mega smooch session
“They were majorly making out.”

Beanie Sigel pleads guilty to tax charges
“…the former Jay-Z rap protégé is now facing up to three years in prison…”

Snooki on new boyfriend Jionni: “I’m making guido babies with him!”
“When it’s time to get married, I’ll be an amazing wife.”

Miranda Cosgrove breaks ankle in tour bus accident
“Her tour is postponed until further notice.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Trailer for the movie Red Tails which stars among others, the sexy Daniela Ruah.

Simon Cowell confirms Mariah Carey will take part in The X Factor
“Cowell told radio host Jackie Brown the eight-months-pregnant singer will join the series when it premieres in September — but not in the role fans had expected.”

Simon Cowell ditches British X Factor for Fox show
“ITV told the BBC that Cowell will remain ‘an enormous presence backstage’ on the British version, which has run since 2004.”

Charlie Sheen is down to one goddess
“Bree Olson has officially left the warlock and returned home … again.”

Evan Rachel Wood says she dates men and women
“I’m more kind of like the guy when it comes to girls. I’m the dominant one.”

Rihanna has three secret siblings
“Her father confirmed that the ‘S&M’ singer is also an aunt as well, as one of the sisters she has is the mother of two daughters.”

Nicolas Cage returns to work
“Cage, who the source says is currently ‘in fine shape and ready to work,’ isn’t wasting any time diving into challenging parts of filming.”

Lindsay Lohan wants to cancel hearing because of religion
“She’s set to ask the judge to cancel this Friday’s hearing because it’s Good Friday.”

Gary Busey calls Apprentice teammates backstabbers, idiots (VIDEO)
“When you see Lil John, John Rich and Meat Loaf, you know somewhere there’s three villages missing their idiots.”

Katy Perry adds 8 dates to California Dreams World Tour
“The new stops added to the singer’s tour, from September 7-17, are San Antonio, New Orleans, Louisville, Grand Rapids, Columbus, Indianapolis, Omaha and Tulsa.”

Kara DioGuardi: I was molested, date-raped
“[W]ithin a few hours, he was on top of me, pumping, sweating, and speaking to me in Spanish, not a word of which I could understand.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Behind the scenes video of Aly Michalka, Brenda Song, and Katerina Graham for OP bikinis (pics here).

— The biggest news coming out of the Team Sheen this weekend was his effort to put out a Web cast called “Sheen’s Korner.” The first episode on Saturday night started strong with around 120,000 viewers only to grind to a dead halt losing hundreds of viewers by the second. However, it is being reported that overall the show was seen by a total of 1.2 million people at one point or another. (If you are a glutton and want to see why, we have the a witty liveblog of the night’s events. The video itself was removed by Sheen to prevent more casualties.)

— He also did another edition of “Sheen’s Korner” on Sunday night, tweeting beforehand, “Fastball; last night was treasonous to the movement. my bad. a video solution coming soon.”, but if you watched the first one it’s doubtful you had it in you to watch episode #2 so here’s a bit of what happened:

…he blamed the first episode’s shortcomings on him trying to fit into a pre-existing format, referred to the telephone as “the weapon of the trolls” (and that was before he kept getting disconnected), waxed poetic about pain, and told the person on the line who suggested Sheen show people both sides of him that he only had one side.

Sheen continued blabbing for a total of 13 minutes, the last of which were spent lamenting the passing of his 11-year-old pug, Betty, who shared his birthday and therefore had a special bond with him.

He also appeared to have have said he would cut children’s throats, though with the shoddy editing of this video and his general rambling who the hell knows what he was saying. Watch the full episode here, if you dare (probably not safe for work due to multiple F-bombs):

— Despite this tepid showing Sheen is in talks with Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban about doing a show on Cuban’s cable network HDNet.

“Everybody wants to critique a Web show that got put together in a few hours,” Cuban told ESPN. “That’s not the point. It gave him a chance to be himself and have some fun. The thing I like the most about Charlie is that he just loves to mess with the media. You guys fall hook, line and sinker.”

— At some point this weekend Charlie and one of his goddesses, Bree Olsen (Rachel Oberlin), had a falling out with Bree leaving the house and Sheen tweeting “Update: Sober Valley Lodge; Rachel has left the building…, We’re sad…. Over it… Applications now being accepted! #winner.”

She later reportedly returned home with Charlie professing that everything was now kosher between them adding this cryptic tweet: “I chipped one of my warlock fangs on a great white shark I had to murder. Pissed me off and like an ass I took it out on her.”

He did mention, however, that “Rachel” was back in her home state of Indiana during the first night’s episode of “Sheen’s Korner” and other reports say Olson, the one goddess who said on 20/20 that she would actually marry Sheen, is gone and not coming back.

— Sheen still does not have his twins back as negotiations with Brooke Mueller seem to have hit a dead end. They are scheduled to meet in court on Tuesday.

— Despite earlier rumors, it appears that Charlie will not be appearing in The Hangover II. “Unless they have a time machine and we can go back to Bangkok, my understanding is that we have already filmed the movie,” says one of the film’s stars Bradley Cooper.

— In possibly the most surreal moment in all of this Charlie Sheen nuttiness, Gary Busey has been quoted as saying that he is praying for him. “Charlie’s got to understand what the truth is. The beautiful thing about the truth is that it requires no questions,” says Busey.

— He has now reached over two million Twitter followers. This despite the fact that it was reported that he isn’t actually the one doing the tweeting. The person doing the actual tweeting is someone named Bob Maron who Charlie calls and tells him what message he wants sent out.

— Charlie is also looking to hire a social media intern. No, really.

— Oh yeah, he was also fired from ‘Two and a Half Men’ today. Officially.

Okay, that’s a wrap! It was a fun ride, but on that note we’re declaring SheenWatch to be finally over. (I actually think it died around 10:10PM ET on Saturday night to be honest.) Of course should anything groundbreaking occur in the world of Mr. Sheen we’ll be here to report it, but until then we’ll just be here trying to ‘win’ without him.

‘Sheen’s Korner’: Here’s What Critics Thought of Charlie Sheen’s Webcast [AOL News]
Charlie Sheen admits first ‘Sheen’s Korner’ sucked, dedicates second episode to dead pug Betty [EW]
‘Violent Torpedoes of Truth’: Second Episode of Charlie Sheen’s Web Show Gets Ugly [Movieline]
Source: Charlie Sheen Loses Goddess Bree Olson [Access Hollywood]
Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller Headed for Court [TMZ]
Bradley Cooper: Sorry, Charlie Sheen Won’t Be in Hangover 2 [People]
Gary Busey: I’m praying for Charlie Sheen [CNN]
Charlie Sheen Doesn’t Write His Tweets [The Superficial]
Breaking: Charlie Sheen ‘Terminated’ From Two and a Half Men [TVLine]

I am about to present to you 10 celebrities that could be serial killers. This is all in good fun. Well, fun for us. But if the celebs can’t take the joke, it just adds credence to my theories. But this is all parody and fantasy. The Guyism legal staff told me to write that. So in no particular order, 10 celebs that could be serial killers. But they really aren’t… or are they?

10 Quentin Tarantino
The “Mr. Obvious” of this group. He talks like one, writes like one, makes many movies about killers and most of all, he just looks like one. And he enjoys it.

9 Russell Crowe
Dude has some serious anger issues. Don’t tell me Crowe as a mass killer hasn’t crossed your mind before. Look at this picture of him. The person he’s looking at in this photo? Already dead.

8 John Turturro
Turturro is such a good actor that he even made Mr. Deeds entertaining — well, at least the scenes he was in. He’s an underrated actor too. Also, he looks rather psycho, like he might recite Shakespeare whilst removing your body parts whilst your still alive. Did Shakespeare use ‘whilst’? I kind of like it.

7 Craig Robinson
Hey man, it’s Darryl from The Office. He was in Hot Tub Time Machine. Totally hilarious. Hosted Last Comic Standing. You didn’t know that show was still on? Me neither. Dude is so funny! Also, a viable candidate for a serial killer. Dig those eyes man. You just know he has a set of power tools dedicated for you-know-what.

6 Gary Busey
Do I really need to write something here?

5 Tom Cruise
Nobody laughs like that, man. Nobody laughs like that. He’s going to take you to some secret hideout, dress up in some Eyes Wide Shut robes and start laughing. I bet it’s at that time you begin to hear all the other cries from around the room.

4 Christian Bale
You may think I’m referring to his well-played role as the psychopathic Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. Nope, I’m referring to the real version of Bale, the one I envision repeatedly swinging a hatchet while intermittently yelling, “Oh goooood for yooooooou!!”

3 Matt Ross
Ross was also in American Psycho with Bale, but you may know him better as Alby Grant on HBO’s Big Love. There’s a reason Ross is cast in such roles. The reasons aren’t because he has bodies under his porch at home, but is because he looks like he does. He looks like he could pull off some Scanners mind-explosion stuff on you.

2 Mel Gibson
See: Busey, Gary.

1 Nic Cage
You wake up in a fog. Your vision is blurry and your head is pounding. You’re chained to a radiator in the corner of a room. Your tongue runs over the blood that’s caked on the corners of your mouth. You take a deep breath. Your vision clears. You look left. There’s Nic Cage smoking a cigarette, staring at you. He smiles.

We were only a Maria Sharapova away from that ad being directed specifically at me. Like someone has broken into my brain and wrote a commercial on the findings. Captain Crazyeyes spewing off lawyer speak and AD talking fantasy football–my brain just exploded. If you need me, I’ll be watching this until the NFL regular season starts.

As people get older, their priorities change. It’s part of growing up, whether you’re an average person or a celebrity. But it’s hard to let go of some of your favorites…here are six celebrities who kind of suck now that you may have forgotten how awesome they were.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold is among many iconic celebrities of yesteryear who have become nothing more than a caricature of themselves (*cough* Christopher Walken *cough*). Mr. Muscle emerged to supremacy as THE action hero of the 1980s. And with classics like The Terminator, Total Recall and The Running Man, Arnold was a bonafide badass for much of his career. And even before he was a movie badass, he was the coolest mf’er in the room and a beacon of unintentional comedy, like in the documentary Pumping Iron.

Sadly, it was somewhere around the time that Jingle All The Way came out that Arnold began to backslide into the B-list of celebrity (and his portrayal of Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin sealed the deal). Now the governator of Cal-i-forn-ia, Arnold is one sex tape away from signing on to star in the next season of I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!

Joan Rivers

That’s right, Joan Rivers. Fifty years and seven facelifts ago, Ms. Rivers (who started as a stand-up comedian) was actually a welcomed addition to the television screen and perhaps surprisingly hot. In fact, Joan Rivers is considered one of the seminal female comedians of the 20th century. In her heyday, she was brash, direct, edgy – in essence, completely different from the stereotypical “safe” stand-up comedians that had gained a mainstream audience in the past.

Citing Lenny Bruce as a major influence, Joan sat in good company with such legendary stand-ups as Phyllis Diller and George Carlin. Thanks to numerous appearances on the Tonight Show With Johnny Carson (which she guest hosted from 1983 to 1986), some would argue that Joan Rivers paved the way for such modern comedians as Sarah Silverman and Margaret Cho.

Gary Busey

Would you believe Gary Busey has been nominated for a Best Actor Award by the Academy Awards? No, it wasn’t for his spot-on performance in Slap Shot 2: Breaking the Ice (starring Stephen Baldwin) – it was for his 1978 portrayal of Buddy Holly in The Buddy Holly Story. Throw in roles in Barbarosa, Lethal Weapon and, of course, Point Break, and Gary Busey had a pretty decent career on his hands.

Unfortunately, it seems drugs have left Busey with a few screws loose. Numerous candid moments and personal interviews have revealed an enigma of a man who is either incredibly deranged, or the contemporary modern prophet of our time. As an example, I’ll leave you with this Busey quote:

“… your shadow, the dark side. C.G. Hume writes about it, in terms of the fact that every one of us has a dark side. And my dark side, my shadow, my lower companion is now in the back room blowing up balloons for kids’ parties.”

Tom Cruise

Oh, Lord Xenu, you vile villain. You may have “saved” Tom Cruise’s soul with the religion of Scientology, but in the process you have royally screwed his street cred. In the 80s, Cruise rose to fame thanks to blockbusters like Top Gun and Rain Man. And through the new millennium, every woman wanted to bone him and every dude wanted to be him. Except for Val Kilmer, who seemed to want a bit of both in the famous volleyball scene from Top Gun.

But ever since Mr. Cruise parted ways with Nicole Kidman, his celebrity star has fallen dramatically. Most of this can be chalked up to his odd behavior surrounding his whirlwind “romance” with Katie Holmes – all of which culminated on his awkward appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show. With the curtain pulled back, Cruise was revealed for the weirdo that he is, and though still a major Hollywood player, no one wants to either be or bone that dude anymore. Well, other than alien souls stuck wandering the Earth.

Ozzy Osbourne

Are you noticing a theme here? As soon as we get a peak into a celebrity’s personal life, the magical spell is broken and the true lame-ness is allowed to shine in. Such is the case with Ozzy Osbourne, who once made a living biting the heads off of bats and pretty much inventing the whole heavy metal music genre.

But then, you give one rock star a reality TV show, and suddenly he’s not a rock God at all. He’s just an old man who shuffles around his house all day petting puppies and eating Chipotle burritos. Those aren’t things that a badass celebrity does. Those are things MY DAD does. Thanks a lot, MTV, for ruining my image of one of the greatest rock icons of all time.

Michael Jackson

Guys, I know the wound is still fresh, but come on – Michael Jackson was one f’d up dude. Yes, he was uber talented. Yes, he is one of the greatest pop singers of all time. And yes, the dude could moonwalk like a motherf’er. But seriously, you can’t honestly tell me that Michael Jackson died as a badass A-list celebrity.

We’re talking surgical masks, skin bleaching, ridiculous plastic surgery…allegations of child abuse! Whether you believe the rumors or not, the fact is that the King of Pop’s terrible upbringing and the pressures of fame eventually imploded upon him. And yet, despite all his flaws, the majority of the world is willing to look past it all. This, more than anything, should be a testament to how freaking epic Michael’s talents truly are. Because, though he died a shattered shell of himself, we still remember him for healing the world with songs like Thriller and Billy Jean. Well done, Wacko Jacko.

Celebrities these days really seem to love Halloween. Whether it’s Paris Hilton dressed as a slutty nurse to Paris Hilton dressed as a slutty cop or even Paris Hilton dressed as a slutty Batman; more and more celebs seem to be going all out while attending lavish Hollywood Halloween parties. But sometimes their costumes aren’t always obvious to the untrained eye. See if you can look at the picture and guess the what each celebrity is dressed as.

1. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are dressed as:

Answer: A box of cookies and “whipped”

2. Chris Klein is dressed as:

Answer: Somebody whose career peaked with the first American Pie movie

3. Gwen Stefani is dressed as:

Answer: Lazy

4. Olivia Munn and friend are dressed as:

Answer: Every nerd’s fantasy and Star Jones circa 1999

5. Lady Gaga is dressed as:

Answer: Spit

6. Nicky Hilton is dressed as:

Answer: The reason there are such strict sex offender laws in the US

7. Santa Claus is dressed as:

Answer: Dick Cheney during Christmas Dinner

8. Gary Busey is dressed as:

Answer: The guy that’s been killing all the neighborhood cats.

9. Dennis Rodman is dressed as:

Answer: This isn’t Halloween; he calls this look “Monday at a PTA Meeting”

10. Heidi and Spencer Pratt are dressed as:

Answer: The Little Plastic Mermaid and The Biggest Douchebag on Earth

11. Chris Brown is dressed as:

Answer: Ike Turner

12. Lindsay Lohan is dressed as:

Answer: Something in L.A. that will give you the same workout as Nautilus equipment

13. Flavor Flav is dressed as:

Answer: We would have accepted: An embarrassment to his race or a Swatch

14. Bill Maher is dressed as:

Answer: A dick

15. Lady Gaga is dressed as:

Answer: Swamp Genocide

16. Courtney Love is dressed as:

Answer: A shiftless Hobo Drifter

17. Darth Vader is dressed as:

Answer: A Japanese schoolgirl

18. This man is dressed as:

Answer: Jon Gosselin–one day after the divorce.

19. Vanessa Minnillo and a friend are dressed as:

Answer: The two most overrated quarterbacks in the National Football League

20. Katy Perry is dressed as:

Answer: A woman with such spectacular boobs that the mustache wouldn’t bother most men.