Remember the name Hana Nitsche...

A few months ago I pointed out that former Germany’s Next Top Model contestant Hana Nitsche seemed to be on her way to a slightly better career than one of America’s Top Models, Adrianne Curry. After seeing these new lingerie pics of Hana, I stand by that statement. I still don’t know how Hana lost to Barbara Meier, whoever she is. Seriously though, while Hana is doing photo shoots for lingerie companies like Enamorata (yes, another lingerie company), THIS is what our Next Top Model is up to these days: getting half-naked on Twitter, which last time I checked doesn’t pay a dime. Kinda hot though.

It would be impossible to carry on an intelligent conversation with her in this outfit...

If you don’t know who Micaela Schaefer is, well, join the club, but it’s pretty safe to say that after you see what she wore to some event recently you will never, ever forget her. I don’t think it would be possible for her to show more cleavage (though I wouldn’t mind seeing her try) and I love how she threw in the bonus of the outfit being see-through so you could see that she’s wearing a thong. This truly might be the greatest outfit I have ever seen on a woman. As for Micaela, she’s famous for having been on a couple of reality shows over in Germany, which proves once again, as I always say, that TV is better everywhere else.

So, whatcha got in the basket, Alex?

Last week we had WWE Diva Maryse Ouellet posing as Catherine Deneuve, this week we have fashion model Alex Sander posing as Brigitte Bardot in bikinis and stuff. Nothing like a good theme photo shoot, amiright? Unlike Maryse though I haven’t heard of Alex Sander so it’s time for some research. Hmmm… Wikipedia is full of people named Alex Sanders, but no Alex Sander. Ah, here we go… she’s German, is 5’11″ and measures 33-23.5-35.5″, and either her parents have a great sense of humor or her name is completely made-up. Think about it. Alex-Sander… Alexander… tricky, this one.

I bet PTA meetings are well-attended at her kids' schools...

One would think that having a legendary supermodel like Heidi Klum for a mom would make for an interesting childhood, right? Men always leering at your mom and all. Now what if your mom walked around town with you while wearing a sheer top so everyone could see her supermodel bra? That’s where I think it’d get really weird. Think about it. You’re walking around with your mom, men sitting at tables suddenly can’t stand up or close their suddenly agape jaws. Hang on a second, I just had an idea… Heidi’s oldest daughter is now 7 years-old. I wonder if I could somehow hook my son up with her. Because you know this girl’s going to be hot as hell, have loads of money, and lots of issues once she reaches a certain age. I now have a long-term goal in life.

(And here I thought Elle Macpherson was an awesome mom.)

Looks like we caught Ms. Klum off guard...

Heidi Klum, who seems to be all about getting naked for things lately, got halfway there for the latest GQ Russia, along with some of her old modeling pals like Karolina Kurkova and a few others. I say “a few others” because I don’t read Russian and I’m too lazy to research who all these women are. I think one of them is Gisele and the rest, eh, I really don’t care. If you know who they are and want to tell us in the comments, well then, that’d be okay. Otherwise just do what I did and stare at the pics for awhile before getting back to work. It’s pretty much how I spend my whole day.

That's right... no one can tell you what to do, Sila!

Sila Sahin is a Muslim actress. She also posed naked for Playboy. Now you’d think that posing for Playboy would be a good thing, but apparently that whole Muslim thing kind of gets in the way of that. Her parents are said to have reacted with “horror” at the 12-page coverage, and her mother has apparently cut off all contact. That’s too bad. I say if a woman with a body like Sila wants to show it off to the entire world, who are they to deprive her of fulfilling a dream? As she put it, “”What I want to say with these photos is, ‘Girls, we don’t have to live according to the rules imposed upon us’.” You tell ‘em, Sila!

More photos: The 100 sexiest actresses working in America today

Bonus video of her posing for the Playboy shoot. Unfortunately it’s completely SFW, but still not too shabby.

Win prizes: Rex Ryan – Play Like You Mean It ‘Tailgate Giveaway’ (plus two exclusive videos)

Someone get this poor woman a towel, please?

This is what Germany’s Next Top Model Hana Nitsche is doing these days. This is what ours is doing. We lose. Seriously, can’t we do better? Hana is posing all sexy-like for magazines like FHM France here, looking about as hot as the sun, and our inaugural Next Top Model winner is the queen of the Twitpic. We’re America, dammit! This isn’t even Italy or Brazil or hell, Australia I’m comparing us too, it’s Germany! (No offense. Some of my best friends are German.) I could understand us not being able to compete with those countries when it comes to modeling competitions, but damn… Okay, I need to go lie down for a minute…

I don't think those gloves are enough to keep you warm, Diane...

Diane Kruger is back with more sexy pictures, this time for GQ, both here and in Germany — yes two photo shoots. She must be more popular than I thought to pull that off. I still am not sure what she’s famous for though. I know she was in a couple of movies and is the face for some cosmetics company so I guess that’s why she gets her own spread in two different versions of GQ this month. Oh, plus she’s hot and being from Germany isn’t all hung up about showing her body like our crap American actresses. I guess I just answered my own question, didn’t I? (Oh yeah, the other GQ photo shoot she got all nekkid for is right here.)

Now there's a gift I'd like to receive this year...

Franziska Knuppe is a German model, something we don’t see often here, which is too bad because if these holiday lingerie photos of Franziska for Triumph are any indication of what’s shakin’ over there we are definitely missing out. I wonder if I showed these photos to my girlfriend if she’d dress up like this with some giant wrapping paper and ribbon and let me take pictures. Doubtful, but hey, it is the holiday season, right?

Back in April I introduced you to a lovely young German lass named Eva Padberg as she posed for FHM. That was nice. Today is even nicer since Eva made her way to the German version of GQ for even more sexy pics. Cool fact about Eva that no one will read because this is a chick post and no one reads anything I ever write here: Eva was born in Bad Frankenhausen, Germany. That’s a pretty cool name for a town, isn’t it? Why yes it is, Scrap. I love all the stuff you say in your babe posts. Why, thank you.

Here’s someone new for you: Sophia Thomalla. Sophia appears on the cover and inside this month’s FHM Germany wearing an assortment of swimwear as well as helping another lady soap up a sports car. I figured that might get your attention. So who is Sophia Thomalla I can hear you asking? Well, according to our good buddy Wiki she is a German television actress. She also finished in third place this year in FHM Germany’s Sexiest Women poll. See how much you learn when you come here?

Best as I can tell, this Hana Nitsche babe, who is absolutely killing it in this month’s Maxim Germany, was on Germany’s Next Top Model. Which makes sense because I would totally vote for her. And I mean for anything, even President. Of course, I don’t remember much of the German I took in high school so I could be wrong, which I would like to point out has no effect on the hotness of these photos or how much you will enjoy looking at them. Carry on.

It’s Saturday, I’m spent, and I think the headline kinds of tells it all, “Heidi Klum got naked for German GQ“, so I will just leave things right there and stop writing and do what you’re doing… trying to see if any of Heidi’s naughty bits slipped through in any of these photos… See ya Monday.

Get this… Collien Fernandes is a German singer. Well, a German singer, VJ, TV presenter, actress and model if you want to get all Wiki about it. I would have bet a lot of money on her being from Mexico or Spain or something, but nope, German! She has a Portuguese-Goan father and a Hungarian mother, which explains her name and sexy appearance. She was also elected “Woman of the Year” in 2003 and 2006 by the readers of German Maxim, whatever that means. Anyhoo, here she is in June’s FHM showing what her mom and dad gave her. Nicely done, folks.

Eva Padberg is a German fashion model, singer, and actress. She also appears on the cover and inside the May issue of FHM. Don’t ask me which version though… I think it’s Germany’s, but that’s really irrelevant. What’s important here is that we now have yet another babe we’ve never heard of to enhance our fantasies about what the perfect woman should look like. I’m doing a public service really when you think about it. Or something… where’s my Codeine?!?!

I’m going to need your help on this one. It seems that GQ (Russia?) got some of the babes of the photo you see above (from the early 1990′s?) back together for a sexy photo shoot. Unfortunately, I can’t read Russian (or whatever language this is) so I am not even sure who all these ladies are. I know Cindy Crawford, Christy Turlington, Linda Evangelista, but I am not sure why Helena Christensen and Claudia Schiffer, and the babe on the far right (Eva Herzigová?) are on the cover, or who the babe who was nice enough to post topless is (damn hot whoever she is). I also don’t know who the frizzy-headed babe is or why she was included. Nor do I know why Stephanie Seymour and Tatjana Patitz were excluded. What I do know is that this is one very sexy photo shoot, so I felt compelled to share it with you, even if I have no idea what the hell is going on. Besides, that’s normal for me anyway.

If you don’t want to feel like someone peed in your Wheaties today, stop right now and go to a different page than this one. Harper’s Bazaar did a photo shoot called “Supermodels Supernatural” in which they took gorgeous models and photographed them without makeup or retouching. Yeah… I never thought someone could take babes like Kristen McMenamy, Cindy Crawford, Claudia Schiffer, Helena Christensen, Tatjana Patitz, Nadja Auermann, Amber Valetta, and Shalom Harlow and make me disinterested in them, but congratulations Harper’s Bazaar, you succeeded. So sad.

I know that this Diane Kruger babe is getting a lot of attention here in America lately, I just am not sure why. I mean for reasons other than the obvious sex appeal she possesses, as evidenced in this photo shoot for the UK Marie Claire. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for sexy foreign babes coming over here and classing the joint up, I’m just curious how she made the transition while others have failed. I see that she has been in Troy, National Treasure and Inglourious Basterds, so someone out there must think this former fashion model can act, and it seems that she is the global spokesmodel for L’Oréal. Whatever… here’s another sexy spread for a women’s magazine. I still can’t wrap my head around as to why these types of pics continue to show up in magazines for women. I’m just glad they do.

There were, of course, a bunch of Oscar parties in Hollywood last night, which also meant that there were a lot of sexy celebrity babes all dressed up and looking their best. One of the best parties was the 18th Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation Academy Award Party. There were way hotter babes here than at the actual show, by the way. I’m going to leave out photos of the babes I already covered in our Oscar coverage from Sunday night since you’ve already seen them (right?). Babes in attendance at Elton’s party included (in order below): Demi Lovato, Christina Hendricks, Michelle Rodriguez, Olivia Munn, Hayden Panettiere, Lea Michele, Eva Amurri, Stacey Dash (with Jamie Foxx), Heidi Klum, Gina Gershon, Malin Akerman, Milla Jovovich, Katie Price, Victoria Beckham, and Kelly Brook.

As you know by now, The 82nd Annual Academy Awards happened (well, is happening… depending on when you read this). While I much prefer Playboy’s version of the red carpet I’ve still been impressed with the show tonight. Oh, and the ladies in attendance. (Though not as impressed as I was with what the ‘losers’ of the major awards received as parting gifts. Sheesh…)

Those in attendance at the shindig included (in order below): Kathy Ireland (Gorgeous, but what….a… freaking… airhead), Jane Seymour, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Giuliana Rancic, Elizabeth Banks, Diane Kruger, Deborah Ann Woll, Maria Menounos, Mariah Carey, Carey Mulligan, Anna Kendrick, Amanda Seyfried, Mariska Hargitay, Zoe Saldana, Virginia Madsen, Miley Cyrus, Samantha Harris, Jennifer Lopez, Penelope Cruz, Rachel McAdams, Kristen Stewart, Kate Winslet, Sandra Bullock, Demi Moore, Cameron Diaz, Elisabetta Canalis (and that George Clooney guy), Faith Hill, Tina Fey, Stana Katic, and HOLY MOSES… Charlize Theron.