I saw this on WWTDD yesterday and then was thinking, man, I’ve really stopped posting hot chicks. And who’s universally respected as one of the main sexual icons? Madonna. Meow meow sexy lady.

This has to be some sort of photo trick right? ]]>

I saw this on WWTDD yesterday and then was thinking, man, I’ve really stopped posting hot chicks. And who’s universally respected as one of the main sexual icons? Madonna. Meow meow sexy lady.

This has to be some sort of photo trick right? Like when a pencil looks bent or an Indian gets his soul stolen? I mean look, Madonna’s a muscular beast who could reasonably make a segueway to Mixed Martial Arts or one of those Strongman Competitions with little to no effort. But nobody can really look like this in real life and think it’s okay…it’s horrifying. Old ladies get veiny and crap, presumably because your veins swell up with your now-useless ovaries, but shouldn’t this be like one of the biggest tragedies ever that a woman who was the definition of sex (I think, I was like an infant when she was really hitting) is now THIS?

Point being, that’s why I created a time machine and went back to introduce Marilyn Monroe to sleeping pills and should be thanked accordingly. I did it for you guys. And to jerk off onto a sleeping Marilyn Monroe. But really, for you.

Via Channelate comes this comic about how it feels to retire.

I watch entirely too much pornography and the one thing I’ve noticed is that it seems like it’s the same 20 girls appearing on every site countless times. Which is odd, because ]]>

Via Channelate comes this comic about how it feels to retire.

I watch entirely too much pornography and the one thing I’ve noticed is that it seems like it’s the same 20 girls appearing on every site countless times. Which is odd, because I masturbate to get away from the reality of f’ing the same girl for an eternity. It’s pretty much like I’m in a monogamous relationship with these coked up whores who suck dicks for money. I don’t know if there’s a real punchline there, but I just need to point this out that if you’re an attractive woman with no career prospects, now would be a good time for you to start inserting random cylindrical objects in your orifices in front of a camera.

Today’s sign that the world is broke and depressing: one in 10 old people need to borrow money for everyday expenses.

The economic downturn is hitting roughly one in 10 middle-aged and older Americans especially hard, compelling them to borrow money for everyday ]]>

Today’s sign that the world is broke and depressing: one in 10 old people need to borrow money for everyday expenses.

The economic downturn is hitting roughly one in 10 middle-aged and older Americans especially hard, compelling them to borrow money for everyday living expenses and to seek help from family, friends or charities, according to a survey released Tuesday by the AARP.

n the telephone survey of 1,002 adults 45 and older, nearly four in 10 said they had helped a child pay bills or expenses. Among retirees, one-third said they’d helped their children pay bills. Eight percent said they’d helped a parent pay bills or expenses. The survey’s margin of sampling error was plus or minus 3 percentage points.

One-third of survey participants said they stopped putting money into their 401(k) or retirement account and 14 percent said they had cut back on their medications.

I don’t think I’m alone in saying that if you can’t just do this stuff on your own, maybe you should just die already because the only benefit of having you people around is that you can occasionally loan me money. But if you’re in the hole and stuff AND you’re walking all slow and being kind of annoying…well…maybe it’s time for you to “forget” your medication.

Also, you know what’s gross? Old man balls. It’s kind of unrelated, but like…ew. I’m hoping mine stay forever young and ebullient.