So ghosts are only real if you believe in them? Like penis enlargement pills? The Apparition has one thing going for it: the presence of the smoking hot Ashley Greene, who plays a woman being haunted by a supernatural entity created as part of a college experiment. Okay, if I ]]>

So ghosts are only real if you believe in them? Like penis enlargement pills? The Apparition has one thing going for it: the presence of the smoking hot Ashley Greene, who plays a woman being haunted by a supernatural entity created as part of a college experiment. Okay, if I was a professor and one of my students were all like “We’re gonna make a ghost,” I’d give them an F so fast that they’d bounce right out of school and into a minimum-wage job toasting subs at Quiznos. “Make a ghost,” my ass. The Apparition opens August 24th.

This week’s hilariously bad movie idea comes courtesy of a Onslaught Media. Currently looking for funding on Kickstarter, Harmless is a horror movie “in the popular Found Footage style” that tells the tale of a husband who finds a mysterious box of porn in the closet that, ]]>

This week’s hilariously bad movie idea comes courtesy of a Onslaught Media. Currently looking for funding on Kickstarter, Harmless is a horror movie “in the popular Found Footage style” that tells the tale of a husband who finds a mysterious box of porn in the closet that, once opened, uses its supernatural smut powers to tear his family apart. Quick tip: there’s no such thing as a “mysterious” box of porn. Dude bought that porn and is just making up all the ghost stuff to throw you off the trail.

Lots of weird stuff gets auctioned off online. But try topping this: A New Zealand woman auctioned off two vials allegedly containing the ghosts of two dead people. And they sold for almost $2,000 US dollars.

The rare spirits that went under the gavel at a recent online auction ]]>

Lots of weird stuff gets auctioned off online. But try topping this: A New Zealand woman auctioned off two vials allegedly containing the ghosts of two dead people. And they sold for almost $2,000 US dollars.

The rare spirits that went under the gavel at a recent online auction in New Zealand weren’t aged brandies or hard-to-find liqueurs.

Instead, two glass vials purportedly containing the ghosts of two dead people sold for $2,830 New Zealand dollars ($1,983) at an auction that ended Monday night.

The “ghosts” were put up for bidding by Avie Woodbury from the southern city of Christchurch. She said they were captured in her house and stored in glass vials with stoppers and dipped in holy water, which she says “dulls the spirits’ energy.”

She said they were the spirits of an old man who lived in the house during the 1920s, and a powerful, disruptive little girl who turned up after a session with a spirit-calling Ouija board. Since an exorcism at the property last July led to their capture, there has been no further spooky activity in the house, she said.

New Zealand woman sells souls to highest bidder [Associated Press]

One of these things is not like the others…one of these things is not like the others…

At first I thought a ghost had sneaked into the frame of the photo, but it turns out that some people are just that light colored. I forget sometimes ]]>

One of these things is not like the others…one of these things is not like the others…

At first I thought a ghost had sneaked into the frame of the photo, but it turns out that some people are just that light colored. I forget sometimes that not everyone is flawlessly tanned and chiseled out of raw granite like I am. And it’s easy to forget since I so often spend time in front of mirrors, staring directly into my own eyes while pleasuring myself. What can I say, I’m titillating.

On the plus side though, she definitely picked the correct chick to stand to the side of. Wearing a dress at the beach is never a good sign. I bet lots of catty comments like, “Psh, those aren’t real” or “Yeah, I could be that fit if I were stupid and had no job, too” came out of that Lane Bryant fabric a few too many times that day.

[via, as seen on]

Michael Jackson continues to be dead regardless of how many voodoo curses I chant while watching that “Lisa It’s Your Birthday” episode of The Simpsons. But even though his memorial is in Los Angeles this week, the ghost of Michael Jackson seemingly lives on, as seen in this video.

Via Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is this interesting idea on how to keep your kids aware of the reality of religion.

I know this is a comic and all, but man that is a clever take on religion. I imagine Jesus appearing in ]]>

Via Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is this interesting idea on how to keep your kids aware of the reality of religion.

I know this is a comic and all, but man that is a clever take on religion. I imagine Jesus appearing in people’s toast or bowel movements or whatever would be a lot less appealing if you realized “HOLY SHIT, IT’S A FING GHOST.” When I see Casper in the mirror, I crap my pants but if I see Jesus I’m supposed to be all like, “Hey dude, how’s it going? Thanks for the whole sacrifice thing. *high five*.” Kind of illogical.

Some kid shot footage of what he claims to be a ghost in his house and of course people have to get all assholey about it by thinking it’s real. View the video at the original article here.

Terrified Reece Pitman, 12, heard whistling — and used ]]>

Some kid shot footage of what he claims to be a ghost in his house and of course people have to get all assholey about it by thinking it’s real. View the video at the original article here.

Terrified Reece Pitman, 12, heard whistling — and used his mobile to film the shadowy being.

It came days after his nine-year-old sister complained that someone was mysteriously finishing her jigsaws at night.

Sales assistant Tonia said: “I’ve had a tough time recently as my husband left me. I didn’t believe in ghosts — but I’m thinking of the spectre as my guardian angel.”

Julian Banks of the British Paranormal Society said the film was “potentially the best image of a ghost in years”.

[sourcey source]

In the latest installment of James Gunn’s PG Porn, porn ho Sasha Grey dresses up like a Catholic school girl in need of a car fixing and, well, it’s just kind of awesome. Watch it below.

I’m not really good at fixing cars, but I can really relate ]]>

In the latest installment of James Gunn’s PG Porn, porn ho Sasha Grey dresses up like a Catholic school girl in need of a car fixing and, well, it’s just kind of awesome. Watch it below.

I’m not really good at fixing cars, but I can really relate to the mechanic here. It’s so hard to do your job when sexy women are incessantly trying to have sex with you. Every single job I’ve done, some naughty Catholic schoolgirl comes up to me and is all like, “Oh I need youuuu” and it’s just like come on ladies, let me live my life, I’m not made of semen you know. Though man if I were, that’d be pretty odd. I’d be like Slimer from the Ghostbusters, but smelling like your mom’s breath.

An elderly couple in Green Bay has been troubled by a repetitive noise for the past two years. The problem is, no one else can hear it.

Bob and Leona Ehrfurth say the noise that’s been plaguing them for two years sounds something ]]>

An elderly couple in Green Bay has been troubled by a repetitive noise for the past two years. The problem is, no one else can hear it.

Bob and Leona Ehrfurth say the noise that’s been plaguing them for two years sounds something like a rumbling motor, with a subtle vibration that won’t quit. Then it stops — especially when they try to show city officials or acoustic experts what they’re hearing.

It’s enough to keep 76-year-old Leona from sleeping.

“It’s like there’s a semi parked right outside with the engine running, but when you look out, there isn’t one,” she said.

She and her husband, who is 75, have lived in the same house for 42 years. The problem only developed over the last two years.

Her husband can sleep through it but also finds it irritating.

“It doesn’t matter if the windows are open or closed — you still hear it,” he said. “It’s worse in the winter.”

When they leave, the don’t hear the noise, he said, so they know it’s not some health problem the two share.

City officials hired a company for $1,000 worth of testing in the house this spring, but the tester came up with no noise and no significant vibration.

Not some health problem they both share? I disagree. It’s a very serious health problem affecting millions of the elderly across the globe. That problem? The cold breath of sweet lady Death sneaking up behind you. Except you’re old, so it doesn’t really have to sneak any more. It can probably run. And jump around the house. And play hopscotch. And then if it tried to talk to you, you’d be all like “WHA? GERTIE, THIS SKELETON GENTLEMAN IS WHISPERING TOO QUIETLY,” even when Death is yelling. It kind of takes the joy out of it, I’d assume.

Some old dude who was clinging to his dead wife’s voice on an outgoing voicemail message lost it due to service upgrades. For more on this subject, position your eyes 3 inches lower than this line.

An 80-year-old widower who’d been saving his ]]>

Some old dude who was clinging to his dead wife’s voice on an outgoing voicemail message lost it due to service upgrades. For more on this subject, position your eyes 3 inches lower than this line.

An 80-year-old widower who’d been saving his dead wife’s outgoing message on voicemail so that he’d remember what she sounded like lost it when Verizon upgraded phone service in his area.

Charles Whiting told New York’s Journal News that he stayed connected to the memory of his wife Catherine by calling his phone every day just to hear her say, “The Whitings aren’t home.”

But after the Verizon upgrade in the Westchester, N.Y., area, the greeting message was wiped from his voicemail system.

Whiting said he immediately phoned the company, waiting an entire hour to be helped and even getting disconnected at one stage. After calling back and holding another 90 minutes, he was told the outgoing message Catherine had recorded had been lost for good.

“That’s the only recording of her voice that I have,” Whiting told The Journal News. “Every time I listened to my messages, I heard her voice saying, ‘This is Catherine Whiting.’ It was like she was still with me when I heard that. Now they took her voice away.”

Well, that’s kind of depressing. This is why I’m totally opposed to Ghostbusters and the way in which they insist on busting ghosts. It’s like, some ghosts don’t need to be busted man. They just hang out and talk to their ex and maybe occasionally jerk them off and leave a slime trail and then create a new slime trail with the love slime that comes from their lover. It’s a pretty good deal actually because if you have sex with a ghost, you don’t have to buy them dinner afterwards or get them a towel.