Guyism » Great things to buy

Oh what a luxurious vacation

Chris Spags — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 17:25:51 +0000

Everybody’s broke, so there has to be some way to save money and still take the vacation you wanted. The Rancho Bernardo Inn has just the remedy for your anorexic wallet with their $19 rooms…presuming you can sacrifice luxuries like A/C, toilet paper, and a bed.

While many of Southern California’s luxury hotels are battling a severe slump in business by offering extra services and more amenities, the Rancho Bernardo Inn is luring guests with the exact opposite — no frills and barely any basics.

Called the “Survivor Package,” the hotel’s deeply discounted promotion lets patrons trim its standard $219-per-night rate on a sliding scale of deprivation, lowering charges with each amenity stripped from the room.

The most basic version: a room for $19 with no bed, toilet paper, towels, air-conditioning or “honor bar,” and only a single light bulb in the bathroom for safety. The next level up adds in a bed — sans sheets — for $39 a night. For a bed plus toiletries and toilet paper, the rate is $59.

Up side: With a trip to beautiful San Diego, how much time would you be spending in your hotel room anyways? You should be out enjoying the surf and sand and guys in sombreros climbing over nearby chainlink fences.

Down side: If you’re a bachelor like myself, good luck luring a lady of the evening into a room with no lights and no bed. Telling her that it’s the “Survivor Package” isn’t going to give you a whole lot of checks in the positives column either, I don’t think. Especially if you have a habit of cackling maniacally.

[via]

Finally, an appetizer for your cat

Chris Spags — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 17:46:33 +0000

I have felt like a poor host to my cat for so long; every time I offer her a bottled water, she stares at me confusedly. Fortunately, thanks to Fancy Feast, you can finally offer your pet an appetizer. Because your cat isn’t enough of dick already without expecting a multiple-course meal now, too. Click through to see the ad or visit their site below.

LINK: Fancyfeast.com

Quote of the Day

Chris Spags — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 18:27:31 +0000

Some company is selling a lip balm called “Chicken Poop”. After hearing the origins of the company, one might wonder what other awful things Grandpa put in the kids’ mouth areas, but perhaps that’s a trauma best left repressed.

“Grandpa says: If ya got chapped lips, put some chicken poop on ‘em so you won’t lick ‘em.”

[source]

Don't sell your life away and expect big money

Chris Spags — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:31:16 +0000

Thinking about selling your life away? Prepare to be disappointed if you’re anything like this Australian dude.

A man who auctioned his life — his house, his car, his job, even his friends — on eBay said Monday he is disappointed with the selling price: almost $384,000.

Ian Usher, a British immigrant to Australia, put everything he owned as well as introductions to his friends on the online auction site after a painful breakup with his wife prompted him to want a fresh start.

“I guess I’m a little bit disappointed at the final price, I’d hoped it to be a little higher than that,” Usher told Nine Network television on Monday. “But I am committed to selling and moving on and making a fresh start.”

He declined to reveal the buyer’s identity, or what his next step would be.

Usher said he had hoped to get at least $480,000 (a half-million Australian dollars) for his life — his house and all its contents, car and a motorcycle, a jet ski, skydiving gear, an introduction to friends and a trial period in his sales job — but that the final result was enough for him to make a new start in life.

Early reports say that the reason bids on the man’s life were lower than expected was because who the f wants the life of some asshole who has to sell his life on eBay. In a related story, I once offered a homeless guy $20 to trade places for a day. Under the guise of wanting to see how the other half lived, I rolled around in dirt, found the ugliest trenchcoat I could find, got myself a coffee cup, and prepared to brave the harsh conditions. It was an important sociological experiment to me; I believed that by putting myself in the shoes of the unfortunate, I’d be able to truly appreciate all of the things that I’ve been given in my life. Then after five minutes I got bored and wanted to eat a sandwich so I killed the homeless guy when he came to pick up the keys to my apartment and went to McDonald’s. It’s ok. He’s homeless, he didn’t have a soul anyway.