Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends and holidays to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

Celebrities are idiots. This is proven every time Mel Gibson starts ranting and raving or any time Lindsay Lohan walks out of a store with a “borrowed” necklace or any time Charlie Sheen does, well, anything really. It’s also proven over and over and over again by the ridiculous tattoos they willingly pay to have painfully etched onto their bodies. Don’t get me wrong, tattoos are cool, but it’s not like the following celebrities are hardened prison badasses who can pull that kind of thing off. Well, besides Mike Tyson anyway. No, the following ten celebrity tattoos are just ten more pieces of evidence that celebrities tend to live in their own world, their own ridiculous, ridiculous world. So let’s make fun of them, shall we?

10 Fred Durst
Hey, it’s great that Fred Durst idolizes both Kurt Cobain and Elvis Presley. A lot of people do. But most people don’t decide to get the faces of their idols tattooed on their chest. But Fred Durst is a former tattoo artist and also kind of an idiot, so, hey, why not? The worst thing about this tattoo is that every time Fred Durst looks in the mirror he has to look at two faces staring back at him who actually have the one thing he so obviously lacks: talent. Why would he want to remind himself of that every day? Maybe he is just a masochist. Who knows?

9 Eve
What the hell are those paw prints even supposed to mean? Are they supposed to memorialize the time a raccoon crawled all over her chest or something? This one is just confusing which is what makes it so stupid. I guess she might have been trying to make some sort of statement about being a woman and being walked on or… look, I’m just trying to help her out here but let’s face it, there is absolutely no good reason for getting a tattoo of animal paws on your chest. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the Ten Commandments. You know, one of the minor ones? Thou shalt not get crappy animal paws tattooed on thy chest. It’s in the Bible. You can look it up if you don’t believe me.

8 Brock Lesnar
Uh, Brock, I hate to tell you this, but that sword on your chest? Yeah, it kind of looks like a penis. I’m guessing no one had that balls to tell Brock to his face when he decided to get this mistake slapped on his chest that it would just make it look like he was, uh, what’s the cleanest way I can put this? That he was, uh, making love to a disembodied penis with his pecs every time he moved. Really, I can’t talk any more about this without things getting outrageously dirty so let’s just move on.

7 Tom Arnold
Yeah, I’m guessing Tom Arnold wants a do over on this one. But who could have foreseen such a thing? Who could have known that one day he would regret getting the face of Roseanne friggin’ Barr tattooed on his chest? If my computer had a sarcasm button I would be mashing the hell out of that thing right now because the correct answer to those questions is everybody. Jesus, Tom, it wasn’t bad enough that you married her and had to sleep with her (which I’m guessing involved a wagonload of Wild Turkey, a lot of tears and the darkest room on the face of the earth) you had to tattoo that awful face on your chest too? I mean, come on, dude. Did you really need the money that badly? Then again, he’s Tom Arnold so maybe he just understood that this was the best he could do and he decided to memorialize it via the permanence of a tattoo. God, that’s a depressing thought. Great, now I just feel sad.

6 Hayden Panettiere
On first glance, Hayden’s tattoo seems like just another harmless albeit self-indulgent celebrity tattoo. On second glance, the tattoo, which reads Vivere senza rimipianti, Italian for “live without regrets”, is misspelled. Yup. Apparently, the tattoo artist slipped an extra “i” into the Italian word rimpianti, creating the gibberish word rimipianti, which I’m guessing is Italian for lolololol. Poor Hayden. I guess it’s a good thing her giant sloth of a boyfriend can’t read. Also, if he can read, I didn’t write that.

5 Brad Pitt
Oh, come on now. Is this thing real? Apparently it is. You would assume that this tattoo, nonsensical as it is, would have some sort of hidden meaning, like one of those Sanskrit or Kabbalah tattoos that are too complex for the tiny brains of simple folk to comprehend. I mean, after all, he is married to Angelina Jolie who would probably get a tattoo of a bear taking a dump in the woods if you told her it had some sort of hidden, mystical meaning. That assumption would be dumb enough. But that doesn’t even cover Pitt’s ridiculous tattoo. No, apparently, one night Angelina just decided to doodle a bunch of dumb crap on Brad’s back and, naturally, he decided to immortalize her adorable whimsy (there goes that sarcasm button again) by having a tattoo artist permanently ink it onto his back. What else is there to say after that?

4 Mena Suvari
Really, it’s the whole package that makes this a terrible tattoo. Let’s go into the mind of the tattoo artist to try to figure this out: “Okay, so you want a tattoo of a lion. That’s cool. Sorta anyway. You want it where? On your neck? Uh, okay. Um, well, the lion’s face sort of looks like an old man’s, so do you want us to change it? No? You want us to add some gibberish below that? Okay, you’re the boss. So what do you want it to say? A song lyric maybe? Those are popular. Wait… what? WORD SOUND POWER? Uh… okay. Jesus, you know this is permanent right? You can’t just wash this off later. Okay, just checking.” I’m going to guess that since this is on her back and neck, Mena has never had to truly see how awful this looks. Somebody get this lady a mirror, damn it!

3 Megan Fox
First of all, bravo to Megan Fox for quoting Shakespeare. But this just screams pretentious, don’t you think? Almost all tattoos that are famous quotes just make the tattoo’s owner look shallow and ridiculous instead of deep and wise. But like I said, maybe we should give her the benefit of the doubt for quoting King Lear instead of… wait, why is she quoting King Lear? What in the hell does that have to do with Megan Fox? Does she understand that she is basically the modern version of a “gilded butterfly?” Who is she laughing at? If anything, the quote just makes her look like she has no self-awareness at all. Yes, Megan, you are valued for your depth and your talent and not for the fact that you are something that horny guys like to stare at and little more. This quote is so maddeningly pretentious that it makes people forget the fact that she has a ridiculous tattoo of Marilyn Monroe’s face plastered on her body, which makes the shoulder tattoo doubly insane because if anyone could be culturally associated with the concept of the “gilded butterfly” it’s Marilyn Monroe.

2 Dennis Rodman
Jesus, Dennis. What in the hell is that? Is that a lady with… with a giant penis? What is going on there? Taken on the whole, in the context of Dennis Rodman’s mighty oeuvre of crazy, maybe this isn’t so ridiculous. I mean, of course Dennis Rodman has a tattoo of a winged lady who looks like she’s about to go down on her own giant penis. It would be unnatural if he didn’t. I’m guessing this is how he led the NBA in rebounds all those years. He would go up for a missed shot and the dude fighting him for the rebound would see that thing and get scared shitless and back right the hell off. Oh Dennis, you are a crafty one.

1 Mike Tyson
Oh come on, like it could be anybody else. Really, if we’re being honest here, doesn’t this seem like it was Iron Mike’s fate all along? To have the most ridiculous celebrity tattoo of them all? I think a lot of people have grown immune to Tyson’s craziness over the years and now nobody really bats an eye at this damn thing anymore but let’s not forget how shocked people were when this happened — not really shocked that he was crazy enough to get a tattoo like this, but that he got a tattoo that covered half his damn face. It’s one thing to think a dude could be that nuts. It’s another thing to actually see it and when he first emerged with that thing on the side of his head people were dumbfounded. It’s not like it has any sort of deep meaning either. He just did it because it would look crazy. You can’t convince me he had any other reason, and hey, good for him I guess. I mean, when you’re Mike Tyson you might as well embrace that. Besides, in a few years the dude will probably get, like, antlers or a giant rhino horn surgically implanted into his head and we’ll forget all about a simple tattoo. But for now, that simple tattoo is hideous enough and dumb enough to be the worst celebrity tattoo of them all. Congrats, Mike.

The Beauty Book is a hard cover coffee table book with images of your favorite celebrities, musicians and top models. All the monies raised, will go directly to Brain Cancer via two charities called SNOG & HEADRUSH. These charitable organizations are non- profit and both rely on donations for research.

I founded this project in February 2009 after I lost my dear friend, Natalie Sattler Esposito to brain cancer in September 2008, she was 35 years old. This is one friend’s life that was cut way to short, so I used all my Hollywood connections to give brain cancer a voice and The Beauty Book was born.

Among the women featured in this 312 page coffee table book are Hilary Duff, Jessica Alba, Ashley Greene, Leighton Meester, Hayden Panettiere, Eva Longoria, Scarlett Johansson, Lindsay Lohan, and Kim Kardashian (all seen here), plus Amy Adams, Dianna Agron, Moran Atais, Selma Blair, Julie Benz, Rachel Bilson, Emily Blunt, Kate Bosworth, Kristin Cavallari, Lily Cole, Miley Cyrus, Rosario Dawson, Brooklyn Decker, Jenna Dewan, Minnie Driver, Eliza Dushku, Carmen Electra, Kayla Ewell, Fergie, Beau Garrett, Rebecca Gayheart, Melissa George, Meagan Good, Delta Goodrem, Ashlan Gorse, Maggie Grace, Christina Hendricks, Rachel Hunter, Stacy Keibler, Miranda Kerr, Joanna Krupa, Demi Lovato, Rebecca Mader, Josie Moran, Carey Mulligan, Petra Nemcova, Nancy O’Dell, Anna Paquin, Frankie Rayder, Zoe Saldana, Denise Richards, Zoe Saldana, Nicole Scherzinger, Brittany Snow, Yvonne Strahovski, Jessica Szohr, Odette Yustman, and even more. Phew!

Hayden Panettiere made her way to the Jets game on Sunday to spend time with boyfriend Scotty McKnight. Earlier this month, the team placed McKnight on injured reserve with a torn ACL, so, suffice it to say, the man has some time on his hands. Although McKnight spent most of the year on the practice squad, he looked to have some potential in the preseason as a wide receiver.

We’re hoping the team holds onto him next year, if only, to see more candid shots of his lady friend.

Speaking of the diminutive Panettiere, she looks far too young to be drinking. Especially since, most of us remember her as the demonstrative daughter of Coach Bill Yoast from Remember the Titans. Hopefully, the Jets concession staff did their due diligence and carded her.

To kick things off, it makes sense to address the most readily available option. Since 2001, Samuel Adams has brewing an OctoberFest beer. The first thing you’ll notice is that they refuse to go with the German spelling. I don’t know if it’s the arrogance of being the largest American brewery or if they just didn’t get the memo that it’s spelled with a “k,” but something is amiss. In any case, they do make a pretty decent beer, regardless of my nitpicking.

Sammy lists its color as deep red amber, but the red-green deficiency in my right eye just wants to call it copper. If you read my early “Every Guy’s Guides,” then you know I’m not big on detailing the sublties of taste, because everyone tastes something different. One review I read for the sake of argument described it as “Touches of sweet bread dough and that underlying, earthy, dampen sweetness I’d say is akin to freshly turned soil, but in reality is impossible to describe with any clarity.” Pretty helpful right? If I had to use buzzwords though I’d say it’s slightly nutty with taste of caramel. It’s a fairly maltly beer while still being light. I’d put it right around 12 on the scale you’ll learn about in a minute. If you hate bitter beer, this is a great choice for you because it’s incredible low on the IBU scale, coming in with only a 15 (out of 100). My guess was 23 for whatever that’s worth to you. It’s an all around decent beer, but nothing mind blowing. If you want to get a little bit of the Oktoberfest spirit in you without being too adventurous, this is a solid option.

Take, for example, 7th round Jets pick Scotty McKnight who scored the diminutive Hayden Panettiere. The actress was spotted at Jets practice a few days ago. And how cute, she even wore green to support McKnight.

For Panettiere, the relationship makes a lot more sense from a physical standpoint. You know, because her last boy toy, boxer Wladimir Klitschko, made her look like a Cabbage Patch Kid.

But hey, as long as Panettiere’s sex life is o.k., I’m sure everyone will breath easy.

Kim Kardashian to In Touch – I didn’t cheat, and I’ll sue
“Kim Kardashian is incensed that In Touch just ran a cover story which claims she has been cheating on her fiance, Kris Humphries, with NFL player Bret Lockett…”

Bret Lockett — Kim K is lying, we hooked up
“NFL player Bret Lockett says he’s not afraid of Kim Kardashian’s legal threats…”

Laurence Fishburne quits CSI to make more movies
“Nobody expected him to be on the show for seven years, it’s Laurence Fishburne.”

Gwen Stefani quits solo career
“It went on a little longer than we all thought it would, because it was inspired and you have to go with wherever you’re at in that time in your life…”

Anthony Weiner’s wife Huma Abedin is pregnant
“During an emotional Monday press conference, he apologized to his wife and said they have no intention of splitting up.”

Jesse James pays up after bloody dog attack
“A pitbull belonging to Jesse James escaped from the reality star’s Texas bike shop this weekend and attacked another dog being walked in the area…”

Pippa Middleton loses “Rear of the Year” contest
“Middleton, 27, had a mere six weeks to garner votes, while [Carol] Vorderman, who hosted popular British show Countdown, has been enjoying votes for an entire year.”

Hayden Panettiere dating NFL player Scotty McKnight
“Hayden Panettiere clearly has a thing for athletes.”

Nic Cage’s son hospitalized for mental evaluation
“It’s unclear if Weston was under the influence of drugs or alcohol but people who work at the restaurant say he appeared to be under the influence of something.”

Snooki splits with beau Jionni LaValle after 8 months
“She was planning on buying a house … down the street from his parents.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Megan Fox in a sexy new Armani Cosmetics commercial.

Shia LaBeouf: Megan Fox couldn’t handle sex symbol status
“This is a girl who was taken from complete obscurity and placed in a sex-driven role in front of the whole world and told she was the sexiest woman in America.”

‘Axed’ Cheryl Cole returning to X Factor
“The British singing sensation is back on the judging panel after the show’s creator Simon Cowell fought for her return.”

Gisele Bundchen on track to make $1 billion
“Bundchen, who has been featured on Forbes’ Celebrity 100 list for 10 years, has been busy branding herself with a slew of projects…”

Hayden Panettiere says she’s “absolutely not” dating Mark Sanchez
“I’m not dating him. I am a huge Jets fan and I was lucky enough to have friends introduce us…”

Justin Timberlake ‘not romantically involved with anyone,’ rep says
“Although Timberlake may indeed be single, an Ashley source says she and the actor are more than just friends.”

Amy Winehouse leaves rehab after just 7 days
“They tried to make her go to rehab… but it only lasted for seven days.”

Sweaty Pippa Middleton collides with topless man at triathlon
“Pippa Middleton didn’t so much sweat as glisten at a triathlon in Woodstock, England on Saturday.”

Blake Lively surfaces in Venice amid alleged naked photo scandal
“Ironically, a pensive looking Lively is seen clutching an iPhone in Italy…”

Heidi Klum going nude for Project Runway ad campaign
“The former model will bare all to promote both the fashion competition show’s ninth season and Lifetime’s sexier image.”

Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez haven’t split
“Despite reports to the contrary, the couple packed on the PDA over several days in L.A.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Behind the scenes of Lindsay Lohan’s recent photo shoot for Plum magazine.

More “Blake Lively” nude photos leaked
“The hacker who claims to have naked pictures of Blake Lively has just upped the ante, scoffing at claims the pics are photoshopped.”

Justin Bieber fans send fresh round of death threats to Selena Gomez
“Stay away from Justin paedophile… I’m gonna kill ya in the night underneath your smell bed.”

J. Lo honeymoon tape triggers porn war
“Red Light District, YouPorn.com, and PornHub.com are all trying to top each other.”

Kim Kardashian is not pregnant, despite reports
“…believe that if you hear it from me, it will be true.”

Hayden Panettiere not dating Mark Sanchez, says source
“They’re really just friends.”

Sean Kingston expected to make full recovery in six weeks
“…sources told the news network that the ‘Beautiful Girls’ singer suffered a broken jaw, a fractured wrist and water in his lungs.”

Audrina Patridge’s boyfriend threatens to rip head off love rival
“@NicRoldan if I ever see u C**t I’m gonna rip your fu*kin head off.”

Is Jay Leno stealing jokes for “The Tonight Show”?
“In the world of comedy, there’s nothing worse than stealing material.”

Patrick Dempsey leaving “Grey’s Anatomy”?
“Farewell, McDreamy?”

Tony Romo, Candice Crawford slammed for “ridiculous” registry
“Nothing says everlasting love like a Martha Stewart Cupcake Tree!”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Playboy ranks the Top 23 Air Jordans of All-Time (with the help of some Playmates).

Hayden Panettiere & Wladimir Klitschko Broke Up [The Big Lead]

I laughed at his clumsy performance for all about five seconds. Then I realized that lucky bastard is still banging Hayden Panettiere. Ugh.

Lady Gaga to premiere ‘uncut’ Judas video Thursday
“The video is seven minutes long and cost $10 million to make.”

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are officially divorced
“As for money and property … Brooke gets $55,000 a month in child support.”

Jennifer Lopez’s first husband planning to sue her over new song
“Any negative reference to Ojani Noa is prohibited by contract, and J.Lo would be in breach to Ojani Noa.”

Flavor Flav arrested, has outstanding warrants
“When the cop ran Flav’s name in the system, he learned the rapper was a wanted man stemming from several prior brushes with the law.”

Jaden Smith pulled in seven-figures for Karate Kid
“He’s only 12 years old…”

Scarlett Johansson, Sean Penn make out at White House dinner
“It happened right as the main course of the dinner was being put on the table.”

Will Ferrell: Anchorman sequel still might happen
“We’re still going back and forth. Maybe there is a solution.”

Lindsay Lohan attends orientation session for community service (Video)
“I let a lot of my fans down by putting myself in situations when I was young and wasn’t thinking clearly.”

Cher: I admire Chaz’s courage
“The iconic singer held a small screening of the upcoming documentary Becoming Chaz at her Malibu home over the weekend.”

Lorenzo Lamas gets hitched for the fifth time
“While the bride wore a traditional white gown with a long train, Lorenzo wore white pants, a black long-sleeved shirt and flip-flops…”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Hayden Panettiere’s Hoodwinked Too “I Can Do It Alone” music video.

Maybe she works for a lingerie company now...

How does an actress who hasn’t had a steady gig since her TV show was canceled get our attention? If you’re Hayden Panettiere you go on Fox’s Good Morning LA in a see-through shirt that shows your bra then you lift up your shirt to show off your sexy stomach, that’s what. I have no idea why she was on the show, maybe to talk more about how she has sex with a giant, but whatever the reason, like I said, promotional… genius… Now get a job.

How’s that for a visual?

Kinda digging Hayden's new short hair look...

I almost forgot Hayden Panettiere was a WAG, a very tiny WAG dating a giant man, but these pics she recently did for Vegas magazine are a nice reminder. They were also a reminder of that mental image I have of Hayden and Wladimir Klitschko doing ‘things’ in the bedroom. I still can’t wrap my brain around the two of them, uh, well, you know… (Comments like “Where there is a will, there is a way!” didn’t help me any either.) Anyhoo, here’s Hayden looking very pretty. Sorry for the visuals I put in your head. My bad.

One of the good things about sexy little person Hayden Panettiere dating her giant boxing boyfriend Wladimir Klitschko is that she now thinks she’s all European and as such she visited Oktoberfest in the traditional cleavage revealing attire that comes with said event. I still can’t help but think how much fun she has to be for Wladimir in the sack. I mean, he can just toss her around like a little… ummm, I’m going to stop typing now before I get into trouble.

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Rachel Bilson will now NOT be marrying Hayden Christensen. Score one for us.

>>> Bill O’Reilly called Jennifer Aniston “destructive to our society.” Apparently he has seen her movies.

>>> Miley Cyrus is thinking about getting breast implants. She is going to be so much fun in her twenties.

>>> Rihanna got a new neck tattoo. And it’s grammatically incorrect. I’m sure no one will notice though. It’s only on HER NECK.

>>> Hayden Panettiere also got another tattoo. Let’s hope she spelled hers right… this time.

>>> Apparently Jennifer Lopez is NOT going to be a new judge on American Idol, Kara DioGuardi has no idea if she’ll be back, and Mariah Carey wants to be a judge. The longer this goes on, the less I care.

>>> Speaking of American Idol, Fantasia tried to off herself. She did it by overdosing on a combination of aspirin and a sleep aid. Somehow she failed.

>>> Brooklyn Decker think she’s fat. Seriously.

>>> Mike Tyson says his Hangover cameo was for drug money. Mike Tyson does drugs? I don’t know who to believe in anymore.

>>> Paris Hilton is being sued for $35 million by Hairtech International after failing to fulfill her duties as their spokesperson. Why do I feel that the company should get nothing? I mean, they hired Paris Hilton. Hello?

>>> Mischa Barton got high on a boat. Photographers were there.

>>> Julia Roberts is a Hindu now. In case you were wondering.

>>> Remember Amy Fisher, the Long Island Lolita? Officially a porn star now. Hard to believe, I know.

>>> In this week’s Lindsay Lohan news, it seems that while in jail LiLo went to the medical clinic several times a day where she would watch a private TV and use the phone (allegedly). Celebrities: Not like us!

>>> In other Lindsay Lohan news, her mom… yeah, not helping.

>>> In other jailbird news, Charlie Sheen celebrated his NOT GOING TO JAIL, by partying at the Playboy Mansion. Celebrities: Even more not like us!

>>> In this week’s Mel Gibson news, his father thinks the Pope is a homosexual. Mel is really just a chip off the ole block I now see.

>>> And finally, it seems that Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush had a drunken fight a while back. It was so intense that bodyguards had to tear them apart from each other. Gimme $50 on Kim if it happens again.

This week’s video relates to one of the greatest posts I have ever done, Melissa Satta’s photos for Maxim Italy. It’s backstage video of the shoot and I guarantee it will get your juices flowing. That may have been a poor choice of words. Enjoy!

Every year, we like to add on to one of your favorite posts of fans with the Stanley Cup. More specifically, hot women drinking from it, making out with it, etc…

Inevitably, the legend of “people doing naughty things with the Cup” will grow this year as the Blackhawks parade it around the city of Chicago. Considering Patrick Kane’s proclivity to be a drunken mess, it’s almost a given we’ll hear some tall tales in the next few weeks.

Remember how yesterday I showed you Carrie Underwood practicing for the CMT Awards? Well, I guess the show happened since a whole bunch of sexy country babes showed up in Nashville last night. All the good-looking country singing chickadees were in attendance including (in order below) Laura Bell Bundy (Who? Very nice!), Kellie Pickler, Faith Hill, Julianne Hough, Taylor Swift, Hayden Panettiere (Huh?), LeAnn Rimes, Carrie Underwood, Martina McBride, and Erin Andrews (I didn’t know she covered these award shows too? So versatile!). Looks like it was quite the little hoedown… or something…

Since I know how much many of you enjoy Hayden Panettiere’s stocky little body I figured you’d like to see these photos someone took of her in a bikini on the beach in Malibu this weekend. Myself, I’m not sure what to think. One one hand, it’s an attractive woman in a bikini. On the other hand she’s a midget with a boy haircut and a trucker hat. Guess I will just have to take a few more looks at these pics to decide how I truly feel.

Every time I see a picture of these two, I cringe. Not because it resembles a real life Beauty and the Beast or because sweet little Hayden Panettiere is consummating with a giant.

No, I’m more or less scared we’re going to wake up one day to this news headline.

Authorities were stunned this morning when Klitschko admitted that in the middle of the night he rolled over onto what he thought was a peanut. The peanut turned out to be Mrs. Panettiere’s head which was crushed mercifully to death