Either the producers of the Linda Lovelace movie that Lindsay Lohan was/is supposed to star in didn’t get the memo that LiLo is pretty much Los Angeles-bound, thanks to her legal difficulties or they’ve moved the set ]]>

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

Either the producers of the Linda Lovelace movie that Lindsay Lohan was/is supposed to star in didn’t get the memo that LiLo is pretty much Los Angeles-bound, thanks to her legal difficulties or they’ve moved the set from Texas to California. And I sure hope they don’t think she’s going to get time off for good behavior either because Lindsay has already been out clubbing and frequenting house parties. She’s going to get busted sooner or later, even if she does rub tree oil on her leg or try using a paperclip to jam her SCRAM anklet. Oh, and about the Lovelace movie being shot it Texas?? Never mind… we can scratch that… apparently Lindsay lied to the judge about that. Like I said before, she is so going to the slam.

Here’s further proof that Lindsay has totally got all her sh-t together, y’all…

In other legal news, Heather Locklear will not be charged for running over a no parking sign, because, ummm, cops investigated but could not place Heather behind the wheel of the car that murdered the sign.

So who is going to replace Megan Fox in Transformers 3? First we heard that Gemma Arterton was up for consideration, but now it seems that Victoria’s Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley has the inside track despite the fact that she’s never been in a film before. Maybe the claims that Michael Bay only used Megan in the flick for her looks are true.

For all you Miley Cyrus pedos fans out there, your girl is reported to have gone on a $3,000 lingerie-shopping spree and her boyfriend just moved in with her. Next thing you know Jamie Spears is going to want to take her to court to take charge of all her affairs. Wait, sorry, wrong trailer park family. Sorry.

This is sure to disappoint a few of you. Christina Aguilera has canceled her summer tour amid reports of poor ticket sales. The very tour that she was promoting the face off of. Her people are spinning it differently though. They say it’s been postponed to next year because Aguilera ‘needed more time to rehearse’. Uh huh.

This will also probably disappoint a few of you as well. It seems that, get ready, Stacy Keibler may be a bit of a diva. And no I am not referring to her days in the WWE. Get ready for it… She actually had to wait a few minutes to get her nails done. I KNOW!! According to the National Enquirer, Stacy was so annoyed that she had to wait five minutes for her appointment that she seethed in silence during her manicure session. Man… don’t those people know who she is?! She famous!!

Speaking of famous female singers, apparently Celine Dion’s neighbors hate her and she hasn’t even moved into her house yet. They’re mad because she dug six deep wells to help feed her new home/waterpark and are going to be wasting a sh-tton of fresh water. They say that now, but wait til the first time they get to go on her log flume, then they’ll change their tune.

If you couldn’t stand her before, this might do the trick. Tila Tequila, who just so happens to have just released a music album, announced on her blog that she’s addicted to “prescription pills” and will now appear on Celebrity Rehab. I don’t know who I hate more, Tila or whoever the hell decided to put on a another TV show.

As for people who actually like Tila Tequila, Girls Gone Wild’s Joe Francis is back in the news. This time for hitting a woman – again – allegedly. Oh, did I mention this woman was pregnant? She was pregnant. A pregnant employee. Now I know times are tough, but if you’re a female, any female, would you ever have taken a job working for him in the first place? I don’t like blaming victims of alleged crimes, but there is such a thing as judgment.

Tiki Barber got a rude awakening this week when his wife (soon to be ex-wife, I assume) wouldn’t let him into the delivery room while she gave birth to the couple’s twins. Kinda makes nailing that 23 year-old NBC intern seem kind of dumb now doesn’t it?

The eagerly-anticipated Kendra Wilkinson sex tape is out. No, not on DVD, but all over the freaking Internet. In the interest of mankind I provide you with a link to a link to the video. You’re welcome.

Speaking of ladies doing sexy things, Courtney Love claims that she and Kate Moss once had a lesbian fling. Drop me a comment below if you care.

And lastly, Brittany Murphy’s husband Simon Monjack died this week at the age of 39. People just don’t seem to be living as long these days for some reason.

Being in the entertainment industry isn’t the same as being in the mafia. After all, the mafia isn’t as ruthless or back-stabbing. How vicious can celebrity friendships get? Witness the Twitter deathmatch between Billy Corigan and Courtney Love. On Monday, Corrigan ripped his former flame for stealing ]]>

Being in the entertainment industry isn’t the same as being in the mafia. After all, the mafia isn’t as ruthless or back-stabbing. How vicious can celebrity friendships get? Witness the Twitter deathmatch between Billy Corigan and Courtney Love. On Monday, Corrigan ripped his former flame for stealing songs he wrote and then using them for her comeback album Nobody’s Daughter. He also called her a bad mommy. What? No? The harsh reality is that the celebrity universe has been a fertile breeding ground for bitchery well before the age of @ and #. That’s because the common denominator hasn’t changed: $. Courtney’s late husband Kurt Cobain sang all apologies, but in The Biz it’s more like no apologies. Below, we look at 10 of the all-time Hollywood betrayals and bastard moves.

10 Sir Elton Pulls Dickish Wizardry On Rod
The top of the charts aren’t all that Elton John and Rod Stewart shared in the Seventies. They also shared a close bond of friendship. How close? Well, close enough that Elton’s nickname for Rod was “Phyllis” and Rod in turn called Elton “Sharon”. But the two popular tunesmiths had a falling out after Sharon convinced Phyllis he should pass on the role of Pinball Wizard in the 1975 rock opera Tommy. Trust me, mate. Disastrous career move. A short time later, Elton took the acclaimed role for himself. “Rod couldn’t believe it: ‘you barstard…’,” said John. “He was really furious and quite rightly so.” Caaaaannnn you feel the rage tonight?

9 Madonna Tricks Britney Into Thinking She’s Her Friend
Maybe Madonna didn’t drive her best friend-for-four-minutes Britney Spears into a head-shaving meltdown, but we’ll bet you the fake Kabbalah bracelet she gave Brit-Brit as a gift that she masterminded their “lesbian kiss” for her own self-gain. After she had milked the publicity stunt for all it was worth, Madge changed the locks on her English estate quicker than you can say la isla bonita. Madonna claimed that there was never a falling out, but rather explains it this way: “We shared a kiss, and I never saw her again.” This is probably the only time in his life Guy Ritchie wishes he had been Britney Spears.

8 John Lennon Craps All Over Paul’s Long And Winding Road
How’s does that song go again? “I get hosed with a little help my friends, gonna get screwed with a little help from my friends…” According to the late Ian MacDonald’s Revolution In The Head, a fascinating dissection of every single Beatles’ song, Lennon bungled his bass-playing on what he felt was another of Paul’s stupid and sappy ballads. “One can hear McCartney grin at his partner’s incompetence at 1:59,” writes McDonald, adding that while the shoddy bass playing was “largely accidental” it still “amounts to sabotage when presented as finished work.”

7 Eminem Plays Mariah’s Voice Messages for Several Thousands to Hear
While traveling the country to spread his positive message of peace, love and faith, Eminem played recordings left by Mariah Carey on his cell phone for crowds of thousands. What’s next? John Mayer projecting his IM conversation with Jennifer Aniston on a giant screen behind the concert stage. John, seriously, don’t do it.



6 Bette Davis Tells Joan Crawford: Have a Coke!
The long-simmering hatred between Hollywood titans Joan Crawford and Bettie Davis climaxed on the set of What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?, the only film they ever appeared in together. In a classic act of office-place cattiness, Davis had a Coca-Cola machine installed on the set to tweak Crawford, who was the widow of Pepsi-Cola CEO Alfred Steele and then-spokesperson for the company. Later, Davis “accidentally” hit Crawford in the head during a scene, causing a gash that required three stitches. Davis, who earned an Oscar nod for “Jane,” claimed that a spiteful Crawford mounted a campaign that included calling up members of the Academy to prevent her from taking home the award. Bitchtacular.

5 Gwyneth Allegedly Steals Winona’s Script, Career
Legend has it that Gwyneth Paltrow was hanging out at Winona Ryder’s place with her then-best friend when she spotted a script laying about. (It’s worth noting that at the time Ryder was the bigger star.) The name of that script: Shakespeare In Love. Gwyneth is rumored to have slipped out with the script and snagged the role for herself. A role for which she won a Best Actress Oscar. As for Winona, her career would stall and she would get arrested for shoplifting. Not that any of her pals would take pleasure in this “humiliating experience.”

4 Geri Quits On Spice Girls For Delusional Solo Career
In another case of Girl Power gone wrong, Geri Halliwell drew the ire of her fellow Spices when she unceremoniously left the band in the middle of their global tour in 1998. “When Geri left, it was really difficult for all of us,” said Victoria Beckham. “We had the American leg of the tour to fulfill, and nothing was going to stop us from doing that. But we were devastated.” While the sexy pop quintet managed a 2007-08 reunion tour, Posh, Scary, Sporty and Baby still harbor some resentment towards Geri for hastening their fall from the limelight. “The Spice Girls is about five girls,” said Beckham. Or, more accurately, five pairs of cleavage.

3 Mintz Steals Walt Disney’s Lucky Rabbit
Success is the best revenge. Nobody knows this better than Walt Disney. Back when he was just another 26 year-old struggling cartoonist who hated Jews, he got the break of a lifetime: creating an animated character for Universal Pictures named Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. In 1928, the film’s distributor Charles Mintz blindsided young Walt by stealing away his animators and revealing his ownership of rights to Oswald, who was now a huge hit. Mintz then demanded Walt make him a full-partner in Disney Studios. Walt had little choice but take the offer. But, instead, he showed up at Mintz’s office and told him that as far as the Lucky Rabbit goes, “You can have the little bastard. He’s all yours and good luck to you.” Setting out on his own, Walt was forced to develop a brand new character. A mouse. That worked out okay. In 1996, Disney took care of one last bit of unfinished business, acquiring the majority rights to Oswald.

2 Amanda Woodward Accuses Dr. Christmas Jones of Betrayal
Once upon a time, these two Hollywood sexpots were as tight as the tank tops that often clung to them on-screen. But that all changed in 2006. A courtbound Heather Locklear accused Denise Richards of getting involved with her then-hubby Richie Sambora prior to their split. Richards, in turn, called Locklear’s accusations of betrayal the real betrayal. Locklear got the final revenge, allegedly blasting Livin’ On A Prayer outside Richards’ house. Somehow, improbably, out of all of this David Spade got laid.

1 Richard Nixon Starts Sex Tape Rumor About BFF Henry Kissinger
Actually, that might have been Heidi Montag who did that to Lauren Conrad. As Nixon would say.

Get ready boys, Tara Reid is back on the open market. Tara and Internet entrepreneur Michael Axtmann have broken off their engagement. My guess is he got cold feet. Not about getting married though, but about ]]>

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

Get ready boys, Tara Reid is back on the open market. Tara and Internet entrepreneur Michael Axtmann have broken off their engagement. My guess is he got cold feet. Not about getting married though, but about facing the reality that he’d have to spend the rest of his life looking at her (non-Photoshopped) stomach. Good move, Mike.

Remember last week when I reported that Lindsay Lohan skipped her court date to go shopping? Yeah, well, LiLo missed her court date again. This she says it’s because she couldn’t get a ride (she’s not allowed to drive as a condition of her probation). And since we all know there aren’t any taxis or limos (or other friends) in Hollywood, there was no way she could make it to court.

Oh well, it’s not like Lindsay Lohan’s dad tried to break into her apartment trying to have her arrested or anything. What’s that? That did happen? Of course it did.

Wellll, at leeeast she hasn’t been named a suspect in the theft of a $35,000 Rolex. Oh man, she has? Lindsay’s life really is the gift that keeps on giving.

LiLo isn’t the only one with daddy issues. It seems that Britney Spears’ dad has had enough of Brit-Brit running around without a bra showing off her pokies, so he has banned her from leaving the house without a bra. Great. Now we have NO reason to care about her anymore.

And remember last week when I told you that Kate Hudson got breast implants? Well, that may or may not be the case. Many in the press are speculating that based on these photos she is actually pregnant. Personally I don’t see it. For one thing, someone would have had to had sex with her, and since I didn’t read about it on Twitter then it didn’t happen. That’s how the world works now, right?

The news for Steven Seagal just keeps getting better. Two more women have come forward to claim they were sexually harassed by Mr. Seagal and one of them is Ray Charles’ granddaughter Blair Robinson. I know what you’re going to say. You didn’t see that one coming. At least Steve’s ex-wife, Kelly Le Brock isn’t getting ready to spill the beans in a book or anything. What’s that? She is? Uh oh.

Not all deviant sexual activity ends up with negative results though. Just ask Michelle “Bombshell” McGee. McGee got a gig to sign autographs, pose for photos and dance topless at Vegas’s Deja Vu Showgirls club. Her payment? In the $5,000 range. See girls? It pays well these days to be a homewrecking, tattooed stripper.

In other celebrity legal news, Heather Locklear was arrested for hit and run last Saturday for running over a No Parking sign. Seriously. At least this time there were no reports of her driving under the influence. Progress!

In shocking news, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are dropping the sexual harassment charges I reported to you last week. It may have something to do with this statement by an MTV, “We have looked into this matter and the allegations made against Adam DiVello are completely false and without merit.” Again, shocking.

Remember when Michael Douglas’ son, Cameron got arrested for drugs and other assorted criminal activity? Well, he just got sentenced to five years in the slam. Which isn’t bad considering the mandatory minimum sentence for his crimes is 10 years. Yes, you read that right. He got less than the “mandatory” minimum. Oh to be a celebrity relative.

In Kick-Ass news, one of the stars of the flick, 19 year-old Aaron Johnson, knocked up his girlfriend. Did I mention that his girlfriend is 42 year-old divorced director Sam Taylor-Wood? Knocking up a 42 year-old? Does that qualify as kick-ass?

In rare GOOD news, Jennifer Carpenter, the wife of Michael C. Hall, says the Dexter star is “fully recovered” from cancer and has returned to work. I know… good celebrity news? WTF is wrong with me?

And finally, it seems that George Lopez isn’t all that thrilled to have Conan O’Brien bumping him back an hour on TBS. Because, you know, having a great lead-in to a show that no one previously even knew was on the air is a bad thing?

So my question here is….

What the hell are you thinking?

Most of these celebrity golfers are hacks….I mean, I wouldn’t be caught dead anywhere near a Charles Barkley golf swing.

So why are you standing at a par 3 not paying attention?

Sally Capehart learned first ]]>

So my question here is….

What the hell are you thinking?

Most of these celebrity golfers are hacks….I mean, I wouldn’t be caught dead anywhere near a Charles Barkley golf swing.

So why are you standing at a par 3 not paying attention?

Sally Capehart learned first hand the dangers of attending a celebrity golf tournament. She was watching the tourney from about 10 yards left of the par-3, 17th green bordering Lake Tahoe on Sunday when the tee shot of Houston Texans quarterback Matt Schaub hit her square on top of her head.

Sally, you’re a moron…you have nobody to blame but yourself….

In the meantime, I’m going to look at pics of Heather Locklear from this weekend’s tournament. I think she was smart enough to sit a bit farther away

I’m not sure when you go from cougar to milf. I’m assuming a cougar is an unmarried 30-40 year old women. But what if that womens been divorced and has kids.

How then do we classify her?

Hmm?

Anyways, take a look at these fine older women as they celebrate ]]>

I’m not sure when you go from cougar to milf. I’m assuming a cougar is an unmarried 30-40 year old women. But what if that womens been divorced and has kids.

How then do we classify her?

Hmm?

Anyways, take a look at these fine older women as they celebrate their birthdays…Catherine Zeta-Jones, Heather Locklear, and Cheryl Tiegs…

Catherine Zeta Jones-39

Heather Locklear-47

Cheryl Tiegs-61