So is this why Stephanie Pratt was spotted in a bikini after a two year absence from the public eye? As a way of reminding us about The Hills and the fact that Heidi Montag has a new album out?

Was it some subtle way for ]]>

So is this why Stephanie Pratt was spotted in a bikini after a two year absence from the public eye? As a way of reminding us about The Hills and the fact that Heidi Montag has a new album out?

Was it some subtle way for Heidi to remind people that she existed without actually posing in a bikini herself? To help her break her previous record of selling less than 1,000 copies of her first album? Because how many of us knew that Heidi’s album, Dreams Come True, came out on April 11? Anyone? Bueller? Sadly, now you (and I) now know. Well played.

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— Olivia Wilde is now single again after eight years of marriage… to an Italian prince. I truly have no shot with her, do I?

— Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz also filed for ]]>

— Olivia Wilde is now single again after eight years of marriage… to an Italian prince. I truly have no shot with her, do I?

— Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz also filed for divorce. Gotta say this one isn’t shocking me.

— Katy Perry and Russell Brand are already in marriage counseling. Still not shocking me.

— Speaking of Katy Perry, it seems that she is now complaining about having big boobs as a teen. Boo. Frickin’. Hoo.

— Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz were caught kissing on a boat in Miami. Who’s Eduardo Cruz again?

— Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari are reportedly going to be engaged soon. How someone knows this is beyond me, but it isn’t going to help Jay’s loveability factor in Chi-town.

— Speaking of athletes and their ladies, skateboarding legend Tony Hawk is sleeping with his best friend’s wife.

— Speaking of wives, Diane Kruger doesn’t believe in marriage.

— JWoww has a new book out.

— Minka Kelly is very smart and well-spoken.

— Lindsay Lohan was in court again. This time for ‘borrowing’ some jewelry. Here’s a shocker: She got bail despite her DUI probation being revoked. Viva la justice system!

— Jennifer Aniston banned Heidi Montag from a movie premiere (a movie Heidi appeared in). That almost makes me like Jennifer Aniston again. (UPDATE: Annd now I don’t like her again.)

— And finally, if you thought Christina Aguilera singing the national anthem was bad, well, there’s a good reason for that: she’s a wee bit crazy.

— Oh well, at least Xtina has Sarah Palin in her corner.

This week’s sexy video comes to us from the fine people over at FHM and features Vikki Blows (my favorite model name in the world) in her “smalls”, as they put it (silly Brits).

You can see more of Vikki Blows and the 100 Sexiest Women at FHM.com.

Celebrity gossip items that you may have missed this week…

— Zooey Deschanel sent a raunchy, naked video of herself to her boyfriend… in 1998. They are just now hitting the Internet. And people say news travels faster because of the Internet. Pfffftt…

—

— Zooey Deschanel sent a raunchy, naked video of herself to her boyfriend… in 1998. They are just now hitting the Internet. And people say news travels faster because of the Internet. Pfffftt…

— Demi Lovato checked into a rehab center, but not the kind that Lindsay Lohan is in. This one is for her to get help for “emotional and physical issues.” Uh oh, “physical” issues? Anyone care to guess what that’s code for?

— Demi Lovato’s emotional issues may have had something to do with Ashley Greene now currently doinking her ex-boyfriend Joe Jonas. Or not.

— Speaking of Lindsay Lohan and rehab, she might not be on the hook for her medical bills as previously thought. All she has to do is serve as a “marketing consultant” for a Web site. A Web site that you can’t view at work unless you happen to work at a strip club.

— Bret Michaels had sex with Miley Cyrus’ mom, Tish. Or not.

— Charlie Sheen filed for divorce from his third wife Brooke Mueller. Or as I like to call it, firing a pre-emptive strike.

— The “true story” behind Conan O’Brien’s move to TBS (as told by Andy Richter).

— Keith Olbermann was suspended indefinitely by MSNBC. Sadly it was not just for him being a complete and utter douchebag.

— David Cassidy was arrested for DUI. You remember David Cassidy, right? You know, Katie Cassidy’s dad?

— Heidi Montag is researching stripping. Presumably for her next career move.

— Oh yeah, that whole “divorce” thing that Heidi and Spencer Pratt went through? Yeah, that was fake. They also claim to have filed for bankruptcy. I hope that’s not fake too.

— Kim Kardashian recorded a single. No, really, she did. It’s horrible so I know it was her.

— Justin Bieber wants his own private jet. Of course he does.

— Speaking of people with wayyyy too much money…

— And finally, Hulk Hogan whipped his dick out in front of his daughter Brooke for a video game commercial. Maybe he just thought he was Keith Richards or something.

This weekend’s sexy video comes to us from the fine folks over at FHM who were kind enough to shoot a video of one of my favorite British babes in lingerie, Kara Tointon, who also happens to be their cover girl this month. Giggity…

See more of Kara Tointon and other cover girls at FHM.com.

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Despite her having to, you know, spent the next few weeks in the slam, Lindsay Lohan apparently got over on E*Trade for that Super Bowl commercial she claimed made fun of her earlier this ]]>

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Despite her having to, you know, spent the next few weeks in the slam, Lindsay Lohan apparently got over on E*Trade for that Super Bowl commercial she claimed made fun of her earlier this year. At least she has that going for her, which is nice… I guess. (BONUS: Fantastic court room sketch of Lindsay being handcuffed right… over… here.)

>>> Speaking of LiLo, Minka Kelly thinks Lindsay should move to Guam. That or burst balloons for a fetish site. One of those things.

>>> Katherine Heigl is giving away one million dollars. To animal charities. Do I qualify as an animal? Don’t answer that.

>>> Snooki’s working on an album. No, I am not making that up.

>>> A crazed, ice pick-wielding fan was arrested outside Madonna’s apartment this week. Dammit, I told him to got Paris Hilton’s place, not Madonna’s.

>>> Speaking of Paris Hilton… She was detained in Japan, questioned about cocaine, then forced to return to America. And the Japanese stick it to us once again.

>>> Miley Cyrus got an underboob tattoo. I’ll just leave that one alone.

>>> Speaking of trashy jailbait, Taylor Momsen’s new video is, umm, interesting. And by interesting, I mean she strips to her bra and panties in the video.

>>> Speaking of white trash, the Karissa Shannon sex tape is a done deal.

>>> And in other news about people no one cares about, Chyna was taken to a hospital with alcohol poisoning. You remember Chyna, right? Anyone?

>>> Jodie Foster is defending Mel Gibson and his insanity. In other news, Jodie Foster still exists.

>>> In even more shocking Mel Gibson news, apparently Mel gave his wife Oksana Grigorieva $15 million to keep that insanity thing I just mentioned under wraps. Well done, Oksana. In her defense, he could have given her a billion dollars and I don’t think she could have managed to keep it hidden.

>>> Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are broke. Maybe there is justice in this world after all.

>>> Kim Kardashian and Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin broke up. Expect Miles to break his leg any day now.

>>> And finally, I have found my Halloween costume.

This week’s sexy video comes to us from GQ, who managed to get the hottest WAG in the world, Irina Shayk to basically blow the minds of every male in the entire world (that includes the homosexual men as well… it’s that great). You’re welcome.

Celebrity gossip items that you may have missed this week…

>>> LeAnn Rimes had very good reasons for cheating on her husband. None of which are going to make you feel very secure about your relationship with your white trash country singer girlfriend.

>>>

>>> LeAnn Rimes had very good reasons for cheating on her husband. None of which are going to make you feel very secure about your relationship with your white trash country singer girlfriend.

>>> Lindsay Lohan may host Saturday Night Live. See? Crime (and incompetence and lack any discernible talent or skill) does pay. Maybe. Oh yeah, Lindsay also failed her first drug test. And ADMITTED IT! Shocking…

>>> Jersey Shore’s Jenni “J-Woww” Farley is maybe/possibly going to pose for Playboy. At least she’s someone we haven’t already seen naked 100 times (Warning: Link is Not Safe For Christine O’Donnell).

>>> Blake Lively has kissed only three guys in her life. Believe it! Or not!

>>> Chelsea Handler’s sex tape is about to be released. If you care, which I don’t.

>>> John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston had intercourse again. Probably.

>>> Kate Walsh appeared in a sushi and sashimi dress on The Tonight Show in response to Lady Gaga’s meat dress. Now that one I would want to eat.

>>> Joaquin Phoenix was faking his crazy act. Ohhhhhhhhh… and I almost believed him.

>>> Oprah Winfrey is screwing Australia out of $3,000,000 as a result of her giving her audience… AN 8-DAY VACATION TO AUSTRALIA!!!!!!11!1!

>>> Owen Wilson will pee wherever the hell wants to pee, thankyouverymuch.

>>> Sarah Silverman is gonna get naked.

>>> Mel Gibson is still crazy… Seriously.

>>> Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt scammed a charity. Shocking, I know.

>>> Kim Kardashian and Lady Gaga aren’t happy with their blow up sex dolls.

>>> Montana Fishburne checked into a mental institution. I’m guessing she used her real name there as well.

>>> Shaquille O’Neal was accused of computer hacking, destroying evidence. I would pay to see that.

>>> Vivid Entertainment’s president says that Karissa Shannon’s sex tape is most extreme celebrity sex tape ever. That, however, I would not pay money to see.

>>> George Michael’s life keeps getting better as he received an eight week sentence for driving stoned. If he could only get Lindsay Lohan’s judge-lawyer-legal system he’d be out in 10 days.

>>> And finally, if you see Miley Cyrus behind the wheel you might want to take cover.

We have a really sexy video today (no, not this one) courtesy of the fine folks at Armani who have hired Megan Fox to prance around in their underwear, which is good because I don’t see her getting any clothed work anytime soon.

Heidi Montag spent one of her final days “hiding out” in Costa Rica on the beach, with a photographer (as we all do when on vacation), only she apparently didn’t tie her bikini top on real tight because a wave almost washed it off. Amazing how that ]]>

Heidi Montag spent one of her final days “hiding out” in Costa Rica on the beach, with a photographer (as we all do when on vacation), only she apparently didn’t tie her bikini top on real tight because a wave almost washed it off. Amazing how that kind of thing happens, isn’t it? I think this is the final shot for Heidi before Penthouse or some less reputable publication comes a callin’ and she accepts their offer in order to hang on to the last vestige of whatever fame she might have left. In other words, this is a wonderful day.

Here are some totally natural, non-staged bikini pictures of Heidi Montag and her giant fake boobies still on vacation in Costa Rica. Now I know that Heidi has said she might want to get rid of her moneymakers, but who are we kidding? Without those ]]>

Here are some totally natural, non-staged bikini pictures of Heidi Montag and her giant fake boobies still on vacation in Costa Rica. Now I know that Heidi has said she might want to get rid of her moneymakers, but who are we kidding? Without those things she pretty much would be reduced to, well, being just an average blond that I would have no interest in posting about. As opposed to now where she is a blond with a big rack that I have a 1% interest in posting about.

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Heidi Montag had a busy week. She publicly exchanged dogs with her “ex” Spencer Pratt, put a halt to the sex tapes that probably never existed in the first place, ]]>

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Heidi Montag had a busy week. She publicly exchanged dogs with her “ex” Spencer Pratt, put a halt to the sex tapes that probably never existed in the first place, and, as you can see from the photo above, managed to channel the evil spirit of Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis.

>>> Louis C.K. went on an epic drunken Twitter rant after apparently becoming inebriated on a plane and drunk-tweeting his way through the flight. I do that, but no one ever thinks it funny. Or actually sees it.

>>> Jerry Lewis wants Lindsay Lohan to get off his lawn, or something. Oh yeah, he wants to “smack her in the mouth,” that’s it.

>>> Speaking of Lindsay Lohan, she was told that her presence would not be needed at the premiere of the movie Machete. You know, the movie she was reported to have appeared nude in, yet Mr. Skin says she was not nude in. That movie?

>>> Oh yeah, Lindsay already broke the law and allegedly ran into a lady pushing a stroller since being released from rehab. Those things also happened.

>>> And speaking of idiots with entitlement issues who are in trouble with the law, Paris Hilton, who was arrested this week, says that all “these rumors” about her are not true. I’m not sure what rumors she is referring to, but I can’t wait to see how she goes about defending herself against them.

>>> Oh yeah, Paris also is no longer welcome at certain Las Vegas clubs. So she’s go that also in common with Lindsay Lohan

>>> Kim Kardashian, on the other hand, has no such issues with getting in trouble like Lindsay and the woman who pretty much made her famous by showing her the path, Paris Hilton, and is more than willing to tell you why.

>>> Star magazine accused Ashton Kutcher of cheating on his wife Demi Moore (who then went on Twitter in her bikini looking hot as f-ck for a 47 year-old). Ashton denied it and threatened to sue, of course.

BONUS VIDEO INTERLUDE! Demi Moore doing her best Elaine Benes at a Snoop Dogg concert.

>>> As reported here in previous weeks, Jennifer Lopez is about to become a judge on American Idol. I just knew you were waiting for more confirmation.

>>> As for Kara DioGuardi? Yeah, she’s gone.

>>> Rihanna is in the new Battleship movie. Yes, there is too a movie about the game Battleship, and yes, Rihanna is an actress.

>>> Katy Perry beat out Rihanna and Jennifer Aniston for hottest bikini body, according to some ridiculous poll that thinks these three have the hottest bikini bodies.

>>> T.I. and his wife were busted for drug possession this week. Here’s video! (By the way, it was all his wife’s fault. According to 50 Cent, at least.)

>>> Jay Leno’s Tonight Show ratings are doing real well this summer. Drop me a comment below if this saddens you. I didn’t think so.

And finally, Alex Rodriguez has apparently moved in with The Joker. I mean, Cameron Diaz. Same thing.

In this week’s sexy video, I bring you something you may have already seen since it’s been everywhere, but in case you haven’t yet, well, you are in for a treat. Some genius out there noticed that Britney Spears does something weird with her tongue in pretty much every music video she’s ever made. Is it sexy? I kind of think so, but I’ll leave that for you to decide…

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Jennifer Aniston is set to go topless in her next movie role. Makes sense. She might as well get what she can out of those bad boys because the clock, she be a tickin’.

>>>

>>> Jennifer Aniston is set to go topless in her next movie role. Makes sense. She might as well get what she can out of those bad boys because the clock, she be a tickin’.

>>> Jason Statham and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley have moved in together moving me ever closer to hating this man.

>>> Heidi Montag, she of wanting to have her breasts reduced, oh, and that alleged sex tape, is now meeting with Vivid’s Steve Hirsch to get her cut of the sex tape Spencer Pratt threatened to release. The tape she denied existing (yet Karissa Shannon says does exist). That one.

>>> At least Heidi Montag is satisfied with her new face. Wait, what?

>>> Paris Hilton was almost killed. Sort of. A man packing two knives tried to break into her house, but alas he failed. Maybe we can send him to Heidi Montag’s house when he is freed from jail.

>>> Christina Hendricks was unveiled as the new model for London Fog. And as usual people have noticed that perhaps the photos used in the ads might have had a little work done.

>>> 50 Cent and his grandmother… well, they’re having issues.

>>> Kat Von D is dating Jesse James. Kat Von D – Sandra Bullock, yeah I can see the similarities in taste there.

>>> Montana Fishburne might do Playboy. If you care, which I don’t.

>>> Lindsay Lohan was released from rehab. She stayed in there about as long as she stayed in jail (i.e. not as long as she was ordered: 14 days and 22 days vs. 90 days for each). At least the stay in rehab will reportedly cost her $130,400.

>>> LiLo also wants an apology from the court for the way they treated her. Wow.

>>> And finally, now that’s she free and clean (ha), Lindsay has some good people in charge of getting her career back on track.

>>> Speaking of that… Britney Spears might be getting married again. I hope she does. It’ll bring a whole new batch of crazy to the table to amuse us.

>>> Brad Pitt thinks BP executives should die. “I was never for the death penalty before,” says Brad. “I am willing to look at it again.” I’m sure they’re shaking in their custom-made alligator skin boots.

>>> Taylor Lautner threw a fit because he didn’t get his fancy RV on time. He claimed he suffered “emotional distress” and “annoyance”. I think we now all understand what “annoyance” is, Taylor.

>>> In movie news, the Avatar sex scene is being re-inserted into the movie. Na’vi sex. You just can’t beat it.

>>> And finally, Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer got married, if you care, which I don’t.

This week’s video comes to us via Cosmo who did a little photo shoot involving one Jessica Alba, who seems to perhaps be on the verge of bring her sexy back. Fingers crossed.

After 10 plastic surgery procedures that cost an estimated $30,000, which included rhinoplasty and a breast augmentation that boosted her cup size to a DDD, it seems the former Hills star now has some regrets about becoming a walking Barbie doll. Heidi says she wants to go back to life ]]>

After 10 plastic surgery procedures that cost an estimated $30,000, which included rhinoplasty and a breast augmentation that boosted her cup size to a DDD, it seems the former Hills star now has some regrets about becoming a walking Barbie doll. Heidi says she wants to go back to life where she’s not a walking flotation device.

It only took a few months of agonizing pain and countless (shameless) interview rounds for Montag to finally question her decision to get implants that make watermelons jealous. The singer (*snickers*) said she is worried that all the work she has had will have long-term ramifications on her health.

“My boobs are crushing me,” Montag, 23, tells Life & Style. “My body’s still getting used to them and I have major anxiety about it.” She also says her breasts are “so heavy” they constantly strain her back.

Boy, it sounds like that epiphany would have been a good one to have before undergoing surgery in the first place. Who could have known that massive reconstructive surgery could lead to health problems? Oh, that’s right, all the doctors in Hollywood that turned your request for breast augmentation down after explaining to you that the surgery was far too risky and would lead to more serious health problems down the road.

Heidi says she’s had nose tape on “24 hours a day since November,” hoping to “keep the swelling down and hold my nose in place the way Dr. Ryan sculpted it. I don’t want my nose to fall off like Michael Jackson’s.”

Didn’t have the nose tape on for the cover of People Magazine, did you? It’s all about staying relevant and beautiful and being famous — not your health and well being. It seems the price of fame and naivety have caught up with yet another reality show personality clinging to a fading spotlight. Although it seems it did have some positive effect on her life, as it got rid of Spencer Pratt.

Spencer “begged” her not to have plastic surgery in the first place.

Ladies of Los Angeles, take note. That’s how you get rid of that guy.

It was just a matter of time wasn’t it? The Hills is over, their fake marriage has been exposed, Heidi’s Playboy fame died out, what could they do to possibly stay in the limelight? Of course… Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag may have a ]]>

It was just a matter of time wasn’t it? The Hills is over, their fake marriage has been exposed, Heidi’s Playboy fame died out, what could they do to possibly stay in the limelight? Of course… Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag may have a sex tape. Kill me now.

Spencer Pratt is shopping a sex tape of himself with soon-to-be-ex-wife Heidi Montag, TMZ reports.

Spencer reportedly contacted Vivid Entertainment, the porn giant that brought us the sex tapes of Kendra Wilkinson and Kim Kardashian, and will soon release Montana Fishburne’s XXX tape.

The President of Vivid seems pretty clear that this may or may not be real. “I just got off the phone with Spencer Pratt about a sex tape with Heidi Montag,” Vivid exec Steven Hirsch told TMZ. “We are in early negotiations to possibly come to terms for a deal.”

In other news, the man who created Heidi’s new body/face died recently so as a show of mourning Heidi went to the beach in Costa Rica (seen pictured above and below). Consider it a small preview of things to come.

Spencer Pratt & Heidi Montag SEX TAPE? Vivid Entertainment May Distribute XXX Speidi Video [HuffPo]

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Dutch model Lara Stone is suing Playboy for publishing naked pics of her, that she knowingly let someone take at some point for some reason, other than to be published by Playboy. Got it?!

>>>

>>> Dutch model Lara Stone is suing Playboy for publishing naked pics of her, that she knowingly let someone take at some point for some reason, other than to be published by Playboy. Got it?!

>>> Mary-Kate Olsen thinks she had a bad childhood. No, I am not kidding…

>>> Musician Wyclef Jean announced that he will run for president of Haiti. Sean Penn is suspicious. Again, not kidding…

>>> By now you’ve heard that Laurence Fishburne’s teenage daughter is in an adult film. What you may not have heard is that this is not Montana Fishburne’s first film. Oh, and that she was a hooker. Aww yeah…

>>> Spencer Pratt admitted that his marriage to Heidi Montag was fake. He also sort of called Lauren Conrad a lesbian. None of this shocks me.

>>> Scientologists think they can fix Lindsay Lohan. I can’t believe it took them this long.

>>> They better get going on Lindsay soon because she is apparently a bi-polar meth addict, according to a “source”.

>>> In other Lohan news, Lindsay’s dad Michael is now having regular sex with a chick (pictured at right) who, by my estimate, appears to be barely older than Lindsay herself. Playa…

>>> In other celebrity jailbird news, Charlie Sheen weaseled his way out of having to serve any time… at all. Lindsay Lohan really needs to hire his lawyer.

>>> Tila Tequila is set to star in a porn film.

>>> Or maybe she isn’t. Either way, who cares, right?

>>> Alicia Keys got married.

>>> Jillian Michaels is being sued… again… for her sh-tty weight loss products… that “might kill you”.

>>> In this week’s Mel Gibson news, Mel allegedly wrote an e-mail to Oksana blaming “tranquilizers” for punching her in the mouth while she was holding their infant daughter.

>>> Lady Gaga says she uses cocaine. I still don’t care.

And since I always like to leave you with a nice video, here’s Eminem and Rihanna’s new video for Love the Way You Lie, which just so happens to feature Megan Fox…

>>> Mad Men’s January Jones not only did the walk of shame the other day, she also apparently had a bit of trouble keeping her car off of other cars (she may have been drunk), if you believe the fine ]]>

>>> Mad Men’s January Jones not only did the walk of shame the other day, she also apparently had a bit of trouble keeping her car off of other cars (she may have been drunk), if you believe the fine men and women of the LAPD, who said, January “was driving a Range Rover … when she allegedly lost control, hit the other cars and caused some major damage. We’re told a witness reported the accident to police and claimed that January fled on foot after saying, ‘I can’t deal with this commotion.’” Yes, I hate it when I cause a commotion and have to deal with the consequences. Such a pain.

>>> Let’s just get our weekly dose of Lilo out of the way right now. As you know Lindsay Lohan got hauled back into court this week because her SCRAM bracelet went off, meaning she consumed alcohol (there is no argument here). And sensing the chance to jump back into the spotlight Lindsay’s mom Dina decided to drop some “truth” on us saying, “[Lindsay] was at the MTV Awards and somebody spilled a drink on her leg, which must have set off the SCRAM bracelet. She has done absolutely nothing wrong and shouldn’t have to wear the bracelet in the first place. She is doing absolutely fine.” Except that doesn’t make any sense.

There is a bright side to this story though: The courts, being the great protectors of society that they are, have decided that if Lindsay just can’t help herself and MUST have a drink, she can. And it will only cost her $10,000 a drink. I put Lindsay’s court date in bankruptcy court somewhere around August 1 of this year.

Oh yeah, one more thing, Lindsay is going to be on Celebrity Apprentice. That should be fun.

>>> Speaking of former teen superstars/train wrecks, Britney Spears is back in the news… for allegedly sexually harassing one of her bodyguards. It really never ends for Brit and Lilo, does it?

>>> And speaking of celebrities who no matter what they do just can’t seem to get themselves into jail, Charlie Sheen, who last week was concerned about not being able to smoke during his incarceration, has managed to delay his lockup even longer thanks to the jail’s administrative officer who thinks Charile shouldn’t be eligible for work release. So now the jailers are even trying to keep him out of jail, or in jail, or something…

>>> Remember Sarah Palin? Well, she’s back in the news for something I thought I would never see. People are now speculating that the former VP candidate has had some re-construction done on her upper floor. Says the folks over at Wonkette, “we can report with confidence that at least two people with experience in having breasts say that Sarah Palin sure looks like she was trotting out some new work at the horse races on Sunday.” Consider this your political update for the year on this site.

>>> In news that surprises no one, because in general people are insane, Kristen Stewart has a stalker. I say people are insane, not because someone is stalking a celebrity, but because they chose her. K-Stew is, of course, taking it very seriously, insisting that no crazy “will keep me from living my own life”. I’m not supposed to root for the stalker here, right?

>>> Remember a week or two ago when I reported that “The Big One” Khloe Kardashian was pregnant with Lamar Odom’s child? Well, it’s not true, proving that indeed there is a God.

>>> Our favorite psycho supermodel, Naomi Campbell, made news again this week, and yeah, it’s pretty much for what you’d figure it was for. Naomi allegedly refused to walk up some stairs because a lift was broken – on a promotional appearance to plug her own perfume, then walked out of the live television show, and now she is being sued. How much would you give to make Naomi work at McDonald’s or as a secretary for a week? There’s a reality show I would watch.

>>> Eva Longoria is being sued by the former managers and co-owners of her restaurant Beso. They basically claim she strongarmed them and accused them of stealing and punching a customer, but, of course, they want their jobs back. It’s Beso, after all!!

>>> I told myself I wouldn’t talk about this, but in an effort to make sure that 100% of the population knows just how truly stupid Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are (98% just won’t do!) here we go… Heidi filed for separation from Spencer. Oh no!! You mean they might have a fake divorce of their fake marriage some day?!! Idiots…

>>> In news that is sure to register not a blip on your excitement meter, one of the “Real Housewives” of something or another is releasing a sex tape. Someone named Danielle Staub is featured in it. Yeah, I have no clue who she is either.

>>> In news that will bring a smile to your face, someone stole Kanye West’s car… his $133,000 Porsche Panamera. But wait, it gets better… He got the car back, but not until someone crashed it into a multimillion-dollar house. See? I told you it would make you smile!

>>> Oh yeah, Lady Gaga went to a Mets game, flipped off the fans, and kissed a chick. Just another day in the life…

Remember the sex tape that is about to go public involving Kendra Wilkinson? Of course you do. Well, there’s even more news! One, it seems that Kendra’s sex tape involved multiple partners, aka was a gang ]]>

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

Remember the sex tape that is about to go public involving Kendra Wilkinson? Of course you do. Well, there’s even more news! One, it seems that Kendra’s sex tape involved multiple partners, aka was a gang bang. And two, Kendra’s husband Hank is reportedly thinking of divorcing her now. “Hank is totally upset and embarrassed. He’s so angry… The main reason he’s embarrassed is his team’s [possible] reaction.”

Speaking of divorce, Matt Lauer is also apparently headed for one. He and his wife Annette are “reportedly living apart and have been for more than two months, ever since [he] spent a string of “wild nights” in Vancouver covering the Winter Olympics.”

You may have read or seen this week a 17 year-old Miley Cyrus bumping and grinding up against a 44-year-old man. If not, go here. Now that you’re fully informed, someone asked Miley’s dad, Billy Ray, what he thought of the proceedings. Naturally he had no problem with it. “It’s what people her age do.” He went on to say his daughter was just “having fun.” Wow.

Heidi Montag called the cops on her mom. For reals. “Still reeling from her mother’s criticism of her intense plastic surgery makeover, Heidi Montag called police on her mother Thursday, claiming she was “psychotic” when she refused to leave.” At least her mom hasn’t disowned her, like her “husband’s” parents have. That day will come soon enough though.

Speaking of family issues, Cheryl Tweedy’s brother got arrested this week. “Andrew Tweedy was held just hours after the violent raid in which a gang of robbers waved a gun and machete at customers and staff before making off with thousands of pounds.” Cheryl is said to have been “in a state of shock”.

Taylor Momsen also almost got arrested this week for trying to take knives on a plane. Says Taylor, “I flew from New York to Los Angeles and still had a couple of knives in my purse. I thought I took them all out but they got tucked up in the folds. I went through security, took them on the plane, opened my bag to get my wallet in LA and they fell out. I was like: ‘Holy shit!’”

Russell Brand loves prostitutes. He also used to have a lot of groupie sex, of course, that was before he met Katy Perry. “When I was at my most promiscuous, I was like a charging locomotive…I had a team of experts who took care of finding women for me. They had very specific instructions. It was as if I was talking to a wine steward.”

Victoria Beckham apparently has really ugly feet. At least according to a recent poll. Yes, someone took a poll. 71% of Brits polled in a recent survey say she has horrible toes. In the same poll, 67% of respondents said Posh should have surgery to fix her feet. I just want to know who is looking at her feet. That’s not what I see when I look at Posh.

In other WAG news, Tito Ortiz will not face any charges for his domestic incident with Jenna Jameson. “The D.A. tells TMZ there was insufficient corroboration to prove beyond reasonable doubt that Tito had attacked his girlfriend Jenna Jameson. That could have something to do with the fact Jenna changed her story multiple times.”

Speaking of men with issues, Sean Penn was sentenced Wednesday to three years probation, 36 hours of anger management classes and 300 hours of community service after pleading no contest to misdemeanor vandalism charges related to a little trouble he had with the paparazzi last year.

And since we’re on the subject of men with issues, Russell Crowe is back in the news for his temper. Russell threw a hissy fit at BBC radio 4 host Mark Lawson when he asked the actor a question about his Robin Hood accent. Give it a listen.

And finally, a supermodel tried to off herself this week. Noemie Lenoir was found on the ground in a forest in La Celle-Saint-Cloud on the outskirts of Paris after allegedly taking a deadly cocktail of alcohol and drugs, the U.K.’s Daily Mail reports.

Remember how I told you about Kendra Wilkinson was suing over the upcoming release of her sex tape? Well, it seems that good ole Kendra not only tried to sell that tape herself, but SEVERAL sex tapes. ]]>

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

Remember how I told you about Kendra Wilkinson was suing over the upcoming release of her sex tape? Well, it seems that good ole Kendra not only tried to sell that tape herself, but SEVERAL sex tapes. RadarOnline.com tracked down a lawyer who worked with Kendra on the project and setting up the company that was formed to sell the sex tapes. Wonder what new hubby Hank thinks of all this?

More details are coming out regarding the incident that according to Jenna Jameson’s story to the 5-0 didn’t actually occur between her and husband Tito Ortiz. She tells Us Weekly their argument erupted when he accused her of being “high” on pills. When she declared “I’m not on drugs!” he didn’t believe her and flew into a rage. “I was standing in the bathroom – naked, by the way – and he said, ‘It’s over!’ grabbed my arm and pushed me aside,” she recalls. Glad she pointed out that she was naked. That is key to the whole situation being cleared up.

Amy Winehouse was back in the hospital this week after another incident involving her new boobies. And you’re never going to believe this but she apparently hurt them “after she drunkenly fell and bruised them.” But wait, there’s more. Her injuries were described as “not serious” but her agent said: “She really likes the clinic so may stay a few days.” Do I even have to add anything to this?

In other news of the weird, Michael Jackson used to prank call Russell Crowe. You read that right. Crowe apparently shared a similar sense of humor with MJ and Jackson would regularly phone him and try to convince him he was in trouble. I guess if you’re doing a prank you want it to be believable.

The main character in the whole Jesse James – Sandra Bullock mess, Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee, has her sights set on porn star Gina Lynn. Hold on there, hoss. Still not in the way you think. She is going to box her. No, not the way you think. It will be a part of some ‘celebrity’ boxing match at the South Philly Bar and Grill. Noooww it all comes into focus. Sort of.

Speaking of cheating hound dogs, The National Enquirer claims to have uncovered evidence that Barack Obama had a fling with a 35-year-old campaign aide. The lady in question is named Vera Baker and it reportedly happened in 2004 while he was running for the Senate. You’ll note that a rumor about the President cheating is not the lead story here today. Not sure if that says something bad about me, or this country.

And apparently Justin Bieber fans have had about as much Kim Kardashian as I have since they threatened to kill her this week. And, ugh, the two ‘stars’ discussed it, of all places, on Twitter, of course, where “Biebs”, as the former Porn star called him, set things straight with his maniacal fans. Just kill me now, Lord.

In news that will surprise absolutely no one in the entire universe, Heidi Montag was serious about her breasts not being big enough and has already scheduled her next surgery to have them enlarged. Idiot husband Spencer blames it all on Ryan Seacrest, because really everything is his fault. (By the way, I’m not kidding about him blaming Ryan Seacrest.)

And finally in our weekly Lindsay Lohan update, LiLo’s mom Dina finally got her to court on the third try. Then proceeded to get completely hammered a couple days later. With her mom in the house. I don’t make this stuff up folks.