So hey, go hug someone with AIDS today. I mean, don’t hug them too hard. Just in case. And don’t use two condoms because it’s World AIDS Day. That actually makes you more likely to get AIDS. Crazy, right? Glad I could impart all this wisdom to you.

Watch a Funny, Irreverent Look at Getting Tested for HIV [Vulture]

The rumors stem primarily from a 2000 local TV news report saying all 14,000 men of the town are gay. Despite its lack of factual basis, Benitez cited is as a reason for a new study on Huarney’s water access.

“Unfortunately strontium reduces male hormones and suddenly we’ll be as Tabalosos, as other towns, where the percentages are increasing of homosexuality,” Benitez said. “Young people have low self-esteem by this stigma.”

According to a professor at the College of Pharmaceutical Chemistry of Lima, the only thing that large amounts of strontium in the body can lead to are bone cancer, anemia and cardiovascular complications which, while not ideal, are not the same thing as a love of male genitalia.

Either way, the town of Huarney will now be spending money on researching their water and hoping they don’t fall pelvis first into an anus in the meantime. Politics at its finest.

Jose Benitez, Peruvian Mayor, Fears Tap Water’s Minerals Will Turn Town Gay [Huffington Post]

A security guard — whom the museum later disavowed as a contracted guard from an external security company — then accosted the duo and told them that they were not allowed to hold hands in the museum.

The situation escalated as a crowd gathered while the guard and couple got into a shouting match.

The museum would later apologize and organize a meeting between the couple and the museum’s head of security, who issued the couple a formal apology.

A museum spokesperson said that disciplinary actions were taken and I’d certainly hope so. No offense to security guards out there, but your job is pretty straightforward. It’s even more straightforward when you’re in San Francisco. Namely, “Don’t yell at gay people at a gay exhibit” seems like a pretty easy rule of thumb to follow for even the most inefficient employees.

I’m also not even sure what would make a museum employee think that they have jurisdiction over where my hand is and what it’s holding. So long as I’m not violently masturbating onto a Sylvia Platt painting, I expect a little bit of freedom with my Chinese finger traps and “This is a church, this is the steeple” busywork while in public.

Museum Guard Boots Lesbian Hand-Holders [NBC Bay Area]

It’s true, who wants to learn about Fudgepacking 101 when you can instead learn about how Jesus and pals rode around on dinosaurs kicking gay guys in the nuts? That’s what he was all about. Tolerating everyone, being kind to even the people who least deserve it, and giving homosexuals a fierce kick to the dick, possibly while clad in a headband and yelling “tatsumaki senpukyaku”. It’s so utterly consistent with everything he taught!

Lady Rants In Her Car About Gay History Being Taught In School [Buzzfeed]

Kenya’s prime minister has said that homosexuals should be arrested, according to reports.

“We will not tolerate such behaviors in the country,” the BBC quoted Raila Odinga as saying. “The constitution is very clear on this issue and men or women found engaging in homosexuality will not be spared.”

Africa Review reported that Odinga told a rally in Nairobi on Sunday that “if found the homosexuals should be arrested and taken to relevant authorities.”

The website said that Odinga added it was “madness” for two men to fall in love with each other when a recent census showed there were “plenty of women” in the country.

Kenya leader: Homosexuals ‘should be arrested’ [MSNBC]

How brave of him. Nothing supports a social cause better than being willing to take one in the pooper. At least that’s what I tell people at charity events. What can I say, I’m socially aware.

One of the women spoke to the local ABC affiliate:

“We just had lunch at the Flying Biscuit,” Caitlin Breedlove said. “We were just walking around relaxing, like most couples do.”

Breedlove says she and her girlfriend then decided to sit on a nearby bench.

“We had our arm around each other, kissed each other on the cheek,” she said.

Oh, and it gets worse:

“And at that point, we asked, ‘Would that be the same if it was a man or a woman?’ Because we see a lot of men and women walking around, holding hands being affectionate and she said, ‘No.’” Breedlove said. “It’s because you’re same sex, and it’s not appropriate.”

Even worse luck for the mall – Ms. Breedlove is a head of an organization that advocates for immigrants, minorities, and gay people’s rights. So, naturally, she’s not taking this one lying down.

The company suspended the security guard indefinitely and says his views do not reflect those of the company.

While I can’t say I know anything about this company’s beliefs, I find it kind of hard to believe that a mall security guard is acting independently fighting against gay rights. Then again, I suppose you don’t rise to the prestigious title of mall security guard without ambition and a strong sense of self.

Either way, this Louis CK clip seems most relevant right now. Let gay people gay their day away.

Lesbians told to leave shopping center [WTVD]

A senior at North Dallas High School who was born a boy but who ran for homecoming queen did not make the cut.

Andy Moreno has identified herself as female for the past year. She looks and acts like a girl.

She said that has never caused any problems for her at school. However, her bid for homecoming queen caused some controversy .

Moreno’s principal told her she had to run for homecoming king.

“Which I don’t feel comfortable with because I identify myself as a woman and not as a male, and a king is a male,” she previously told FOX 4.

Transgender Teen Not on Homecoming Court [My Fox DFW]

The Baltimore couple saw a long line at the restroom and decided to buy beer and fries until the line diminished. They spotted a plastic cup on the counter and used it to pour ketchup for the fries.

[While waiting for their beers,] the couple engaged in what Marchetto characterized as “casual kissing.” Almost immediately, she said, a security guard and a supervisor told the women to “stop making a scene.” They were warned three times but continued because, according to Marchetto, ”the kissing was heartfelt and decent in the real sense and was not any different from what numerous law-abiding straight couples were doing all around us.”

Marchetto says the security guard then demanded to see the women’s IDs and told them to leave the stadium immediately. The reason they were given for being asked to leave was being accused of stealing a cup and a beer from the concession stand.

The women both deny that they took anything and insist that they were ejected just because of their kissing.

Well, both ladies seem fairly attractive (pic here) so I completely support them in their fight. Actually, even if they weren’t attractive, they should be allowed to kiss in a football stadium. You’re watching a game where 300-pound men fry each others’ brains to the point that they can barely walk or remember where to go to the bathroom…two girls sharing a small kiss by the beer line is pretty low priority.

Plus, I’m pretty sure attempting to stop attractive women from kissing is a violation of a constitutional amendment. That’s one of the things this country was founded on, I tell myself while shouting at women at bars.

Lesbian couple ejected from Ravens game [Washington Blade]

The message is obviously geared mostly to gay kids, but the message applies to everyone out there. It does get better if you just stick with it. You can check out more on the It Gets Better Project here.

Sadly, a similar campaign I launched involving sending videos and photos to isolated teenage girls didn’t quite take off. Project I Will Buy You Wine Coolers and Pretend You’re Mature was a catchy name, but a far less rousing success.

It Gets Better: video postcards to isolated queer kids from happy queer adults [Boing Boing]
It Gets Better Project [YouTube]

The owners of a cookie shop that has operated for more than two decades inside the Indianapolis City Market could face eviction.

But it’s the reason behind that possible eviction that is raising provocative questions that pit the rights and moral beliefs of a business owner against the obligation of the city to do all it can to prevent discrimination and encourage tolerance.

The city is investigating whether the owner of Just Cookies engaged in discrimination last week when he cited moral objections to homosexuality as his reason for declining a customer’s request to provide rainbow-iced cookies for a “National Coming Out Day” event planned for Oct. 7 at Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis.

“That could be grounds for taking away their stand in the market,” said Wayne Schmidt, president of the City Market Board, who said Just Cookies is on a month-to-month lease. “I’d hate to lose them, but we can’t tolerate any kind of discrimination like that.”

City Market vendor could lose lease for turning away gays [Indianapolis Star]

Things Reid Baer hates: Gay people, interpretations of marriage, judicial review. Things Reid Baer loves: Wearing tiny sunglasses indoors, Mormons. So, clearly his opinions hold a lot of weight.

Congratulations to the gay readers out there. Big day for you. Just keep your d-cks out of our cereal and we’re good.

Prop 8 Reaction [Buzzfeed]

Well, tonally, she leaves a bit to be desired. But in terms of messaging, you’ve got to agree she’s pretty on point. “Women are lovely, and I use them to have sex.” If anything, that should be like a uniting rallying cry. Even the staunches opponent of gay marriage would put down his burning cross, nod his head, and go, “Hey, maybe we’re not so different after all. Thank you, Queen of Lesbians.”

Queen Of The Lesbians [Buzzfeed]

The men, from Iran and Cameroon, had been refused asylum by the Appeal Court under Labour on the grounds that they could avoid ill-treatment by hiding their sexuality or behaving discreetly.

But the Supreme Court overturned their deportation yesterday. The cases will now be reconsidered.

Campaigners last night warned it could mean millions might try to claim they are gay to qualify for asylum in Britain. Supreme Court judge Lord Rodger said gay people’s right to live freely must be protected.

He said: “Just as male hetero­sexuals are free to enjoy themselves playing rugby, drinking beer and talking about girls with their mates, so male homosexuals are to be free to enjoy themselves going to Kylie concerts, drinking exotically-coloured cocktails and talking about boys with their straight female mates.”

NOW ASYLUM IF YOU’RE GAY [Express.co.uk]

Rozenburg asked LaPenta if she thought her shirt was appropriate but LaPenta told her it would have been inappropriate if she were the one facing a judge.

Rozenburg responded by ordering LaPenta to be cuffed and sentenced her to 48 hours in jail. LaPenta claims she never got to go to bond court or get her one phone call.

LaPenta claimed it was a case of homophobia on the judge’s part; LaPenta is an out homosexual and her shirt was bought from the “Gay” section of Spencer Gifts (also known as Classytown, USA).

“All the officers thought it was hilarious — it was humiliating,” LaPenta said to the Lake County News-Sun.

Don’t get me wrong…I’m sure LaPenta is an insipidly annoying person to spend time with (in case you’re curious, she looks exactly like a gal who’d wear a shirt like this) who’s always talking about how X, Y, and Z are oppressing her because she’s different and “not a cheerleader Barbie like the rest of them.”

But at the same time, you can’t go throwing people in jail because they’re a dirtbag in an edgy t-shirt. And if you can do that, then by all means, let’s hoard up everyone whom I don’t find attractive and put them in jail. WAIT NO…let’s hoard up everyone I do find attractive and put them in jail but then make me the warden. Yeah. That one will do. I knew I’d been greasing up this nightstick for less shameful reasons than I previously thought.

‘They just threw me in jail’; Round Lake Park woman protests penalty for T-shirt [Lake County News-Sun]

I’m aware this is probably fake. But given all the lunacy out there, is it so hard to believe that maybe, just maybe, one crazy man in a cheap suit and colorful tie thinks that vigorous (and perhaps slightly sensual) spankings saved him from the horrors of homosexuality? I don’t think so.

If there are any confused bisexual college girls that want to try this theory, let me know. I have large hands and a willingness to use them to help society.

Spanking the Gay out on Christian T.V. [Reddit]

*Aside: Do not Google Image Search “Gay softball” with Safesearch off. There are things a man simply cannot unsee.

According to a report in the Seattle Times:

The men are asking for $75,000 each for emotional distress. They also want to invalidate the alliance’s findings on their sexual orientations, reinstate D2′s second-place finish, and end an alliance rule limiting the number of straight players on each team.

“This case is just about treating everybody in the community equally … and not interrogating folks about whether they’re gay enough to play,” said Melanie Rowen, an attorney for the National Center for Lesbian Rights, which is representing the three men.

It’s unclear how the NAAGA found out that the men were bisexual and not gay. I’d imagine because they didn’t end up stopping the game in the fourth inning and sitting on the bat.

Sorry, that’s very offensive to our gay readership. Gay men are just as serious athletes as straight men and it’s insensitive to joke that they’d stop an athletic competition for such an immature reason. The bat sitting obviously must happen after the games. I apologize for my inconsiderate jokes.

Bisexual men say gay softball series discriminated [Fresno Bee]

The Itawamba County school district’s policy requires that senior prom dates be of the opposite sex. The American Civil Liberties Union of Mississippi had given the district until Wednesday to change that policy and allow 18-year-old Constance McMillen to escort her girlfriend, who is also a student, to the dance on April 2.

Instead, the school board met and issued a statement announcing it wouldn’t host the event at Itawamba County Agricultural High School in Fulton, “due to the distractions to the educational process caused by recent events.”

“It is our hope that private citizens will organize an event for the juniors and seniors,” district officials said in the statement. “However, at this time, we feel that it is in the best interest of the Itawamba County School District, after taking into consideration the education, safety and well being of our students.”

McMillen said she feared she would be thrown out of the prom because “we do live in the Bible Belt.”

I’m a big advocate of lesbianism. Not just because it’s fun to watch for the whole family, but because, really, who cares? If two girls want to bump donuts, that’s fine. Unless they’re doing it over my dinner. I’m all for gay rights, but once it leaves extra garlic herb flakes on my mashed potatoes, we’ve got problems.

It seems pretty convenient that the school wants “an external party” to run an event that probably isn’t very cost efficient and is very time-consuming too. This just seems like a lazy Southern school, too busy drinking their moonshine and yelling at black people to set up a prom and scapegoating a poor poor lesbian. Fight on, girls.

Miss. School Prom off After Lesbian’s Date Request [ABC News]

I would like Calen to explain other adult concepts to me, too. Not because it’s adorable, but just because I figure it’ll be easier to understand that way.

But overall, there’s no denying that this video is just adorable. Less adorable: That I have the same reaction every time I see a gay couple in public. Even less adorable: While masturbating.

When Kids Learn About Gay Marriage [Buzzfeed]

Sources tell CBS13 a state senator from Southern California was arrested for allegedly driving drunk after leaving Faces, a gay nightclub in midtown Sacramento, early Wednesday morning.

The California Highway Patrol pulled over Senator Roy Ashburn at 2:00 a.m. Wednesday after an officer noticed a black Chevy Tahoe swerving at 13th and L Streets.

Ashburn, a father of four, is a Republican Senator representing parts of Kern, Tulare and San Bernardino Counties with a history of opposing gay rights

When the officer stopped the state-issued vehicle, the driver identified himself as Senator Ashburn. He was arrested without incident and charged with two misdemeanors: driving under the influence and driving with a blood alcohol level higher than .08% or higher.

A male passenger, who was not identified as a lawmaker, was also in the car but was not detained.

And his “Oopsidoodle” statement in response to the allegations:

“I am deeply sorry for my actions and offer no excuse for my poor judgment. I accept complete responsibility for my conduct and am prepared to accept the consequences for what I did. I am also truly sorry for the impact this incident will have on those who support and trust me – my family, my constituents, my friends, and my colleagues in the Senate.”

Well, that’s a career breaker. It’s always fun to see one of these people revealed for the hypocrites we always think they are, but still, that can’t be fun for his family. Could you imagine being his poor wife? She’ll have to endure the disgusted stares of the masses for the rest of her life. And now she’ll never know if the reason his chest reeked of bleach was due to her overusage of Clorox on the laundry or if it was because Ramon from Faces was very generous with his love.

Anti-Gay Lawmaker At Gay Club Before DUI Arrest [CBS13]