Guyism » Italy

VIDEO: Lesbian thieves help sell cars in Italy

Chris Spags — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 20:33:17 +0000

In this Italian commercial for the Renault Twingo Miss Sixty (it’s a car; branding is not a strong suit in Italy, apparently), there’s lesbian seduction, bondage, and thievery. In 30 seconds. All to sell a car designed to appeal to women. Hmm. Not sure how that’s going to work out.

And this is why you can never trust a woman. Not only will they pretend to want to make sweet sweet love to you to get what they want, they’ll steal things from you and leave you tied up. As a sexy brunette with amorous tendencies myself, the idea of this is terrifying. As soon as I clean up the stickiness in my pants, I’m going to get right back to my righteous indignation at this vag-teasing harlot criminal mastermind.

ITALIAN LESBIANS SELL CARS [Warming Glow]

Italian hospital has to ask employees to stop snorting cocaine

Chris Spags — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 18:47:46 +0000

Cocaine is an illegal substance in most civilized countries across the globe. So it stands to reason that most professional establishments will know not to do coke at work. Not so, says one Italian hospital, who had to issue a memo asking employees to stop doing blow at work.

Hospital director Giuseppe Di Maria issued a memo to the medical staff of the Santa Catarina Novella di Galatina Hospital after receiving numerous tip-offs about cocaine abuse on site.

Di Maria now faces disciplinary action for not handling the issue internally; after seeing the memo, the hospital’s director of social affairs, Guido Scoditti, had to contact the local authorities.

“The director of the hospital has certainly made an error, he should not have sent this memo, he should have informed me directly,” Scoditti told press agency ANSA. “The alleged consumption of cocaine in a hospital environment should certainly not be dealt with in this way.”

The issue was turned over to local prosecutors. It’s unclear what action will be taken.

Either way, if you end up at the Santa Catarina hospital while on vacation these holidays and end up being treated for a broken leg and wrapped in a cast in two seconds in a room filled with dusty mirrors while two rail-thin nurses make out the next room over, now you’ll know.

In related news, a search for “cocaine nurse” on Google Images yields gay porn. How’s that one work out? You see what I put up with for you guys? Many ~~sexy~~ horrific things.

Italian hospital asks doctors not to snort cocaine at work [Yahoo News]

Italian town looking to ban miniskirts, low-rise jeans on women

Chris Spags — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 19:00:38 +0000

As a visitor to this site, odds are that you are not exactly opposed to celebration of the female form. Well, put on your outraged cap (I imagine it has angry eyes and flames on it) because one Italian town is planning on banning miniskirts to improve “public decency.”

If we don't fight for her right to bare legs, who will?

Castellammare di Stabia mayor Luigi Bobbio proposed the ban due to what the town perceives is anti-social behavior, aiming to “restore urban decorum and facilitate better civil co-existence.”

The new dress code would impose a $35-$700 fine upon any woman caught wearing miniskirts, low-cut jeans, or anything remotely revealing.

Other causal effects of the ban would extend to sunbathing, football in public places, and “blasphemy.”

People in positions of power in Castellammare di Stabia believe that the decision will only affect people who are “rowdy” or “unruly.”

I don’t entirely get how wearing a miniskirt promotes “unruly” behavior. I mean, yes, men can be scummy in response to women being sexily dressed, but isn’t that the men’s fault? I can put a treat under my dog’s nose and get her not to eat it, but they can’t stop some Italian dudes from yelling about fingerbanging strangers just because a girl’s wearing a miniskirt? Ridiculous. Why not just ban sunshine and delicious pastas while you’re at it, Castellammare di Stabia? A SCOFF FOR YOU, SIRS.

Italian seaside town planning miniskirt ban [BBC]

Sports by the number: 10/13/10

A. Isaac — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 12:26:57 +0000

Guyism’s daily look at what’s hot in the world of sports.

Seven minutes into the Serbia-Italy soccer match, all hell broke loose. Fireworks and flares were thrown on the field and barriers were broken in what police described as a calculated riot. After it was all said and done 17 were interested including the Serbian ringleader. As always, soccer always seems to bring out the best in people.

908

The Red Wings’ Kirk Maltby finally decided to call it quits after 16 years in the NHL. And what a ride it’s been for the gritty forward–908 games played and more importantly, a key role player in the Wings 4 Stanley Cup runs. Maltby was demoted to the minors just a few days ago but opted instead to retire and focus on his family.

Cliff Lee’s 11 strikeouts proved to be the deciding factor in the Rangers victory over the Rays last night. The win vaulted them into a showdown for a trip to the World Series with the Yankees. Lee will need to be just as efficient as the Yankees who boast a much more powerful lineup. Our prediction? Yankees in 6.

2018

England is using “soccer ambassador” David Beckham to try and get the 2018 World Cup. Organizers aren’t sold that England possesses the right criteria to host the event. Nevermind that South Africa was one of the poorest countries in the world and had little to no soccer infrastructure just a few years before the 2010 World Cup. Politics is a dirty game and it appears FIFA is mired in it.

586

Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf called it quits almost 9 years ago from the NBA. But now after 586 regular season games, he is making a return….to the BJ-league. Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you. The BJ league is Japan’s equivalent to the NBA. And 41-year old Rauf will call Kyoto his home for the time being. But yea, BJ…thanks Japan. You provide quality porn and laughs in the morning.

“Confessions of an agent” will hit the news stands later this week but you can read Josh Luch’s account online. In one of the more damning pieces in quite awhile, Luchs details how he gave more than 30 players money in an attempt to get them as a client. Amongst those listed Mel Kiper, Jeremy Shockey, and Jonathan Ogden. If you do nothing else today, read it. Compelling stuff.

Mom says teenage sons were “troubled” by sexy topless sunbather

Chris Spags — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 16:20:30 +0000

A 26-year-old woman in Italy was questioned by police in the midst of her topless sunbathing. The reason? Her nudity and “ample breasts” were troubling a nearby mother’s 12 and 14-year-old sons. Oh yes, this story is fantastic.

According to the Telegraph, the woman, identified only as Luisa, was asked by officers to cover herself up as “her ample breasts and the act of rubbing cream on her body had ‘troubled her sons aged 14 and 12.’”

The woman refused to cover up with the logic being that, in Italy, topless sunbathing on public beaches is allowed (though it has become less popular in recent years). And now there are lawyers involved with the woman’s lawyer, Gianluca Arrighi, telling the Telegraph:

“Let’s be clear my client is tall, brunette and has an ample breast and is therefore going to naturally be sensuous when she applies cream to her chest.

“This may well have attracted the attention of the women’s two sons but it should not lead to my client being convicted. She is amazed that she is being condemned for simply sunbathing topless.

So, yes, I’m sure that the pubescent boys were horrified by the hot big boobed chick rubbing oils and creams on herself (a situation that I’m sure most of us reading about it right now are at least packing a semi over without even seeing her do it). Oh, the horror!

Get your people under control, Italy. I had always built my country of ethnic origin up to be a cross between hedonism and Garfield’s dinner. Discriminating against the big-boobed ladies of the world is not making me brim with pride, good sirs.

Mother reports topless sunbather on Italian beach to police for ‘troubling’ sons [Telegraph]

VIDEO: Italian player Danielle De Rossi takes a dive

A. Isaac — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 12:25:29 +0000

We were waiting for a candidate for this year’s worst dive at the 2010 World Cup. And surprise, surprise, it came from the Italians.

Here’s Danielle De Rossi inexplicably taking an awkward tumble when nobody touches him.

Taking a dive has now become an art. It’s become imperative that in order to fool an absent-minded referee, you must be as close to your defender as humanly possible. Then, you plant your cleat as hard as you can into the turf forcing your arms to lunge forward in a violent manner.

After writhing around in pain for a few moments, if there is no foul, you get up with an utterly disgusted look on your face. Similar to the stank face David Beckham gave after English goalie Robert Green let in that goal against the U.S.

Your opponent helps you up, even though he knows you just performed an Oscar worthy performance on par with the venerable Nicholas Cage and you walk away pain free.

Congrats Mr. De Rossi. Your team may not win the cup, but you undoubtedly will be mentioned with the great soccer divers of all-time

The ultimate guide to the sexy fans of the World Cup nations

A. Isaac — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 16:48:13 +0000

The World Cup is more than just a celebration of international soccer. It’s a celebration of scantily clad hot women draped in the flags of their respective countries. So to prepare you for endless round the clock soccer action in South Africa, here’s a look at some of the sexiest fans of every single World Cup nation.

From Algeria and Argentina to Uruguay and the United States.

Algeria

Argentina

Australia

Brazil

Cameroon

Chile

Denmark

England

France

Germany

Ghana

Greece

Honduras

Italy

Ivory Coast

Japan

Don’t miss page 2!!

VIDEO: Three guys live their dream of crossing a lake in a bouncy castle

Chris Spags — Mon, 17 May 2010 20:24:46 +0000

It’s important in life to have dreams. It’s slightly less important to have obscenely silly dreams, like three British guys who accomplished a goal of getting across a 5-mile long lake in Italy in a big bouncy castle. But still, it counts.

All I’m going to say is that if your big dream involves a bouncy castle, you may want to take a cold hard look in the mirror to reevaluate priorities. Or stop having poker nights with Pete Townshend and Gary Glitter. Either/or, really.

That said, at the very least, it does look pretty cool. If you’re going to go across a lake in one type of children’s playground toy, that’d be the one to do it in. You’d just look like a dick trying to see-saw your way across a body of water.

Living the Dream in a Bouncy Castle [Gamma Squad]

The G8 Summit is all about the poontang

Chris Spags — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 13:24:45 +0000

If there’s one universal truth, it’s this: If you’re an attractive woman, no matter how far you rise, you’re always going to be fundamentally “fable” or “unfable” to the men you work with. For example, check out the eyes on European leaders Nicolas Sarkozy, of France, and Silvio Berlusconi, of Italy, juxtaposed with the ass-loving antics of President Barack Obama.

It’s a bit scuzzy to see world leaders acting like that, but at the same time it definitely humanizes them. Like what if the G8 Summit is all just one big elaborate scheme to get some time for the boys, maybe hit the strip clubs, get hammered and stoned, hit up the IHOP, scam on some bitches. Berlusconi gets all coked up and fs all the waitresses, Obama insists on watching Half-Baked but no one else goes along with it but he keeps insisting that they’re “missing the best part,” Sarkozy cries about how Carla Bruni yelled at him the other night, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper ends up tied to a flagpole after being sodomized and dressed like a clown. Just some good ol’ fashioned harmless fun (for everyone except Canada, because seriously Harper, you’re such a buzzkill).

[via]

Quote of the Day

Chris Spags — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 18:20:57 +0000

People think US President Barack Obama is cool. You forget he’s a dorky black guy who studied enough to go to Yale. But if you want to see cool, look no further than the Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi…this quote is probably the best one a politician has ever given. Ever.

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has refuted allegations that he paid prostitutes to attend parties he hosted at his various homes.

In an interview with Italian magazine “Chi,” the 72-year old denied he had ever paid for sex.

”I’ve never paid a woman. I never understood where the satisfaction is when you’re missing the pleasure of conquest,” Berlusconi told Chi.

[via]

Tourists are douchebags

Chris Spags — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 13:20:28 +0000

Via Flickr comes this very telling image that illustrates how much tourists suck at life.

It may shock you to learn that these tourists were not actually supporting the leaning tower of Pisa with their bare hands based upon the pictures that they showed you. I know it’s hard to believe. It’s not the first time a tourist has conned me though. They come into the country acting all lost and confused and asking for directions and then all of a sudden they find themselves forcing an ether-soaked rag into my hand and coercing me to drag them to a hotel room bathtub begging me to liberate their kidneys from them for sale on the black market. Yeah, tourists can certainly be tricky and profitable. Mostly tricky.

In related news, the Washington Monument is also not your friend’s penis, no matter how many cleverly constructed photos from DC your friend showed you. Additionally, if his penis did look like a white stone building, he may have a very serious condition or be a Stone Man like the Thing from the Fantastic Four. In which case, you should probably sell him to a freak show. In fact, you should probably do that anyway, just to be safe. That’s what friends are for.

This is what pregnancy looks like, Carmen Electra?

Chris Spags — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 14:01:57 +0000

From the Italian premiere of Disaster Movie, a country where they love pasta, water taxis, and big breasts promoting crapty parody.

So according to our friend Zack Taylor at Hot or Not Gossip, Carmen Electra is now pregnant. And while the gift of life is beautiful or whatever insomuchas you bloat up and look like a house typically, maybe I’ve been approaching it all wrong. If there’s a chance you look like that, pictured above and below, after getting this living organism growing inside of you, maybe my girlfriend just saved herself a swift kick to the stomach.

SHAWN KEMP TO PLAY IN ITALY; CONDOM SALES DROP

A. Isaac — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 11:46:00 +0000

I can’t imagine the mix of emotions Italians feel as this news hit their airwaves in the last couple of days….

The women, I’m guessing they are all hiding, hoping Shawn doesn’t seek them out….

The restaurants, well, I’m sure they are all stocking up on their essential supplies just in case Shawn decides to turn their establishment into his personal buffet…

But seriously, 38 years old and about 75 pounds past his prime….

I guess this is whats considered a bad investment.

Legos heal the wounds of Italian town

Chris Spags — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:05:31 +0000

The Italians are known for crapty construction (I’m looking at YOU Tower of Pisa) but this is a new low. Some German “artist” douche put Legos in the holes in buildings in an Italian town.

Crumbling walls in Italian town Bocchignano are being repaired — with Lego Bricks.

Sporting the denim overalls and checked shirt for this village was German artist Jan Vormann, whose approach centered on finding walls with missing bricks and replacing them with the colorful children’s building material.

The wacky artist was surprised to find how perfect the bricks fit the bill.

“At first I thought it would be a complicated procedure to fit the pieces,” Vormann said. “But as it turned out, the bigger plastic pieces were compatible with the smaller ones, and the Lego held itself in place without any glue whatsoever.”

However, the 25-year-old did admit that the colorful construction could not last forever.

“I tried to apply some glue, but, on the dusty patina of the stone, it would not stick,” Vormann said. “So I decided to just put them up like this, aware of the fact of erosion and the influence of weather.”

You may be shocked to learn that Legos in the brick walls of buildings aren’t a great idea. You may as well repair the walls with positive thinking or hobo cum, all the while making the same “artistic” vision of the temporary nature of life as well as how hard it is to be an artist and not eat the vat of hobo cum you’re using for repairs.

I’m also sick of Lego invading aspect of my life. These buildings, our superheroes, they even have their own independent nation within the United States borders! When do we say “no more”? When Lego Mussolini comes in and demands our blood? We must stop the Lego menace before it destroys us all!