You know what Kickboxer needed less of? Anything that wasn’t kicking. Thankfully there’s a supercut that does the job. Kickboxer is widely acclaimed as one of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s greatest works, letting the Muscles from Brussels impact tons of faces with his pummeling feet. But it also has dialogue and ]]>

You know what Kickboxer needed less of? Anything that wasn’t kicking. Thankfully there’s a supercut that does the job. Kickboxer is widely acclaimed as one of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s greatest works, letting the Muscles from Brussels impact tons of faces with his pummeling feet. But it also has dialogue and subplots and other garbage. So why not cut all that out and make four solid minutes of kicking? Enjoy!

The first Expendables was good. The second one is going to be great. If you disagree, I’ll have your balls. While the initial movie had a great cast, it could have been way more over the top. With action stars of this caliber, you owe it to the audience to ]]>

The first Expendables was good. The second one is going to be great. If you disagree, I’ll have your balls. While the initial movie had a great cast, it could have been way more over the top. With action stars of this caliber, you owe it to the audience to pack every scene with furious violence and wisecracks. Anything else is an insult to our sensibilities. That’s why it’s so nice to see the new trailer for Expendables 2 drop chock-full of crazy-ass destruction. Opens August 17th.

At long last, the real story behind the red-headed step child of Capcom’s fighting library, Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game is known, and naturally its courtesy of the dudes who run Fighterpedia.

I’m a big fan of Woolie and Matt’s work up to this point, but their latest installment ]]>

At long last, the real story behind the red-headed step child of Capcom’s fighting library, Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game is known, and naturally its courtesy of the dudes who run Fighterpedia.

I’m a big fan of Woolie and Matt’s work up to this point, but their latest installment of Fighterpedia is easily their best effort to date. There are countless videos already that are dedicated to the game already, but instead of just pointing and laughing, we’re presented with a ton of behind the scenes detail that is genuinely mind-blowing.

So much that everything is present in a rapid-fire, dueling banjo-like fashion. But instead of the theme from Deliverance we get music from Shadow of the Colossus, which is another nice bonus…

Jesus, where to begin. I had no idea that Guile had a cousin, or the truth behind T-Hawk not making an appearance. Nor how the guy playing Ken wasn’t able to say all the special moves due to his inability to pronounce Japanese words, but that’s hardly a shocker. And its take on the legendary Shen Long? Yikes.

Though now I want to track down the arcade original, for it’s super insane gameplay system. I’ve played the home console ports, and like they say, it’s not the worst thing in the world, but not the best either.

He’s also into basketball, James Bond, and manga by the way.

According to the New York Post, and as already noted by Kotaku, the successor to the seat once occupied by North Korea’s Dear Leader, Kim Jong-il, might be his ]]>

He’s also into basketball, James Bond, and manga by the way.

According to the New York Post, and as already noted by Kotaku, the successor to the seat once occupied by North Korea’s Dear Leader, Kim Jong-il, might be his youngest son, Kim Jong-un.

He actually has two older brothers, but there’s apparently no chance in hell in them taking over, since oldest brother Kim Jong-nam was caught ten years ago, trying to sneak into Japan, which North Korea has zero love for. And the reason: political asylum? Nope, he wanted to visit Tokyo Disneyland.

Middle son Kim Jong-chol has also been cited as being unworthy, due to him being “more interested in video games”, which Kotaku previously cited, via Wikileak. Though the real reason might be something that the Post just highlighted, and that’s how he’s apparently “too effeminate”, which is a no-no given North Korea’s rather hardline, anti-gay sentimentality.

Hence why the young one’s affinity for video games is not so bad after-all. Reports state that he’s WAY into computer games, along with James Bond flicks, plus others starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Jackie Chan. Best part is how he’s a total basketball nut, and wanted to be a pro b-baller in the states. Given his apparent weight (he’s sorta chunky) and height (photos are scant, but he doesn’t seem very tall) means that’s a pipe dream at best.

Back to him being a gamer: one has to wonder what if he’s played Homefront, which painted Jong-un as the one who led North Korea’s invasion of the United States. As you’ll see in the game’s opener, it’s a totally different looking dude; not until very recently did anyone know what he actually looked like…

The bad news is that the third installment of the live-action, Mortal Kombat web series is just as slow as the first two. Good news is that it’s still 20 times more engaging due to the spotlighted character.

Perhaps I’m biased, but I found this week’s edition, starring Johnny Cage, ]]>

The bad news is that the third installment of the live-action, Mortal Kombat web series is just as slow as the first two. Good news is that it’s still 20 times more engaging due to the spotlighted character.

Perhaps I’m biased, but I found this week’s edition, starring Johnny Cage, pretty awesome…

Bonus points for the cameo appearance by Mortal Kombat co-creator Ed Boon! But yeah, I really dug the action, the acting, the story, all of it, far more so than Spawn and Seven of Nine’s two prior outings. To be honest, if the rest of the episodes were to feature Cage exclusively, I would have zero complaints.

The thing is, I’m actually a big fan of the character. Sure I love Scorpion and Sub Zero as much as the next guy, plus I also dig those robo ninjas Cyrax and Secktor as well, but there’s something about a the very concept of a down and out movie star engaging in some life or death fighting game tournament organized by ancient Gods that I found engaging as a 15 year old. And I still do 20 years later!

To hype the new game, a massive amount of trailers were commissioned, though it was this one starring you-know-who that cemented the idea in my mind of actually picking a copy up….

I guess one primary reason for my fascination with the character… other than the fact that he was absent in MK3 cuz he HAD BEEN KILLED (seriously, when was the last time a game character failed to show up for a sequel because he had been murdered?)… is how Johnny Cage was a central part of the game’s inception. Most are not aware of this, but in the very beginning, Mortal Kombat was supposed to be Jean-Claude Van Damme!

I’ve heard different theories over the years; one states that MK’s creators wanted him to star in their game, but when it was revealed that he was in negotiations with another company (some theories it was Capcom), they had to change plans and shift focus. Another is how he actually began work on the game, but walked away early on for whatever reason (I hear his raging ego or an annoying agent played a part), and once the game became a smash hit, JCVD got all pissed and immediately had to get a piece of the more lucrative than ever fighting game pie. Hence why he became part of the live-action Street Fighter movie, a part that he supposedly lobbied hard for (I also heard Dolph Lundgren was supposed to be cast originally, and maybe when he wasn’t available or something, Van Damme finally nabbed it).

In the end, JCVD was eventually digitized into a playable form, albeit for the rather crappy Street FIghter: The Movie: The Game…

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— You know how everyone got all excited because Jessica Alba finally appeared naked in Machete? Yeah, not so much.

— By now you’ve heard that Christina Aguilera is getting a divorce, but did hear ]]>

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— You know how everyone got all excited because Jessica Alba finally appeared naked in Machete? Yeah, not so much.

— By now you’ve heard that Christina Aguilera is getting a divorce, but did hear about how Xtina had to go to the hospital for the beating she took cuts, bumps and bruises from “falling down” just prior to the divorce becoming public?

— As if that wasn’t bad enough, Christina also blames her Ewok husband for her latest album, Bionic, sucking, I mean not selling well. Now that’s just going too far. No wonder she dumped him.

— Jean Claude Van Damme had a heart attack. Or not.

— Jenni “J-Woww” Farley turned down an offer from Playboy. No, really, she did. I know. No two entities were ever more made for each other. I am as stunned as anyone. I just don’t know what to believe in anymore.

— Brandy Norwood (yes, this Brandy Norwood) says she hasn’t had sex in years. Insert “I’ll have sex with her” joke here.

— Anne Hathaway was brought to tears after having a sex scene with Jake Gyllenhaal in the movie Love and Other Drugs. Man, does everyone who has pretend sex with Jake Gyllenhaal in a movie lose their mind?

— A teenage boy who accused Jodie Foster of attacking him is now planning to sue her. Yes, because I know if I was beat up by an old lesbian as a teen I would want MORE publicity from it.

— Barack Obama will be doing a guest spot on Mythbusters. Because what else is there for him to do these days?

— Hank Baskett and Kendra Wilkinson’s marriage is going about how one would have thought it would go.

— In our weekly Lohan news, Lindsay’s dad Michael was allegedly attacked by a knife-wielding senior citizen… who called him first to tell him he was going to attack him. Again, I do not make this stuff up.

— Speaking LiLo, yeah, she’ll be in rehab for a wee bit longer.

— Uma Thurman… ummm… well… you just have to see for yourself.

— And finally, Justin Bieber is under investigation for assault. This is what happens when you turn gangsta.

This week’s sexy video comes to us from the geniuses at Maxim Italy. Remember back in the summer when I showed you some of the most amazing photos ever taken, those of one Melissa Satta? Yeah, well apparently there is a behind-the-scenes video. I present it to you now…

I don’t speak Chinese, but I know a good monkey warrior story when I see one. This is a report on the Taliban training monkeys to be soldiers by NMA News in Taiwan and as you can see it is both hilarious and confusing.

Like I said before, ]]>

I don’t speak Chinese, but I know a good monkey warrior story when I see one. This is a report on the Taliban training monkeys to be soldiers by NMA News in Taiwan and as you can see it is both hilarious and confusing.

Like I said before, I don’t speak Chinese(?) but I can roughly translate what they are saying in this video:

“We have liberated you monkeys from the local circus to offer you a unique business opportunity. Have you ever seen that film Universal Soldier? No? Really? It has Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren in it! Anyway, we feel like some of you monkeys may have been a soldiers in a former life and now we want to supply you with firearms and fatigues so that you can help us wage jihad on the West. You have been flinging feces in vain for far too long, and it is high time you starting flinging hand grenades for the Taliban. Feel free to point your weapons at me as I brandish this banana in your monkey faces. You will get a single banana for every confirmed kill–seriously, Mr. Chips, you need to stop urinating on your fellow soldiers while I’m giving my speech. Damn it, will you monkeys stop shooting at the guys in the turbans. They’re on our side!”

Yeah, nothing could go horribly wrong with this situation.

Sure we all know Jean-Claude Van Damme from such blockbusters as Street Fighter: The Movie and Double Impact, but few know that when the Cannes Film Festival rolls around each year, Van Damme brings out the crazy in spades. He apparently goes to drink wine and fight, and you can ]]>

Sure we all know Jean-Claude Van Damme from such blockbusters as Street Fighter: The Movie and Double Impact, but few know that when the Cannes Film Festival rolls around each year, Van Damme brings out the crazy in spades. He apparently goes to drink wine and fight, and you can see why he’s all out of wine…

He was the in the original Kickboxer movie, but few people realize that Van Damme’s life mirrors his on-screen persona. Throughout the years the dude has gotten into off-screen fights with other martial arts and action stars such as Steven Seagal and Dolph Lundgren. He’s known for his oft-erratic behavior and uber aggressiveness; nowhere else does this behavior come to light quite like it does when the actor is in Cannes.