In case you missed it, Jennifer Lopez was named the most powerful celebrity in the whole damn world the other day by Forbes. Maybe is has something to do with how she looks in these bathing suits. The timing of these photos is interesting. It’s almost like someone ]]>

In case you missed it, Jennifer Lopez was named the most powerful celebrity in the whole damn world the other day by Forbes. Maybe is has something to do with how she looks in these bathing suits. The timing of these photos is interesting. It’s almost like someone at Vogue or in someone Jennifer Lopez’s camp knew that the big announcement was coming weeks in advance. Nah, that would never happen.

No, really. That’s what the fine folks over at Forbes are telling us. Jennifer Lopez is the most powerful celebrity in Hollywood. Not sure how that works since she isn’t even the most powerful person on the panel of judges on that talent show she appears on, ]]>

No, really. That’s what the fine folks over at Forbes are telling us. Jennifer Lopez is the most powerful celebrity in Hollywood. Not sure how that works since she isn’t even the most powerful person on the panel of judges on that talent show she appears on, but hey, who am I to argue?

A few years ago it looked like Lopez was done. Her albums, like the all-Spanish Como Ama una Mujer, failed to find the broad audience she once enjoyed. Her movies, like El Cantante, flopped.

Then in 2010 the singer landed a judge’s chair on American Idol. The job gave her a platform to promote her music and turn her image around. It didn’t hurt that she also split from her husband, Marc Anthony.

Okay, now I see why she’s #1. Wait, no I don’t. Let’s dig further. Oh, and scratch that whole American Idol thing. J-Lo got what she needed from that ish. Smell ya later, suckers.

Suddenly a single mother, Lopez lapped up the media attention and scored lucrative endorsement deals with companies like L’Oreal and Gillette. She now has a line of clothing at Kohl’s, a top-selling fragrance and she was able to secure a nice bump—to $20 million–on her Idol salary for a second season. With 6.6 million followers on Twitter and 12 million fans on Facebook, she’s also proved a master of social media.

I’m still not getting it. Oh well.

Lady Gaga who was #1 last year fell to fifth on the list. Oprah is, of course, second, and Bieber is third. Damn kid. And Britney Spears is somehow sixth. I think this list may be flawed.

Here’s the rest of the top 10.

J.Lo’s Stunning Career Reincarnation Puts Her No. 1 On The Celebrity 100 [Forbes]

Welcome to GIFterpiece Theatre–Guyism’s daily installment of the internet’s best GIFs. Check out some of our favorites from the world of celebs, TV, sports and humor.

Kelly Ripa stupid face will take you into the weekend.

We’re ]]>

Welcome to GIFterpiece Theatre–Guyism’s daily installment of the internet’s best GIFs. Check out some of our favorites from the world of celebs, TV, sports and humor.

1.

Kelly Ripa stupid face will take you into the weekend.

2.

We’re all just so happy Parks and Recreation got renewed.

3.

Corsets are magical.

4.

BOOM!

5.

“I know you don’t smoke weed, I know this; but I’m gonna get you high today, ’cause it’s Friday; you ain’t got no job… and you ain’t got shit to do.”

6.

After seeing a fair share of Black Widow cosplay pics, I think it’s fair to say nobody will ever match Scarlett…EVER!

7.

Tofu–the other white meat. GROSS!

8.

You were doomed from the start honey.

9.

Just Will Ferrell dancing in tight pants.

10.

I just don’t even know how you create something like this.

11.

Shameless man, just shameless.

12.

Go ahead, tell me with a straight face Cookie Monster didn’t abuse drugs.

13.

These are like woman push ups except with a lot more pussy.

14.

Are you ready for the Community season finale next week?

15.

She may not sing well but dammit, J-Lo can move.

16.

This about sums up the Lakers loss yesterday.

17.

An appropriate way to send you out.

There are lots of bad actors floating around Hollywood (so many… ) and lots of those bad actors manage to become stars despite lacking any sort of talent (Hey, Ashton Kutcher, how’s it going?) but occasionally a bad actor will rise above his station in life and actually bring ]]>

There are lots of bad actors floating around Hollywood (so many… ) and lots of those bad actors manage to become stars despite lacking any sort of talent (Hey, Ashton Kutcher, how’s it going?) but occasionally a bad actor will rise above his station in life and actually bring the goods. Sometimes it’s just a matter of the actor finding the one role that actually fits his wooden personality. Sometimes it’s because the actor makes a deal with the devil and shocks everyone with a killer performance before going back to being a turd. It happens. So without further ado, an article that is sure to get me yelled at because you kids love getting pissed off and yelling about your movie opinions, here are 8 lousy actors who had one good performance.

8 Tom Arnold in ‘True Lies’
Before True Lies, Tom Arnold was just that talentless hack who held his nose long enough to plunge into the abyss known as Roseanne Barr. After True Lies, Tom Arnold was just known as that talentless hack who used to bang Roseanne and who hosted really crappy sports shows. But there was a sliver of time following the release of True Lies when people actually thought the impossible had happened and that we were all wrong about all that talentless hack stuff. And that’s because in a miracle to rival anything that Jesus dude pulled off in the Bible, Tom Arnold was actually really, really good in True Lies. The dude stole the show. He killed it. He got up on the big screen as a highly trained spy in a big budget action smash hit and actually pulled it off! Tom Arnold! In the 18 years since then, Tom has appeared in 101 different movies or TV shows (Yeah, I actually counted. I’m a professional, after all.) and they have all been variations on the same theme: crap. I don’t know what happened on the set of True Lies. Maybe he was temporarily replaced by an alien replicant or something. Who knows?

7 Mark Wahlberg in ‘Boogie Nights’
Mark Wahlberg is a terrible actor. He is. I know people will argue with me about this but the dude only has two emotions he can display on screen: he’s either so wooden and bland that it feels like he’s actually reading off of cue cards or he’s slobbering all over himself, raging in a psychotic mania that makes you think the director just strangled his favorite puppy on the other side of the camera. But somehow that managed to work in Boogie Nights. It was serendipitous, a genuine case of the perfect role for the perfect actor. No one else could have pulled off Dirk Diggler in that movie because Mark Wahlberg was Dirk Diggler. The character is stupid, overly emotional and completely ridiculous. Dirk vacillates between out of his depth, open mouthed dazed wonder at the twists and turns in his life and full on delusional hysteria. One minute he’s staring wide eyed while a naked girl in roller skates parades around and then offers to blow him and the next he’s berating Burt Reynolds and screaming “You’re not the boss of me!” like a 9 year old throwing a world class temper tantrum. I have a theory that Marky Mark didn’t even know he was acting. They just blindfolded him, threw him on set and told him to be himself. It worked.

6 Chris Klein in ‘Election’
This is another case of a lousy actor managing to fall ass first into a role that’s perfect for him. Chris Klein’s character in Election is dopey, overly-earnest, and kind of dumb. He’s a fresh-faced jock who tries really, really hard to be more than he is but in the end he’s really just kind of a gumpy good looking nice guy who will do okay in life because, well, the world loves gumpy good-looking nice guys. And Chris Klein nailed it because that’s pretty much the only thing that Chris Klein can do. He played a variation on the same character in American Pie. And since then? Nothing. He tricked people into thinking he was a good actor with Election because he was allowed to play the only role that came naturally to him. There’s a reason his career has faded into oblivion and it’s because he can’t do anything else and he’s too old to play that dopey high schooler yearning for more. Oh well, at least he parlayed it into banging Katie Holmes for a while, back when she was still Katie Holmes and not the zombie bride of Xenu.

5 Jennifer Lopez in ‘Out of Sight’
Believe it or not, there was a time when Jennifer Lopez was more than just a desperate fame-whore, clinging to the life-raft of relevancy while peddling auto-tuned dreck and the site of her ass stuffed into a bikini. And that’s because back in 1998 she teamed up opposite George Clooney in the ultra-cool Out of Sight and convinced everybody that she had a future as a smart, sexy leading lady who could hold her own in a cast that included Clooney, Ving Rhames, Don Cheadle, Steve Zahn, Albert Brooks and a whole host of first-class character actors. It was her big test, the movie that would tell whether she would be the real deal or just another pretty face and she nailed it. She then parlayed that into the whole “J-Lo” persona and went on to make a string of shitty movies and even shittier albums and found herself living in one of the biggest houses on Tabloid Alley. I think she wanted to be rich and famous more than she wanted to actually be good at anything, and it’s a shame because Out of Sight showed she could have been good.

4 Paul Walker in ‘Running Scared’
Paul Walker is best known for his sub-Keanu level acting in the Fast and the Furious movies and for good reason – the dude is terrible. He can barely deliver a line and his career consists of one cringe-worthy performance after another. Except for one. In Running Scared, Paul Walker actually managed to pull it together long enough to deliver a strong performance as a hoodlum/undercover cop/terrified father. I don’t know what happened. I mean, it’s not that far removed from his Fast and the Furious role. But he pulls it off here in a way that is miles beyond anything he managed there. I remember watching Running Scared and actually thinking about halfway through “Holy shit, Paul Walker is actually pretty damn good in this.” That’s pretty much the definition of the sort of role that belongs on this list, right? It was something nobody saw coming and then when it was over, it never happened again. It’s a freak occurrence, a once in a lifetime thing, like winning the lottery or having a three way with Angela Lansbury and Betty White.

3 Kate Hudson in ‘Almost Famous’
Kate Hudson was supposed to be Hollywood’s next It Girl and for good reason. Following her Academy Award nominated role as a groupie in Almost Famous she had people convinced she was poised for bigger and better things. She was alluring, she was funny, she was complicated and she seemed like she was capable of doing anything. Since then, she’s made a career out of starring in hilariously shitty romantic comedies opposite acting titans like Matthew McConaughey and, ugh, Dane Cook. Look, the Dane Cook thing is about as damning a piece of evidence as you can get that this chick’s career went careening way off the tracks a long time ago. But Dane Cook aside, she’s never come close to matching her performance in Almost Famous and today the idea of her being nominated for an Academy Award is as absurd as it is hilarious. Oh well, there’s always The Skeleton Key II to look forward to.

2 Channing Tatum in ‘A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints’
Yeah, that’s right – Channing Tatum. I don’t think anyone’s going to argue that this dude, well, that he’s hilariously awful as an actor. The shocking part is that he actually was good enough in a movie to even appear on this list. Even more shocking is that in A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, a low budget flick starring Robert Downey, Jr., Tatum is not only decent, he’s shockingly great. Playing the younger version of one of Downey’s friends (most of the movie is told through flashback), Tatum is menacing, brooding and out of control, playing the doomed street urchin, the rebel with no place to go so well that some critics actually compared him to a young Marlon Brando. Read that again. A young Marlon Brando! Channing Tatum! And the scariest part is that they were actually right. He was awesome. I have no idea what happened. Maybe he really was possessed by Brando’s ghost or maybe he summoned every single shred of ability he had just to play that one part and then when it was done he had nothing left. I don’t know. But what I do know is that this one is probably the most miraculous entry on this list.

1 John Travolta in ‘Pulp Fiction’
Your first instinct might be to argue with me here, but really, outside of Pulp Fiction, what the hell has John Travolta ever really done? I know a bunch of you are falling all over yourselves to list off his iconic early roles, but honestly, that was the sort of shit that Zac Efron would be doing if they made them today and deep down you all know it. Travolta playing singing and dancing variations on his character from Welcome Back Kotter aren’t going to convince me that he’s anything other than a buffoon. But in Pulp Fiction, well, John Travolta actually brings a little bit of pathos to that role, playing a past his prime hitman who’s, yes, a bit of a buffoon, but he knows it and is just trying to get by and get through life without screwing up any more than he has to. And Travolta captures it perfectly. It’s really the only sort of role he can play. In everything else, he’s just staring with open mouth and dull, cow eyes and it’s almost always laughably bad. Occasionally, he mixes it up and plays a bad guy, but it’s always so cartoonishly over the top that it soon veers into the realm of the ridiculous. But for one performance, one glorious performance, Travolta actually was what everyone thinks he is: a star. And that’s why he’s number one on this list.

South Park ventures in to its sixteenth season and Bigfoot is alive, well and attending Utah State University. Here’s what you need to watch tonight.(All times Eastern)

Lamar-Vermont @ 6:30pm, truTV: Should Lamar find themselves on the losing end, you can guarantee coach Pat Knight will ]]>

South Park ventures in to its sixteenth season and Bigfoot is alive, well and attending Utah State University. Here’s what you need to watch tonight.(All times Eastern)

Lamar-Vermont @ 6:30pm, truTV: Should Lamar find themselves on the losing end, you can guarantee coach Pat Knight will sell out players in the post-game press conference.

Criminal Minds @ 9pm, CBS: A question I find asking when watching this show–HOW ARE THERE SO MANY SERIAL KILLERS LIVING IN THE U.S.?

South Park @ 10pm, Comedy Central: The season 16 premiere of South Park is entitled, “Reverse Cowgirl.” I trust Trey Parker and Matt Stone won’t disappoint.

Cal-South Florida @ 9pm, truTV: This was supposed to be the most exciting “first round” game of the tourney but I’m not sure last night’s shenanigans can be topped.

Finding Bigfoot @ 10pm, Animal Planet: Yes, Bigfoot is alive and well and living on the campus of Utah State University. He’s going for his bachelors in paleontology.

American Idol, @ 8pm, Fox: Normally, I would never advocate watching American Idol but Jennifer Lopez has looked spectacular lately. No, really, she has.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno @ 11:30pm, NBC: Will Drew Brees comment on the Saints’ bounty situation or his franchise tag? This might get very interesting should Leno actually push the envelope.

If you ever wondered how a fashion magazine would do a sports issue, your nightmares have been answered. Witness a half naked Jennifer Lopez in V magazine’s special edition. I’ve seen some really odd stuff in fashion magazines, but ]]>

If you ever wondered how a fashion magazine would do a sports issue, your nightmares have been answered. Witness a half naked Jennifer Lopez in V magazine’s special edition. I’ve seen some really odd stuff in fashion magazines, but this is right up there near the top. I don’t even know what I could possibly say that these photos don’t say for themselves. I do appreciate the underboob though. Assuming that it’s really her.

Not ones to be left out of all the fun in 2012, last night it was the film industry’s turn to dole out awards, Oscars to be precise, at the 84th Annual Academy Awards. Many were winners, many more were losers, but the most important thing is that there ]]>

Not ones to be left out of all the fun in 2012, last night it was the film industry’s turn to dole out awards, Oscars to be precise, at the 84th Annual Academy Awards. Many were winners, many more were losers, but the most important thing is that there were lots of sexy celebrity females in attendance.

Here are your winners:
Best Picture: The Artist
Actor in a Leading Role: Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Actress in a Leading Role: Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Actor in a Supporting Role: Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Actress in a Supporting Role: Octavia Spencer, The Help
Directing: Michel Hazanivicius, The Artist
Animated Feature Film: Rango
Art Direction: Hugo
Cinematography: Hugo
Visual Effects: Hugo
Film Editing: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Costume Design: The Artist
Writing (Adapted Screenplay): The Descendants
Writing (Original Screenplay): Midnight in Paris
Documentary Feature: Undefeated
Music (Original Score): The Artist
Music (Original Song): “Man or Muppet” from The Muppets
J-Lo’s Nipple: Twitter account

PHOTOS: Best dresses from the last two Academy Awards

And here are your sexy celebrity ladies (in order below): Berenice Bejo, Sandra Bullock, Rose Byrne, Jessica Chastain, Penelope Cruz, Cameron Diaz, Ellie Kemper, Anna Faris, Stacy Keibler, Milla Jovovich, Judy Greer, Kate Mara, Lara Spencer, Jennifer Lopez, Maria Menounos, Missy Pyle, Nancy O’Dell, Kelly Osbourne, Penelope Ann Miller, Gwyneth Paltrow, Natalie Portman, Kelly Ripa, Rooney Mara, Emma Stone, Viola Davis, Kristen Wiig, Michelle Williams, and Sarah Hyland, Angelina Jolie.

And if you missed Sacha Baron Cohen pouring “Kim Jong-Il’s ashes” on Ryan Seacrest, here you go.

Jason Kidd’s days in the NBA may not be over yet, but judging from his new estate in the Hamptons, he’ll want to call it quits very soon. The Dallas Mavericks point guard, who spent his formidable years in nearby New Jersey, recently bought a land contract on a 5500 ]]>

Jason Kidd’s days in the NBA may not be over yet, but judging from his new estate in the Hamptons, he’ll want to call it quits very soon. The Dallas Mavericks point guard, who spent his formidable years in nearby New Jersey, recently bought a land contract on a 5500 square foot Hamptons home. A home that was also being eyed by diva extraordinaire, Jennifer Lopez.

Just to give you an idea of the estate’s lavishness, read the description below.

The shy 2 acres includes heated gunite pool, all weather tennis court, a beautiful pool house with cabana kitchen, bar, full bath, outdoor shower, and a fireplace. The separate carriage house is also located on the property which can hold 2 vehicles and has space above suitable for a gym, office, or play room. This south of the highway Water Mill estate is the perfect blend of a exterior Hamptons traditional with a sleek and modern interior. A perfect hybrid of old world class with a hot new world style.

Jason Kidd Makes Splash With Hamptons’ Home Purchase [Zillow]

You know that Fiat commercial where Jennifer Lopez is seen driving around The Bronx talking about how it’s “her world”? How it “inspires [her] to be tougher, to stay sharper, to think faster”? Yeah, well, she wasn’t actually the one driving the car. It was a double. ]]>

You know that Fiat commercial where Jennifer Lopez is seen driving around The Bronx talking about how it’s “her world”? How it “inspires [her] to be tougher, to stay sharper, to think faster”? Yeah, well, she wasn’t actually the one driving the car. It was a double.

Let’s refresh your memory (not that you really need it)…

“They may be just streets to you, but to me, they’re a playground.” Uhhh, yeah…

Instead, the role of “Jenny from the Block” was played by a body double, according to two sources familiar with the commercial production. While the Lopez lookalike was actually behind the wheel in the Bronx, Lopez herself was in Los Angeles, where she was filmed inside a Fiat 500.

The shots of the actress were artfully merged to make it appear that she was tooling around New York City’s poorest borough. Big Block, a Los Angeles digital production studio, was hired to merge live action footage with computer-generated imagery to make it appear as if Lopez was in the Bronx.

That J-Lo, she’s got so much street cred, she doesn’t actually have to be the one on the actual street. Bitch. But don’t worry, she’s still Jenny on the Block, as long as the block is Rodeo Drive.

I won’t even get into the thousands of tweets that have been produced as a result of this commercial with comments ranging from “she wouldn’t ever drive that car” to “how did she get her ass in that car.”

Something tells me that Eminem wasn’t “artfully merged” into this commercial set in Detroit. And if so, I just don’t know what to believe anymore.

In closing, The Many Faces of J-Lo Pretending to Drive Through The Bronx… her world…

Bronx Cheer For J. Lo’s Phony Fiat Commercial [The Smoking Gun]

Here’s a shocker: their lame brained accusation that Super Mario 3/3D Land encourages kids to wear fur has totally blown up in their faces, leading them to look like even bigger fools than ever. Plus the Taiwanese CGI news-crew to chime in.

Not surprisingly, Super Tanooki 2D Skin has gotten ]]>

Here’s a shocker: their lame brained accusation that Super Mario 3/3D Land encourages kids to wear fur has totally blown up in their faces, leading them to look like even bigger fools than ever. Plus the Taiwanese CGI news-crew to chime in.

Not surprisingly, Super Tanooki 2D Skin has gotten the animal rights group that gives all animal lovers a bad name a ton of attention, as was the goal, but also far more criticism than perhaps even they bargained for. For all my ranting and raving, there was one element that I had completely neglected, and something that Kotaku pointed out, and that’s how PETA was also being (albeit unintentionally) racist.

Though as Joystiq points out, PETA also demonstrated gross negligence as it pertains to the subject matter to begin with. Anyhow, the level of stupidity demonstrated is so great that some of have point blanked asked the folks in charge what they were thinking. Well, Screw Attack managed to get ahold of a response, and it’s telling to say the least…

“PETA doesn’t actually care about the Tanooki suit in the game. We just want people to play our parody and learn about the fur issue. But in order to be legally allowed to make the parody, we have [to] say we care about the original game’s message. It’s all about getting the message out in any way possible.”

… Umm, I’m no entertainment lawyer, but I can’t recall ever hearing how one of the justifications for parody is to state that one “cares” about the subject matter. But again, it’s hardly a shocker; all they care about is getting their warped message across, via whatever means possible. And hey, mission accomplished; I guess I’m ultimately guilty for giving them the time of day in the first place.

Anyhow, as is often the case, NMA has decided to chime in on the subject. As Tiny Cartridge points out, the best part are all the inaccuracies, like how two kids are playing the original Super Mario Bros simultaneously, or as adults, they enjoying Super Mario 3D Land on the Wii (oh God, I WISH it was out for that, so I don’t have to get a 3DS)…

Bonus video time! Since I feel so bad giving PETA so much attention, how about another clip of NMA wackiness? This time, featuring their take on the upcoming Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego? movie that’s set to star Jennifer Lopez. Gotta love the Oregon Trail reference they managed to sneak in…

I bet you’re shocked that a man as ugly as Bradley Cooper could be named the sexiest anything let alone The Sexiest Man Alive, right? (That rustling noise you hear is the sound of my eyes rolling so hard in my head it’s actually audible.) Anyway, People ]]>

I bet you’re shocked that a man as ugly as Bradley Cooper could be named the sexiest anything let alone The Sexiest Man Alive, right? (That rustling noise you hear is the sound of my eyes rolling so hard in my head it’s actually audible.) Anyway, People magazine rolled the dice and named Mr. Cooper their sexiest man for 2011 and he had some hilarious things to say about it.

“I think it’s really cool that a guy who doesn’t look like a model can have this [title],” says the Hangover actor, 36. “I think I’m a decent-looking guy. Sometimes I can look great, and other times I look horrifying.”

……………. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Doesn’t look like a model…. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Phew!!! Sorry… but is he fucking kidding me? I want to have sex with this guy and I am as heterosexual as they come. He speaks fluent French for christ sakes.

Bradley does go on to point out that he isn’t much of a player with the ladies despite his looks, and THAT I can actually buy because the list of women he’s been tied to in the last couple of years leaves something to be desired: Renee Zellweger, Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Aniston, and Olivia Wilde. Okay, that last one was okay, but dude, you’re the SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. Go get you some Minka Kelly, some Blake Lively, some Scarlett Johansson, something. Use that title. Go.

Bradley Cooper Is PEOPLE’s Sexiest Man Alive! [People]

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