Just to give you an idea of the estate’s lavishness, read the description below.

The shy 2 acres includes heated gunite pool, all weather tennis court, a beautiful pool house with cabana kitchen, bar, full bath, outdoor shower, and a fireplace. The separate carriage house is also located on the property which can hold 2 vehicles and has space above suitable for a gym, office, or play room. This south of the highway Water Mill estate is the perfect blend of a exterior Hamptons traditional with a sleek and modern interior. A perfect hybrid of old world class with a hot new world style.

Jason Kidd Makes Splash With Hamptons’ Home Purchase [Zillow]

Let’s refresh your memory (not that you really need it)…

“They may be just streets to you, but to me, they’re a playground.” Uhhh, yeah…

Instead, the role of “Jenny from the Block” was played by a body double, according to two sources familiar with the commercial production. While the Lopez lookalike was actually behind the wheel in the Bronx, Lopez herself was in Los Angeles, where she was filmed inside a Fiat 500.

The shots of the actress were artfully merged to make it appear that she was tooling around New York City’s poorest borough. Big Block, a Los Angeles digital production studio, was hired to merge live action footage with computer-generated imagery to make it appear as if Lopez was in the Bronx.

That J-Lo, she’s got so much street cred, she doesn’t actually have to be the one on the actual street. Bitch. But don’t worry, she’s still Jenny on the Block, as long as the block is Rodeo Drive.

I won’t even get into the thousands of tweets that have been produced as a result of this commercial with comments ranging from “she wouldn’t ever drive that car” to “how did she get her ass in that car.”

Something tells me that Eminem wasn’t “artfully merged” into this commercial set in Detroit. And if so, I just don’t know what to believe anymore.

In closing, The Many Faces of J-Lo Pretending to Drive Through The Bronx… her world…

Bronx Cheer For J. Lo’s Phony Fiat Commercial [The Smoking Gun]

Not surprisingly, Super Tanooki 2D Skin has gotten the animal rights group that gives all animal lovers a bad name a ton of attention, as was the goal, but also far more criticism than perhaps even they bargained for. For all my ranting and raving, there was one element that I had completely neglected, and something that Kotaku pointed out, and that’s how PETA was also being (albeit unintentionally) racist.

Though as Joystiq points out, PETA also demonstrated gross negligence as it pertains to the subject matter to begin with. Anyhow, the level of stupidity demonstrated is so great that some of have point blanked asked the folks in charge what they were thinking. Well, Screw Attack managed to get ahold of a response, and it’s telling to say the least…

“PETA doesn’t actually care about the Tanooki suit in the game. We just want people to play our parody and learn about the fur issue. But in order to be legally allowed to make the parody, we have [to] say we care about the original game’s message. It’s all about getting the message out in any way possible.”

… Umm, I’m no entertainment lawyer, but I can’t recall ever hearing how one of the justifications for parody is to state that one “cares” about the subject matter. But again, it’s hardly a shocker; all they care about is getting their warped message across, via whatever means possible. And hey, mission accomplished; I guess I’m ultimately guilty for giving them the time of day in the first place.

Anyhow, as is often the case, NMA has decided to chime in on the subject. As Tiny Cartridge points out, the best part are all the inaccuracies, like how two kids are playing the original Super Mario Bros simultaneously, or as adults, they enjoying Super Mario 3D Land on the Wii (oh God, I WISH it was out for that, so I don’t have to get a 3DS)…

Bonus video time! Since I feel so bad giving PETA so much attention, how about another clip of NMA wackiness? This time, featuring their take on the upcoming Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego? movie that’s set to star Jennifer Lopez. Gotta love the Oregon Trail reference they managed to sneak in…

“I think it’s really cool that a guy who doesn’t look like a model can have this [title],” says the Hangover actor, 36. “I think I’m a decent-looking guy. Sometimes I can look great, and other times I look horrifying.”

……………. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Doesn’t look like a model…. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Phew!!! Sorry… but is he fucking kidding me? I want to have sex with this guy and I am as heterosexual as they come. He speaks fluent French for christ sakes.

Bradley does go on to point out that he isn’t much of a player with the ladies despite his looks, and THAT I can actually buy because the list of women he’s been tied to in the last couple of years leaves something to be desired: Renee Zellweger, Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Aniston, and Olivia Wilde. Okay, that last one was okay, but dude, you’re the SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. Go get you some Minka Kelly, some Blake Lively, some Scarlett Johansson, something. Use that title. Go.

Bradley Cooper Is PEOPLE’s Sexiest Man Alive! [People]

Leila Lopes of Angola Wins Miss Universe
“I consider myself a woman endowed with inner beauty. I have acquired many wonderful principles from my family and I intend to follow these for the rest of my life.”

Jennifer Lopez, Bradley Cooper Go on Romantic Dinner Date
“Both sexy stars are coming off big-time breakups.”

Charlie Sheen Lands New Movie Role
“…Sheen is set to star with Jason Schwartzman in the indie film A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charlie Swan III.”

Justin Bieber: My Teachers Were Mean To Me
“I wasn’t a bad kid, I just talked a lot in class.”

The X Factor Scores Big with Rihanna
“RiRi loved doing the U.K. finale last year, and the feeling from Simon was obviously mutual.”

Angelina Jolie Handcuffs Purse to Wrist in Toronto
“Angelina Jolie carried a unique fashion accessory to Brad Pitt’s Moneyball premiere…”

Kim, Khloe Kardashian Deal With “Friction” Over Pregnancy Race
“If Kim were to get pregnant first, that would cause tension, because it would highlight Khloe’s struggle.”

Reese Witherspoon Accident — Driver Feels “Awful,” Staying Off the Road
“…the woman thinks the Santa Monica corner is especially dangerous because there’s a large tree blocking sight lines for drivers.”

Salma Hayek’s Husband Speaks Out About Child-Support Case
“Salma Hayek’s husband has broken his silence in the big-money child support dispute over his child with supermodel Linda Evangelista.”

Erin Andrews’ Advice to New DWTS Cast
“There’s a day that you’re going to practice and your body hurts and you’re so tired you can’t even think about performing another dance, but when it’s over, you miss it a lot.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Lady Gaga’s first fashion film, featuring her song “You and I”.

See Chaz Bono, Other DWTS Celebs in First Official Costume Pics
“With pro partner Lacey Schwimmer at his side, activist and author Bono looks dapper in a vest, tie and slacks.”

Rob Kardashian — No Time for Dancing With the Stars Rehearsals
“…Cheryl is ‘fed up’ with what she perceives to be Rob’s lack of interest in the show.”

Lindsay Lohan Taking Shoplifting Classes, But Has Yet To Make Dent In Community Service
“Lindsay has completed around 45 hours of her service at the women’s shelter.”

Jennifer Lopez Reveals First Fight Of New American Idol Season
“I got really, really upset.”

Madonna Readying New Album For Spring Release
“She said the first single is due out in February or March, with the full album following in the spring.”

Regis Philbin — I’ll Be Gone In November
“November 18, 2011 … mark the date…”

Eddie Murphy To Host 2012 Oscars
“I am enormously honored to join the great list of past Academy Award hosts from Hope and Carson to Crystal, Martin and Goldberg, among others.”

Soulja Boy APOLOGIZES to U.S. Military — “I Am Deeply Sorry”
“Soulja Boy says he ‘let my words get the best of me’ when he released a new rap video saying, ‘F**k the troops’.”

Ryan Gosling, Eva Mendes Kiss, Hold Hands at Disneyland
“Eva was skipping around like a little girl…She would lean into him and she held his arm the entire time.”

Vin Diesel Says R-Rated Riddick Will Shoot in Canada; Offers New Concept Art
“I am grateful to have Universal in such support of this complex character’s journey… not many studios would back an ‘R’ rating. Very cool.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
A bonus extended clip from the X-Men: First Class Blu-ray (courtesy of SlashFilm).

Kim Kardashian moves into $7,000 a night penthouse suite in NYC
“The two-story 2,000 square foot suite has amazing panoramic views of the New York City skyline and the East River…”

Rihanna sues — I got duped into buying a crappy mansion
“Rihanna’s home was hit by a ‘moderate rainstorm’ in January 2010 … but because of the defects, water leaked into multiple rooms … causing some serious damage.”

Cher slams “bigots” who are attacking her son Chaz Bono
“Mothers don’t stop Getting angry with stupid bigots who fk with their children!”

Mel Gibson’s niece poses topless
“Gibson’s niece, Anna Dunne, is a member of the modeling website, ModelMayhem.com, where she has posted some salacious photos of herself topless…”

Mel Gibson must pay Oksana Grigorieva $750k
“The $750k will be paid in three payments, and Lucia will receive the same amount of money that his other children with ex-wife Robyn receive.”

James Franco quits Broadway play
“Franco’s rep did not explain why the actor was no longer involved.”

Blues Brothers TV show being shopped around Hollywood
“We chose to introduce them as new characters but do it in an way that they have some history, have some life behind them.”

Ryan Reynolds, Sandra Bullock join forces for animated FOX comedy
“The series focuses on an ordinary child surrounded by his extraordinary siblings and his brilliant (but neurotic) mother.”

Marc Anthony says J.Lo divorce isn’t “shocking”
“These things happen. It was a decision that we made jointly.”

Jada Pinkett Smith and Marc Anthony: What really happened
“…the twosome had an ‘inappropriately close’ friendship.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Romanian singer Alexandra Stan in a sexy behind the scenes video for FHM.

You can see more of Alexandra Stan and other girls at FHM.com

James Franco confesses to making sex tape
“It’s not like I went down to Van Nuys and tried to break into the porn industry.”

Jennifer Aniston, Justin Theroux trying for a baby
“She is anxious for the next phase of her life and feels like this is the time.”

Jennifer Lopez returning for another season of American Idol
“Idol’s Executive Producer Nigel Lythgoe confirmed the news during a Wednesday call to On Air With Ryan Seacrest.”

Rebecca Black: I left school because of teasing over “Friday”
“…you know, they’ll be like, ‘Oh hey, Rebecca, guess what day it is?’”

Arnold Schwarenegger taunts the woman he humiliated via novelty t-shirt
“Apparently when the Governator left office, Maria’s Office of the First Lady staff made the shirts as a joke.”

Ali Lohan, 17, signs multi-year modeling contract
“Lindsay Lohan’s 17-year-old sister has signed a multi-year modeling contract with NEXT Model Management.”

George Lopez TV show cancelled
“…but there’s an even bigger story here — that Conan O’Brien is failing at the network.”

Kelly Rowland: Nip slip was “very embarrassing!”
“In related news — Kelly says one of her biggest musical influences is Janet Jackson.”

Emma Stone and Olivia Wilde get a gorgeous new gig
“Emma Stone and Olivia Wilde will be glamming it up together as the new global brand ambassadors for Revlon.”

Ashton Kutcher scores huge Men paycheck
“Ashton is actually getting between $800,000 and $900,000 an episode.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Behind the scenes of Juicy Couture’s “Viva la Juicy” ad campaign with sexy model Sasha Pivovarova.

New Snow White and the Huntsman pictures released
“Charlize Theron is playing the Queen, a casting decision that is clearly going to alter the way two generations of males remember the classic Disney cartoon.”

Jesse James and Kat Von D split
“The distance between us was just too much.”

Jackson family divided over MJ tribute concert
“We find it impossible to support an event that is due to take place during the criminal trial surrounding Michael’s death…”

Source: Amy Winehouse “consumed” by fame
“…I don’t think she realized how big she was going to make it… It just consumed her, and there was no way she could deal with it.”

Amy Winehouse’s jailed ex-husband cut out of her $16 million fortune
“Blake Fielder-Civil, the man often blamed for introducing Amy Winehouse to hard drugs, has been left out of her estimated $16 million fortune.”

Leighton Meester wants her brother to live with her – away from their mom
“Leighton is disgusted by her mother and is determined to get her brother Lex out of that situation.”

Crystal Harris: Sex with Hugh Hefner lasted “two seconds”
“I’m not turned on by Hef, sorry.”

Kate Middleton and her family may have been phone hacking victims
“If they’ve targeted Prince William and Prince Harry, you can assume that they targeted their friends and immediate family.”

David Arquette steps out with Joe Francis’s ex
“It appears David Arquette has moved on from his estranged wife Courteney Cox.”

Kim Kardashian diagnosed with psoriasis
“People don’t understand the pressure on me to look perfect.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Behind the scenes at LisaRaye’s new photo shoot for Kontrol magazine.

Kate Middleton bought $1500 in air fresheners for Kensington Palace Cottage
“She felt [Kensington] had an overriding musty, damp smell, and ordered a six-month supply of her favorite products to override this.”

Lindsay Lohan pleads poverty – claims she can’t afford psychological counseling
“Lindsay Lohan appeared before a judge in Los Angeles Thursday morning and despite flashing a beautiful pair of $1,200 shoes, pleaded poverty…”

Shannen Doherty will get married on TV
“Doherty, 40, will star in her own WEtv reality series about her life with her fiancé…”

Jennifer Lopez told Marc Anthony she wanted a divorce last year
“She stayed but she was miserable until finally she couldn’t take it anymore.”

Hugh Grant wins court battle over phone hacking probe
“…a British judge demanded that UK police disclose whether journalists from now-defunct tabloid News of the World broke into Grant’s phone and accessed his voicemail.”

Jennifer Aniston & Justin Theroux go public with romance
“Jen – wearing a simple, but elegant black cocktail dress — walked hand-in-hand with the dashing actor/screenwriter as they left an after-party at Shoreditch House…”

Law and Order: SVU to tackle Arnold Schwarzenegger scandal
“For the fictional TV take, a charming 50-something philanthropist named Andrew Raines has an affair with a woman close to his family’s inner circle…”

John Stamos describes Hairspray role as “sort of like a straight Ryan Seacrest”
“‘Ryan’s a friend, we’ve kissed,’ Stamos joked.”

Hugh Hefner on not marrying Crystal Harris: “I missed a bullet”
“Quite frankly, I don’t know what I was thinking about.”

Brooke Mueller NOT permitted to fly to Mexico for rehab — Lost her passport
“Brooke Mueller lost her passport, and was unable to leave for rehab in Mexico, to take the controversial drug ibogaine, which isn’t legal in the U.S.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
The Beastie Boys’ new music video for “Don’t Play No Game That I Can’t Win.”

Kim Kardashian suing Old Navy
“Kim is filing a lawsuit … claiming they intentionally used a look-alike in an effort to dupe the public into thinking Kim was affiliated with Old Navy.”

Leonardo DiCaprio splits with Blake Lively?
“DiCaprio has allegedly broken up with the Gossip Girl star because his mother didn’t like her.”

Chris Brown — Neighbors says he’s a nightmare
“…the dude is utterly disrespectful, blasting loud music and partying day and night … even racing dogs down the hallways at all hours.”

Ben Affleck gave Jennifer Lopez advice on crumbling marriage
“Guadalupe Lopez, the singer-actress’s mother … sought Affleck’s advice on July 12…”

Britney Spears: My ex-bodyguard’s lying about drugs, farts
“Flores … claims she uses methamphetamines, farts a lot, picks her nose and has terrible hygiene practices.”

Paris Hilton walks out of interview with ABC News
“Dan Harris after he asked her if she’s concerned she’s a has-been, referencing the new wave of socialites, including Kim Kardashian.”

Katy Perry, Adele, Kanye West lead VMA nominees
“The #3 all-time VMA award winner, Eminem, picked up three nominations this time for Best Male Video, Best Direction and Best Cinematography…”

Lindsay Lohan facing new lawsuit — assault & battery
“Lindsay Lohan dished out 8 to 10 seconds of pain when she attacked a Betty Ford employee last year … so says the alleged victim…”

Lindsay Lohan’s new man — Their date night caught on camera
“Lohan, 25, is snapped with Spencer Falls, who plays one half of the Virgin Mobile spoof couple “Sparah.”

Jessica Simpson is NOT pregnant
“All the grief Jessica Simpson gets for her weight may have just gone too far, because the starlet has been forced to announce that she is NOT pregnant…”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Behind the scenes of Cassie Ventura’s new Blank magazine photo shoot.

Emma Watson plans to enroll at Oxford this fall
“I’m still a student at Brown. It’s just that I’ll spend my third year abroad – at Oxford.”

Harry Potter star Emma Watson will be back onscreen soon
“Up first is the Michelle Williams-starring adaptation of My Week With Marilyn…”

Elin Nordegren’s BF: I did not have sex with THAT woman BUT
“Jamie is denying it happened, but others are providing VERY specific details.”

Did Jennifer Lopez hint at split in new songs?
“‘All his secrets, all his lies, I just keep pushing ‘em out my mind,’ she sings.”

Is Demi Lovato, 18, hooking up with Ryan Phillippe, 36?
“It was really hot and heavy for a while.”

Mila Kunis is a big fan of Jersey Shore’s Snooki
“Apparently I love New Jersey, because I watch Jerseylicious and Jersey Shore.”

Jessica Biel auditioned for Mila Kunis’ Friends With Benefits role
“She was actually a huge fan of the project and screen-tested for it years ago.”

Nicole Scherzinger addresses engagement rumors
“Lewis and I woke up this morning and read we were engaged!”

Octomom: “I am absolutely DISGUSTED by babies”
“They make me sick … I don’t even look at them. I have to look away.”

Doug Hutchison, 51: God led me to wife Courtney Stodden, 16
“[Doug] is my college. He’s my acting coach. I have a built-in acting coach!”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Linda Hamilton asks out the Marine who was rejected by Betty White.

Marine rapper asks Betty White to Marine Corps Ball
“She’s funny, sweet, mature — she’s the all-around perfect woman.”

Rachel Uchitel returns hush money to Tiger, threatens Gloria Allred
“Rachel’s lawyer has given Gloria a deadline, and if Gloria doesn’t ante up … a legal malpractice lawsuit will be filed.”

Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony to do joint reality show as planned
“Q’Viva! the hotly anticipated 2012 celebration of Latin music, artistry and dance, is set to film this autumn in South America…”

David Duchovny & Tea Leoni back together after split
“The actors wed in 1997 and separated for the first time in 2008.”

Rebecca Black releasing new single “My Moment”
“‘My Moment’ will be available for purchase Tuesday on iTunes and other online retailers.”

Sarah Palin documentary opens to empty theaters & terrible reviews
“An excruciating combination of bombast and whining.”

Jenna Fischer’s pregnancy will play out on The Office
“Pam and Jim snuck away last season on Valentine’s Day, and they had sex.”

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo get married
“Lachey and Minnillo’s destination wedding will be televised on a TLC special…”

Casey Anthony will have ‘issues’ for a long time
“As long as there are so many people of the lynch-mob mentality, those willing to deny the fact that the jury found her not guilty, she’s going to have issues.”

Brooke Mueller headed south of the border for extreme rehab
“Brooke is going to a treatment facility in Cancun that specializes in prescribing a drug that is not legal in the U.S.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Beyonce’s new music video for her song “Best Thing I Never Had.”

Dexter Isaac admits he shot Tupac Shakur
“I want to apologize to his [Tupac's] family and for the mistake I did for that sucker [Rosemond].”

Jennifer Lopez “on the fence” about American Idol return
“I had an amazing time doing it and I love it but I have a lot of other things happening…”

Hugh Hefner tweets about breakup with Crystal Harris
“Since we’re not getting married on Saturday, I’ve scheduled a movie: Runaway Bride.”

Crystal Harris breaks silence on Hugh Hefner wedding shocker
“There was no fight, we sat down and we talked about it.”

Crystal Harris denies romance with Dr. Phil’s son
“This is pure fabrication. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been one. This is a stupid rumor.”

Amanda Bynes has “no regrets” about her tell-all tweets
“You say what you feel because you felt it at the moment.”

John Travolta’s Scientology mission center vandalized
“The letters ‘ANON’ were spray painted on the windows of the mission in downtown Ocala, Florida.”

Justin Theroux moves into Jen Aniston’s place
“And she’s introducing him as her boyfriend.”

Jennifer Love Hewitt no longer a contender for Law and Order: SVU role
“Hewitt, 32, was said to have been strongly considered to appear as a semi-replacement for Mariska Hargitay…”

Justin Timberlake defends Britney Spears’ dancing
“In Britney’s defense, if you pulled up a video I did from 2003, I couldn’t do the shit I did then either.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
A behind the scenes look at Emma Watson’s new Vogue photo shoot.

Lost creator to January Jones: You suck at acting!
“Emma Frost’s THREE mutant powers: Telepathy, Transformation to Solid Diamond and last but not least, Sucking at Acting.”

Emma Watson: Why I really left Brown University
“I wanted to pretend I wasn’t as famous as I was. I was trying to seek out normality, but I kind of have to accept who I am, the position I’m in and what happened.”

Jennifer Lopez intimate home video allegedly stolen
“…co-executive producer of the project, Ed Meyer, allegedly took the data drive, containing the footage, from her house without her permission.”

Blake Lively, Leonardo DiCaprio went to Disneyland
“…the hot new twosome and their entourage were escorted via private entrance to the front of the line on the “StarTours” ride past 11 p.m..”

Kourtney Kardashian on Kim’s engagement: “I don’t have to get married now”
“Kim getting engaged definitely bought me some time…”

Khloe Kardashian flashes breast on live TV
“My nip slip is all over the internet. Is it weird that I love it?!”

Ultimate Warrior accuses Hulk Hogan of drug use, wife-swap
“Warrior released the rant yesterday to tease a 55 minute anti-Hogan video he plans to release later this month…”

Razor Ramon — Wanna buy my wrestling stuff???
“…he’s hoping to sell the iconic N.W.O. leather vest he wore during his epic Wrestlemania 18 battle with Stone Cold Steve Austin back in 2002.”

Celebrity Rehab season 5 cast revealed
“Dr. Drew’s new patients include tabloid mainstay Michael Lohan, Bai Ling and Baywatch star Jeremy Jackson.”

Tabloid apologizes for hacking into Sienna Miller’s cell phone
“The apology is just the cherry on top for Miller — she is expected to receive £100,000 in damages.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Behind the scenes of Nina Dobrev’s Seventeen Fitness shoot.

Jennifer Lopez blocks sexy honeymoon tape… for now
“J.Lo … scored a restraining order against Claudia Vasquez — the current girlfriend of her ex-husband Ojani Noa…”

Gerard Butler and Jessica Biel: Cajun Courtship?
“Their reps say the two actors are ‘just friends,’ but they appeared to be pretty close friends while shooting Playing the Field…”

Cheryl Cole out at X Factor… again
“Nicole Scherzinger — who was originally picked as the host — will now take Cheryl’s place as a judge.”

Eminem slams Lady Gaga in new song “A Kiss”
“Eminem calls out past rumors that suggested Lady Gaga was a hermaphrodite…”

Jersey Shore’s fourth season gets premiere date
“Jersey Shore’s fourth season, set in Italy, will premiere August 4 at 10 p.m., MTV has announced.”

Red Hot Chili Peppers returning in August with I’m With You
“I’m With You will be RHCP’s first album since 2006′s massively successful double disc Stadium Arcadium…”

Sean Kingston walking and breathing on his own
“The Memorial Day weekend accident left Kingston with a broken jaw and wrist and water filled lungs…”

Richie Sambora out of rehab, joining the tour
“…he’s meeting up with Jon and the boys for the European leg of the tour.”

Prince William, Kate Moving to Kensington Palace
“These digs are definitely temporary, however.”

Newlyweds Tony Romo & Candice Crawford honeymoon in Mexico
“On Sunday, she showed off her amazing body in a bikini, while hunky Romo displayed his broad shoulders in a tank top.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Jessica Biel appears in a sexy new ad for Revlon with Pharrell Williams.

More “Blake Lively” nude photos leaked
“The hacker who claims to have naked pictures of Blake Lively has just upped the ante, scoffing at claims the pics are photoshopped.”

Justin Bieber fans send fresh round of death threats to Selena Gomez
“Stay away from Justin paedophile… I’m gonna kill ya in the night underneath your smell bed.”

J. Lo honeymoon tape triggers porn war
“Red Light District, YouPorn.com, and PornHub.com are all trying to top each other.”

Kim Kardashian is not pregnant, despite reports
“…believe that if you hear it from me, it will be true.”

Hayden Panettiere not dating Mark Sanchez, says source
“They’re really just friends.”

Sean Kingston expected to make full recovery in six weeks
“…sources told the news network that the ‘Beautiful Girls’ singer suffered a broken jaw, a fractured wrist and water in his lungs.”

Audrina Patridge’s boyfriend threatens to rip head off love rival
“@NicRoldan if I ever see u C**t I’m gonna rip your fu*kin head off.”

Is Jay Leno stealing jokes for “The Tonight Show”?
“In the world of comedy, there’s nothing worse than stealing material.”

Patrick Dempsey leaving “Grey’s Anatomy”?
“Farewell, McDreamy?”

Tony Romo, Candice Crawford slammed for “ridiculous” registry
“Nothing says everlasting love like a Martha Stewart Cupcake Tree!”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Playboy ranks the Top 23 Air Jordans of All-Time (with the help of some Playmates).

Lady Gaga to premiere ‘uncut’ Judas video Thursday
“The video is seven minutes long and cost $10 million to make.”

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are officially divorced
“As for money and property … Brooke gets $55,000 a month in child support.”

Jennifer Lopez’s first husband planning to sue her over new song
“Any negative reference to Ojani Noa is prohibited by contract, and J.Lo would be in breach to Ojani Noa.”

Flavor Flav arrested, has outstanding warrants
“When the cop ran Flav’s name in the system, he learned the rapper was a wanted man stemming from several prior brushes with the law.”

Jaden Smith pulled in seven-figures for Karate Kid
“He’s only 12 years old…”

Scarlett Johansson, Sean Penn make out at White House dinner
“It happened right as the main course of the dinner was being put on the table.”

Will Ferrell: Anchorman sequel still might happen
“We’re still going back and forth. Maybe there is a solution.”

Lindsay Lohan attends orientation session for community service (Video)
“I let a lot of my fans down by putting myself in situations when I was young and wasn’t thinking clearly.”

Cher: I admire Chaz’s courage
“The iconic singer held a small screening of the upcoming documentary Becoming Chaz at her Malibu home over the weekend.”

Lorenzo Lamas gets hitched for the fifth time
“While the bride wore a traditional white gown with a long train, Lorenzo wore white pants, a black long-sleeved shirt and flip-flops…”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Hayden Panettiere’s Hoodwinked Too “I Can Do It Alone” music video.

JWoww stabbed me and tried to kill me, ex charges
“‘Jenni put a kitchen knife through my entire arm,’ Tom Lippolis tells Star magazine.”

Bradley Cooper not interested in dating Jennifer Aniston
“Bradley knows that by dating Jen, he’s be known as Mr. Jennifer Aniston.”

Charlie Sheen’s exes planning a dinner date
“Denise and Brooke actually had plans to get together with their kids last week, before Brooke tragically relapsed and went on a crack bender…”

Lady Gaga apologizes for “retarded” comment
“My apologies for not speaking thoughtfully. To anyone that was hurt, please know that it was furiously unintentional.”

J.Lo, ‘Idol’ creator eyeing a new show
“Lopez is teaming with Idol producer Simon Fuller and his XIX Entertainment to shop a new project to broadcast networks.”

Kirstie Alley says shes a size 6
“I bought these dresses from a [size] twelve to a two. Tonight I’m a six. When I’m a two, I’m done, people!”

Christina Aguilera is first Gay Walk of Fame inductee
“We applaud her for speaking out in favor of equality and working to support the community.”

Lily Aldridge dishes on her wedding to Caleb Followill
“My dress is gorgeous and I’m so excited to wear it. I recently got my shoes and I was jumping up and down when I put them on.”

Mel Gibson doesn’t care if he never acts again
“Who anticipates being recorded? Who anticipates that? Who could anticipate such a personal betrayal?”

Chris Klein returns for more American Pie
“Klein … joins fellow American Pie alums Jason Biggs, Seann William Scott, Eugene Levy and Alyson Hannigan.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
“Sexiest philologist in the world” Marina Orlova sports a bikini to study “Spring Fever.”

Every week on Guyism, I’ll be giving a rundown of this week’s most notable bitches. From celebs to reality TV stars to unknown females in your local news, no one’s off limits.

Week three is bringing the heat with a couple famous broads and one crazy lady ruining the lives of her kids one obsessive-compulsion at a time.

Bitch Who Let Us Down of the Week – Beyonce
Her new single Girls (“Who Run The World”) dropped this week. If you missed it, just throw on Major Lazer’s “Pon de Floor” and have your sassy black friend sing a few mindless bars over it about women’s empowerment. Ayo B, I noticed a little typo in your album teaser. Nothing huge, but painted on the side of that car it says “Revolution.” You clearly meant “Regurgitation,” yeah?

Crazy Bitch of the Week – Kerrin Frey
Kerrin here has been saving and folding Starburst wrappers for six years in order to make her daughter a prom dress. A hideous, embarrassing prom dress. Made out of garbage.

I sure wish the journalists at KARE 11 were better at their jobs and thought to ask a bitch what she was thinking. I mean the daughter clearly hates it, since the only nice thing she has to say is that she likes the taste of the blue ones. From the look in Kerrin’s crazy eyes when she’s going to town with a set of tweezers on a royal berry punch, I’m guessing she had a pretty horrible prom experience. Probably showed up in a taffeta explosion off the clearance rack at Bradlee’s and got called trash by the chicks from the Bangles. Trash? I’ll show you trash… boom. She devotes her life to garbage craft to prove a point, which, ironically enough, no one will hear over the sound of kids laughing at her daughter for showing up in a dress she bought at CVS.

Charitable Bitch of the Week – Jennifer Lopez
Gotta love the bitches who marry washed up stars and do whatever they can to keep them relevant (what up, Heidi Klum?). Apparently Jenny from the block is working with the creator of American Idol to get her hubby a show about finding undiscovered talent in Latin America.

It’s bad enough that JLo is a judge on a talent show that claimed in its first season she wouldn’t make it past the first round. Do we really need her Skeletor of a husband being grandfathered back into the spotlight? I’m pretty sure when you combine the abundance of shows searching for “talent” in this country with the flaws in our border security, you’ve got enough to ensure that Latin Americans can find their own way to fame.

Contradictory Bitch of the Week: Lady Gaga
I’ve learned not to pay attention to anything this, uh, woman says anymore, since it usually reads like a ridiculous pontification on what she perceives to be “going against the grain.” But if you’re gonna drop a tard bomb when you’ve built your image on the acceptance of everyone’s differences, you’ve got my attention.

In an interview with NME this week, Gags addressed the controversy about “Born This Way” (you know, the controversy where every single person who hears it says it’s a blatant rip off of Madonna’s “Express Yourself”?), calling the notion “retarded.”

Raise your hand if you’re shocked that a hermaphrodite used the guise of free love and acceptance to rise to fame only to slip up and reveal she’s just as prejudiced as the rest of us. Anyone? Bueller?