Selena Gomez won the red carpet...

The American Music Awards took place last night. There were winners (Katy Perry for instance). There were losers (Lady Gaga for example). And most of all, there were sexy celebrity women in fancy dresses including the getting hotter by the day Selena Gomez (wow). This is your rundown. (And I promise, no photos of Christina Aguilera. You’ll thank me.)

The winners:
New Artist of the Year, Pop/Rock: Hot Chelle Rae
New Artist Of The Year, Rap/Hip Hop: Wiz Khalifa
Favorite Rap/Hip-Hop Album: Nicki Minaj – Pink Friday
Favorite Soul/R&B Album: Rihanna – Loud
Favorite Country Album: Taylor Swift – Speak Now
Favorite Female Pop Artist: Katy Perry
Favorite Country Band, Duo or Group: Lady Antebellum
Favorite Rap/Hip-Hop Artist: Nicki Minaj
Favorite Country Female Artist: Taylor Swift
Favorite Pop/Rock Band, Duo or Group: Maroon 5
Favorite Latin Artist: Jennifer Lopez
Favorite Soul/R&B Female Artist: Beyonce
Favorite Pop or Rock Male Artist: Bruno Mars
Artist of the Year: Taylor Swift

Performance/costume of the night had to go to Jennifer Lopez for wearing whatever this was…

And here’s a handful of some of the sexy celebrity women who were on hand (in order below): Julie Bowen, Jennifer Hudson, Sarah Hyland, Heidi Klum, Jenny McCarthy, Vanessa Minnillo, Alanis Morrisette, Jennifer Morrison, Audrina Patridge, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift.

I'd start taking yoga if my instructor looked like this...

Remember that photo shoot and video I showed you last week that had Hilary Duff looking hot in a sports bra? Well, apparently Jenny McCarthy is also involved, and also looks damn good. And according to the video you see below Padma Lakshmi and Christie Brinkley are also part of this ad campaign for Danskin. Not surprisingly, they also look hot. In fact, Christie Brinkley looks ridiculously good for her age. Must be something about sexy ladies in tight clothes that’s doing it for me. Nicely done.

There’s just something about celebrity breakups. For some reason, they make us absolutely giddy. Sure, it’s a difficult moment in those two people’s lives, but it’s almost like we feel that just because Celebrity Hottie A broke up with Celebrity Dude B, all of sudden we might actually have a shot with her. Even though that couldn’t be further from the truth, here’s a list of some recent celebrity breakups that still have us foaming at the mouth.

9 Denise Richards/Nikki Sixx
She’s not exactly the “wild thing” she once was, but she still looks pretty damn good. If she somehow managed to marry Charlie Sheen and followed up that mess of a marriage by dating a variety of rock stars, you know the woman likes to get crazy. Even so, as one gets older, they usually tend to look for something a little more stable. Don’t worry if you’re not the sanest person yourself. To a woman who was married to Charlie Sheen, you’ll look like Mr. Stability regardless.

8 Scarlett Johansson/Ryan Reynolds
The only good thing to come out of Iron Man 2 was Scarlett Johansson in a skin-tight bodysuit. And since then, we’ve patiently waited for ScarJo to come out of her marriage. Look’s like there’s only room for one comic book superhero in a serious relationship. It’s time for one of us to step in and show Miss Johansson the benefits of being mediocre.

7 Eva Longoria/Tony Parker
Whether you’re a Spurs fan or not, you’ve hated Tony Parker since the day he took Eva away from the rest of us. But now… everyone’s favorite desperate housewife is, all of a sudden, no longer a housewife. Hopefully she’s still desperate, because that will really help our chances here.

6 Rihanna/Matt Kemp
Can you blame her? She’s cranking out hit after hit while he can barely even get one these days. At some point, she probably realized that she needs to be dating a guy with at least a .300 batting average. So, start practicing that swing, fellas. Not you, Chris Brown.

5 Courteney Cox/David Arquette
Our chances look really good with this one. At this point in her life, I’m sure Courteney Cox would appreciate anyone who can sit still for more than two minutes at a time. As long as you promise not to fidget during the premiere of Scream 4, she’ll probably give you a shot. Then you can brag to all of your friends that you’ve spent some serious time in Cougartown.

4 Vanessa Hudgens/Zac Efron
Efron’s out, so it’s time for anyone else to swoop in. Based on those few leaked photos, we know she’s no stranger to taking a few risqué photos. So, make like Brett Favre, guys. Break out your phones and let the exchange of dirty pics begin.

3 Jenny McCarthy/Jim Carrey
You have to love a woman who seems to get even more attractive the older she gets. Sure, if you end up dating her, you might feel some pressure to be as funny as Jim Carrey is… but I’m sure she’ll appreciate any guy at this point who doesn’t bust out into a Fire Marshall Bill impression during sex.

2 Taylor Swift/Jake Gyllenhaal
She’s America’s sweetheart and the girl next door all rolled into one. But we can talk about Jake Gyllenhall another time. Let’s focus on Taylor Swift for now. Sure, there’s the obvious… she’s beautiful, talented, and famous. Those are all reason enough to want to move in now that Jakey’s out of the picture. Dating her is a plus, but the true magic happens when you break up with her. How many guys get to have a #1 single written about them? Break Swift’s heart, live on forever in music history.

1 Mila Kunis/Macaulay Culkin
We’ve been patient. We’ve scratched our heads at the thought. We’ve suffered many sleepless nights trying to figure out how he even managed to land her. Outsmarting a couple of dimwitted robbers is one thing, but convincing one of the hottest actresses around to date you for an extended period of time is something on a whole other level. So, he gets some credit. But this has been a long time coming. It’s about time Mila left Macaulay home alone and gave the rest of us a chance. And the timing couldn’t be more perfect. Thanks to her steamy make-out scene with Natalie Portman in Black Swan, our Mila Kunis fantasies are at an all time high.

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— Kendra Wilkinson did/didn’t pose for Playboy again this month.

— Remember how last week I scoffed at Demi Lovato going into rehab for “physical” issues? Well, I stand vindicated as it is now being reported that Demi snorts blow “like a pro” and chugs booze straight from the bottle. I told you she was underrated.

— Of course, sleeping with Wilmer Valderrama will do that to a girl.

— Nancy O’Dell will be replacing Mary Hart on Entertainment Tonight. In other news, I will now be watching Entertainment Tonight every day.

— Demi Moore wants to kick Jenny McCarthy’s ass. Pfft… who doesn’t.

— In her continuing effort to become a slightly more talented Heidi Montag, Olivia Munn now says that she not only likes sex, but she NEEDS it. Hmmm… I guess I can hate her more. Go figure.

— Speaking of annoying no-talent hotties, Lynda Carter wants Megan Fox to stop trashing Wonder Woman. You figure out which woman I was referring to there.

— Rachel Weisz and Darren Aronofsky split up because of James Bond.

— Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez also split up. Shockingly, this was NOT over James Bond.

— Lindsay Lohan is trying to arrange a ‘work pass’ so she can leave the Betty Ford Center to have meetings in Hollywood. That should be okay, someone in rehab would NEVER be tempted in THAT town. (Update: She got the pass. Utterly amazing.)

— As for Lindsay’s dad, Michael… “Really?”

— Speaking of Lindsay Lohan, Tara Reid is back… doing what she does, falling out of her top at parties.

— Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes got married, which normally would bother me, but she was already knocked up, so whatever… congrats, I guess.

— Pink is now pregnant too. For some reason, that doesn’t bother me as much.

— Disgraced former Miss California Carrie Prejean is also pregnant with former NFL quarterback Kyle Boller’s kid (he is a former quarterback, right?). Oh, he’s on the Raiders? Huh…

— Adam Sandler bought each of his friends a Maserati. Maybe that’s so they’ll still stay friends with him until he actually puts out another/a good movie.

— Gwyneth Paltrow: Country singer.

— And finally, a Kim Kardashian Mastercard.

This week’s sexy video comes to us from the fine folks over at The Sun who are celebrating 40 years of posting the hottest topless chicks in the world on Page 3 of their fine publication. To help them celebrate is one of our favorite topless chicks, Rosie Jones doing the ‘Old Spice Guy’ thing (only with a hair bra)…

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Alec Baldwin is urging Blake Lively to strip for PETA. Alec Baldwin is the smartest man in the entire world. (Then she’s free to do that Playboy thing we discussed a while back.)

>>> Quote of the year? Cougar Town actor Josh Hopkins calls Jennifer Aniston a “sport f–k”. I like you Josh Hopkins. Whoever the hell you are.

>>> Heidi Klum quit Victoria’s Secret. A moment of silence, please.

>>> Gisele Bundchen was photographed canoodling (yes, I said canoodling) with a man who is not Tom Brady. I am sure there is a logical explanation for it though. Like she is a whore or something straightforward like that.

>>> Dane Cook strikes out with the ladies just like you. Only he has a lot of money to make him feel better.

>>> Jessica Simpson’s career seems to be going well.

>>> Khloe Kardashian is trying to get pregnant. And yet people still need to pass tests just to drive a car.

>>> Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey take showers twice a day together. Meanwhile, we’re at work, slaving away for a buck. Ugh.

>>> Lindsay Lohan has multiple personalities. So says a “longtime Lindsay Lohan associate”. What’s more shocking? That LiLo has multiple personalities? Or that she has a longtime associate?

>>> Oh yeah, Lindsay’s also back in rehab. For the sixth time. I’m sure it’ll work this time though.

>>> At least she has Charlie Sheen’s support. That’ll get her over the hump, for sure.

>>> Paris Hilton is set to begin serving the 200 hours of community service as part of her cocaine plea deal. Most likely visiting sick kids and helping out at an animal shelter. Wait, who is being punished here?

>>> Speaking of Paris Hilton, her boyfriend ran over a photographer, and there was video. Frankly I am surprised he didn’t run over a gas pump. You know, to kill himself… because he’s Paris Hilton’s boyfriend.

>>> Eminem is returning to acting for a sex drama named 360. A sex drama, you say? Sounds like Jenny McCarthy might want to get in on some of that.

>>> Emma Watson is back at Brown University for her second year of college, horrific haircut and all.

Today’s sexy video comes to us from Lynx Rise and features Jessica-Jane Clement. Why am I giving them free advertising, you say? Did I mention it featured Jessica-Jane Clement?

Wow. I didn’t know Jenny McCarthy could still bring it like this. Here she is at some recent Playboy party and my goodness that is impressive. Oh sure, she may be a rather annoying human being, but who cares when a babe looks like this, am I right? These photos should be required to appear in the dictionary under the word “cougar”. Seriously. Let’s make that happen, people.

In break-up news, Audrina Patridge and Ryan Cabrera broke up. Whoever the hell Ryan Cabrera is. Also this week Jessica Szohr and Ed Westwick ended their relationship, or more precisely Ed dumped Jessica. Because he apparently has so many other better options. I’m sure there won’t be any tension on the Gossip Girl set as a result of the breakup though.

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy also called it quits. Said Jim on Twitter, “Jenny and I have just ended our 5yr relationship. I’m grateful 4 the many blessings we’ve shared and I wish her the very best! S’okay! ?;^>” Does anyone else wish Twitter had never been invented?

In WTF news, Hugh Jackman is set to play a guy with balls on his chin. No joke. He will be playing a man with genitalia attached to his face in a very risque comedy opposite Oscar-winning actress Kate Winslet. Jackman plays a man whose testicles are located under his chin and Winslet plays a woman who goes out on a date with his character. Again, I repeat, this is real.

In even bigger WTF news, a Survivor producer is suspected of killing his wife, then dumping her in the sewer. Pimp My Ride and former Survivor producer Bruce Beresford-Redman was arrested Thursday as a suspect in his wife’s death days after reporting her missing in Cancun.

In your weekly Lindsay Lohan update, Lindsay’s dad, Michael Lohan, is now engaged to one Kate Major. What is odd about this is that Kate was once a key member of Lindsay’s entourage. Gee, I wonder what Lindsay thinks of that. If only she had commented. Oh wait, she did… “I’m gonna vomit!” she told UsMagazine.com after hearing the wedding news Tuesday. “I so didn’t need that info … Yuck!” Look at the bright side, Lilo, maybe once they’re married she can help you get back into some clubs again.

In an exclusive interview, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s former bodyguard reveals that since Brad and his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston reconnected at the 2009 Academy Awards, they have hooked up four times. Angelina is so going to beat Jen’s ass if this is true.

And in your weekly someone cheated on someone (a lot) news, the Jesse James – Sandra Bullock story just keeps getting weirder. It seems that Jesse used his wife’s credit card to pay for a high priced call girl while she was away filming Blind Side. But wait, there’s more! Jesse also allegedly made over 12 sex tapes with his mistresses. But wait, there’s more! Most of the tapes feature a mass amount of Nazi paraphernalia. But wait, there’s even more! After barely a week, Jesse James bailed on sex rehab. Then a day or so later, he returned. This is the story that just keeps on giving, isn’t it?

Nicollete Sheridan is suing Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry for $20 million citing assault and battery, gender violence and wrongful termination. Oh, and she didn’t like being killed off the show. That too. Mostly that.

In other legal news, Sean Penn is being sued for making death threats against a photographer. In a suit filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court, Jordan Dawes claims Penn assaulted him by “kicking and punching” him as he filmed a documentary about paparazzi in October 2009. That Sean Penn, he so silly…

According to the doctor charged with the death of Michael Jackson, it was Michael who, in fact, killed himself. Dr. Conrad Murray’s defense is that he was taking a leak while MJ gave himself the lethal shot. Ah, the old “I was taking a leak” defense. That one always works.

And finally, in news that is sure to make your weekend, Heidi Klum says that she is so relaxed about nudity she happily goes naked in front of her parents. Says Heidi, “I think it’s because I grew up in a very easy-going family where my parents were always naked.” I wonder if her mom is hot? You know you were thinking the same thing…

Every year recently before the Super Bowl there’s some party called The Leather & Laces Party or something like that. And this year they pulled all the stops and had Holly Madison, Kim Kardashian and Roselyn Sanchez as hosts. Yeah, big names, folks… Anyhoo, it was a party with hot babes so I share. Also in attendance at this shindgig were hot retreads Carmen Electra, Catherine Bell (who must be a giant), Jenny McCarthy, and Adrienne Bailon. I guess you do worse. A lot worse… these babes brought their A-games showing they still have a little left in the tank.

Listen, we’re not saying people shouldn’t be entitled to their opinion. We’re just saying we don’t care what these women have to say. In fact, we’d appreciate it if they just stood there and said nothing.

Jenny McCarthy

“I do believe sadly it’s going to take some diseases coming back to realize that we need to change and develop vaccines that are safe. If the vaccine companies are not listening to us, it’s their f___ing fault that the diseases are coming back. They’re making a product that’s s___. If you give us a safe vaccine, we’ll use it. It shouldn’t be polio versus autism.”

~ Jenny McCarthy

By the way, Jenny is neither a scientist nor a doctor. Her most formal education was learning how to bend over correctly for Playboy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Her work as a host of Singled Out whose sole contribution consisted of making silly faces and yelling? Perhaps something slightly wrong with that.

Pam Anderson

“People who wear fur smell like a wet dog if they’re in the rain. And they look fat and gross.”

~Pamela Anderson

We’d listen to Pam’s PETA requests more if she wasn’t hiding two “puppies” in her chest. And frankly, at this point in her life, Pam probably doesn’t need to be seen much any more either. You’re a middle aged woman, Pam. When you’re naked in public now, it’s about as sexy as having a grandmother with dementia.

Kim Kardashian

“There is no amount of money that could ever convince me to release any tape, even if I had one. I don’t need the money. I’m not poor; I’m not desperate, I would never attempt to sell a tape,” she says. “It would humiliate me and ruin my family. I don’t need the money. It’s humiliating; it’s embarrassing. It’s something I feel very betrayed by, but I’m not pointing any fingers.”

~Kim Kardashian

She said this soon after cashing another royalty check from the sex tape, then going to film a scene for her reality show which she wouldn’t have gotten without the aforementioned sex tape. Then again, based on her vague language, she might have just been talking about the pilot for Keeping up with the Kardashians.

Carrie Prejean

“No, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting breast implants as a Christian. I think it’s a personal decision. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn’t get breast implants.”

~Carrie Prejean

We wonder what the Good Book says about sex tapes. Can’t imagine any omniscient being would be a huge fan. Unless you consider a strange man with a lot of strategically placed spy cameras to be omniscient.

Tila Tequila

“I want to make at least another billion dollars before I adopt children so I can just focus on them. Like, just move to an island and give them everything.”

~Tila Tequila

“Another” would insinuate that you’ve already made a billion dollars. I didn’t know MTV paid their reality stars so much. Ironically, her living on an island with a group of adopted children, forced to create a new society, would probably be more interesting than A Shot at Love. Making lesbianism completely boring and enraging at the same time has to be some sort of moral victory over heterosexual men everywhere.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck

At a recent taping, an audience member asked Hasselbeck if she was still close with [Survivor castmate Rodger] Bingham; she said yes, but it was hard, given that he’s a farmer and is up early in the fields.
“He’s not a farmer!” [Survivor castmate Jeff] Varner says, laughing. “He works for the Department of Agriculture in Kentucky.”

~Elisabeth Hasselbeck

I do give her credit though. She avoided getting eaten by Rosie O’Donnell all those years. Rosie’s a hungry lady and surprisingly fast for a mound of mashed potatoes.

Heidi Montag

Heidi Montag [on rumors she started Lauren Conrad sex tape rumors]: “God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know?”

~Heidi Montag

WWJD? Nah…Move aside. It’s WWHD time. If there were any modern figure worthy of deification, it’s Heidi Montag. So long as you don’t mind religious scripture churned out in crayon with backwards letters like a child’s lemonade stand.

Scarlett Johansson

“I am engaged… to Barack Obama. My heart belongs to Barack, and that is who I am currently, finally, engaged to.”

~Scarlett Johansson

Love the president? Sure…but this is bordering on Monica Lewinsky territory. Plus any time we have to hear you recreating the hits of Tom Waits, you’re probably long overdue for getting an apple shoved in your mouth like you’re the main course at a luau.

Jessica Simpson

“On my first day of junior high, I was in Geography class, and the teacher asked us if anybody knew the names of the continents. And I was sooo excited. I was like, ‘Damnit! It’s my first day of 7th grade, I’m in junior high and i know this answer.’ So i raised my hand I was the first one and I said ‘A-E-I-O-U!’”

~Jessica Simpson

I wonder if she realizes that those are vowels and not “consonants” by now. I’m guessing no.

Angelina Jolie

“I make it a point not to buy certain magazines, not because I am against tabloids or things like that, but I want to fill my mind with valid issues in the world.”

~Angelina Jolie

Somewhat ironic considering she sold pictures of her newborn to People magazine. Babies with faux hawks are the very definition of validity.

Can you imagine the conversations these two have? Now that would be a reality show I would watch. Nice sideboob below, by the way, if you’re into that…

See Jenny naked back in the day here.

• BetUS
• Ashley Madison
• Celeb Defamer
• Playboy
  
• Mr. Skin
  
• YouStrip

Epic Carnival | HOT POA | NSFW POA | Hot Celebrity Asses

A few days ago Jenny McCarthy got pwned and didn’t even know it during a live webcast on Oprah Winfrey’s Web site. Which is what should happen to anyone who is on a live webcast on Oprah’s Web site. Anyway, she was doing something about Autism, which her kid has, answering questions from viewers when this happened…

Recognize the words in that question? Yeah, they are lifted straight from Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up. Jenny, you have been Rick Roll’d.

We still love you though, Jenny. Especially back in the day when you were naked all the time…

If I get time I will try to make up for my being gone today with some posts tomorrow. Stay tuned…

Yeah girl power is all great and whatever, rah rah, but because this event was “for women”, no slutty outfits were unveiled. Just sensible, classy dresses that displayed no cleavage, legs, butt cleavage, hips, lower back tattoos, belly buttons, thighs, vaginal lips, or anuses. Not that many dresses show the latter other than the Elton John Collection, but still, there’s literally nothing hot about these photos.

Anyway if you like dumb women pretending they care about what Audrey Hepburn did a billion years ago, there are more photos below.

Question: Should this make me hate Jim Carrey more or less?

Hell, its St. Paddy’s Day and what better way to celebrate it than posting one of the hottest Irish women ever.

At least I think she’s Irish?

If you get bored today, which I’m guessing you will because you are reading this, Asylum has a list of the hottest Irish women

LINK