The author in question btw is William Bennett, who was the U.S. secretary of education during President Regan… remember, ketchup is a vegetable kids… and the director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy under President Bush Sr, which means he’s yet another guy who supposedly has all the answers, but couldn’t do jack himself.

The editorial in question can be found here. Entitled “Why men are in trouble”, it starts off with him citing that women are finally getting the same education and equal pay as men, plus other examples of the gender barrier slowly but surely breaking down. Which has him exhibiting a “that’s cool… but not really” attitude. lol.

So what does he (mostly) blame? Video games, like all conservative pundits, naturally…

“Today, 18-to- 34-year-old men spend more time playing video games a day than 12-to- 17-year-old boys. While women are graduating college and finding good jobs, too many men are not going to work, not getting married and not raising families. Women are beginning to take the place of men in many ways. This has led some to ask: do we even need men?

Movies are filled with stories of men who refuse to grow up and refuse to take responsibility in relationships. Men, some obsessed with sex, treat women as toys to be discarded when things get complicated. Through all these different and conflicting signals, our boys must decipher what it means to be a man, and for many of them it is harder to figure out.”

Yeah, because men only began objectifying women in 1985, when Super Mario Bros came out, yup. As further evidence, he notes that he knows way too many young women that ask where all the decent single men have gone to. Really William, you talk with that many young single women? Seems kind of… I don’t know… odd. But anyway, what’s his solution? Why what the Founding Fathers believed in! And that’s being industriousness (nothing wrong with that), marriage (ummm… okay), and religion (whatever dude).

BTW, regarding his call for dudes to get off the couch, put the controller down, and get a job; I know plenty of dudes who spend all day long playing because they can’t find one! And they’d give their left nut for a job, ANY job. Sorry William, but when you spend hours upon hours sending emails to prospective employers via Craiglist, knowing full well that no one will respond, and especially after eating instant noodles for the 15th day in a row, it’s amazing how a few short and sweet hours in Halo can do wonders for the soul.

Good luck affording those skinny jeans now, you waifish bastard.

The study estimates that thin fellows earned $8,437 less than average-weight men.

The study also found that the cost of obesity was higher on women than on men; thin women earned $15,572 more than average-weighted gals while obese women earned $13,847 less than the women of average weight. Point: Skinny chicks.

So hey, so long as you have a penis and weigh 206 pounds, enjoy that burger and those chicken wings tonight. Some may call it gorging, but I say we now call it “increasing earnings potential.” Who needs to take night classes when ice cream is so delicious? You can learn all this and more in my new book, The Lazy Man’s Guide to Earning More and Eating a Fuckload of Ice Cream. Bestseller list, here I come!

For Women, It Pays to Be Very Thin [WSJ]

[T]he advisor concluded: ”Who would hire you looking like that?”

”I said I could take the piercings out but they look a lot worse when they are out.”

“The guy said: ‘on first impressions do you think anyone would hire you?’ He said: ‘look at it this way if you were to stand behind a wall – or put a paper bag over your face do you think you would have a better chance?’

“He then backtracked and tried to say that he was sorry and hoped I wasn’t offended but I was.

“He talked to me as though I was just going through a phase in my life, but this is my lifestyle choice, and this is who I am.”

I get that it’s easy to go “Oh, poor you!” about this girl. But seriously, look at her again. You can’t deface your body so flagrantly — looking roughly like someone who had a severe accident at a construction site — and expect that people are going to take you seriously as a business person. Not to mention the fact she looks like John Belushi. Like, how he looks now. No sympathy.

Tattooed woman ‘told to put bag over head by Jobcentre’ [Telegraph]

Slater allegedly got into an altercation with a passenger who was trying to grab his bag from the overhead compartment before the plane had come to a stop.

The Daily News reports that an angry Slater then said on intercom, “To the passenger who called me a m-therf–er, f-ck you. I’ve been in the business 28 years. I’ve had it.”

Slater then activated the emergency exit and slid down to the tarmac. Moments later, he had to come back to grab his bag and then angrily took the AirTrain to his car.

Police later arrested Slater at his home in a nearby area of Queens with charges still pending.

Being a flight attendant is one of the most thankless jobs around, especially now that attractive women are no longer serving drinks and being sexually harassed transcontinentally, so I don’t think you can blame Slater for the histrionics during his exit. At the same time, it’s pretty difficult to make a dramatic, angry exit when you’re sliding down an inflatable slide. Any time you’re leaving the scene of a tense situation via a mode of transportation that small children typically yell “Weeeeeee!” on, you’re sure to lessen the impact of your diatribe. There’s a reason why “Wall Street” didn’t have its climatic scene on the teacups ride at Disneyland.

UPDATE: Daily Intel is reporting that Slater also took two beers from the galley on his way out. Steven Slater: American hero.

Fed-up JetBlue flight attendant drops intercom F-bomb, screams, ‘I’ve had it,’ bolts plane [NYDN]
Flight Attendant Uses Emergency Slide to Escape Dispute [CityRoom]

The employer emailed the kid back saying that the position had been filled and that he was being kind of rude. You can see the final equally surly email the employer got back from him at Gawker.

So, key takeaways:
-When applying to an internship, appear as entitled as humanly possible
-Try to get them to say you’ll get a full-time job when they haven’t even shown interest in you as an intern
-Harass them one business day after you send your application. After all, you’re applying for an internship, thus making you priority #1 for the company
-Play hard to get. Companies are like women…they love it when you’re not interested
-If all else fails, withdraw your application. They’ll never know what hit them (or care enough to realize)

So there you have it. Now you’re equipped to get any job of your choosing. Push forward with unbridled entitlement and douchebaggery, friends!

The (Potential) Intern From Hell [Gawker]

You’ve heard them all, and they probably irritated you every time. They’re annoying, indirect, and overused. These phrases need no further introduction.

10 All things being equal…

Translation: Things are not equal. Your unacceptable work, poor effort and lackadaisical attitude have left us in a major predicament. Get your sh-t together.

9 Keep me in the loop

Translation: I don’t want you talking behind my back. I’m paranoid that you may misrepresent me or say something stupid to one of our colleagues, and if you do, I at least want to be aware.

8 Let’s get our ducks in a row

Translation: You guys are a disorganized mess. With a few exceptions, you are terrible employees. I regret that my pathetic existence has been reduced to working with a bunch of ass-dragging, ambitionless, incompetent individuals like you. We have an important client meeting upcoming, and if you screw this up, I am going to completely unhinge and fire one or more of you. Do NOT screw this up.

7 All sports phrases (if you’re not working at a sports organization)

Before we get to their meaning, some examples: take the ball and run with it; don’t drop the ball; just keep moving the ball down the field; we need you to step up to the plate; it’s fourth down; we’re playing from the rough; we’re in a sand trap; let’s hit it out of the park; let’s huddle on this later.

Translation: We’re attempting to appeal to you by invoking a sports phrase. It’s easier than just being direct. Sports are pleasant and enjoyable, so I’m using this sports phrase to make the assignment or situation seem more palatable. It won’t.

6 My two cents, for what it’s worth

Translation: Your thoughts are worthless and my word is bond, so listen. I’m sugar-coating my comments because you’re sensitive and I want to water down the ridicule.

5 I’ve got a lot on my plate

Translation: I’ve got a ton of sh-t to do and I can’t accept any more responsibility at this time. I wish you would take care of your own sh-t and leave me alone.

4 Going forward

Translation: You screwed up. I’m suggesting that we look forward so we can all move on from your egregious error as soon as possible. The truth is, I’m not going to forget your monumental f-ck up, but we can’t replace you at the moment and you occasionally do good work.

3 Think outside the box

Translation: You’re unoriginal. We need some real, creative thought here, not the typical narrow minded crap that doesn’t distinguish your work at all.

2At the end of the day

Translation: Everything that has preceded this moment is irrelevant. Your work has been inadequate and we’ve collectively suffered as a result. You really sh-t the bed. I hate you.

1 We’re going to have to let you go

Translation: You’re f-cking fired. Go home.

According to the woman, who was tracked down by Media Ink but was reluctant to speak on the record because it might affect her ability to get a job, she spoke about her procedure to two female colleagues who asked to see the results.

The woman, who was having the conversation in her office, closed the door, and unbuttoned her blouse to reveal a sports bra.

“It was within the confines of my office, behind closed doors,” the ex-employeee said. “There was no nudity involved. They were personal friends who I had known for years.”

Nevertheless, word about what happened ricocheted around the office and one staffer quickly went to human resources, which informed the woman that same day that a complaint had been lodged.

“[Human resources] told me they were going to investigate and that they would get back to me,” she said. Two days later, she said, HR brought her in and terminated her.

As far as boob flashings or pseudo nudity in the confines of the office go, this literally couldn’t be more innocent. Still highly fappable, yes, but totally innocent. When I go to the gym, I’m literally forced to have other men’s penises flapping away in the breeze (or, in the case of tiny ones, poking out abashedly like a shy kid wearing a hoody), so it seems like two women who ask to learn more about a friend’s implants should be allowed to do so in a private setting.

And who’s the whiner who ratted everyone out over this? It HAS to be an angry flat-chested woman. Listen, flat-chested girls. Some of you are great and your chest fits your body really well. But those of you that have a complex over women who might get more attention for their cup size need to take a step back and don’t concern yourself with other women’s bodies. You flat-chested gals who aren’t cute have uses too! You could be a librarian! Or..um..a scientist! Or an ironing board for those of us who always lack the foresight to purchase one. See, everything in life happens for a reason. Yours just happens to be getting sprayed with starch and run over by a boilingly hot object! Fun!

[NY Post]

Have you ever done a job for a generic corporation in some sort of customer service-ish position? Then you’re probably familiar with the beast that is the corporate training video. Fortunately, a brave company called Media Partners is trying to make those training videos more relatable to the kids. But how? Through the power of mediocre hip-hop as performed by workers just like you!

I really hope you spent the time watching that. Mostly because I feel like we need to support the endeavors of Queen Latifah impressionists in what’s most likely not the most profitable career path.

The key takeaway I got from the video? That many famous people had to do completely crappy jobs, just like the one you’re about to do. When your big message is, “Hey, other people did the same crappy job you’re going to have to come into every day and they made it out alive, mostly because they were more talented than you are” it might be hard to build enthusiasm for the bitch work you’re about to undertake. Call me crazy, but the fact that Brad Pitt once wore a chicken suit doesn’t make me any more likely to get oil and vinegar on a Subway footlong with less of a hole in my soul. It may give me more masturbation material, but no sir, it definitely won’t fix that hole.

Strip clubs need ugly strippers, I know that; you can’t appreciate a fine New York strip steak without eating a few hamburgers with ecoli, love handles, and three kids. But what self-respecting woman is going to be like, “Hey, I’m here for the stripping position.” “The attractive one?” “Oh, of course not, look at me, I’m a mess! No no, ugly one please.” Yes, perhaps I am taking a leap of faith saying that any stripper would be self-respecting, but they get naked for money, you should probably be nice to them. Or continue being mean to them but give them money. Same result either way. It’s cool though, you’re empowering them. And cocaine.

[Reddit]

My girlfriend’s mouth has been unemployed for years too. I keep telling her that I’d like to see her mouth get a job but she doesn’t seem so willing to get back to work. It may very well be because she’s been doing a lot of freelancing without my knowledge. Maybe a bit of non-profit work in Harlem.
[Reddit]

A 21-year-old man, who told Montgomery police during a job interview that he possessed child pornography and had sex with an underage girl, has been sentenced to 30 years in prison.

Circuit Judge Ben Fuller sentenced Max D. Hinton of Deatsville on Monday after his conviction of second-degree rape, sodomy , enticing a child for immoral purposes and producing and possessing child pornography.

The girl testified the two had consensual sex when she was 15 and he was 17. But a person younger than 16 in Alabama can’t legally consent to have sex, and the judge voiced outrage over the child pornography involving girls as young as 6.

There was no explanation why Hinton mentioned the pornography in his job interview, which prompted an investigation and his arrest.

This guy definitely didn’t have the best idea in admitting right off the bat that he did these things. And having sex with a 15 year-old when you’re 17 isn’t the worst thing in the world, though I suppose it’s technically illegal in some states. But then when you frame it with the fact that you have kiddy porn of girls as young as 6, of course it’s going to look even worse. He could have admitted to jaywalking before the child porn admission and it would have immediately looked 10 times worse. “Oh, bet he was jaywalking to go LURE A CHILD IN HIS SORDID WEB OF SEXUAL DEVIANCY.” Which may or may not be why the chicken crossed the road.

In the guy’s defense though, they really don’t touch upon how to handle your confessions of possessing child porn in the books about Tips for Successful Interviews. Seems like a bit of an oversight.

[via]

I don’t know where this comic creator gets off because my job is so fulfilling. For example, today I stared at the screen and felt myself silently dying, then got a bottle of water and discussed the weather with a coworker whom I don’t often speak to. It’s pretty much what I dreamed of as a child. Then again, I didn’t have much of an imagination and often sat my action figures behind a desk to do Excel spreadsheets, so I might not be the best example. Sorry Ninja Turtles, but your heroism requires proper budgeting.

Abigail L. Keller, 27, is the latest in a string of Iowans who have been fired over questionable material on Internet message boards, Facebook pages or MySpace profiles

Keller, of Pleasant Hill, resigned in February after a local businessman gave a city police officer print-outs of pages from Keller’s MySpace page.

Keller was in her fifth month of service as a full-time reserve officer for the department. She had previously spent three years as a volunteer reserve officer.

Police Chief John Gray, at a recent state hearing that dealt with Keller’s request for unemployment benefits, said photographs on Keller’s Web site “depicted Officer Keller in a bar surrounded by male and female patrons. … In one photograph, she is displaying her naked buttocks or mooning the person who is taking the picture. In another, she is performing simulated sex acts on both males and females.”

She said she did not post a photo to her site in which she exposed her buttocks. Gray disputed that, and said he had the photo in question.

“You’re pulling your pants down,” he testified. “Your naked buttocks are showing.”

[via]

They both seem like creeps to me. And why is the HR lady menacingly holding a stuffed animal? And why did they demote her to janitor for reporting a guy who scares her? It even appears like the office is just a set of photos on a green screen, what kind of shoddy operation are they running there if they don’t even have a real office? Look, I’m not placing all the blame on our female protagonist, but the telltale signs were there that maybe this job wasn’t on the up-and-up.

Plus the guy’s black. She’s probably just a racist. “Oh this creepy black guy is there, sitting and existing. I sense uppitiness is forthcoming! Creeeeeepyyyyyyyy!”

A topless coffee shop that raised the ire of many residents of a small central Maine town is open for business.

The Grand View Topless Coffee Shop, located at the site of the former Grand View Motel, opened its doors Monday on busy Route 3 in Vassalboro. A sign outside says, “Over 18 only.” Another says, “No cameras, no touching, cash only.”

On Tuesday, two men sipped coffee at a booth while three topless waitresses and a bare-chested waiter stood nearby. Topless waitress Susie Wiley said men, women and couples have stopped by.

Dozens of residents objected to the shop when the Vassalboro planning board meeting took up the matter last month. But town officials said the coffee shop met the letter of the law.

This is good for the guys and all, but I don’t know how I’d feel as a woman working in the coffee place. Like I don’t want there to be a potential direct correlation between how bad I am at my job and how likely I am to get scalding coffee thrown at my nipples.

At least it’s not a bottomless coffee shop. If you’ve drank one cup of coffee laced with yeast infection drippings, you’ve drank ‘em all.

[source]

At a time when some people are having trouble finding one job, Daniel Seddiqui is lining up 50 — one in every state. Each job symbolizes the state’s most famous industry, and each lasts one week — just long enough for the 26-year-old to appreciate the labor and explore the region.

He’s been a park ranger in Wyoming, a corn farmer in Nebraska and a wedding coordinator in Las Vegas.

Last week, in Week 23 of his yearlong saga, he was a cheesemaker in southeast Wisconsin. He mixed ingredients, hoisted slabs of cheddar — and tasted plenty of his work.

“I would say this was as hard as logging,” he said Friday, referring to his stint as a logger in Oregon three months ago. “Everything here is done by hand so there’s a lot of heavy lifting.”

Seddiqui, who grew up in Los Altos, Calif., insists his job-hopping isn’t a gimmick. It’s a legitimate effort to travel the U.S., learning about cultures across the country and developing a respect for what other people do, he said.

[via]