For those somehow still unaware, a John Daly is an Arnold Palmer (half sweet tea, half lemonade) with alcohol in it. You know, because JD loves to drink and party at Hooters. People have actually been making them for decades, but they became much more popular when the flavored vodka was developed. The logical next step was to put it all together in one easy to market can, much like Mike’s Hard Lemonade or Twisted Tea.

That’s exactly what Michelob Ultra will do with their “Ultra 19th Hole Light Tea and Lemonade.” Hopefully the drink itself will be significantly better than the name, because that thing sucks. I don’t know who authorized an eleven syllable product name, but they should be fired.

Not one to have his signature drink stolen and improved upon, Arnold Palmer recently released his own version called “Arnold Palmer Hard Half & Half.” Unlike U19HLT+L, it’s already in stores and supposedly selling well. It will be interesting (not really) to see who comes out on top of the battle to be the best drink I don’t drink.

via AdAge

Which brings us to a man who has none of those qualities–John Daly. The only thing John’s been able to reach into lately is the abyss he now calls a golf career.

Yesterday, in the first round of the Australian Open, Daly put SEVEN balls into the water before finally walking off the course.

Here’s a brief clip of the shameful display.

Not long after the incident, the PGA of Australia showed their displeasure with Daly by informing him that he would not be welcome anymore at their tournaments.

Daly, for his part, took full blame for his behavior.

“I love the fans here in Australia. They’ve been great,” Daly said. “I’ve never played well here. Try too hard and it backfired. It might not be bad if they ban me … because I’ve never played well here. But I do love the people here and this beautiful country. I take responsibility for my actions. I always have and I don’t blame anybody but myself.”

There isn’t anything I can say that hasn’t already been said about Daly. The man and his game are in complete shambles and its doubtful he will ever compete at a high level again.

It’s too bad really because, when he was good, he was exciting to watch and outside of Tiger Woods, had the largest following of any golfer.

You’re here on one of the most popular men’s Web sites in the world. So at one time or another the majority of you wished that you were a pro athlete. You probably yelled “Jordan!” before launching a shot while playing pickup hoops as a kid. Or pretended to be Joe Carter or Kirby Puckett hitting World Series walkoff homers. Maybe you even pretended that if you sank that putt for a snowman on 18 that you won The Masters.

Guyism brings you good news! We’ve found seven sports feats that even you could accomplish. Remember, it’s never too late to dream. Except when the alarm goes off and you have to go to your crummy job. But even so, know that you could be just like these pro athletes.

7 Chris Bosh’s 1 for 18 shooting
I don’t care if your basketball experience is limited to pickup games. Or even Nerf Hoop or Pop-a-Shot. I’d bet that you too could match Chris Bosh’s horrid 1 for 18 shooting performance earlier this season against the Bulls. Even with the most basic knowledge of the game you could come off a screen and hit one of 18 jump shot attempts. Actually, you’d probably even nail 1 out of 18 halfcourt shots. Could you shoot .056% in an NBA game? You betcha.

6 John Daly’s 18 on the 6th at Bay Hill
You may already look like Daly and tend to indulge in some of his favorite things — past or present. The fan favorite also proved that he can hack just like a weekend duffer when he got to the 6th hole at Bay Hill in 1998. You may recall that’s when Daly hit six balls in the water on the par-5 hole and ended up with an 18. It was something straight out of Tin Cup (Obligatory Tin Cup reference). You could also card an 18 on that hole. Except that after your third shot hit the water I can only assume that your bag and clubs would be next in.

5 Duane Kuiper’s 1 Career Homerun
Duane Kuiper was a decent second baseman for the Indians and Giants, and he played in over 1,000 games during his 12 seasons. He had a lifetime average of .271, which is something you could not likely do. But what you could match is Kuiper’s 1 career homerun in 3379 at-bats. You ever heard the old saying to “Swing hard because you might hit it”? If you had 3,379 major league at-bats, you’re going yard with at least one of them.

4 Chris Dudley’s Heinous Free Throw Shooting
Chris Dudley is arguably the worst free throw shooter of all-time. His 1989-90 season was particularly awful, and he has 2 feats that you could match. Playing for the Nets at the time, Dudley missed 17 of 18 free throws in a loss to the Pacers. He broke the NBA record in that game by missing 13 straight free throws. Not only could you do that, but you could also best Dudley’s .319 free-throw percentage from that season.

3 Mark James’ 111 at the Italian Open
Mark James has had an excellent golf career. He played on 7 Ryder Cup teams and has also captained the European team in 1999. You’ll never play in the Ryder Cup, except maybe in video games, but you could match one record James has: highest score ever recorded on tour. James got all shanky at a European Tour event back in 1978. He duffed and hacked his way to a score of 111 at the Italian Open in Sardinia. He should have put his change in his other pocket. (Obligatory Tin Cup reference…#2)

2 Hideo Nomo’s Horrible ERA
Hideo Nomo burst into stardom when he came to the Dodgers from Japanese baseball. But all those forkballs caught up to him and cashed out his arm. In 2004 Nomo started 18 games for the Dodgers and posted an ERA of 8.25 over 84 innings. They would have been better off using the batting practice pitcher in his place, or even you. Never let it be said that Nomo rested on his laurels. He came back in 2005 with the Rays and posted an ERA of 7.24.

1 Ryan Leaf’s Rookie Bustout
Manning or Leaf? Remember that question? Leaf had a rookie season to forget after being heralded as a can’t miss QB prospect. He started 11 games and completed just 45% of his passes. He also threw just 2 touchdown passes against 15 interceptions. The runner-up of the Punt, Pass & Kick competition could have done that, and you could have too.

John Daly went on 790 The Zone in Georgia to talk about his work with Ryan Mallett and what do you know, Tiger Woods’ name came up. Daly said he spoke to Tiger at last year’s PGA and while he didn’t say explicitly what they discussed, he “strongly” insinuated that El Tigre had a valid reason for cheating on Elin–he wasn’t getting any at home.

We’ve taken the most interesting part of the interview and paraphrased it below, but the entire part about Tiger is worth a listen.

Mayhem: Did you ever talk to Tiger?

John: I did, last year at the PGA and what we talked about–I couldn’t even fathom of telling you guys because it’s a personal conversation. But it made me relieved of what Tiger was going through….does he have a reason? Yes. And that reason is something I don’t want to talk about. But I told him if you would have come out and told the world what was going on (after the night of the incident) and not listen to your agents…this story would have ended in one day. And he says, I know, I know, I just had to listen to everybody.

Mayhem: John, are you talking about that night or are you talking about afterwards, just so we’re clear?

John: Afterwards, afterwards….

790AM: That there was some way to explain it on some level instead of being eviscerated.

John: Exactly, yea.

John: You’re looking at a guy all the way to his college days, it was golf, golf, golf..he never had a chance to live a life. You know, certain things people go through, certain things you like, certain things you don’t like. He found out late what he really liked….He didn’t have a chance to find out what woman we’re like…until his late teens, 20′s.

Mayhem: Once you put that ring on your finger, you don’t get that opportunity anymore…

John: Well, you should if your wife is good to you and makes loves to you when you want to be made love to….my exes, they didn’t want to have sex anymore. And when that happens, if you’re not going to give it to me, I’m going to get it from somewhere else. Is that adultery? Maybe so. But from what I understand, when you’re married, they’re supposed to give it to you.

Mayhem: Can Tiger Woods go up to a podium or a microphone, and say, here’s the deal, I’m not getting it anymore and quite honestly I’ve had enough?

John: Exactly, that’s what I did

Mayhem: Could he have gotten away with that with his public persona?

John: I think so

Mayhem: Would have worked out better

John: Well, you wouldn’t have 127 or 128 women that said they had sex with Tiger. I mean, if people really believe Tiger sex with 127 women, we’re not as common sense as we think we are.

Well, good to know that John Daly is one horny bastard and that if his wife isn’t giving it to him, he pushes her along until the next gal….that is, until she stabs him or something.

That aside, it’s some very telling stuff about Tiger and his possible “likes and dislikes” about women. We’ll never know the entire story about him and Elin but Daly does give us a glimpse into what was probably a troubled marriage from the start.

John Daly podcast [790 The Zone]

As a weekend hack on the golf course, I’ve had a number of holes I’d rather forget. Double pars, the inevitable snowman, and every once in awhile, the dreaded 10 or 11. I usually drown the misery of those holes with a six pack of beer knowing full-well the only people aware of my dreaded sports calamity are my playing partners.

But PGA pro Kevin NA? His bad hole was in front of thousands of spectators and on live TV to boot. To top it off, you’re not allowed to drink during your round, so really, there’s no place to escape.

Na took a +12 on the par-4 ninth hole at the Texas Open after wildly hitting two tee shots into the woods. After a few whiffs, a ricochet off his body and two shots left handed, Na finally made it to the green. He wasn’t even sure if his +12 was correct until he watched film of it after the round.

The stink of it is, Na actually played well beyond that hole going four under. The 16 is the highest score on a par-4 during a tour event, although John Daly famously carded a spectacular 18 at a par-5 at Bay Hill in 1998.

3,418

George Blanda, considered by many to be one of the greatest football players of all-time died yesterday at the age of 83. Blanda was one of two players to play in four different decades as his career spanned from 1949-1975. Because he was both a kicker and quarterback, Blanda accumulated 3,418 points in his career (unofficial stat).

152

MNF was certainly a flag fest last night for the Green Bay Packers. A whopping 18 penalties for 152 yards including a late pass interference call that led to a Bears winning field goal. The Bears are now the only undefeated team left in the NFC, although, their record is marred by a Calvin Johnson overturned TD in the first game of the season.

38

49ers’ offensive coordinator Jimmy Raye was fired yesterday by coach Mike Singletary. The reason? Well, it’s pretty simple actually. With two very talented players in Vernon Davis and Frank Gore, the Niners have only scored a paltry 38 points in their first 3 games.

368

The Philadelphia Phillies won their fourth straight NL East title last night defeating the Nationals 8-0. Dating back to 2007, the Phillies have had extremely consistent seasons winning between 89-94 games each year (they still have five remaining this year). For pitcher Roy Halladay, it is his first trip to the playoffs after 13 less than stellar seasons with the Blue Jays.

18

The 18-game NFL season is now a reality according to Colts owner Bill Polian. “I think that the owners, and principally the commissioner, have decided that it’s the way to go, and so the debate, such as it was, is over”, Polian said. It’s a wonder now if the NFL will consider shortening the preseason and possibly expanding the roster to deal with the injuries that will surely have more an effect on the game than ever.

9,318,378

Though John Daly has made over nine million dollars on the PGA tour and probably more than he can imagine in endorsements, he’s had his fair share of money problems. And now he’s not happy that a company is marketing his name on an alcoholic drink without his permission. He asked his fans on Twitter to contact him if they see the drink at any local bars. That John Daly I tell ya, always been a man of the people.

Going into the final hole, Dustin Johnson had a 1 shot lead over the field. He hit a wayward tee shot to the right into the gallery. As he approached his ball, the throng of people separated so he could hit. The area around the ball can only be described as a dirt patch. Spectators had been standing on it for 4 straight days.

Johnson hit and somehow salvaged bogey to force a playoff. But that’s when the fireworks took place. The PGA ruled that Johnson grounded his club in a bunker. Johnson didn’t dispute grounding the club, however, he certainly disputed whether or not it was a bunker. Apparently though, the PGA had informed players before the tournament started that waste bunkers were all over the course and they should treat everything as such.

Johnson lost out on a playoff, a chance to win his first major and close to a million dollars in winnings. Several PGA pros from both the men and women’s side expressed their feelings on Twitter. Some expressed their sympathies to Johnson, others like John Daly and Stuart Appleby were downright livid with the PGAs ruling.

John Daly

Stuart Appleby

Bubba Watson

Casey Wittenberg

Ian Poulter

Julie Granada

Peter Jacobsen

Stewart Cink

Paul Casey

Vicky Hurst

Trevor Immelman

Natalie Gulbis

Can you believe how disgusted Tiger Woods looks? Especially considering some of his alleged misdeeds involving various members of the adult film community? Wow. Take it easy, Eldrick. You know you and J.D. have played the same ‘holes’ on the tour at least once or twice.

On a side note, if someone doesn’t make a John Daly cartoon for cable real soon there’s been a serious boat missed by the comedy community.

PGA golfer Stewart Cink allowed a trick-shot artist to tee up a ball and hit a shot off his uh, genitals. From what we understand, he was not under the influence of any drugs. Although he has been a close, personal friend of John Daly in the past, so your guess is as good as mine. For what it’s worth, the PGA tour has yet to include drug testing for players. Given this recent event though, I think that might change.

Tiger should probably lay off the Ambien for awhile.

John Daly is well-known for being a bit of a PGA tour malcontent. Drinking and alcoholism aside, his on-course behavior is nothing short of hilarious and at times, downright scary.

Recently, Daly’s PGA files became a matter of public record. And not surprisingly, it was several hundred pages long.

Among the accusations was this tidbit that Daly almost fought an Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms Agent at the 2005 U.S. Open.

Daly’s personnel file also included accusations that he nearly struck an Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms agent after failing to stop his car at a security checkpoint at the 2005 U.S. Open in Pinehurst, N.C.

No mention of how many beers deep Daly was when the incident occurred but if it was anytime after breakfast, his BAC was approximately in the .2′s. At very least though, this incident pales in comparison to being drunk in the Hooters parking lot.

I’ve always said, if I’m going to go out, I’d like to have a mouthful of wings and a face full of boobies. Or is it a mouthful of boobies and a face full of wings?

Same thing.

Daly was told to get professional help {ESPN}

Since it seems that Tiger Woods is well on his way to making this list with his complete failures at the basic tenets of cheating (voicemails: never a good idea), we at Guyism would like to offer him some reassurance. You’re not alone, Tiger. In fact, it’s been much worse. Here are the 8 most dysfunctional athlete relationships ever.

Dennis Rodman & Carmen Electra

Even though their drunkenly fueled wedding was invalidated after 10 days, this couple had one of the crazier 6 month flings ever. They were once arrested in Miami for a domestic spat after Rodman allegedly saw one of Electra’s ex’s on tv and commented harshly. This led to WWIII in their hotel room and causing security to show up. Later when Rodman was sleeping, Electra tried to stick an uncooked penne pasta shell up Rodman’s, uh, behind. Yeah, that actually happened. As recently as 2006, Rodman says that Electra called and said she still loved him.

I’d love you too if you fed me pasta, Carmen. As long as it’s in the correct orifice. Or if it’s angel hair.

David Justice & Halle Berry

How bad did it get between these two? Berry told Parade Magazine a few years back that she almost killed herself over Justice. Years after their divorce, Justice tried to seek alimony from Berry even though at the time he was making over 6 million a year.

Not only was he an average player but it seems he was a pretty average husband too.

Andre Rison & Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes

Their on again, off again relationship was highlighted by Lopes burning down Rison’s house in 1994. It didn’t help that Rison had multiple transgressions and Lopes repeatedly had stints in rehab. But that didn’t stop the two dating for almost 10 years.

Rison’s fetish for colorful pirates was never confirmed.

John Daly & Sherrie Daly

Did he hit her or did she hit him? In front of a crowded restaurant in June 2007, they verbally assaulted each other but later on that night is when things really heated up. Daly claimed that Sherrie pulled a steak knife out and tried to stab him. He showed up at a tournament a few days later with cuts and scrapes on his face (Apparently, it wasn’t from poor driving like Mr. Woods wink wink).

Sherrie later pleaded guilty to federal drug charges and served 5 months in jail. Being that this was his 4th wife, we’re going to go out on a limb and say Daly’s fitness to make these kinds of decisions was about as strong as his fitness to do, well, pretty much anything physical not involving the words “pie” and “contest.”

Anna Benson & Kris Benson

Even though this couple is still together, they’re not without their fair share of controversy. Not only has Anna filed for divorced and retracted but she once issued this infamous quote about her husband to Howard Stern:

“I told him [Kris] — because that’s the biggest thing in athletics, they cheat all the time — I told him, cheat on me all you want. If you get caught, I’m going to screw everybody on your entire team — coaches, trainers, players. I would do everybody on his whole team.”

“Mike Piazza just did a back flip,” Stern said. “Even the coaches? What about, like, the bat boys?”

“I’m lining them up,” Anna said, “I’ll (also) circle into other teams. Whatever team he’s playing, I will screw all them, too.”

Don’t know if she ever went through with it, but my application for bat boy is still in the works just in case.

Chuck Finley & Tawny Kitaen

Drug user…check
Suicidal…check
Spousal Abuser…check

And no, I’m not talking about Chuck Finley. His ex-wife Tawny might take the gold medal at the Crazy Beeyotch Olympics. Their relationship was filled with arrests, rehabs, and restraining orders. The couple’s nanny once issued a statement that she was often asked by her two daughters, “”Is Mommy whacked out again today?”

You stay classy Tawny. Though your contributions to 1980s hair bands will never be forgotten nor diminished.

Mike Tyson & Robin Givens

Things were pretty rocky with these two well before they showed up for their 20/20 interview in 1988. Givens had accused Tyson of violence and overall mental instability. But it came to a head on the show when she said that he was manic depressive. Tyson didn’t respond but looked visibly angry. Givens went on to say that being with Tyson was “torture, pure hell, worse than anything I could possibly imagine”. A month later they divorced but not before they got their pot shots in. Givens told everyone she had a miscarriage but Tyson denied she was even pregnant to begin with.

Considering Tyson bit a man’s ear off and told a boxer that he would “eat his children,” I’m going to go ahead and side with Givens here.

Jason Kidd & Joumana Kidd

It might be one thing for a person in a relationship to be an abuser. But both? That makes for a pretty messed up lifestyle. Joumana accused Jason of being a serial abuser and adulterer while Kidd cited extreme cruelty. Either way, Joumana once ended up with a broken rib and damaged hearing when he allegedly smashed her head into the console of their family car. As far as Jason’s list of transgressions is concerned, well, it’s quite impressive according to Joumana.

-Several different television reporters
-Strippers in Arizona, Sacramento, Miami, Dallas and Indiana
-A Nets season ticket holder
-A Nets employee
-And a cheerleader in New Orleans

A partridge in a pear tree refused to comment, but seemed to be walking away with a limp.

Look, I’m not trying to poke too much fun at people who struggle with weight problems here. Some folks kill themselves with diet and exercise order to keep themselves healthy and fit. However, these men are paid millions upon millions of dollars to be in shape and play at the highest level of professional athletics. It’s their job to be physically superior to other people. They have the most advanced exercise equipment and best nutritionists on the planet at their disposal. You don’t have to be Jack LaLanne, but at least suck your gut in and try and look a little svelte when the cameras are on you…

I’ve always said…If you’re going to golf, golf in style.

This is John Daly last week trying to qualify for the U.S. Open. Unfortunately for him and fashionistas everywhere, he didn’t make it…

However, Daly will be playing this week at the St. Jude and apparently, he had to get a restraining order from his crazy wife. You know, the chick that tried to stab him….

Once, just once, I want to live a day in life of Daly…..Smoking, drinking, being fat….

Oh wait, I just described my own life….nevermind

Let’s look at some of the similarities between golf extraordinaire John Daly and MLB fictitious legend Kenny Powers..

They’re both fat
They’re both athletic has-beens
They’re both vulgar and can’t hang on to a relationship

And now apparently, they are both selling their merchandise out of their own vehicles…

That’s right…John Daly is pawning off his merchandise right outside the gates of Augusta National Golf Club.

Everything from hats, balls, and caps..autographed of course.

Hell, all he needs now is a busty girl named April as a sidekick and he can have his own show on HBO…

Be a good way for good ‘ol John to make some of that money back…

If you’re going to go out, go out in style. Let your lasting image be one of boobies in your face…

6. Taco Bell

I’d love to just once pass out in my nachos bellgrande….just once. That’s gotta be a great feeling in the morning.

5. The Masters

Listen, Daly’s never going to win there anyways so might as well as embarrass yourself in front of some rich folks while you’re still alive

4. Ex-wife Sherrie’s Bed

Trust me, if you saw his other 3 wives, you’d pick this one too

3. The Hospital

Well, just in case things go south and you need your stomach pumped, there isn’t a better place. And if you’re lucky, you might get a sponge bath out of it…

2. White Castle

If John had some reefer with his Jack, this would be a perfect compliment

1. Tigers Woods Estate

You’ll think you woke up in some tropical paradise and then there is the off chance you’ll see Elin nude sanbathing…uh, yes please.

Yeah, that’s right. Butch Harmon hates fat people.

That’s the only explanation for dropping a great talent like John Daly.

Come on, its not like John doesn’t take his golf seriously. Look how many women he’s divorced just to try and keep his focus entirely on golf.

Butch only cares about skinny golfers and guys who work out a lot. Don’t believe me?

Let’s look at some of the people Butch has worked with in the past

Tiger Woods

Greg Norman

Natalie Gulbis

Adam Scott

See a trend here folks?

I know many of you will point to Phil Mickelson as the exception to this. But I can tell you with the utmost confidence that Butch told Phil to lose his Tat Fitties or he wouldn’t work with him.

You think its just a coincidence that Fat Mick recently decided to drop his manzier and start working out?

No, no no, my friends. That was the edict of Harmon.

Guys like Mark Calcavecchia and Tim Herron were shunned and spit on when they approached him. Told to trade in their Big Mac and Fries for Chicken Salads if they even wanted to get in the door.

What a fatist I tell ya….

And as a fat man myself, I say, screw you Butch Harmon.

Screw You Buddy!

Long live the fat, out of shape golfer…..

H/T: AOL FanHouse

H/T: Real Clear Sports via FanIQ

Seemingly, every woman who’s ever met Roger Clemens is coming forward and saying they’ve slept with him.

Add Paulette Dean Daly to the list, the former wife of golfer John Daly.

The NY Daily News has the scoop and says:

She declined to elaborate on the nature of her relationship with the pitcher, but did not deny allegations from several sources that it was romantic and included financial support.

So its comes down to this. If you are a woman between the ages of 15-40 and you at some time met Roger Clemens, chances are you were banging him.

Maybe the feds shouldn’t bust Clemens for Steroids and HGH. dude, was probably dropping 3 or 4 viagra a day.