Celebrity gossip you may have missed this week…

— 2010 has been a great year for getting sexy babes back from the douchebags with whom they were co-habitating. First it was Rachel Bilson, and now this week we got both Christina Aguilera and

— 2010 has been a great year for getting sexy babes back from the douchebags with whom they were co-habitating. First it was Rachel Bilson, and now this week we got both Christina Aguilera and Courteney Cox back. Let’s hope these ladies’ breakups provide us with similar results.

— OH SNAP… IT ALREADY HAS!

— Oh yeah, the babe David Arquette cheated on Courteney with is named Jasmine Waltz. No, really, that’s her name. And get this, she’s been topless on camera. Giggity.

— One more thing on this… It seems that David Arquette is not exactly pleased with Ms. Waltz telling everyone within earshot about how much the two of them had sex.

— Britney Spears may get her own variety show on TV. If that happens, I promise to watch it each and every week. I swear I will.

— Gavin Rossdale had sex with a dude. Gavin Rossdale… the lead singer from Bush…? Gwen Stefani’s husband…? Now, you remember.

— Jenni “J-Woww” Farley made an appearance on TNA Wrestling where she wrestled a “Snooki” lookalike in the ring. Just when you thought wrestling couldn’t get any lower…

— Speaking of TV shows, Hawaii Five-O is now the most DVR’d show in history. I wonder if it has anything to do with scenes like this?

— Jessica Alba’s craziness continues to astound. Now she says she needs a nose job.

— This will shock you. Lindsay Lohan tried to escape from rehab… to get some soda. Seriously.

— Speaking of LiLo, Kanye West… not a big fan.

— And speaking of Kanye West, Brett Favre isn’t the only guy sending naked pics of his schlong to the ladies.

— And since we’re on the subject of rappers, T.I. sure had one hell of an up and down week.

— Remember Toni Braxton? Yeah, well even if you don’t her creditors due, I mean do, since she just filed a $50 million Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Note: this is her SECOND bankruptcy filing. She sure knows how to blow through money, I’ll give her that. That’s talent right there.

— Bill O’Reilly went on The View this week. It went about as awesome as one would expect with two of the ladies actually walking off the stage.

— Taylor Momsen is still classy as ever. Some day her mouth will write a check she can’t cash and I will be there smiling.

— Shia LaBeouf, still a dickhead (with video evidence).

— And finally, in another shocker, Katherine Heigl’s neighbors also hate her (with video evidence).

This weekend’s sexy video comes to us from the fine folks over at IGN (which last I checked was a video game site, who knew they also had hot babes) and features Leianna Kai. As IGN puts it, “Leianna goes Atari 2600 on us with some snug undies you wish your girlfriend had in her arsenal.” I think that pretty much covers it.

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Despite her having to, you know, spent the next few weeks in the slam, Lindsay Lohan apparently got over on E*Trade for that Super Bowl commercial she claimed made fun of her earlier this ]]>

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Despite her having to, you know, spent the next few weeks in the slam, Lindsay Lohan apparently got over on E*Trade for that Super Bowl commercial she claimed made fun of her earlier this year. At least she has that going for her, which is nice… I guess. (BONUS: Fantastic court room sketch of Lindsay being handcuffed right… over… here.)

>>> Speaking of LiLo, Minka Kelly thinks Lindsay should move to Guam. That or burst balloons for a fetish site. One of those things.

>>> Katherine Heigl is giving away one million dollars. To animal charities. Do I qualify as an animal? Don’t answer that.

>>> Snooki’s working on an album. No, I am not making that up.

>>> A crazed, ice pick-wielding fan was arrested outside Madonna’s apartment this week. Dammit, I told him to got Paris Hilton’s place, not Madonna’s.

>>> Speaking of Paris Hilton… She was detained in Japan, questioned about cocaine, then forced to return to America. And the Japanese stick it to us once again.

>>> Miley Cyrus got an underboob tattoo. I’ll just leave that one alone.

>>> Speaking of trashy jailbait, Taylor Momsen’s new video is, umm, interesting. And by interesting, I mean she strips to her bra and panties in the video.

>>> Speaking of white trash, the Karissa Shannon sex tape is a done deal.

>>> And in other news about people no one cares about, Chyna was taken to a hospital with alcohol poisoning. You remember Chyna, right? Anyone?

>>> Jodie Foster is defending Mel Gibson and his insanity. In other news, Jodie Foster still exists.

>>> In even more shocking Mel Gibson news, apparently Mel gave his wife Oksana Grigorieva $15 million to keep that insanity thing I just mentioned under wraps. Well done, Oksana. In her defense, he could have given her a billion dollars and I don’t think she could have managed to keep it hidden.

>>> Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are broke. Maybe there is justice in this world after all.

>>> Kim Kardashian and Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin broke up. Expect Miles to break his leg any day now.

>>> And finally, I have found my Halloween costume.

This week’s sexy video comes to us from GQ, who managed to get the hottest WAG in the world, Irina Shayk to basically blow the minds of every male in the entire world (that includes the homosexual men as well… it’s that great). You’re welcome.

>>> I believe I’ve found the person who really needs to be involved in fixing this whole Gulf oil spill thing: Katherine Heigl.

>>> Remember Chris Klein? Well, he gets this week’s award for driving under the influence. According to the police report, Klein ]]>

>>> I believe I’ve found the person who really needs to be involved in fixing this whole Gulf oil spill thing: Katherine Heigl.

>>> Remember Chris Klein? Well, he gets this week’s award for driving under the influence. According to the police report, Klein was “observed weaving from the #3 lane into the #2 and #4 lane westbound US 101 at Woodman Ave.” Eh, maybe it was just another audition gone bad.

>>> Speaking of drunk people with car issues, Charlie Sheen had another car stolen. The car was found at the bottom of a cliff after the actor left his keys in the ignition… again. For some reason, law enforcement in those parts is calling this “suspicious”.

>>> The Kardashians are putting out a book. The demand is just so great for people wanting to know how people with no discernible talent managed to become so rich and famous I guess. It has a really clever title too: Kardashian Konfidential. Excuse me while I go vomit uncontrollably.

>>> Speaking of people who have no business writing books, Holly Madison is reportedly penning a book about Las Vegas. For research, she took a wild road trip from LA to Sin City, with stops at “freaky roadside attractions,” she says, and a haunted hotel in Death Valley. Unless there are photos of her on every page in various forms of undress at all these locales she talks about I really don’t see the point.

>>> Apparently Gary Coleman didn’t really want the plug pulled according to legal documents he signed in 2006 that specifically stated that he not be taken off life support. I can just hear him now… “They pulled the plug!?! Whatchoo talkin’ bout, Jesus?!” Too soon?

>>> Miley Cyrus got another tattoo. She now has the word “love” tattooed into her right earlobe. If you have a daughter, might I suggest subtly removing all references to Hannah Montana from your house right about now.

>>> Tila Tequila apparently tried to commit suicide at some point, and sadly she failed, but she has photos to prove it!! Tila, next time you try to off yourself, give me a call, I think I can help.

>>> You didn’t think we could go a week without some news out of Lindsay Lohan’s brain, did you? Lindsay claims she has been vindicated regarding her SCRAM bracelet going off a week or so ago. Problem is, she is being selective in what report she is using for her “evidence”. One key line she may have missed: “There was absolutely no doubt that Lindsay was drinking, and the report that the alcohol monitoring service provided to Judge Revel was very detailed and extremely reliable.” Ruh roh.

At least Lindsay didn’t get into a fight with an ice cream store owner over a free cake this week… like her mom.

>>> And finally, Esquire readers voted Brooklyn Decker the sexiest woman in the world. I can live with that.

Sorry, folks. It was a REAL slow week in celebrity news. Let’s hope more celebs do stupid things next week. Odds of that happening are real good. Stay tuned.

Katherine Heigl spent some time with her family in Malibu over the weekend. Jessica Alba spent some time with her baby in Tribeca. Boooring. But wait! There’s more! Check out the outfits and poses that these two women dropped on all of us. Trust me, ]]>

Katherine Heigl spent some time with her family in Malibu over the weekend. Jessica Alba spent some time with her baby in Tribeca. Boooring. But wait! There’s more! Check out the outfits and poses that these two women dropped on all of us. Trust me, this is worth a look. If that ribbon on Jessica is meant to be the wrapping paper on a gift, then Happy Birthday to me! And why didn’t Katherine just go out naked on this windy day. It would have spared me the little bit of effort I had to put in to try to combine several of these photos to get the perfect silhouette of her bangin’ bod.

Katherine Heigl went to some event for Aussie designer Peter Alexander’s new store in LA.

You know, it just strikes me as inappropriate to bring your dog to an event celebrating a store opening. It strikes me as even more inappropriate to attempt to eat your ]]>

Katherine Heigl went to some event for Aussie designer Peter Alexander’s new store in LA.

You know, it just strikes me as inappropriate to bring your dog to an event celebrating a store opening. It strikes me as even more inappropriate to attempt to eat your dog whole on the red carpet of said event. And, lastly, it strikes me as most inappropriate that Katherine Heigl had an amazing chest and never displayed it and now she’s getting old and falling apart and we COMPLETELY missed out on that treasure trove. That’s just selfish.

That is pure terror in the face of that dog though. If only you could hear what he’s thinking. It’s probably something like, “You know, this hoodie is surprisingly comfortable. I’d have thought I’d be annoyed by it, but I’m kind of enjoying it. It’s like fur…but fashionable!” Stupid dog.